Lilith666 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I haven't been there in two-ish months. Lost count a bit. This morning Dad said the same thing as last week: "It wouldn't hurt you to go to church once in a while." He said something about visiting "the people who care for you." Is this a total-bull guilt trip, or am I wrong not to go back? Pros: I'm pretty friendly with a couple kids there. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, since I had been going regularly for 15 years. Cons: I hate it. I get into arguments with people, the arguments go nowhere, and I end up with veins pulsing in my head. I have better things to do, like homework and watching Glee. Thanks for reading. What do you guys think?
CDFree Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 If they care that much, they will see you outside the church - I would say no, don't go. 4
user_0168486295 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 CDFree beat me to it. What's wrong with them seeing you at your house, or at a coffee shop, or at a movie, or.... 1
movingon Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Gotta agree with everyone else. You don't want to go so don't. They can see you elsewhere if they want. Losing fellowship opportunities is one of the hardest parts of deconverting. Get involved in other groups may be a good option 1
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted January 28, 2013 Moderator Posted January 28, 2013 If you can rise above and humor them then going shouldn't be a problem. But if it really bothers you that much, pass. 1
Sheerbliss Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 "It wouldn't hurt you" is the lamest reason ever to do something. Staying in bed or reading a trashy magazine wouldn't hurt you, either. People drop out of various groups all the time: they get all they can out of something, or their interest wanes, or they find something better to do. Sensible people who remain in the group don't assume it's all about them and take it personally. Have any of the people your father is talking about contacted you since you left church? If they haven't, then these were friendships of convenience. Nothing wrong with that, but those friends aren't likely to be hurt by your leaving. 1
par4dcourse Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Life's too short to waste time doing things you hate. 7
ilovemybrain Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Life's too short to waste time doing things you hate. Yeah. What he said. 1
♦ ficino ♦ Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I haven't been there in two-ish months. Lost count a bit. This morning Dad said the same thing as last week: "It wouldn't hurt you to go to church once in a while." He said something about visiting "the people who care for you." Is this a total-bull guilt trip, or am I wrong not to go back? Pros: I'm pretty friendly with a couple kids there. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, since I had been going regularly for 15 years. Cons: I hate it. I get into arguments with people, the arguments go nowhere, and I end up with veins pulsing in my head. I have better things to do, like homework and watching Glee. Thanks for reading. What do you guys think? Hi Lilith, as they say where I come from: "Listen to yourself!" Your two "pros" just vanish upon analysis, because they are about other people's wants or expectations of you (as people said, you can be friends with those kids outside church if the friendships are real). Your "cons" tell about YOU. This decision is not about other people's wants for you (including your father's). Such matters of conscience have to come from inside, and you've already determined them. 2
LoneTarus Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Why bother with them at all if they won't see you outside of church? I found out the hard way after I left church that most of the people there that I thought were my friends really weren't my friends at all. I was only a "friend" as long as I was part of their club. All of the real friends I have left in my life that have been around from almost the beginning are not even christians or even considered decent people by the churches standards. 1
Denyoz Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Should I Consider Going Back To Church? No! On second thought... No!! 4
Lilith666 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 If you there is an attempt to force you to go...simply say you will intentionally become a disruption and intentionally get thrown out. Once I threatened Mom that I was going to walk out. Wanted to, a few times, but wasn't sure it was worth the lecture or if I was overreacting.
Lilith666 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Should I Consider Going Back To Church? No! On second thought... No!! Wow....you've had some bad experiences.
Ross Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 It is up to you. All I would say is don't let anyone make you do something by using guilt a a lever. 1
midniterider Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I haven't been there in two-ish months. Lost count a bit. This morning Dad said the same thing as last week: "It wouldn't hurt you to go to church once in a while." He said something about visiting "the people who care for you." Is this a total-bull guilt trip, or am I wrong not to go back? Pros: I'm pretty friendly with a couple kids there. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, since I had been going regularly for 15 years. Cons: I hate it. I get into arguments with people, the arguments go nowhere, and I end up with veins pulsing in my head. I have better things to do, like homework and watching Glee. Thanks for reading. What do you guys think? The guilt, fear, shame and OCD of Christianity won't hurt you? Christianity stunts your growth worse than cigarettes. :-) 4
Outlaw393 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I've been away from the church now almost a year and a half. Getting away from people you used to know is tough, but it'll pass. Running into them in other places, however... 1
mymistake Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I haven't been there in two-ish months. Lost count a bit. This morning Dad said the same thing as last week: "It wouldn't hurt you to go to church once in a while." He said something about visiting "the people who care for you." Is this a total-bull guilt trip, or am I wrong not to go back? Pros: I'm pretty friendly with a couple kids there. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, since I had been going regularly for 15 years. Cons: I hate it. I get into arguments with people, the arguments go nowhere, and I end up with veins pulsing in my head. I have better things to do, like homework and watching Glee. Thanks for reading. What do you guys think? It shouldn't hurt anybody's feelings if you don't show. If somebody is offended then something is wrong with them. The 2 or 3 people you are friendly with . . . well you can meet them somewhere else. There, now you have nothing on the "pro" side. You have no reason to go back to church. The best time to meet new people is Sunday morning outside of church because chances are they won't be into church either. 1
Blue elephant Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Do you feel like there is some subtle threat from your parents re financial support being withdrawn if you don't go to church? If you haven't ever seen these "friends" outside of church functions, then they were not friends, just acquaintences.
BlueGiant Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Been down that road before. I can assure you it's a bad idea.
SquareOne Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I'm thinking about the same thing at the moment. I feel like I might go so as to show that I've not become an evil heathen who worships Darwin and sleeps around. Like, hey guys I'm still me. Plus there is something to be said for being kind to your parents who are ultimately victims of a mind virus... To which you might help cure. But, you shouldn't do anything that will upset you. You should be clear of you motives. Being evangelical about atheism is an option, not an obligation. As is being nice to people.
Lilith666 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Do you feel like there is some subtle threat from your parents re financial support being withdrawn if you don't go to church? I have wondered about that. I want to go to a private college, so money is a issue. I don't believe they would do that, but I can't be positive. If that does happen, then, as nasty as it is, I'll have to start going again.
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted January 28, 2013 Super Moderator Posted January 28, 2013 I vote Don't Go! About guilting you into seeing those who care about you -- isn't church supposed to be all about god and worshiping him? If they really care that much, your real friends will meet you elsewhere. 1
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