Aprilshowers Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I believe in God although I am not christian but my husband is an atheist. We are unsure of whether to have children or not but were discussing what we would do if we do. The weird thing is that my atheist husband wants to raise the children with religion here in Germany. His argument is that if we don't they will feel weird and left out at school because they would be treated like outsiders if they don't get confirmation etc. He says that when he was at school there was a child who was being raised by atheist parents and that the child wanted to get confirmed and that he had to go through baptism etc at the age of 15 and that it was hard going to my husband says so that our kids don't feel like outsiders that they should be raised as members of the church?? Now I'm the one who believes in God and I am of the opinion that it would be better to raise them with a knowledge of religion but not get them baptised or anything like that in order to let them decide themselves when they are old enough. Who is right here?
Sybaris Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Choose a different school. Teach your kids about different religions on your own terms. 2
Deva Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I think that children should make their own decisions about what religion they practice or not practice any at all. Parents ought to see their children get an education, which would include learning about different religions and cultures.
msipsy218 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I try not to make many decisions based on what things were like when I was in school. Even if it wasn't long ago, things change a lot. Also, I wouldn't want to teach my child that he has to deny his beliefs to make others accept him. The "Why did you have my baptised if you didn't believe" conversation will inevitably happen one day..
Looking4Answers Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 How old are you and your husband? The world changes over time. What your husband may have experienced when he went to school does not mean this is how things are TODAY as kids go to school. Perhaps there are more non-religious kids in school these days than there were when your husband went to school. I would remind your husband of this (if I were in your shoes, so to speak).
mymistake Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I believe in God although I am not christian but my husband is an atheist. We are unsure of whether to have children or not but were discussing what we would do if we do. The weird thing is that my atheist husband wants to raise the children with religion here in Germany. His argument is that if we don't they will feel weird and left out at school because they would be treated like outsiders if they don't get confirmation etc. He says that when he was at school there was a child who was being raised by atheist parents and that the child wanted to get confirmed and that he had to go through baptism etc at the age of 15 and that it was hard going to my husband says so that our kids don't feel like outsiders that they should be raised as members of the church?? Now I'm the one who believes in God and I am of the opinion that it would be better to raise them with a knowledge of religion but not get them baptised or anything like that in order to let them decide themselves when they are old enough. Who is right here? It sounds to me like your husband sees the church as a social club. That is fine as long as you make sure your kids don't pick up close-mindedness or hate. There are lots of church members who don't really believe the religion. It is fine to introduce your kids to your religious beliefs as long as you do not do it from authority. You can tell them "I believe (name)" without shoving it down their throats. Later on when you kids are old enough you can teach them to respect the beliefs of others even if they don't share them. It's the Fire and Brimstone nonsense along with sin nature, that is mental abuse. I would toss out the whole concept of sin. Teach your kids to do good for the sake of doing good. Sin doesn't work as a concept. Let your kids have good self-esteem and grow up to be good people.
Sheerbliss Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Being outsiders isn't the worst thing that could happen to your kids. "Neither E=MC^2 nor Paradise Lost was dashed off by a party animal." -Susan Cain I thought Europe was quite secular, but if the religious minded there are bigots or goody-two-shoes, would you want your kids to be thick with them?
HymenaeusAlexander Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't get the sense that most of the members of this board are going to have the cultural context necessary to properly address your question. Most of us are from the US and have no clue what it's like to live somewhere with a state church. I just Googled some stats and it seems that while 65% of German citizens are members of the state church only 45% actually believe in God and even fewer (25%) believe in Jesus Christ. Based on this, it sounds like being a member of the state church is mostly just a cultural thing and a reason to have 8% of your paycheck withheld as a church tax just so you can get married and buried by the church (screw that!). So to your question, given what limited knowledge I have of your situation, I'd say it all depends on whether or not you want your kid to take part in some form of benign cultural Christianity. Personally, I'd opt out just to get out of that tax. Your kid will be in the minority, but at 35% it's a pretty big minority. Your husband's anecdote notwithstanding, I don't get the sense that anybody's going to really give a rip.
midniterider Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I believe in God although I am not christian but my husband is an atheist. We are unsure of whether to have children or not but were discussing what we would do if we do. The weird thing is that my atheist husband wants to raise the children with religion here in Germany. His argument is that if we don't they will feel weird and left out at school because they would be treated like outsiders if they don't get confirmation etc. He says that when he was at school there was a child who was being raised by atheist parents and that the child wanted to get confirmed and that he had to go through baptism etc at the age of 15 and that it was hard going to my husband says so that our kids don't feel like outsiders that they should be raised as members of the church?? Now I'm the one who believes in God and I am of the opinion that it would be better to raise them with a knowledge of religion but not get them baptised or anything like that in order to let them decide themselves when they are old enough. Who is right here? Better to do your own thing, not someone else's thing. Skip religious training if you're not into religion. It might be confusing to your kids if you aren't a Christian and Dad is an atheist yet you both want them to believe in Jesus? Hmmm. I love being an outsider. lol.
ExCBooster Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 My entire extended family is Catholic. In a very Catholic city, in a very Christian state. I was raised to make my own decisions about what to believe or not, and I feel great! I can make my own decisions, and not worry about anyone double-guessing me. I can attend a friend's (Indian Classical Dance graduation recital) if I want to, with no worries at all. I don't have to deal with the cognitive dissonance of whether line up with certain ideas of God or not. I think the kids will be fine, whatever you decide, as long as they are given the tools they need in terms of critical thinking and the freedom to exercise it. One thing, though, at least you're discussing how to raise kids, before you have them. Make sure you have a good united front on parenting, and that it's really what is best, for any kids you might end up raising.
Adrianime Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I believe in God although I am not christian but my husband is an atheist. We are unsure of whether to have children or not but were discussing what we would do if we do. The weird thing is that my atheist husband wants to raise the children with religion here in Germany. His argument is that if we don't they will feel weird and left out at school because they would be treated like outsiders if they don't get confirmation etc. He says that when he was at school there was a child who was being raised by atheist parents and that the child wanted to get confirmed and that he had to go through baptism etc at the age of 15 and that it was hard going to my husband says so that our kids don't feel like outsiders that they should be raised as members of the church?? Now I'm the one who believes in God and I am of the opinion that it would be better to raise them with a knowledge of religion but not get them baptised or anything like that in order to let them decide themselves when they are old enough. Who is right here? Hi AprilShowers, So, gosh, from the U.S. perspective it hurts me to see an atheist say something like that, but maybe I just can't comprehend what it's like in Germany. Let me try to organize my thoughts on this. 1. Definitely make the decision before you choose to have children. Agree on something that you both are happy with. 2. I'm going to assume that your husband was in school 10-30 years ago. Alot can change in that amount of time. He shouldn't include those thoughts into his reasoning IMO. 3. I don't agree with lying to your kids. My mom told me a story about how she had a huge argument in middle school with some girl that told her Santa Clause wasn't real. She fought and fought saying that santa clause was real. When she got hom, her parents told her the truth. My mom says she was devastated and never felt more betrayed or embarassed in her life (at the time). If your kid grows up and learns that his dad doesn't even believe, and his mom doesn't even follow the religion he was brought up believing, think of how betrayed he would feel if you were INTENTIONALLY fooling him his entire life. Fooling his heart. It just seems so wrong, for any reason (unless you lived somewhere where you could get killed for it). 4. Here is my personal personal opinion on this, and what I plan to do with my children. I think it's most appropriate to avoid deep talks until the kid is old enough to think critically. 7, or 8, or older. Then introduce the topic of religion similar to a school subject. "There are many ways of looking at the world" "Here is what Mom believes (and why)" "Here is what Dad believers (and why)" "Here is what Christians believe (and why)" "Here is what Muslims believe (and why)" "Here is what people believed in ancient greece (and why)" "Here is what followers of Judaism believe (and why)" "As you grow older you will learn more and more about the world. One day you will decide what you really believe. That is a decision that only you can make for yourself." Of course being an atheist I will have strong arguments against theistic beliefs, so my kids will probably lean towards atheism .
Lilith666 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Raise your kids the way you'd want to without the pressure--no religion, maybe spirituality, right? Don't let other people dictate what your family does. As for feeling left out, see if you can find other nonreligious families in the area who have kids about your children's age. There's usually a better solution than letting the Church raise your kids.
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