Adrianime Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Just curious if you unmarried no-longer-Christians plan to have your future wedding in a church? Will there be religious elements? Who will it be for? Your family? Your spouse? Doesn't it hurt to think about having that stuff slink into your "special day"? I'm an atheist, and I absolutely will not have religion involved in my wedding day. Not even for my future wife's sake (maybe that makes me a bad person in this case, but I shouldn't have to lie on my wedding day). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ crazyguy123 ◊ Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 If I ever did get married, I don't know what would be wrong with doing it in a church. In fact, doing it for the amusement of irony would be worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianime Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 The venue isn't that important. But the person who does the ceremony would not include an ounce of religious bull in it. But I went to my friend's wedding in a small church. NO VENTILATION. I was sweating on stage. The foot-washing bowl nearly fell out of my hands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greylight Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah, I wouldn't want the ceremony in a church. It wouldn't feel true to who I am. It would be much better if it was somewhere not affiliated with a particular religion. I also wouldn't want to be married by a pastor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 OH HELL NO. For a fiance to demand it would be a deal breaker - if they were incapable of sympathizing with how undesirable that would be for me, or if they needed to marry someone who cared how much marrying in a church would mean for them (or was too unable to stand up to their family to say no), it would be a poor match with future friction. I'm not big on symbolism, but getting married would be moving my life forward, and anything to do with church is something I've left behind. Why would I move backward? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voice Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 It's not likely that I will get married, but if I did it would not be in a church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
movingon Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 It won't be in a church, but even add a Christian I never wanted it in a church. There likely won't be religious elements either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torunn Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 No. On a related subject....does anyone have advice for dealing with xtian in-laws refusing to attend a wedding involving another religion? His parents(read: mother and push-over father) refuse to, and honestly, neither of us give a flying fuck whether those two come, but his sisters did the same, and that hurts us. I've shown them the utmost respect in this area, including setting foot in a church to attend their weddings, and they won't do me the same courtesy. It's not as though I'm asking them to take part in my rituals, just be there as witness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianime Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah, I wouldn't want the ceremony in a church. It wouldn't feel true to who I am. It would be much better if it was somewhere not affiliated with a particular religion. I also wouldn't want to be married by a pastor. Be true to your heart! And watch more anime. OH HELL NO. For a fiance to demand it would be a deal breaker - if they were incapable of sympathizing with how undesirable that would be for me, or if they needed to marry someone who cared how much marrying in a church would mean for them (or was too unable to stand up to their family to say no), it would be a poor match with future friction. I'm not big on symbolism, but getting married would be moving my life forward, and anything to do with church is something I've left behind. Why would I move backward? Hellsss to the no! that's right Clara. I agree with what you said, minus the moving forward part as I was never Christian. I won't marry somebody who can't stand up to their parents about religion, or who would force me to vow to a god in order to marry them. No. On a related subject....does anyone have advice for dealing with xtian in-laws refusing to attend a wedding involving another religion? His parents(read: mother and push-over father) refuse to, and honestly, neither of us give a flying fuck whether those two come, but his sisters did the same, and that hurts us. I've shown them the utmost respect in this area, including setting foot in a church to attend their weddings, and they won't do me the same courtesy. It's not as though I'm asking them to take part in my rituals, just be there as witness. Bastards! I can't imagine what could convince them. If I were in their shoes, I would ask them the reason they don't want to come. Not the surface level reason, but the deeper level reason of why they cannot attend the "most important day of my life" just because it isn't Christian? Or what harm to them would be caused if they attended. But that also might get into whole levels of things you don't want to hear. So I dunno! Fortunately I've never had to deal with a similar situation. But unfortunately that makes me lack very good advice on the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulofSilver Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 No, and I'm not flexible about it. My sister already did the Justice of the Peace thing so at least my family isn't going to put up a fight. If my hypothetical husband couldn't shut up his hypothetical loud mouthed family it just flashes warning lights at me of things to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vendredie Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I don't know. I love how pretty church weddings are, but really, it's too easy to have religion creep into the wedding then. And I will not have any religion in my wedding. MY marriage will have nothing to do with God, and nothing will come before my marriage, no matter how many people think religion should for the marriage's sake (which is the biggest load of kack I've ever heard). I will not cheat on my future husband with Jesus. I will not swear my body and mind/spirit/soul/being/whatever to my husband and/or to some manmade god. And absolutely nothing about wifely submission Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingLink Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I live in a pretty conservative, traditional area of the country, but I've noticed that - even among xtians - weddings in venues such as outdoor locations, hotel ballrooms, rustic lodges, etc., are becoming very popular. (Maybe due to seeing different locations for weddings on tv and in the movies). Most still have their pastor, and a religious ceremony. However, I did attend the wedding this summer of my daughter's best friend that was completely secular. They had an officiant instead of a pastor, and no religious language at all. It was sweet and meaningful - just a beautiful celebration! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquareOne Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I would not object to marrying in a church building. In fact, I think I would rather prefer that to a hotel or registry office or what-have-you. I would not wish to be married by a religious official though. I would also object to public prayers. On the other hand, I would not necessarily object to select passages of the Bible being read. The classic "Love is patient, love is kind" message from 1 Corinthians 13 is a beautiful piece of writing that may be appreciated and applied without recourse to the supernatural. Such readings would have to be read in a humanist context, rather than a religious context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 A church? Hell no. My wife and I lived together for a year and a half, then had a judge marry us. We didn't invite most of our family because it was too much trouble. Her parents didn't care. Mine might have- but I think at that point they were just happy to see us legally married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I don't plan on ever getting married (again) Marriage and me don't mix well. Seriously, I hate it. If I were to make a public commitment though, it would be a hand-fasting... outside somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inqui Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Very big hypothetical for me at this stage, but I'm open to the idea. I wouldn't demand or even suggest it but if this hypothetical lady wanted to get married in one I can't really think of another place that's important enough to me to warrant a veto. I'd probably open up negotiations to reduce the religious content, but a French king once said "Paris is worth a mass" and I think he had a point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thackerie Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Been with Mr. Thackerie for almost 24 years, living together in sin and squalor for 21 years come March 8. Thought about getting married on our 20th anniversary (since our first date) just for the tax and inheritance benefits (including social security), but then found out I could be held responsible for his god-awful credit card bill and decided to postpone it. If his debt situation is ever cleared up and we do get married, a simple trip to the courthouse is good enough. Why waste a lot of money on a ceremony when that money could be better spent on a fantastic party or honeymoon trip? (And I swear we won't use credit cards to do it.) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 If the building were pretty enough, I'd be ok marrying a liberal/cultural christian woman in a liberal church who knows exactly what I believe and is ok with it and doesn't make the ceremony all about a god I don't follow. Mostly because having a gay wedding in a church would freak out all the fundies. Readings from various religions' scriptures would be a bonus to the making fun of fundies. I bet there's even some nice quotes about love and being sacks of chemicals (or star dust, if you want something fluffier) from an atheist that could get thrown in there. I'd prefer outdoors with trees, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Happy Valentine's Day! Well, hearing that a guy is Xian is an automatic romantic turn-off for me, so that might solve the problem. Unless I fell in love before discovering that whoever it is is a liberal Xian and open to being unequally yoked. I would consider marrying in a church or having a single Xian element in my wedding only for my hypothetical fiance's sake, not for his or my own parents. Our wedding is our wedding, not anyone else's tool to spread their trash. Obviously anything remotely suggesting "roles" in a marriage, such as who wears the pants, will be kicked to the curb. That includes name-changing--"Mrs." nothing. I will keep my last name because I am an individual, not an extension of someone else. I strongly dislike the giving-away tradition because it's a symbol of the era when women were property, transferred from their fathers directly to their husbands. But I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings, and he is extremely oversensitive. Causing a feud would not be good. I hope religion will be minimized, but I guess some things are unavoidable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Hell no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoneTarus Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 it is very unlikely that I will ever be married but If I were to be married I would want it to be an intimate private ceremony with just a few very close friends/family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhim Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Heh, interesting question for me. My whole family is Hindu, as is my girlfriend, so obviously I'll not be getting married in a church. It'll be a temple for me. However, I say this is an interesting question because the thought crossed my mind back when I was a Christian. I was never much of a romantic, and unlike most sex-obsessed evangelicals I didn't spend every waking hour thinking about my future wedding night. However it did occur to me that if I ever met some Christian girl and got married (in a church, of course), I'd have to piss off basically my whole family. I guess that's the situation a lot of you guys are in now, since most here have Christian families. I can't tell anyone how to proceed, all I can say is that I understand the predicament. As for me, very happy to not have this part of my life dictated by Christianity anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will02 Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 If I ever do get married, it's probably going to be outdoors or in some hotel someplace. I’ve been to a few of those and it's worked out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedAtheist Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I couldn't care less where I got married, the only important thing is what my partner believes. They'd have to be an atheist, or an extremely secular religious person for me to even consider marrying them. Hell, they'd almost have to be an atheist because you never know if a certain event could trigger an awakening of deep seated faith. Of course I personally would not be interested in a traditional wedding where you have a reception where you spend shitloads of money on people to come have dinner with you basically. It'd basically be a casual wedding and that's it. If she wanted a big fancy wedding it would send major alarm bells my way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I can't imagine being married in a church, but I won't rule it out entirely.. I would definitely not allow religious elements in the ceremony. No god-talk, no Adam and Even, no "Sacred Union," or "Two people becoming one flesh" kind of talk. Actually, I can't imagine getting married again. If women aren't actually a form of property any more, then what the hell is marriage for? Men and woman are of equal status (philosophically anyway) and capable of negotiating the terms of their relationship with one another at different junctures in time. Women are capable of working, earning a living, purchasing property and contributing to their own retirement. I mean, I understand the psycological need for a sense of permanence, but I'm not sure why marriage exists any more other than religion still exists and some need to manage how property will be distributed upon death. Can someone enligthen me? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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