Why Do I Keep Reading Xtian Things To Purposefully Piss Myself Off?

[Abmin9]

I'm fully deconverted. Atheist. Done. Over with. And I am more comfortable with myself than I've ever been.

 

However, I find myself Googling stuff I know will only piss me off. For example, "A Christian's Perspective on 50 Shades of Grey" or I might search on YouTube for crap like Kirk Cameron or Stupid

brought to you by none other than TBN of course!

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not an addiction or anything. I spend plenty of time listening to and watching Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris, Dennett, Jillette, Maher, Gervais, etc. (in non-debate scenarios), aside from news, professional learning networks, shopping, social networking, and everything else that has nothing to do with "beliefs." (Gotta love Rosa Rubicondior on Twitter though!)

 

But back to my reason for this post... Why do I do it? Do you do the same? Do you ever purposefully look up something that you know will only get you crabby and bent out of shape as you watch the stupidity of so many? A friend told me to just drop it. "Let people be stupid and live your own life." But alas, I find it difficult to do so. I went on to give a good point as to why, to quote Hitchens, "Religion Poisons Everything," but he thinks I just need to "let go and be free."

 

Could it be an unresolved issue? Am I replacing my belief with active un-belief? What gives?

 

I'd love to hear back from you all. I LOVE this community and its intellectuality (wasn't sure that was a word, so I Googled it. It is. I know because they can't put anything on the Internet that isn't true! Uh, Bonjour! 

[mymistake]

Why not google Atheist Memebase, Nonstampcollector and Darkmatter2525 instead?  There are other cool atheist comedies out there too.

[stryper]

penn jillette, ricky gervais, Eddie Izzard, george carlin.

 

There's lots out there. 

 

In answer to the OP, you are looking at stuff you probably used to believe or at least not question with a different way of thinking.  Part of it could be that you "can't believe you used to believe this shit"  so you keep looking for it as a Take That Me.   Expanding, it could be a method of you beating yourself up over it.  

 

"Look at how stupid this is.  You used to believe that crap.  That was so dumb to just accept this"  etc etc etc. 

 

I can't answer the question for you.  Only you can do that. 

 

However, if you are willing to move beyond just asking the question on an internet forum and perhaps pay attention to your self talk while you are doing it, you could reach some useful insights. 

[oddbird1963]

Why do you do it?

 

1) You're developing into a crotchity old man prematurely?

2) You love to feel the freedom of viewing the wierdness of religion as an outsider?

3) For the same reason you will pick at a sore in your mouth with your tongue?

 

I'm out of ideas.

[florduh]

Uh, bonjour!

 

I don't seek out religious stupidity but when I run across it I just find it amusing in most cases. Of course, True Believers of several religions think some outrageous things and do some horrific deeds, but I don't actively seek that information.

[Denyoz]

It's Bible-God's still small voice desperately needing attention.

[DrNo]

I've probably read more Christian apologetics than atheist literature in the last 6 months to see if there was any angle I had not considered that would make faith make sense again. There isn't. If anything, it has only made me madder that I used to buy into it, and angry at those who refuse to consider anything but the pat Christian answers.

[Chikirin]

I do the same thing.  I go to the Christian Post and read the comments so I can think about how stupidd Christians are.

 

But now I feel like the stupid is rubbing off on me

[midniterider]

I'm fully deconverted. Atheist. Done. Over with. And I am more comfortable with myself than I've ever been.

 

However, I find myself Googling stuff I know will only piss me off. For example, "A Christian's Perspective on 50 Shades of Grey" or I might search on YouTube for crap like Kirk Cameron or Stupid

brought to you by none other than TBN of course!

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not an addiction or anything. I spend plenty of time listening to and watching Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris, Dennett, Jillette, Maher, Gervais, etc. (in non-debate scenarios), aside from news, professional learning networks, shopping, social networking, and everything else that has nothing to do with "beliefs." (Gotta love Rosa Rubicondior on Twitter though!)

 

But back to my reason this post... Why do I do it? Do you do the same? Do you ever purposefully look up something that you know will only get you crabby and bent out of shape as you watch the stupidity of so many? A friend told me to just drop it. "Let people be stupid and live your own life." But alas, I find it difficult to do so. I went on to give a good point as to why, to quote Hitchens, "Religion Poisons Everything," but he thinks I just need to "let go and be free."

 

Could it be an unresolved issue? Am I replacing my belief with active un-belief? What gives?

 

I'd love to hear back from you all. I LOVE this community and its intellectuality (wasn't sure that was a word, so I Googled it. It is. I know because they can't put anything on the Internet that isn't true! Uh, Bonjour! 

 

I suppose you could get bent out of shape every time Christianity comes up, but even though religion might poison everything, it's not the only poison out there. I used to get angry every time some idiot jaywalked and I had the right-of-way but had to wait for them. With time it passed. It was a waste of energy. I began to just run over the pedestrian instead...ok, just kidding.

 

People are going to continue to be stupid way after all of us die of old age. And stupid in many different ways...not just Christianity. We ought to pick our battles...or else we may end up being very angry or unhappy all the time. If we only have one life, why have an angry life. Just my opinion. 

[raoul]

I think most of us do this at times. I'm hooked onto some radio guy whom I've followed off and on since 1987 when I was a believer. He's been in a delusionary free fall since then but still spouts the bible bs. I think I'm waiting for someone, other than myself, to really take him on over his behavior.

[Akheia]

Hi and welcome!

 

I dunno, I think Christian Post and sites like those are frickin' hilarious. And keeping up with them keeps me abreast of what the fundies are up to next. I was out of the fundie loop for many years, so the whole Purity Movement and Patriarchy shit, all that Dominionist stuff, crazy misogynist mega-pastors like Mark Driscoll, the abuses of the Catholic clergy, the new false arguments and deceptions regarding contraception and reproductive rights, the creationism movement, all that took me totally by surprise. I don't want to be taken by surprise again so I gloss their news sites and keep up with the trends. I can't fight effectively against something if I don't know it's taking a swing at me.

[Adrianime]

Hmm,

 

I sort of relate.  Before I came to this site I spent months reading about how Christians fear/dislike atheists and how atheists were the most mistrusted group in America.  How most in America define themselves as Christian.  The ridiculous things Christians can believe.  How a Christian won't marry a non-believer because of the unequally yoked crap.  How they believe the way to be saved from hell is believing.  The stuff honestly makes me sad.  But I read it (I think) because I wish there was a way to change it.  Even if I feel powerless to do so.  I suspect you have a similar thought process even if just subconsciously. 

 

Most of you here are deeply knowledgeable about Christianity, but to me it is a mysterious (and stupid) creature.  Even surface level knowledge of it is fascinating, scary, and disheartening.

[Pantophobia]

 

For the same reason you will pick at a sore in your mouth with your tongue?

 

 

That's my reason right there. 

[Sheerbliss]

Anger can make you feel energized, superior and motivated. Once you read something that makes you angry, do you do something useful with the anger? If not, can you find another way of feeling energized, motivated and confident?

[TristanJay]

This makes me think of how I will get on some Christian forums and throw out some of the most challenging, frustrating questions that bug me about Christianity.  I have little hope of seeing an answer that's actually worthwhile, but at the same time I'm looking up and God and saying, so, your followers still keep veering towards these stupid answer/solutions to the problems with you?  You can't think of anything better to channel into their brains, despite your worthless boasting about how you can do anything?"  It's both frustrating and fun, in a twisted way.

[RipVanWinkle]

Abmin9: I'm the same way. I think it is because when you see once again how stupid the things they say and do are, it reinforces your confidence that you make the right choice.     bill

[kolaida]

I don't know.  I see stuff and I get annoyed at it. Like, I read ALL the apologist books beforehand and stuff.  I knew then I was choosing to believe something and I knew how flawed it was. I was even under the belief that if churches were serious, they would be putting all that tithe money towards teaching their congregation ancient Hebrew/Greek since so much is lost in translations as well as studying and learning poetry structure of those languages since so much of the old testament is basically ancient poetry that's been translated into english. But most of the pastors I had were pretty forward thinking that way and even openly told the congregation that Job was an allegory and some other things. These pastors generally had trouble with parts of the congregation, though, lol.  Since we moved around so much due to the military we went to a LOT of churches, good grief.  I don't know, even when I was a christian, I wished there was ways to change a lot. Its a relief to be out of it and not stress out so much over it.  I don't think I'd read any of it again if I was paid. I read the bible multiple times and read and reread a lot of those apologist books. I even STARTED studying ancient Greek, lol.  So I have no desire to look into it. Oddly enough, when I was a Christian, there seemed to be an abundance of atheists that wanted to question me and now that I'm agnostic/leaning heavily towards atheism, I seem to continually run into super religious people. Life is odd that way, I guess. 

[Pantophobia]

Anger can make you feel energized, superior and motivated. Once you read something that makes you angry, do you do something useful with the anger? If not, can you find another way of feeling energized, motivated and confident?

 

This is a fantastic point. Because when we read Xtian things to get mad, we're doing the same self-righteous bs that they do when they preach to us.

[Vendredie]

When I came out of Christianity, I didn't feel angry at anyone... it took another 4 years and hating my hometown for me to get really REALLY angry at everything.

 

Anger is a great motivator.  Depression is not.  When you come out of religion, you lose... everything.  You lose an entire framework to analyze things through.  You lose your way of thinking, and your way of understanding the world.  So even though you're secure about your non-belief, you just don't know which way to go, only that the way that takes you the furthest away from it is something that makes you angry.  And that's how I was: everything bad that happened in the Vortex of Suck and Fail was a reason to stay the hell away from it, and ensure that I'd never go back of my own accord.  However, constantly getting angry at something is not the best way to move on from it. 

 

What I'm saying is, you are replacing your belief with active non-belief.  I won't say that posting here, or listening to Dawkins or reading Hitchens is in itself active non-belief.  Active non-belief is seeking out things that piss you off and make you feel glad that you're not trapped in religion anymore.  You don't have to let stupid people be stupid, but you probably should find another hobby, and things that make you feel happy instead of angry.  It helped me when I was getting out of the Vortex.  Meeting new people outside of the Vortex, who I knew were always going to be there, really helped.  I still hope the Vortex gets obliterated by a hurricane, but I'm not consumed by anger at it anymore, and I have more things keeping me going.  I don't think you're as comfortable with yourself as you let on- I think you've just become comfortable with your belief, but you still feel trapped by religion in some way.  A lot of us here do-- hell, even I do sometimes.  And that's okay. What's not okay is killing yourself with your own anger.  That's replacing one addiction with another, and it's not good for you at all. 

[Lilith666]

Yepperdo, I love getting myself irritated. That's why I like to crack James Dobson books every now and then--just to fume at his assertion that women's high voices and generally smaller build are evidence that men are better leaders. I know it's incoherent, but it's still entertaining. The really annoying bit is that some Xians take this

as fact.

 

And that time I ranted on here about some smug jerk who bragged about saving sex until marriage, how sanctified he was and how his sex life is so much better than other people's because he waited. It was great.

 

I guess we're masochistic. There is something energizing about feeling your blood pressure rise, and then taking to Ex-C to bellow about it.

[DrGuitar]

Yes! I do this too some too.

 

For ex. I occasionally listen to June Hunt Hope in the Night (yes she is the daughter of the Hunt Gazillionaire oil man from Texas). She loves to lead some poor soul who's on the edge to give their life to Christ right on the air and them tell them everything's different now... 

 

When I really want to get stirred up I listen to those goody-goody, unctuous, souuuthern drawlin, Christyuns who counsel on marriage (wives submit, husbands: give your life for the little lady as Chraaaast deeyid for yeww!)

 

Imagine how deciding which restaurant would sound :  "No..Chinese because YOU want to go there honey, nono..Italian..because YOU want to go there sweetie".

 

If both keep submittig, in this case, both go hungry =)) wonderful logic I mean when would it end?,

 

Finances...dont rob God...and give at least a tenth so Pastor keeps his nice house at your expense! I asked one preacher if I should tithe on gross or net, he said:  well do you want gross or net blessings? Funny, since I stopped giving them anything Im doing better than ever..hmmm

 

 

 

sex (porn seems to be every Christian Mans passion), or child rearing Spank 'em early and often! (yes I knew a pastor who said exactly that, his kid turned into a rock band's roadie after he dropped out of the Citadel and went missing for months).

 

Im not sure why, but I even debate with them in my mind as I listen...it is fun and I think I do this because it makes me feel enlightened to listen to such tripe...maybe this is why I did the Jesus thing too come to think of it.

 

They never seem to make an issue of our endless warmongering, Wall St. thievery, Palestinian rights, spouse abuse or child abuse though. Isnt that odd?

 

 

So yes I do listen to Christian radio a little...this is my best explanation why although it isnt much!

 

[Chikirin]

This makes me think of how I will get on some Christian forums and throw out some of the most challenging, frustrating questions that bug me about Christianity.  I have little hope of seeing an answer that's actually worthwhile, but at the same time I'm looking up and God and saying, so, your followers still keep veering towards these stupid answer/solutions to the problems with you?  

The majority of them don't even attempt to answer, they say "you're obviously not open to The Truth and therefore I shall cast my pearls before swine..." etc. Funny how eager they are to go that route. When I was a Christian that was a last resort type of thing I'd use after trying and failing to respond to  an unbeliever, and I'd get angry and pull the i'm not going to cast my pearls before swine card. I notice more Christians just resort to this tactic as their first response. Then they don't even have to give a reason for their belief at all. It's like a bizzaro-anti evangelism.

[SoulofSilver]

I listen to videos focusing on that a lot but I've turned it into a way to sharpen my anti-bs skills.  Everytime they say something dumb I identify the fallacy and pause to think about what my response would be if they were sitting across from me.  You're a lot less pissed off if you're able to sit there and say "*Yawn*, that's boring, more argumentum ad arboribus."

[greylight]

I do this too. Just pop over to the Focus on the Family facebook page and my blood pressure goes up. I don't know why I keep going back to it, it's kind of like a fascination with watching a car wreck. I can't believe what I'm reading, but I can't turn away. Also, I cringe that I used to believe that stuff. I'm glad now I can see with new eyes just how ridiculous these sentiments are.

[raoul]

This stuff is a riot! I'm glad to see I'm not alone in this behavior but I think SoulofSilver voices why I do it - to keep my skills honed. But Greylight expresses my own behavior as well after listening to the crap for a while. My blood pressure starts going up and I begin screaming at the radio or whatever. That's when I turn everything off and meditate for a while thinking about things the late Hitchens or what Erhman, Harris and others have expoused.