raoul Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 The article speaks for itself: http://news.yahoo.com/christianmingle-date-rape-victims-sought-calif-cops-175045106--abc-news-topstories.html disclaimer - I find nothing humorous about rape. This is merely to show the xtian bullshit at work once more.
SquareOne Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 This is horrendous. Nevertheless, let us be objective and remember that this is not a problem that is exclusive to Christian websites. Or to websites generally.
Lilith666 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'm thinking he used the site as a cover. People tend to trust Xians, so he decided that would be a great place for him to catch some woman who assumed he was a gawd-fearing family man. 1
LoneTarus Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 If I was looking for gullible people to take advantage of a christian site would be my #1 target for obvious reasons. Thankfully I don't do those sorts of things, but I know it does happen. I've seen people hurt real bad by criminals that claimed to be good christians.
Vendredie Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Why the fuck am I not surprised? Let me guess, the guy is a respected leader at his church and a family man who dearly loves his kids and would NEVER rape ANYONE, even some stupid, ugly whore who couldn't find a man in "real life" I will paint my cat neon rainbow colors and train her to do the Gangnam Style dance and post video here on ExC if I'm wrong. But I don't think I am. I was abused by two guys in high school who were supposedly sooooo devout.
3DollarBill Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Damn straight, I'm surprised you don't hear of this more often. A dating site consisting entirely of the obedient and gullible is a PERFECT place to find victims.
Bhim Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Well, like you said rape isn't a laughing matter. But in all seriousness I have to ask: if the woman in question was impregnated from being raped, would she abort? Christians love to force their morality on others, but take a surprisingly sensible approach when deciding whether to practice it themselves. I'm certainly not gleeful about any of this, but I wonder if, at the time of the rape, the Christian victim was relieved that non-Christians have fought court battles for her right to not be beholden to senseless Christian morality. 1
MultifariousBirdLady Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'm thinking he used the site as a cover. People tend to trust Xians, so he decided that would be a great place for him to catch some woman who assumed he was a gawd-fearing family man. I agree. It's true this isn't a problem exclusive to religious websites, but for someone looking specifically for trusting victims, it sadly makes a lot of sense. But in all seriousness I have to ask: if the woman in question was impregnated from being raped, would she abort? Christians love to force their morality on others, but take a surprisingly sensible approach when deciding whether to practice it themselves. I'm certainly not gleeful about any of this, but I wonder if, at the time of the rape, the Christian victim was relieved that non-Christians have fought court battles for her right to not be beholden to senseless Christian morality. I have read about this topic from a couple different angles. There are both Christians who don't abort for religious reasons, and there are women who are raped -- religious or not -- who don't abort. There are also those who do*. It's complicated and very personal. I can provide links to a few studies and examples if you like. * It seems that women who are in pro-life religious environments who abort are at particular risk of getting loaded with a heavy burden of guilt, which can create the conditions for depression and self-destructive tendencies... this is something I'm very concerned about.
Overcame Faith Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It is extremely unfortunate that this happened to the victim. I think this issue is serious enough to understand that the problem appears not to be limited to Christian online dating services. A quick internet search reveals that predators use many dating websites to meet victims. Here are a few examples: Aurora Man Charged With Raping Woman He Met Online; Cops Seek Other Victims http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/10/02/aurora-man-charged-with-raping-woman-he-met-online-cops-seek-other-victims/ HOUSTON (KTRK) -- A girl says she was raped and threatened by a man she met on an online dating site. http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=8868457 Woman reports rape by man she met on dating website http://blog.al.com/tuscaloosa/2012/09/woman_reports_rape_by_man_she.html And it's not just an American problem, either. Here's one from London. Online dating warning after woman raped and beaten http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9153332/Online-dating-warning-after-woman-raped-and-beaten.html I thought the police in London gave some great advice in the above article: The officer in charge of investigating the case, DC Richard Huggins, has now warned other internet daters to be cautious, and “thoroughly vet” the people they intend to meet
SilentLoner Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I thought the police in London gave some great advice in the above article: and “thoroughly vet” the people they intend to meet How exactly do you do that?
ContraBardus Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I thought the police in London gave some great advice in the above article: and “thoroughly vet” the people they intend to meet How exactly do you do that? Hard to not make a sarcastic comment related to veterinarians there. At the very least, you need to be a bit of a detective and a skeptic about anyone you meet online that you think you might want a real relationship with. It's not as hard as you might think, just a little time consuming. Though, if you're taking the time to get into an online relationship, there's no good reason that you don't have time to do a little background checking on what you're getting into. Trade images that transpire over several years time, have lengthy conversations over time, -save them-, and check for inconsistencies. Go over personal history, and bring things they told you about up in future conversations. Find out where someone lived in the past and when they lived there [this is important information]. Meet other people who can confirm validity, for example get into a group chat with friends or family, do group and one on one face time or skype. Save interactions, not necessarily all of them, but enough to have evidence of who someone is. If something does go wrong, an image can do more to identify someone than a name often can. Get more than just recent images, if they're only sending images that date after you've met them, ask about older photos or images. Check image file origins http://tineye.com/ to make sure they aren't just posting someone else's photos and claiming its them. Stealing photos off of Facebook pages is a common practice for dishonest types online. If you find photos on Facebook and the name matches, post on their page and see what type of response you get, if you get 'who are you?' in reply, or no reply, it's time to get suspicious. Get them to friend you on social media, and be wary if you're the only person posting on their page regularly. Do an internet history search, check Facebook pages, twitter, and do a background check online. I'm not saying do a federal check, but put the name and username [if different] into the search box and see what you come up with, if you notice the name they gave you pops up in a time and place they told you they were with an article attached to it, read it. Don't be in a hurry to meet them. Take the time to get to know them first, just like you would any other friend. Someone who is in a hurry to meet is probably not looking for a real relationship. They might just be looking for a fast lay, or they might be looking for a gullible victim. If you're looking to find a good relationship online there's no reason you shouldn't have a good one that has lasted a while before you meet face to face. Be suspicious, it's better to err on the side of caution. Be especially wary of anyone who is reluctant to share information after extended contact. People who are looking to get into a relationship should be happy to tell you about themselves. If they're being evasive after you've been communicating with them for a while it may be best to find someone else to talk too. Like trying to constantly direct the conversation to -you- giving them information about -you- while avoiding giving information about themselves. This is another reason why it's important to save chatlogs and E-mails, it's often easier to notice someone being evasive when going over them a second time. There's a lot you can do to 'vet' someone you've met on-line. It's just a matter of being patient and taking the time to do a little research. No system is perfect, but being careful pays off more often than not. 1
Ravenstar Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Never ever meet people you don't know... well...over time, in anything other than a well lit public place. Take your own car, have your own money... go dutch on the first few dates. Have a 'check in' buddy that you have to stay in touch with and knows where you are Take LOTS of time to email, message online before meeting NEVER give out personal info like home phone number, address, place of work, etc.. until you have established trust NEVER give out ANY information about your children, what sports teams they are on, what school they go to, etc.. DO NOT be overly flirtatious or do any kind of cyber sexting online.. and watch the photos (layin' on a bed with your cleavage hanging out sends a meesage to predators.. plus it's tacky) Set firm boundaries online right away... decent people will respect them. Block/delete anything even remotely inappropriate or that makes you uncomfortable... predators are looking for people with weak boundaries or those who see the good in everyone.. and those who are 'caretakers' - beware of sob stories. Never lend money (yup, seen this too) Don't give out ANY info about your financial status. Don't chat/date convicts. Don't trust anyone who has nothing but bad stories about crazy exes. (just my experience) Yup... that's what safe online dating looks like. Oh, and have fun! I've seen friends of mine break almost every one of these rules, and I told them they were damn lucky they hadn't been hurt or otherwise taken advantage of. One got choked by a guy who met her in her parking lot to 'chat'. Another went on a first meet to a guys HOUSE! Alone! (dumbass - thank goodness he was just an idiot and not a rapist) Most people are fine - but predators are damn good at fooling people, being charming and all that. Be safe.. and smart. The people worth it will understand. You can not know what someone is like from an online profile and a couple of messages. Do a police background check if that's what you need to do. and PLEASE.. stop putting photos of your children on dating sites.. please. (men.. lol please stop putting photos of yourself up with your ex 'cut out') 1
Eugene39 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 A person needs to buy a background check on people. Locally, a female was assaulted by her boy friend with an axe while she was trying to get away in her vehicle. In her fright, she couldn't find the keys and ended up fleeing the truck, went into the woods, and had to walk several miles home through a cold winter night, but at least she was still alive. Where did she meet this guy? Church. He had just been released from jail for domestic violence and was going to church with his grandmother, and that's where they hooked up and started dating. Here's one even worse that happened to my own mother when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. Even though she was in her mid to late 30's, my mom looked very young for her age, and was quite attractive. A family from church had one of their relatives released from jail to them, and the man was attending church with them. He found out where we lived and broke into the house one night with intentions of raping my mom. Dad scared him off. They caught him a few nights later when he was successful at another house. I know that a background check would have been pointless in this case and no one would have even given any thought to buying one.
Ravenstar Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 There's no such thing as 'perfectly safe' unfortunately.
MultifariousBirdLady Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Never ever meet people you don't know... well...over time, in anything other than a well lit public place. Take your own car, have your own money... go dutch on the first few dates. Have a 'check in' buddy that you have to stay in touch with and knows where you are Take LOTS of time to email, message online before meeting I've done online dating and have also discussed different approaches with others who have done it. With the exception of taking lots of time before meeting, most people seem to do these. There are some who would rather meet face-to-face in public right away, even before something like giving out a phone number. NEVER give out personal info like home phone number, address, place of work, etc.. until you have established trustOne person who I had given my non-work email address to was able to use just that to track me to my work. I got back to the office from fieldwork one day to find a flower arrangement from him on my desk. We had never met, and shortly before that event, it was becoming clear that he was rather obsessive, so I didn't want to meet him. It was pretty uncomfortable.
JadedAtheist Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 How awful. People need to be aware that strangers are a potential threat whether or not you meet them online or in person. It boggles my mind that people actually have one night stands. I know guys who have had their shit stolen and I heard a story from a friend about someone they knew who was held captive and raped over a period of several days when they were looking to hook up with a guy. Be safe in every context. 1
kolaida Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 This is horrendous. Nevertheless, let us be objective and remember that this is not a problem that is exclusive to Christian websites. Or to websites generally. Yes, very true. I agree with some others that xtians will think they are "safer" due to the nature of things. But I totally agree with this. I made the mistake of thinking all atheists/agnostics were open and caring and dated one from on online site and soon found out that everyone can be just as hypocritical as xtians (luckily, this was not anywhere near as traumatic as a rape, but it was hurtful and disappointing) . Hypocrisy doesn't always have to be in religious contexts. Men are generally not looking for relationships. Even though so many are against the "months of emailing" as so many guys whine about it on their profiles, it is best to do so. It'll hopefully help avoid rape situations and weed out who is just looking for "fun" and who is actually interested in pursuing a relationship. It's also best to find out right away what country they are from and how long they plan to stay where you're at.
Surriess Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 That story is just horrible, but i think that christian or not, he would of still raped the lady. I have been on many online dating places and people are the same whether they are christian or not. I always meet the wierdos, crazies, and creepers. So, yeah. i suggest that if you are going to meet someone from online dating, tell your family where you are and make sure that it is in a public place.
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