CoralPeachy Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hi, I'm new on here and thought it would be nice to post something as I saw something encouraging new members not to be shy! I made my decision not to be a catholic only a few days ago and feel a lot happier. I have been thinking about my faith for about three months now. I only began to question things when it was time for me to start having my preperation classes for confirmation. The more I thought about my religion and the bible the more it started to seem silly and not make sense. I thought about going to the confirmation classes to see if it would change my opinion but I realised that I didn't want religion to take up any more of my life. I know it sounds silly but recently I had been worried about going to hell and wondering why a kind god would create hell. Why did he make it so that the ten comandments were almost impossible for us to keep, why doesn't he give us signs now that he exists, why do so many people believe in something like this but not a fairytale and the list goes on. All of my family are christians apart from my dad and I go to a catholic (convent) school so I really did feel like the odd one out and only felt that I could make this decision because my dad is an atheist. My mum said to me that she thought it was very sad that I had lost my faith but I have never felt happier! I feel like I can get on with my life and make the most of all of the time I have. Everybody on sites like this seem to be very friendly and talk a lot of sense and have good descussions so I thought it would be nice to join and I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading and sorry if that was boring!
Moderator Margee Posted March 4, 2013 Moderator Posted March 4, 2013 Welcome Miss CoralPeachy! Love the name.That was not boring at all!! I am so glad you found us!! I am always happy when a new friend arrives!! You start posting all your concerns (if you have any) with us! We'll be there for you!! I am so happy to hear you are happy in this 'deconversion'!! Margee
new2me Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Welcome, CoralPeachy - and thanks for sharing your story. It will be hard for the Christians in your life to understand how you can be happier without religion, but folks around here know about that feeling first-hand! No more guilt, no more worries about hell/damnation, and no more need to try to justify to yourself or others the horrible things in the Christian religion. Hope to hear more from you soon!
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted March 4, 2013 Super Moderator Posted March 4, 2013 Welcome CoralPeachy! I'm an ex-catholic too. When it was time for my confirmation, I also thought it was silly and nonsensical. I guess I must have been around 14 years old. But my mother made me go through with the confirmation. Well guess what -- I'm pushing 60 now and haven't been a catholic for many, many decades. My mother is in her 80's and still says I'm "just going through a phase" ..... Have to laugh! Thanks for sharing your story and it was not a bit boring!
Adrianime Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I know it sounds silly but recently I had been worried about going to hell and wondering why a kind god would create hell. Why did he make it so that the ten comandments were almost impossible for us to keep, why doesn't he give us signs now that he exists, why do so many people believe in something like this but not a fairytale and the list goes on. Hello there. These are excellent things to ponder. You might have been told all of your life that it is silly or even foolish to express doubt. My guess though, is if you think about any other aspect of your life, you would never accept something with as little evidence as catholicism has. Religion often becomes the exception of beliefs. You believe things a, b, and c because of demonstratable reasons 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, and 10. But you believe in your religion because...well...what are you reasons? Taking a look at why you believe (or believed) and comparing that to why you believe any of the other beliefs you have is a great way to examine whether or not you have/had a reasonable basis for your beliefs. I'm happy to see another individual opening up her mind . Congratulations. If I knew you in person, this moment would deserve a celebration.
CoralPeachy Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thank you for all being so encouraging. It was nice letting out my feelings because it is awkward talking about it at home!
SquareOne Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Congratulations for getting free. You are in a good place for support. Stay strong and try to keep smiling!
CoralPeachy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I am so fed up! My mum keeps on saying that I havn't given it enough time and that I'm not old enough to make a decision (I'm 14!). She said that I should try out going to a different church to our usual one. I told her that I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to change my mind and then she got annoyed and said that people online are brainwashing me and that she's very disappointed that there are two atheists in the house. She asked me how would I like it if she got a divorce with my dad and said that she'd been thinking about it for three months. She didn't like it when I said that I wouldn't mind if she had a good reason. Then she asked me if I had been thinking about it every single day for three months and I said yes so she had nothing to say to that! Sorry but I just had to let that all out!
Adrianime Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I am so fed up! My mum keeps on saying that I havn't given it enough time and that I'm not old enough to make a decision (I'm 14!). She said that I should try out going to a different church to our usual one. I told her that I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to change my mind and then she got annoyed and said that people online are brainwashing me and that she's very disappointed that there are two atheists in the house. She asked me how would I like it if she got a divorce with my dad and said that she'd been thinking about it for three months. She didn't like it when I said that I wouldn't mind if she had a good reason. Then she asked me if I had been thinking about it every single day for three months and I said yes so she had nothing to say to that! Sorry but I just had to let that all out! Hmm, 1. Your mom may never accept your decision. 2. It's very inappropriate to try to emotionally manipulate a kid by using their parent's divorce as an example. 3. At least your dad will understand you .
CoralPeachy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Exactly! Thank goodness you understand! I can't believe that she said I'd been brainwashed by this sight. I've been brainwashed by christianity for 14 years and only now seen the other side of sense, the side I should be on!
RipVanWinkle Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Hi CoralPeachy: 14 years old. wow. You are so lucky to have discovered the truth about Xtianity so young. You should congratulate yourself for using your own brain independently, rather than merely following what so many others do like sheep. I imagine you already know, if you are like the rest of us, the christians in your life aren't likely to be understanding or compassionate.They can be quite nasty, trying to give you a guilt trip. That is just a form manipulation used by Xtianity to scare you into returning to imprisonment again. Just keep using your own brain. You are clearly plenty smart enough to protect yourself. Also, keep coming here where there are a lot of smart and supportive people. Finally, read books by people who have done a marvelous job of taking Xtianity apart by the seams. Welcome! bill
CoralPeachy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Thank you. People on this sight do seem to be very smart! My mum said that I'm still not mature enough to make a proper decision and to not "shut the door on faith". But isn't it a sign of maturity that I don't just go along with it but take time to reflect, think about religion and research. At school they encourage us to be inquisitive and ask questions so that we can learn but then when it comes to religion we are expected to forget about that because they will get offended and don't have very good answers to our questions. And yes, I am very glad I found truth and reality and an early age! 1
Adrianime Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Thank you. People on this sight do seem to be very smart! My mum said that I'm still not mature enough to make a proper decision and to not "shut the door on faith". But isn't it a sign of maturity that I don't just go along with it but take time to reflect, think about religion and research. At school they encourage us to be inquisitive and ask questions so that we can learn but then when it comes to religion we are expected to forget about that because they will get offended and don't have very good answers to our questions. And yes, I am very glad I found truth and reality and an early age! The problem is that Christianity is riddled with all sorts of traps to keep you in. One of those traps is to make it seem like having doubt, or asking questions is a sign of stupidity or closed mindedness. Another trap is threatening hell (or other horrible punishments) upon those who do not follow the religion. Your mom is currently caught smack dab in the middle of the trap. She fears for your eternal well-being should you not decide to "accept" god. Plus she has a duty (imposed by her religion) to make sure you do believe. Although to be fair, as an early teenager, you will have a hard time getting respect for your decisions from your parents. Religion won't necessarilly be the only problem. For instance if you decided you wanted to get a bunch of tattoos all of a sudden, I'm pretty sure your parents would think you are too young to make that decision as well. Religion stands out though, because regardless of your age, the problem will always be there. Right now your mom might blame your choices on you being young. In 10 years she might blame it on you being closed-minded and stubborn. No matter what, she will have to find something to blame.
Endemoniada Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Welcome to the forum, and congratulations on thinking and deciding on something for yourself. Regardless of what your mum says, your maturity is not the same as your age. The fact you were able to tell your family you wouldn't confirm (conform?) while most others, who likely have had the same doubts, just went along with it, makes that quite clear. Now I'm just going to repeat what other users have said: don't let anyone guilt you into giving up your ability and right to have your own opinions. People will likely be more watchful and blame things you do on your atheism and not just your age. But this too shall pass. You have your whole life ahead of you now, to live how you want, not how your church wants.
RipVanWinkle Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 If your mum says you're too young to make a decision for atheism then it follows you are too young to commit to Xtianiy for life. Indeed, atheism and agnosticism do not demand that you make a lifetime commitment; you can believe what you want. We just warn you to avoid cults like Xtianity that want to prevent you from thinking for yourself. We also encourage you to self educate yourself about the history of religion. That is the last thing Xtianity wants you to do, whether they be catholic or otherwise. We do not want to force you to believe anything. That's up to you. bill 1
ExCBooster Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You know what, CoralPeachy? Thinking independently, and making up your own mind, based on a lot of critical thinking skills is... a very intelligent, brave, and mature thing to do. Even a lot of adults can't do what you did! Your mom is dead wrong, on that count. Good for you! If you know how to think critically, then you have a vital skill for the rest of your life - critical thinking is the Swiss Army Knife of learning.
alpha centauri Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Welcome CoralPeachy! I second William7Davis's sentiments. If you are too young to reject biblegod, why aren't you too young to go through confirmation? There definitely seems to be a contradiction there. The key -- even at 14 -- is to think for yourself. No, you won't have all the answers (none of us ever has all the answers), but stay open-minded. My biggest problem with Christianity is the fear tactics and threats of an eternal hell. I just can't accept that a loving, gracious forgiving god could sentence anyone to such a horrible eternal fate. So either hell is a myth to scare people into conforming, or this god is an evil being who we wouldn't be able to trust to keep his promises anyway, and who allows terrible suffering in this life, as well. It's very weird that your mother would even bring up divorce in relation to your lack of faith, almost as a threat to keep you in the fold, unless there are other issues or she blames your dad for your beliefs and wants to punish you both. Very strange, indeed. We're glad you found this website. We certainly aren't interested in leading anyone astray, but challenge people to truly examine their core beliefs rather than simply going along with religious dogma without considering other possibilities. In the end, the choice of faith or freethought is up to each individual, and this site is a great place for discussion, contemplation and encouragement. All the best to you, Alpha Centauri 1
RachelSkates Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You seem like a very smart young lady. I know that you will work this out in the way that is best for you. Continue to think for yourself on every level, whether you decide pro or anti religion. Everyone will want you to think like they do because religion is so polarizing. It is like politics. You can't just say, "I really have not made up my mind". But you CAN say that. You are still young enough to explore. I will say that at 14 I became a christian and can say that that decision ruined my life.The people I met were toxic and ill-informed and had little education. They placed every thing they did and made all decisions based on God. I have been harmed beyond repair by trusting in other christians and in a god that was not there. When I was 14 and needed him because I was very sick, he did not help me. Those around me prayed until I was almost dead and only when it was too late did someone from the outside pick me up and take me to help. I never recovered properly and god has never helped me recover. My trust in god has ruined my hopes of ever having a loving spouse, a happy family or even a decent job. If I had been rational, I would have realized that no one and No One was helping and I would have helped myself. Just some things to think about. When you need him and he is not there, you need to ask where he is. Some say that's OK. It's OK for him to watch a little girl get run over by a car or a little elementary child get abused by a priest. That's cool for him to just sit there and say Hmmmm. But others say that's criminal, fouled up and wicked. We all have to choose.
CoralPeachy Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Thank you for all of your comments, they are very interesting to read and thanks for the welcome!
Jose Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I'm a bit late, but welcome to the forums. I'm an Ex-Catholic as well. I wish I had realized at confirmation what a load of bunk it was instead of at 28 years old. Good on yer!
CoralPeachy Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Thanks. I'm glad that I realised the truth early on too! 28 years old isn't too bad I suppose compared to others, at least you couldn't be told you weren't old enough to decide. And by the way I am shocked at some of the faces!
Jose Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I was still told I was going through a phase. Hell, I'm 38 now and my parents still tell me that. If you're serious about rejecting Catholicism, you need to be removed from the Baptismal rolls or you're still being counted as Catholic. I wrote a letter to the diocese where I was baptised to get my it expunged and to remove myself from the roster of Catholics worldwide. If you want a copy of the letter I used, I can try to track it down on here somewhere (I posted it) or just send you a copy.
CoralPeachy Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Thanks, I might think about doing that in the future but for now I think my mum is still getting over the shock of me becoming an atheist and I think it would be a bit too much right now to do that. I still havn't told my grandma that I'm not religious anymore and I can't imagine her if I said that I'd undone my baptism. She is a very strict irish catholic that believes you go to hell if you are not baptized. I didn't even know that you could erase your baptism.
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