Newlife Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I have coffee almost every morning with three christian men that are all over 70. In fact one is a minister. I often have to bite my lip as they talk about the goings on in their respective churches but I enjoy the company so I don't really mind. In fact I often find it a bit comical. They know where I stand and they don't try to convert me. The question I find myself asking is whether I would be doing them any favors at this stage of their life by trying to enlighten them about their lifelong beliefs. One of the men is over 80 and has mentioned that he is going to "glory". Is there any point in dashing his hopes? Of course, it's highly unlikely I would be successful anyway but I could succeed in putting some doubt in their minds.
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 My best buddy is a Catholic, having been a fundamentalist charismatic some years back. He knows I have dumped Jesus entirely and even have "pagan" leanings, but we ignore our present differences and still have a great time together being friends. I don't purposefully antagonize him or his beliefs, or vice versa. One of these days when I finish editing and publishing my book (and if it happens to do well), then we'll see how the other friends I've had in church react. But I doubt that we'll ever not be friends.
Guest Pixie Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I also have a lot of Christian friends. They don't know the extent of my unbelief. They think I am going through some doubts and are praying for me. I had a gang over last night. What I try to do is keep them off the subject. I personally would not dash anyones hope at an older age. I think once I decide to come out of the closet, I will not push anyone. I will allow 'deconverting' conversations with only those who are interested in what I have to say. I'll probably have to get a feel for those who might be doubting also. I cannot see spending the rest of my life trying to get others to 'see' things the same way I do.That's just crazy-making. Many thanks and well wishes for you on this confusing journey.
movingon Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I have Christian friends... sort of. They don't know the real me at all and if they did they wouldn't talk to me. We only see each other once in a while anyway. I told them once that I was having doubts and they stopped talking to me for a long time. That said I believe people have a right to believe what they want, and being that i'm no longer a Christian I have no obligation to get converts. I would just let the men in your group believe what they want. They are happy. They aren't trying to convert you,I would return the favor
RipVanWinkle Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I doubt that anything would come of trying to enlighten them. I think you have more to lose than to gain. It could possibly hurt your friendship with them. After all, if they die it doesn't make any difference if they are Xtian or not. Also, if they are happy as they are, why rock the boat? bill
ExCBooster Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Hello and Welcome, Newlife! I don't think anyone can change other people's minds, single-handed. They can only understand things like that when they're ready, inside their own heads, to make a change. If they're happy with it, and it isn't hurting anyone, I don't think you could change them if you wanted to. I've got a policy, personally, for stuff like that. Live and let live until they get aggressive, and attack what I think and feel in life, and, if they do, then it's on, no holds barred.
florduh Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 ...but I could succeed in putting some doubt in their minds. I'm pretty sure they already have their own doubts. A reasoned and factual argument usually drives them deeper into cognitive dissonance.
midniterider Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I have coffee almost every morning with three christian men that are all over 70. In fact one is a minister. I often have to bite my lip as they talk about the goings on in their respective churches but I enjoy the company so I don't really mind. In fact I often find it a bit comical. They know where I stand and they don't try to convert me. The question I find myself asking is whether I would be doing them any favors at this stage of their life by trying to enlighten them about their lifelong beliefs. One of the men is over 80 and has mentioned that he is going to "glory". Is there any point in dashing his hopes? Of course, it's highly unlikely I would be successful anyway but I could succeed in putting some doubt in their minds. Is their religion important to how you relate to them as friends? If you enjoy their company why bother trying to change them? How much does biting your lip affect the enjoyment of your outing? Do they aggressively try to convert you? If your deconversion attempt failed you might find yourself having coffee alone.
Galien Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Both of my best friends are still christians, I can ignore that most of the time, except when they pray for me. Makes my skin crawl. People do not generally understand the total raping of my soul by christianity, and I have come to understand most don't care. I will never be okay again regarding this stuff. I am happy to stay friends with mine and let them believe whatever gives them some peace.
Newlife Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Thank you folks. I'm really glad I asked because your comments confirmed what I was already thinking although it is tempting at times to say more than I do. Occasionally I do make a comment when appropriate. In fact, the minister told me he thinks I know more about the bible than most church members.
HoopyFrood42 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I would venture a guess that you probably do know more about the Bible than at least 90% of the members of his church. Generally, the less you know about the Bible the safer your christianity is. At least this guy is respectful enough to recognize that you know what you're talking about. Many christians would just say that you're twisting the words of the Bible or that you don't understand it because you're not a christian.
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