Crazy Argument Lockup

[SquareOne]

Hi everyone.  This is a thread where I aim to post all the most outrageous arguments for God's existence.  I don't mean simply the cosmological or ontological argument, I mean stuff that is a special kind of ridiculous.  Feel free to add to it.

 

 

 

From a Christian on the CARM forums:

 

What would you accept as convincing evidence? How about this:
No one doubts that Genesis chapter 5 was written long before the birth of Christianity. It is an ancient document that precedes the birth of Christ by several centuries at least, and was clearly written by people who had no perceivable interest in promoting a religion that didn't yet exist. And yet within Genesis 5 we find 10 names that, when translated into their closest English equivalent, appear to spell out the Christian Gospel in a very easy to understand way.
Adam = Man
Seth = Set in Place
Enosh = Mortal
Kenan = Sorrow
Mahalalel = The praised God
Jared = Descends
Enoch = Dedicated Prophet/Preacher
Methuselah = His death sends
Lamech = The lamenting one
Noah = Rest

I believe the writer of Genesis 5 was none other than Noah himself (Genesis 6:9a). But even if it wasn't, I sincerely doubt those 10 names just so happen to spell out the Gospel message by accident, and I also doubt some Jewish priest selected those names and placed them in that order intentionally to promote a belief he didn't yet have. It is either supernaturally orchestrated, or supernaturally revealed, or an incredibly amazing coincidence. I'm sure it doesn't seem all that amazing to you, and you can probably think of a myriad of explanations to account for it. But I've considered all those explanations already myself, and the most logical explanation in my mind is that God worked in the hearts of the parents of all those children (except Adam, whom God named Himself) to bring about that message for all the descendants of Noah, even giving Noah's middle son the name Shem ("Name") to point people toward the prophecy. I think God used people to record a prophecy they didn't even know they were recording. But this is just my opinion. (I credit Chuck Misler for giving me the idea.)

[HymenaeusAlexander]

This one was presented to my wife and comes from my mother-in-law:

 

 

HERE IS THE SCRIPTURE & THE PROOF SEEN IN HISTORY THAT THE BIBLE IS TRUE.  [HymenaeusAlexander] IS A HISTORY MAJOR SO HE SHOULD BE FULLY AWARE OF THE HISTORY OF THE JEWS.

Matthew 27:24-25 (KJV)
When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it. Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

THE PROOF IS IN VERSE 25 where THE JEWS SAID “His blood be on us, and on our children”.  Nowhere did God (or history, if you are evolutionists) ever exact such a toll on one race.  The Jew in history is the final unanswerable proof that the Bible account of the Virgin Birth, Atoning Death, and Bodily Resurrection is absolutely correct.

If Jesus Christ were an ordinary religious martyr, the history of the Jews would have been differently written.  If the blood that Jesus shed is not out of the ordinary, there is nothing to sweat about.  But if it is God’s blood, as reported in the text of Acts 20:28, then a fearful history must ensue.  No one who knows Jewish history could sanely doubt the tragic implication of this cry:  “His blood be on us, and on our children.”  If you did not believe in the Deity of Christ by any other token than history from 70 A.D. to 1945, you would have ample, irrefutable evidence.  HERE IT IS:

• In 135 AD, Hadrian had 580,000 Jews killed.  
• an estimated 10,000 jews were mudered in europe during the first crusade, constituting a third of the jewish population.
• In 1020, Canute banished all Jews from England.
• In 1272, Edward I confiscated all Jewish property and exiled 16,500 from England.
• In 1492, Dominicans ran them out of Spain in the Inquisition.
• From 1560-1600, Jews were banished from Prague and Constantinople.
• In 1684, Jews were killed in Alsace, Rineland, Franconia, Bavaria, and Austria.
• In 1919, England reneged on the Balfour declaration and they were left without a country, packed, starving, and dying on ships that no port would receive but Singapore.
• an estimated 5.7 million (78%) of the 7.3 million jews in german occupied europe  were gassed and cremated during world war II

FROM 70 A.D. TO 1948, THE JEWS DID NOT HAVE A HOMELAND and WERE SCATTERED ALL OVER WORLD.  in 1948, the jews were brought back to the land that god promised to abraham (as it is written), and IN SPITE OF PERSECUTION & attempt at aniliation, THE JEWS REMAINED A DISTINCT RACE OF PEOPLE AND THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD UP UNTIL THIS DAY CONTINUES TO HATE THEm & WANTS THEM DESTROYED. YOU NEED TO KEEP YOU EYES ON THAT LITTLE NATION in the coming days.  for “as it is written” AS WE GET CLOSER & CLOSER TO THE TIME OF JESUS’ RETURN, YOU WILL BEGIN TO SEE THE ENtiRE WORLD (INCLUDING THE USA) TURN AGAINST THEM.  ask yourself this question, “why does the world hate the jews so much?” 

 

Why? Because apparently Jehovah is a monster who takes the irrational shouts of a hand full of zealous religious leaders from the first century and then uses that as an excuse to bring 2,000 years of hardship, torture and slaughter to millions who weren't even there. Never mind the informal fallacies like Texas sharpshooter. How does she not see that, at best, this is an argument for the existence of an incredibly evil god?

[wanderinstar]

God seemed to used a hell of a lot Christians to slaughter the Jews. Oh, they weren't REAL Christians. And the establishment of the Jewish state has brought untold horror to thousands of Arabs, including Christian Arabs. All this proves is that if the god of the bible does exist he is one bloodthirsty monster dressed up as love and light. A truly loving and good god would have found a way to prove himself/herself without leaving a trail of corpses in their wake.

[Guest r3alchild]

Hmmm crazy arguments, I know I have had heaps.

 

I have to think I can't remember

[Thurisaz]

US-style willfully braindead morontheists are rather rare over here (so far) so I don't get to hear much bullshit unless I read through stuff posted here ... but two things come to mind that are not in and of themselves moronic but beg for unbelievers' replies of the "greatest arse-whipping EVVAH!" kind

 

1. The unbelievable cross-shaped Laminin molecule ™, supposedly proof that it must've been gawd who designed our bodies, because that stuff supposedly holds our bodies together in a very literal way. Umm, Mr Morontheist... on an even more fundamental level our bodies, and all earthly life in fact, are based on carbon. If you had attended a normal school instead of just da wholly babble brainwashing sessions you'd know that carbon has 6 each of electrons, protons and neutrons. If a cross molecule is proof of gawd, what does a 666 atom mean? Ha haaa!

 

2. The "if you say "oh my gawd" or such, you confess that you believe in da lawd!!!" crap. Ah I see Mr Morontheist... tell me please, what day of the week comes two days after Monday? Did I near Wednesday? Whoops, by your own "logic" you just admitted that you believe in my Gods because, you know, Wednesday is just the modern form of Wodan's day. Ha haaa!

[midniterider]

US-style willfully braindead morontheists are rather rare over here (so far) so I don't get to hear much bullshit unless I read through stuff posted here ... but two things come to mind that are not in and of themselves moronic but beg for unbelievers' replies of the "greatest arse-whipping EVVAH!" kind

 

1. The unbelievable cross-shaped Laminin molecule , supposedly proof that it must've been gawd who designed our bodies, because that stuff supposedly holds our bodies together in a very literal way. Umm, Mr Morontheist... on an even more fundamental level our bodies, and all earthly life in fact, are based on carbon. If you had attended a normal school instead of just da wholly babble brainwashing sessions you'd know that carbon has 6 each of electrons, protons and neutrons. If a cross molecule is proof of gawd, what does a 666 atom mean? Ha haaa!

 

2. The "if you say "oh my gawd" or such, you confess that you believe in da lawd!!!" crap. Ah I see Mr Morontheist... tell me please, what day of the week comes two days after Monday? Did I near Wednesday? Whoops, by your own "logic" you just admitted that you believe in my Gods because, you know, Wednesday is just the modern form of Wodan's day. Ha haaa!

 

I think any day of the week is named after a non-Christian god or pagan element. Now if an Xian says, "Thank God it's Friday" well, Friday is derived from non-Christian deity. Holy shit, they could be thanking a Roman god that it's Friday.

 

I'm glad you posted that comparison, Thurisaz. lol.

[HymenaeusAlexander]

I think any day of the week is named after a non-Christian god or pagan element. Now if an Xian says, "Thank God it's Friday" well, Friday is derived from non-Christian deity. Holy shit, they could be thanking a Roman god that it's Friday.

 

I'm kind of partial to Thor's day.

[stryper]

http://www.crowl.org/lawrence/time/days.html

 

 

 

Sunday -- Sun's day
Monday -- Moon's day
Tuesday -- Tiu's day
Wednesday -- Woden's day
Thursday -- Thor's day
Friday -- Freya's day
Saturday -- Saturn's day

[Pantophobia]

When I was a stupid Christian going to religious school, my favorite response to "prove" God/Jesus was "What year is it? Uh huh, that's right! *smug smile*" I really thought that was profound at age 13. 

[Guest r3alchild]

I just thought of one now, I remember asking one of my christian friends about the sign that is supposed to come in the end times in the sky. And he said, oh well many christians say it will be a cross appearing in space or the sky, so that might be what the sign is. I thought to myself, this is insain and when I said come on man be serious he would say "well this is what christians say"

[boftx]

My own belief is that religion, and hence most brands of "God" sprang into existence with the first scrawny little runt who discovered that a good line of bullshit could overcome brute force.

[megasamurai]

My favorite Christian arguments:1.  there's proof that certain places and people from the Bible actually existed, therefore the Bible is factually inerrant. (rebuttal: you can use this argument to "prove" that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is true). 2. Jesus is the messiah because of all the prophecies he fulfilled. (rebuttal: This assumes that Jesus fulfilled prophecies in the first place. Matthew might have had a checklist of prophecies and made up stories about him fulfilling them). 3. The Bible is free of contradictions (rebuttal: Then why does the order of all the events in the gospel change from gospel to gospel?)

There are more stupid arguments, but these are the most egregious.

[Thurisaz]

My favorite Christian arguments:1.  there's proof that certain places and people from the Bible actually existed, therefore the Bible is factually inerrant. (rebuttal: you can use this argument to "prove" that Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is true). [...]

Muaharrharr... I once invited two of the local jehoovers' witlesses into my home for a lil' chat. Sure enough, among other things they came up with the above.

 

Poor kids... I had expected that.

 

A moment later, I had a folder in my hands, with a stack of printouts in it, and told them "Well, by the same reasoning, the text in this folder must be 100 % true because it deals with countries, events and people that all really existed, and far closer at that to the present time than the biblical stories. I trust you believe that everything in this book must therefore be true, doncha?"

 

Then I turned the folder to let them see what was in there.

 

Their faces when they saw the writing on the cover were priceless.

 

"Adolf Hitler - Mein Kampf"

[♦ ficino ♦]

This one was presented to my wife and comes from my mother-in-law:

 

 

HERE IS THE SCRIPTURE & THE PROOF SEEN IN HISTORY THAT THE BIBLE IS TRUE.  [HymenaeusAlexander] IS A HISTORY MAJOR SO HE SHOULD BE FULLY AWARE OF THE HISTORY OF THE JEWS.

 

Matthew 27:24-25 (KJV)

When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it. Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

 

THE PROOF IS IN VERSE 25 where THE JEWS SAID “His blood be on us, and on our children”.  Nowhere did God (or history, if you are evolutionists) ever exact such a toll on one race.  The Jew in history is the final unanswerable proof that the Bible account of the Virgin Birth, Atoning Death, and Bodily Resurrection is absolutely correct.

 

If Jesus Christ were an ordinary religious martyr, the history of the Jews would have been differently written.  If the blood that Jesus shed is not out of the ordinary, there is nothing to sweat about.  But if it is God’s blood, as reported in the text of Acts 20:28, then a fearful history must ensue.  No one who knows Jewish history could sanely doubt the tragic implication of this cry:  “His blood be on us, and on our children.”  If you did not believe in the Deity of Christ by any other token than history from 70 A.D. to 1945, you would have ample, irrefutable evidence.  HERE IT IS:

• In 135 AD, Hadrian had 580,000 Jews killed.  
• an estimated 10,000 jews were mudered in europe during the first crusade, constituting a third of the jewish population.
• In 1020, Canute banished all Jews from England.
• In 1272, Edward I confiscated all Jewish property and exiled 16,500 from England.
• In 1492, Dominicans ran them out of Spain in the Inquisition.
• From 1560-1600, Jews were banished from Prague and Constantinople.
• In 1684, Jews were killed in Alsace, Rineland, Franconia, Bavaria, and Austria.
• In 1919, England reneged on the Balfour declaration and they were left without a country, packed, starving, and dying on ships that no port would receive but Singapore.
• an estimated 5.7 million (78%) of the 7.3 million jews in german occupied europe  were gassed and cremated during world war II

FROM 70 A.D. TO 1948, THE JEWS DID NOT HAVE A HOMELAND and WERE SCATTERED ALL OVER WORLD.  in 1948, the jews were brought back to the land that god promised to abraham (as it is written), and IN SPITE OF PERSECUTION & attempt at aniliation, THE JEWS REMAINED A DISTINCT RACE OF PEOPLE AND THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD UP UNTIL THIS DAY CONTINUES TO HATE THEm & WANTS THEM DESTROYED. YOU NEED TO KEEP YOU EYES ON THAT LITTLE NATION in the coming days.  for “as it is written” AS WE GET CLOSER & CLOSER TO THE TIME OF JESUS’ RETURN, YOU WILL BEGIN TO SEE THE ENtiRE WORLD (INCLUDING THE USA) TURN AGAINST THEM.  ask yourself this question, “why does the world hate the jews so much?” 

 

Why? Because apparently Jehovah is a monster who takes the irrational shouts of a hand full of zealous religious leaders from the first century and then uses that as an excuse to bring 2,000 years of hardship, torture and slaughter to millions who weren't even there. Never mind the informal fallacies like Texas sharpshooter. How does she not see that, at best, this is an argument for the existence of an incredibly evil god?

I know Jewish people who use the same evidence to prove that God is God of the Jews, because, they say, no people would still hold together as a people under such persecution without divine protection.  Phun with unphalsiphiability!