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Goodbye Jesus

Another introduction


Joyous1

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Well, I've been a Christian most of my life with varying denominations and varying degrees of devotion. I was baptized Catholic and reverted to that denomination about 10 years ago. For the past 3 years I've been living in an extremely stressful situation, a neighbor is stalking and terrorizing me and my son. I turned to prayer and tried to draw closer to God during this "trial." For the past 3 years I have become more and more devout, praying endlessly, studying spiritual warfare, posting to every prayer forum I could find, begging God for protection and peace.

 

In three years I have received no answer or assistance. Not even a hint of how to cope with this situation, which is only getting worse. I tried to talk with the deacon or pastor of my huge church but most of the time they don't even return my calls. When they do it is to make an appointment that they will eventually cancel at the last minute.

 

2 Sundays ago I was driving to church and suddenly started to cry. I couldn't stop so I drove to a different church with a later service. I barely got through that service and found myself internally screaming I HATE YOU GOD all through that week. I went to confession twice that week; the priests were not much help though. The following Sunday I still went to church but did not take communion because I knew I was not in a "state of grace." I was still filled with anger and hate, when suddenly it occurred to me that maybe God wasn't answering because He isn't really there.

 

I felt much better after that. I didn't go to church at all last Sunday and didn't go to mass on the Holy Day of Obligation this week either.

 

I have spoken with a lawyer and I am taking steps to fix the stressful situation in my life on my own, though the most logical solution is an unpleasant one that makes me sad. I must sell the home that I, a single mother receiving no child support or public assistance, purchased and completely renovated.

 

I feel relief, but also a sense of loss and grief for my home and for my faith. And very real anger at my "brothers and sisters in Christ" who don't seem to give a damn what is happening to me. My deacon and pastor don't have time to meet with me, but they manage to send their requests for donations in a reliable manner. I have been posting to a Catholic net forum for over a year now as I struggled. I averaged 2-3 posts a day but they don't seem to notice that I am not posting anymore. Not one of those compassionate folks has inquired after me, though they know most every detail of my desperate situation.

 

Finding this site and reading all your stories has been very comforting to me. I followed a thread in The Lions Den about a poster named Pug who was praying for people on the board. The posts by Hesitent and Becca were so moving to me that I felt compelled to join your community. I hope that I can contribute in a meaningful way to your efforts -- well, maybe after I get through my own crisis anyway.

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Hi Soul,

 

I went through a similar situation where the same people had found out what church I went to and started going. They started spreading rumors and lying about me. I was asked to leave the church. I had gone there five years. Two of my children were born while I attended there The people had gone there a couple of months. The church had never offered me any support when I went through my divorce, but I excused that because Christians are human.

 

I saw the pastor's wife in the grocery store a month later after being asked to leave. I had badly broken my leg a week before and my very small children were pushing me in a wheelchair through the grocery store. She said "Hello" and asked me what had happen. Then she asked if I had any help. I said "No". I explained that I was all alone. I had no one. I was struggling to work full time, take care of my three small children, and my responsibilities.

She said "Well, Good luck" and turned and walked away.

 

What I have found in my life is that the so called "sinners" and "hell bound" are the ones with compassion. While those professing "the Love of God" are callous and cold to humanity and will offer lip service but no real assistance in your needs.

 

Welcome here Soul. Learn from from us and know that we are here to support you.

 

Taph

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She said "Hello" and asked me what had happen. Then she asked if I had any help. I said "No". I explained that I was all alone. I had no one. I was struggling to work full time, take care of my three small children, and my responsibilities. She said "Well, Good luck" and turned and walked away.

 

Good lord, how cold can a person get? She was probably thinking to herself that God smote you for your sins and she wasn't obliged to come to your aid.

 

I have a friend who has been a devout Christian for years. She began having problems a couple of years ago and lost her job and her home. She was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia and will need to move into a group home soon or she will end up on the street as a bag lady. To my knowledge I am the only friend she has left, and I am helping her sister (who lives in another state) to get Cathy the help she needs. I have contacted several churches and Christian charities in her area asking for help, but got none. Makes me wonder where all the money I have given to these charities over the years actually goes.

 

Needless to say, Cathy's prayers and devotion have not lead to help or healing of her mental illness.

 

I forgot to add a thank you Taph, for your kind words and support, and then couldn't figure out how to edit my post.

 

doh, looks like I did figure it out after all!

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Hiya SoulInCrisis,

 

I'll send a hearty welcome to Dave's House, ExC from daFatman and his House.

 

This place on 'net is an eclectic bunch of differing expericnces, lives and habits. Gonna suspect as individual as we all are as hmans our stories will never be *exactly as the other guys*.

However we all share a lot of the same or similar problems when we made decision9s) to leave the comfort of the paddock and pew.

 

As Taph has said in her post, this *is* a support group for those whom have chosen to leave the easy graze and head out to places and ports unknown.

 

I welcome you here, and invite you spend your on.ass on.line time here reading and asking. There is an answer for damn near every question...

 

Coming from me, the answer might not be the *right one*, but it will be *an* answer.. ;)

 

kevinL

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Welcome SoulInCrisis.

 

I found it to be a great relief when I realized that there wasn't an invisible deity I had to depend on to fix the problems in my life. You're doing the right thing by taking matters into your own hands and relying on yourself and those people who care about you.

 

I hope you're able to find some comfort and strength in these forums. I have.

 

TF

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Hi SoulInCrisis-

 

Welcome, and glad you're here! Sorry you are going through such a rough patch in your life - wish I had some amazing advice that would solve your problems, but I got nothing. A lawyer certainly seems like the right step, tho.

 

But one thing I can say is, at least you aren't dragging the extra burden of god and the bible around with you! It's hard enough to keep your head above water sometimes without that useless millstone around your neck, too. It can be rewarding to get through this ordeal without giving the credit to a make-believe deity - the success will be all yours! :woohoo:

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I welcome you here, and invite you spend your on.ass on.line time here reading and asking.

 

Thanks Kevin, I just bought a new 'puter chair today so my ass is quite comfy and ready to sit a spell.

 

I found it to be a great relief when I realized that there wasn't an invisible deity I had to depend on to fix the problems in my life. You're doing the right thing by taking matters into your own hands and relying on yourself and those people who care about you.

 

Thank you TF. I'm looking forward to losing the "turn the other cheek" mentality as well. My nasty neighbor is used to thinking of me as a lamb, but I am ready to unleash the lioness within. Within reason, of course :wicked:

 

It can be rewarding to get through this ordeal without giving the credit to a make-believe deity - the success will be all yours!

 

Funny you should mention that. I'm so used to thinking of myself as an unworthy sinner/loser that is has come as something of a shock to me to look back now at what I have accomplished in my life. If God wasn't helping me then I must have some intelligence and talent. It may take me awhile to accept that I'm not such a loser after all. :Doh:

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Hi there soulincrisis,

 

Sorry to hear things have been tough but sounds like you are turning a corner.

 

I look forward to maybe chatting to you in different threads - :)

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Soul,

 

You've accomplished quite a lot. You have bought your own house, raised a kid on your own, and dealt with a psychotic ASSHOLE.

 

Give yourself a pat on the back and say "Good Job" and then tell everyone who doesn't respect you to (as Kevin always says) FOAD (Fuck Off And Die).

 

Taph

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Hi there soulincrisis,

 

Sorry to hear things have been tough but sounds like you are turning a corner.

 

I look forward to maybe chatting to you in different threads - :)

 

Thank you Hesitent. How are your 14 kids doing? I was looking for a follow up on the Pug Prayer request thread, still hoping for a miracle I suppose.

 

Taph, I saw kevin's charming portrait on his profile and felt inspired. FOAD indeed!

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It can be rewarding to get through this ordeal without giving the credit to a make-believe deity - the success will be all yours!

 

Funny you should mention that. I'm so used to thinking of myself as an unworthy sinner/loser that is has come as something of a shock to me to look back now at what I have accomplished in my life. If God wasn't helping me then I must have some intelligence and talent. It may take me awhile to accept that I'm not such a loser after all. :Doh:

 

Yep - that's something xtianity (and fundamentalism in particular) is good at: robbing one of self-esteem. If you fail, it's YOUR doing. If you succeed, it's GOD'S power.

 

Talk about selling your birthright for a bowl of stew... :Doh:

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Yep - that's something xtianity (and fundamentalism in particular) is good at: robbing one of self-esteem. If you fail, it's YOUR doing. If you succeed, it's GOD'S power.

 

Talk about selling your birthright for a bowl of stew... :Doh:

 

The concept that I have any power at all is dizzying, yet now I cannot deny it any longer. I look at my life and must accept that I am strong, smart, talented, shrewd, etc. I find it unsettling, and I suspect this will be my biggest obstacle to overcome in my recovery.

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Yep - that's something xtianity (and fundamentalism in particular) is good at: robbing one of self-esteem. If you fail, it's YOUR doing. If you succeed, it's GOD'S power.

 

Talk about selling your birthright for a bowl of stew... :Doh:

 

The concept that I have any power at all is dizzying, yet now I cannot deny it any longer. I look at my life and must accept that I am strong, smart, talented, shrewd, etc. I find it unsettling, and I suspect this will be my biggest obstacle to overcome in my recovery.

 

Well, that's just what the church wants you to believe - you have no power, no value, no strength except for god's. It's one of the subtler ways to convince people to stay in line. If you are convinced you're pathetic and weak, than surviving any hardship or strife MUST be god. And you wouldn't want to leave the church and go back to being so pathetic...would you? :nono:

 

Cuz he's burning away our imperfections in his magic gold smelter. :rolleyes:

 

Anyway, you (and all of us ex-c's) are a lot stronger and worthy than they ever wanted us to believe. Keep your chin up and keep swinging! :woohoo:

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Cuz he's burning away our imperfections in his magic gold smelter. :rolleyes:

 

 

:lmao: thanks for the laugh AGF, I need all I can get.

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I have spoken with a lawyer and I am taking steps to fix the stressful situation in my life on my own, though the most logical solution is an unpleasant one that makes me sad. I must sell the home that I, a single mother receiving no child support or public assistance, purchased and completely renovated.

 

Welcome!

 

You have definitely found the right group. Its very disheartening that the support structure you relied on for so long would either ignore you or provide no "real world" advice. Sadly, they won't be much help as you continue down your path of finding the real truth either. :(

 

I think you are taking a good step in getting a lawyer and taking real steps towards helping your family. I don't really see how any god is going to help you in court no matter what the situation is. I'm sure you'll find lots of people here willing to help and give you input and advice on your situation too in addition to your search for the real truth.

 

Thanks for sharing your story and read the other testimonies too... I find it encouraging to see people searching and fighting for the truth no matter what the circumstance in their day to day lives. Look at you! :) Even with your christian background you realized it isn't working and took a huge (and very difficult) step towards finding solutions to your real life situations. WTG!!! :grin:

 

and of course, let us know how we can help!

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Welcome, SoulInCrisis! :clap:

 

Sorry to hear how much difficulty you are in right now.

Hope things get better for you soon! You're among

friends here, so stick around!

 

:grin:

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Thanks for sharing your story and read the other testimonies too... I find it encouraging to see people searching and fighting for the truth no matter what the circumstance in their day to day lives.

 

When I was feeling so much anger at God, I used Google to search for help, expecting to find Christian sites that addressed the problem. I didn't find any Christian sites, only deconversion stories. The deconversion stories have helped me immensely.

 

thanks for the welcome gliph and gnosis

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Hiya SoulinCrisis - welcome.

 

Dude. Stalkers. What can I say? I had one of those when I was 15. Nobody helped me, either. Nobody even believed it was a problem in the first place. Assholes.

 

There's only one way to stop a stalker permanently. Unfortunately it's illegal.

 

I wish I could say that I was surprised that your religious community abandoned you. It's just all too common that they do, sadly enough.

 

People don't help each other enough.

 

At any rate, welcome again. With any luck this place'll be plenty supportive. :)

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Hi Soulincrisis -

I sum up wht many others have said gere in saying that all you need to do to have real confidence that you are more than equal to the chalenges you now face is to look at what you have done; buying and renovating a house and raising a child put you in a class of winners. Also, keep in mind how fundamentally degrading christian indoctrination is, and how this makes things much more frightening than they would otherwise be. I'm thinking here specifically of how christianity would have us believe in "original sin", that all of our drives and motives are destuctive to ourselves and others, and that we are so lucky to have a god who will overlook that as long as we continually celebrate these degradations in his name and kiss his ass.

Now, you're not a kid and either am I. You're learning a few tough life lessons and I have had and will have some more of my own. I think what you can gain from this is a basic insight that whenever you have accomplished anything in your life, it has been from looking inside yourself, summoning your Luciferian pride, making youself BIGGER than your problem, and kicking a little ass in one way or another. The people in your church only invited you to wallow in their mutual degradation with them. I myself have found much more supportive communities in motorcycle clubs, workplaces, and even Satanic chuches than in christian churches.

Now, to be accurate I also think that it is important to recognize that christian ideas inspire some people to remarkable accomplishments of compassion that are extremely valuable. I am thinking of the wonderful people who took care of my mother at a catholic hospital in her dying days. But my point is that these people didn't NEED "god" to give them this virtue, only the idea, which is something they created. They would credit god for their virtue, whereas I say that their is obviously little evidencefor that, and the credit goes to them. So, the point is to keep yourself from backsliding into christianity from being reminded of christians who do worthy things, just remember that these are worthwhile people who unfortunately refuse to taje a compliment that we naturally would like to give them.

It was my intention to be thorough :eek: and to cover both sides. I have confidence from the way that you sound that you will be okay. It's just going to be a little rough for a while.

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Welcome, SoulInCrisis. Once you've left the Christian belief system behind, you do find out that you are stronger than you thought. It's wonderful to discover that you are powerful, and don't have to sing praises to God for it!

You must sell your home? Are there no legal charges that you can bring against this harrassing neighbor?

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Soul,

 

Saw your greeting to me on the other thread... a heartfelt welcome to you. In the last church I was in, one of the things that really troubled me is how the leaders and so many of the members were obsessed with keeping the "needy" (in whatever way) on the fringes of things while the church juggernaut just kept on rolling forward looking for members with few problems and lots of cash. Unfortunately I don't think it's a rare phenomenon, unfortunately. I wish you all the best in resolving your situation.

 

SSH

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Thanks for the welcome gwenmead, I'm sorry to hear you went through the stalker thing too. I understand about people not believing you. I am fortunate to have a very close friend who has 2 masters degrees and over 30 years of experience as a mental health professional. He has seen this neighbor in action, so he totally believes me. Plus he has been monitoring my mental health throughout the ordeal, so I know I'm not the crazy one. This is important because my neighbor has managed to convince others in the community, including some police officers, that I am the problem. If I didn't have the support of my good friend they might succeed in convincing me that I am the crazy one.

 

charley, thank you for your support. After feeling so dismayed that neighbors who have known me for many years would turn on me and support my stalker, I finally realized that they did so about the time I received several big promotions and raises. I was able to do extensive work on my home and substantially improve my property while the married couples around me struggled and complained about the bad economy. As I was not "wallowing" with them, they turned on me.

 

ExCOG, thank you for your kind words. I have spoken with a lawyer and there are many legal remedies I could pursue. But he also informed me that the problem with stalkers is that they ignore the legal rememdies. It was my lawyer who recommended getting away ASAP.

 

SSH, you are so right. Church communities like healthy, successful people with a few minor problems. When the minor problems are quickly resolved, the power of prayer is credited. When big problems crop up though, thorny and difficult problems that have no easy solutions, the faith crowd distances themselves pretty quickly. Fortunately I have the inner strength and resources to overcome without them. :grin:

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