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Goodbye Jesus

Stupidest Things You Heard In Church


uol

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One Sunday, Pastor Shawn was preaching on "What would Jesus do" and he said, "Men, the next time you are in an argument with your wife, stop and ask yourself 'What would Jesus do'." and I said out loud, "He'd say, 'Come out of her!'" I just couldn't resist.

You didn't.

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One Sunday, Pastor Shawn was preaching on "What would Jesus do" and he said, "Men, the next time you are in an argument with your wife, stop and ask yourself 'What would Jesus do'." and I said out loud, "He'd say, 'Come out of her!'" I just couldn't resist.

You didn't.

 

 

Yeah, I did. I have no idea what he said after that. I was cracking up and had to leave.

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That's great. Had you deconverted when you said this?

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One Sunday, Pastor Shawn was preaching on "What would Jesus do" and he said, "Men, the next time you are in an argument with your wife, stop and ask yourself 'What would Jesus do'." and I said out loud, "He'd say, 'Come out of her!'" I just couldn't resist.

You didn't.

Yeah, I did. I have no idea what he said after that. I was cracking up and had to leave.

Oh my God. No. 

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Ah yes, the prodigal son story. One Sunday morning while we were setting up for the music that day, I noticed that was the Old Testament reading for the day. The pastor was milling about with us as usual, so I told him to his face that this is the only page in the Bible I wish I could just rip out, since I hate the story so much. He said maybe I just did not understand it properly.

 

I told him it's not fair that the "good son" was working his butt off to please his father and maintain/grow the family's wealth (like us music people who come to every practice on time twice a week, practice at home, come to three services a week, work our butts off), but the rebellious son just waltzes in and gets special treatment (like the "Princess" as we called her, who seldom came to practice, never worked on her solos on her own time, showed up late when she did show up, hogged rehearsal time for her solos that she had not prepared ahead of time, but got to sing solos all the time and get all kinds of praise). I told the pastor that I have waaaay more respect for the "good son", and I take his side in the story. He said it's about how much God loves us even when we stray. Whatever. So why the hell am I working my butt off, sacrificing my time and talent, to please this God? Fuck it, I should just go to the beach and swim meets and whatever else excuse the Princess always has. Anyway... I still hate that story.

This Princess was in your church? Wow. Was she the minister's daughter or something?
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