Jump to content
Goodbye Jesus

Stupidest Things You Heard In Church


uol

Recommended Posts

 

Also when questioned about oral sex an elder instantly pronounced it a perversion (after his wife whispered to him what it was).

 

Wait. He didn't know what oral sex was and his wife had to tell him? I really hope the whole thing was an act. I'd hate to think that poor, poor woman has never been able to enjoy the delightful presence of Colonel Angus.

 

 

Sex is only for procreation dontcha know. 

 

EDIT:  and she probably finds the idea....."icky"

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having sex with someone means that you form a soul tie with them. Exchanging Friendship bracelets forms soul ties between people. Soul ties are bad. ~ Because of course it’s wrong to form bonds with other human beings wacko.png

Connecting with other people is what life is all about surely!

 

Wow, that's amazing, gee you wouldn't want to connect with anyone, would you?? But i've heard from many Christians, 'that this life is shit, what has this life got to offer you, friendship,' bla bla bla. so i guess that's where that comes from, i actually heard a good friend of mine say 'what has this life got to offer us... my children... ' but he said it like he doesn't care about his children, that all he cares about is the supposed next life. But that's when i just came out as an atheist and he was panicing.

 

Aside from the creationist stuff, the idea that women should submit to rape, as long as it was their husband doing it.  That was crazy, immoral, as well as stupid. 

 

I have actually heard something similar. I also listen to a Christian Podcast (It's interesting and an eye opener to listen to), it's from 2 somewhat famous numb skulls, i won't say their names, but the DJ and his side kick, were talking about rape, the side kick said, "i wouldn't necessarily call rape bad", then the DJ came out with "I don't know if it's bad, i've never done it" i actually had to replay that part over a couple of times. It actually disgusted me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have actually heard something similar. I also listen to a Christian Podcast (It's interesting and an eye opener to listen to), it's from 2 somewhat famous numb skulls, i won't say their names, but the DJ and his side kick, were talking about rape, the side kick said, "i wouldn't necessarily call rape bad", then the DJ came out with "I don't know if it's bad, i've never done it" i actually had to replay that part over a couple of times. It actually disgusted me.

 

Wow, that is exceptionally low! I would think that even plenty of Christians would be disturbed by that. I certainly would've been when I was one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember a couple of different sermons by different pastors that extrapolated the possibilities of Christian icons today had Jesus been hung instead of crucified. They must've gotten it from some 101 Quick Sermons book or something. Anyway, it was played for laughs -- ha ha, we'd be wearing nooses around our necks, not crosses! We'd make the sign of the noose! -- and I'm sure some comedian has done it better onstage somewhere. But the thought to me was completely creepy. Are we really being told jokes by our pastors about how Christ was tortured and died, and that we could have different church decor as a result. And it really clicked that, damn, we were using an execution tool as our primary symbol! Like, on par with an electric chair or a guillotine! That's really creepy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest r3alchild

 

I remember a couple of different sermons by different pastors that extrapolated the possibilities of Christian icons today had Jesus been hung instead of crucified. They must've gotten it from some 101 Quick Sermons book or something. Anyway, it was played for laughs -- ha ha, we'd be wearing nooses around our necks, not crosses! We'd make the sign of the noose! -- and I'm sure some comedian has done it better onstage somewhere. But the thought to me was completely creepy. Are we really being told jokes by our pastors about how Christ was tortured and died, and that we could have different church decor as a result. And it really clicked that, damn, we were using an execution tool as our primary symbol! Like, on par with an electric chair or a guillotine! That's really creepy!

Yeah I remember a comedian making a joke about this very thing.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh,it's raining! *talks about how they prayed for rain and it's a sign* It's Oregon,for Pete's sake.It rains a lot.Or the sun is a sign of god's goodness.

 

One other thing is,they had this system of praying.Once,you pray,if the pain moves or isn't gone,it's a demon.And a lot of the times they were praying for back pain,and the person moved...usually if one place in the back hurts,another does too!So then they pray for the afflicting demon to be gone.Once they did this when a girl was sick from eating fast food. -_-

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whenever there is a huge natural disaster, like an earthquake or hurricanes, there is always some preacher saying that it is god punishing the world for their sin.

Do they not realize that every planet with an atmosphere in our solar system, has these same weather patterns (cyclones, tornadoes)? Jupiter's Great Red Spot is a cyclone that has been ongoing for hundreds of years. Who would god be punishing there?

 

Or maybe there's an explanation for weather catastrophes that does not involve God's wrath. Like meteorology, physics, and science.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whenever there is a huge natural disaster, like an earthquake or hurricanes, there is always some preacher saying that it is god punishing the world for their sin.

Do they not realize that every planet with an atmosphere in our solar system, has these same weather patterns (cyclones, tornadoes)? Jupiter's Great Red Spot is a cyclone that has been ongoing for hundreds of years. Who would god be punishing there?

 

Or maybe there's an explanation for weather catastrophes that does not involve God's wrath. Like meteorology, physics, and science.

 

Now that I'm not a Christian, I find it amusing that tornadoes and hurricanes most often hit the portions of the U.S. that also have some of the highest concentrations of religious people. Except Utah. Why doesn't anything happen to bloody Utah? Unless... naw, couldn't be...

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

During confirmation class:

The most dangerous statements begin with "I think" and "It seems to me."  In other words, we were told "Don't think!"  Who, in their right mind, tells young, bright kids "Don't think"?

 

During a Bible study:

 

Saying that couples (married, of course) who choose not to have children are selfish.  The pastor really said that.  With so many parents who, imo, should not have had kids, such a statement is beyond me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

I remember clearly our pastor coming out making his grand entrance shouting, ''Rejoice in the lord always and again I say rejoice''!! Then he'd preach his stupid message about how god would turn all things around for good...... you know the bullshit messages I'm talkin' about?

 

It didn't matter if your friend got killed last week in a car accident or the man a few pews over lost their spouse last week to cancer, you were supposed to 'rejoice'.......zDuivel7.gif

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Homosexuality is a choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Praying for rain in Oregon? Faithless, that's hilarious! I'd be a bit more impressed if they prayed for rain in the Atacama Desert, and got it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Homosexuality is a choice.

 

Exactly. But religion is not. 

 

Fuck those people. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest r3alchild

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Homosexuality is a choice.

Exactly. But religion is not.

 

Fuck those people.

What do you mean homosexuality is a choice? I don't hear heterosexuals say I choose to be strait, they are just born that way. So it stands to reason if heterosexuals are born strait, homosexuals are born gay. When you say homosexuality is a choice your diminishing the fact that people like that and myself (who is bisexual) are not like that to the very core. It was christianity that made me believe that I was just choosing to be bisexual and I had to choose to stop. No, theres no choice here its who I am and I can't choose it or not choose it.

 

Note: I just realised what the thread was about thanks to a poster, Ill leave this comment the way it is as a response to anyone who would actually think like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

 

 

Homosexuality is a choice.

Exactly. But religion is not.

 

Fuck those people.

What do you mean homosexuality is a choice? I don't hear heterosexuals say I choose to be strait, they are just born that way. So it stands to reason if heterosexuals are born strait, homosexuals are born gay. When you say homosexuality is a choice your diminishing the fact that people like that and myself (who is bisexual) are not like that to the very core. It was christianity that made me believe that I was just choosing to be bisexual and I had to choose to stop. No, theres no choice here its who I am and I can't choose it or not choose it.

 

Keep in mind that this thread is titled "Stupidest Things You Heard In Church." I think it's safe to assume that Inqui was simply quoting (albeit without quotation marks) a stupid thing heard in church.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest r3alchild

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Homosexuality is a choice.

Exactly. But religion is not.

 

Fuck those people.

What do you mean homosexuality is a choice? I don't hear heterosexuals say I choose to be strait, they are just born that way. So it stands to reason if heterosexuals are born strait, homosexuals are born gay. When you say homosexuality is a choice your diminishing the fact that people like that and myself (who is bisexual) are not like that to the very core. It was christianity that made me believe that I was just choosing to be bisexual and I had to choose to stop. No, theres no choice here its who I am and I can't choose it or not choose it.
Keep in mind that this thread is titled "Stupidest Things You Heard In Church." I think it's safe to assume that Inqui was simply quoting (albeit without quotation marks) a stupd thing heard in church.
Thank fucking fsm I really thought these guys were bias.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Apparently legalizing pot will be the downfall of this country, and Christians need to take a hard stance against this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Most of the stupid stuff I recall would be from my days as a Baptist. I once heard a sermon entitled "Saved by the Bell is from Hell" in a chapel service at my Christian Sunday school.

That TV show was so fucking tame! What was the problem with that one? The "Free Will" Baptist church I used to attend claimed that aliens were demons because they "sodomized" people with anal probes. There was one minister who was going to be head pastor of the church,but he turned Methodist and left because our already head pastor said people are conceived as evil but become good when they get old. The other pastor said sarcastically about that belief "Well then the pro-lifers are wasting our time trying to protect "innocent" fetuses in that case! And what about if you die young, you go straight to hell!?"
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I once heard a sermon entitled "Saved by the Bell is from Hell" in a chapel service at my Christian Sunday school.

That TV show was so fucking tame! What was the problem with that one?

 

Well, if it's Jesus who saves, then you can't be "Saved by the Bell," now can you? ;)

 

In all seriousness, I haven't seen that one, so I have no idea what they were harping about, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's something as stupid as that.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Most of the stupid stuff I recall would be from my days as a Baptist. I once heard a sermon entitled "Saved by the Bell is from Hell" in a chapel service at my Christian Sunday school.

That TV show was so fucking tame! What was the problem with that one?

 

IIRC, the big problem was the provocative way the lead female characters dressed, which should not be emulated by self-respecting Christian young ladies. The other problem was how the authority figure, Mr. Belding, was portrayed as a bumbling idiot and often treated with disrespect by the main characters.

 

I suspect this may have revealed more about the speaker's desires, insecurities and issues than any problem inherent in the show itself, but hey, I'm not a psychologist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.... Why did I spend so many years listening to this b&ll&cking sh1te!

This is the burning question of the majority, I think, of us on ex-Christians. It becomes part of one's life when it is reinforced through peer pressure (other Christians) day after day 24/7. I grew up in a home where this stuff was non-stop. So it felt natural for me to be included in the church, I was a puppet for about 45 years and never knew it until one day everything about xtianity came together in my noodle and I've been happier with myself and other human beings(?) ever since, sort of for the most part. So why do we listen to this crap day in and day out? Cuz we can't help ourselves! Nonstop commercialization for over 2000 years makes it a tough habit to break.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Homosexuality is a choice.

That reminds me of what a Jehovah's Witness told me about it being ok for a Homosexual to be a Jehovah Witness as long as they are not a "practising one". Which I think meant as long as they weren't in a Homosexual relationship. Which is bull because by that logic I'm a non-practising Heterosexual! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Homosexuality is a choice.

That reminds me of what a Jehovah's Witness told me about it being ok for a Homosexual to be a Jehovah Witness as long as they are not a "practising one". Which I think meant as long as they weren't in a Homosexual relationship. Which is bull because by that logic I'm a non-practising Heterosexual! 

 

 

I've heard that too. You can be gay, you just can't have sexual relations outside of marriage, so gays can't have sexual relations! So keep gay marriage illegal because, um, why, exactly?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many stupid things were said at my church. A few that stand out though are:

 

"The homosexuals are out there, waiting to sodomize our sons!"

"On January 1st, 2000, America will be sent back to the stone age!"

"Forced abortions are coming to America!"

"Send your children to public school and sacrifice them to demons!"

 

I really wish I had some of those cassette tape recordings!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.