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Stupidest Things You Heard In Church


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Free 2009:

Do you mean to say that preacher told you your mother would be in hell when weren't even a teenager yet?

That has got to be the moat irresponsible thing I've ever heard of a preacher doing. Gawd that's awful.

I'm glad you mom revealed to you her true beliefs before she died. I'm sure that made it easier for you

to deal with that idiot preacher's reckless comment. bill

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One Sunday, Pastor Shawn was preaching on "What would Jesus do" and he said, "Men, the next time you are in an argument with your wife, stop and ask yourself 'What would Jesus do'." and I said out lou

Ok, this is something I heard in church but not from the pulpit.  I was in a small bible-study group of young moms around 1990, and around the bible study part, we'd talk about our lives.  The general

The pastor of the baptist church I used to attend said during one service that anybody who says they like the taste of beer is lying.   May not be the stupidest but it ranks pretty high in my book.

Bill, you are correct with your words "irresponsible" and "reckless." Based on my experience and those of many of us here who can imagine what a torturous mind fuck that would have been for a grieving believer, I would dare to add the word "criminal."

 

Sickening. And just when I thought I was coming out of the anger phase of deconversion.  Wendybanghead.gif

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Sickening. And just when I thought I was coming out of the anger phase of deconversion.  Wendybanghead.gif

 

It never really leaves.  You just get more cynical about it. 

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"Children hear the call of god better than adults do."

 

This wasn't during a service, it was said afterwards in a conversation with someone.

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I saw in the news a pastor said to punch you kid if you think they are gay. Somewhere down in the south? To his credit, the pastor totally backtracked! When someone owns up to a mistake I can forgive that. He got death threats, so that was not very nice. But that has to be the most jawdropping thing a lot of people heard. 

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The Pastor at my wife's church has been on a roll. In recent sermons it's been in the vein of you can't truly love unless you know Gods love, then it was you can't truly be a good person unless you know the goodness of Jesus. Today it was, "You can't really be successful unless you are filled with the holy spirit".

 

Seriously, this Pastor surely can't believe that. What's the angle? What's the rationale? Seems to me that there's billions of non-Christians who are successful in their own right.

 

Do you just have to be dumb to ingest this crap?

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I would venture to guess that most people are not "feeling" the love of God, the goodness of Jesus, or the filling of the Holy Spirit, so they have to keep coming back to find out why they can't feel all these things and be successful in love and life. The pastor is telling them what losers they are, but he has the answers, so keep coming and giving your time and money to get those answers.

 

Same old story.

 

My sermon would be more like: You can't truly know hate until you have been mistreated by other Christians. You can't truly know evil hypocrites until you have spent lots of time with good Christians. You can't feel like a totally unsuccessful loser until you have been judged by people who claim to be filled with the holy spirit.

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You can't truly know evil hypocrites until you have spent lots of time with good Christians.

 

I guess you mean "good" sarcastically, but the truth is that there are actually a lot of good Christians who are not hypocrites.

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Yes, sarcastically, of course. But "good" Christians in the eyes of the churchies are those that are heavily involved in the activities of the church... and those are the ones (in my experience) who most deeply get embroiled in the gossip, scheming, backstabbing, blacklisting, etc. The good Christians I knew ("good" in a serious sense, not the sarcastic sense) were the kind ones in the background, quietly taking care of the sheep and being ignored and rejected by the leaders for doing so.

 

But I'm not bitter or anything.  Trishrazberry.gif

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The pastor is telling them what losers they are,

 

Yeah, it got to be pretty demeaning. I kept thinking that I could never hate myself enough to be a Christian.

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Yes, sarcastically, of course. But "good" Christians in the eyes of the churchies are those that are heavily involved in the activities of the church... and those are the ones (in my experience) who most deeply get embroiled in the gossip, scheming, backstabbing, blacklisting, etc. The good Christians I knew ("good" in a serious sense, not the sarcastic sense) were the kind ones in the background, quietly taking care of the sheep and being ignored and rejected by the leaders for doing so.

 

But I'm not bitter or anything.  Trishrazberry.gif

 

Yeah, there's a lot of that, from what I understand, but I was fortunate enough to not have experienced it. Though the religion itself is nonsense, I must say that my church experience was mostly pretty good, and the good Christians I know are both kind and involved, as was I.

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I've heard the 'gay sex isn't valid because penis fits in vagina' argument in a lot of churches, but one such sermon recently got me thinking about a letter written in to (I think it was) The New Scientist by a little kid asking if there was a particular reason why our fingers fitted so perfectly inside our nostrils.

God wants us all to pick our noses. Anything other than a finger going up our nose is sinful.

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I've heard the 'gay sex isn't valid because penis fits in vagina' argument in a lot of churches, but one such sermon recently got me thinking about a letter written in to (I think it was) The New Scientist by a little kid asking if there was a particular reason why our fingers fitted so perfectly inside our nostrils.

God wants us all to pick our noses. Anything other than a finger going up our nose is sinful.

 

What about quarters and peas? They fit pretty perfectly too.

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You must have very flexible and elastic nose-holes, ContraBardus. Quarters? LMAO

 

Yeah, when I was nine my nose was a total whore.

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You must have very flexible and elastic nose-holes, ContraBardus. Quarters? LMAO

 

Yeah, when I was nine my nose was a total whore.

 

 

I didn't know one can loose their nose-ginity.

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Good christian folks keep their nose-ginity intact for Jesus's divine finger mad.gif

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God kept Mary's nostrils clean for her.

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I heard something pretty stupid today. The pastor mentioned some kind of study that was done 14 years ago about how atheists for many generations only became atheists because their father was absent. I think the point he was trying to make was "If you have no father in your life, you become atheist".

 

I think this is what he was referring to: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1478735.Faith_of_the_Fatherless

 

I have a feeling that the Vitz' conclusions are heavily biased.

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I heard something pretty stupid today. The pastor mentioned some kind of study that was done 14 years ago about how atheists for many generations only became atheists because their father was absent. I think the point he was trying to make was "If you have no father in your life, you become atheist".

 

I think this is what he was referring to: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1478735.Faith_of_the_Fatherless

 

I have a feeling that the Vitz' conclusions are heavily biased.

 

What is it with christians who are professionals in the medical/psychiatric health field? It would seem their faith blinds them so they are unable to do good science when their faith is involved. If he had of randomly picked over 100 Atheists from all backgrounds and assessed their relationship with their fathers I might be interested reading more, but to pick and choose famous atheists demonstrates nothing, except that he is a poor scientist. When I was a christian I was fed the idea that if your father failed you as you were growing up you would have issues with 'Father' god, while being able to be all cosy with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I mean, well dah!, if your father abused you I have no doubt that any mention of father anthing would get your hackles up. My dad is wonderful but did fail me big time, yet I never had any issues with father god. Unfortunately I stupidly trusted him for years before realising he was never there. 

 

Atheists have rightly rejected father god, and Jesus and the holy spirit, and all the other imaginary gods christians have rejected. Perhaps if this wonderful loving father would actually show up to some of his kids events they might begin to believe he exists.

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During confirmation class:

The most dangerous statements begin with "I think" and "It seems to me."  In other words, we were told "Don't think!"  Who, in their right mind, tells young, bright kids "Don't think"?

 

During a Bible study:

 

Saying that couples (married, of course) who choose not to have children are selfish.  The pastor really said that.  With so many parents who, imo, should not have had kids, such a statement is beyond me.

Oh wow, did you just take me back with this!!  I had lots of questions in my youth, and I was deconverting during my confirmation classes, although I didn't really realize at the time.  I honestly was looking forward to my 2 years of classes because all of my Sunday school teachers could not answer any of my questions to my satisfaction and I thought attending classes taught by the elders and local bishop would help me resolve things.

 

I was told several times, and this is verbatim what he said it struck me so hard I never forgot it, was "you need to be careful, Marty, because the devil can fool you with logic..."  

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Many years ago the preacher was saying that oral sex is a sin.

 

I was very embarased having gone there with my parents! 

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Many years ago the preacher was saying that oral sex is a sin.

 

I was very embarased having gone there with my parents! 

 

the sermon.....or  the oral sex with the parents.....blink.png wacko.png

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When I was 18, the summer after I graduated from high school, my dad drug us out to his new most wonderful job in the world in Fresno, Ca.  He had been living out there for about 9-10 months.   He found the largest Methodist church in the area and joined since we were Methodists. 

 

I was pretty much on my way out of the church at this point, but I was still living at home and under my dad's thumb so I couldn't really say no.  We went.  Very contemporary service with a rock band and everything. Dad was so excited when it was over he asked what I thought.  I told him it looked like a show.  He yelled at me "If that's all you see, then that's all it will be."  or some equally asinine shit. Needless to say I was not impressed.

 

Later, word had gotten around the church that my dad has been fucking around on my mom with a single asian lady at the church.  The pastor's wife called and left a nasty message on the machine about what a terrible Christian he was.   He never went back to that church or any Methodist church again. 

 

Yeah.....Christian love and forgiveness. 

My husband was born and raised in Fresno (1967-1985) . ...My heart goes out to you; what a tragedy. GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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