When, If Ever Should I Tell My Parents I Am No Longer A Christian?

[florduh]

Moral dilemma.

 

They support you so your job for now is to pretend you are someone you are not so the support continues.

 

When you no longer need their money, you still want to pretend, the reason now being their health.

 

Can you be honest with yourself and the world after they're dead, or will you have surviving aunts or cousins you don't want to offend by disagreeing with them?

 

Sorry, I don't intend to be mean, but I'm rather honest and pragmatic. Most people don't want to hear my take on their situation or my advice. I wish you well.

[RipVanWinkle]

Florduh: "Thou shalt not lie" is not god's commandment. Although it is generally a good rule of thumb,

there are many exceptions. Prodromal, if after you complete your education you feel obligated to your

parents for not disclosing your private beliefs before they paid your college expenses, then pay them

back as you are able. If they accept it, you and they will be even. If they don't accept it, they will

deserve exactly what they won't get. Good luck. bill

[florduh]

Florduh: "Thou shalt not lie" is not god's commandment.

 

 

 

Of course. I just get concerned when people hide their own identity to gain a false approval from others. The lie is not the problem, it's the phony persona people feel compelled to adopt. Why should we be the only ones who have to do that? Why must we pretend to conform to the wishes of another?

[prodromal]

Can you be honest with yourself and the world after they're dead, or will you have surviving aunts or cousins you don't want to offend by disagreeing with them?

 

 

With the world, yes. Probably not with my extended family and relatives. I don't know how it will be in the future, but they seem to be entrenched in evangelical Christianity. And if my relatives know, then the non-relatives from church will also know, and I don't want to forever be on their "prayer lists". They will sincerely worry that I will burn in hell and will pray in vain for me to believe the same that they do.

I can be open with the world though, like my peers at college. I have to be careful though, that the people are not connected to my fundamentalist relatives and church social network.

 

[prodromal]

The other specific thing that made me feel better was using the time I had to spend in church constructively. Having had next to no experience with critical thinking, it was a good way for me to start exploring ideas privately and without fear of repercussion. I just sat there every service dissecting and examining the ideas presented, and worked and reworked my own arguments. It was usually infuriating, but it helped me strengthen my position, and I have better answers now.

 

Yes, I find myself doing that too, like taking on the role of the anthropologist. It is interesting to view it objectively from the outside without being emotionally involved or believe in it.

[Bhim]

This part pisses me off. Do parents not realize that this type of behavior is what turns off their kids to faith in the first place?

No offense to his parents, but I heartily second this. What kind of parents disown their kids over religion? Even when I made the boneheaded decision of ditching Hinduism to be an evangelical Christian, this didn't even cross my parents' minds. That's probably why I didn't have any hard feelings toward my old religion and even came back to it.

[3DollarBill]

 

 

 What kind of parents disown their kids over religion? 

 

Fundamentalist christians do it all the time.  

 

Personally I'm never planning to tell mine.  I've spent a significant amount of time around them since deconverting and as far as I can remember, I've never actually lied.  I've held my tongue more times than I can count, accompanied them to church once or twice (honestly it was fun, read this: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/55525-heres-what-happened-in-church-today/#entry843613)

 

I've since read some literature on Religious Trauma Syndrome as a specific form of CPTSD, and concluded that church attendance is likely not good for my mental health, so I won't be doing that anymore.  This may ultimately raise some questions, which I will answer by bluntly stating that what I do with my time is my business.  Hopefully that will be the end of it.

 

Otherwise...they haven't figured it out even though it's plainly obvious.  I drink and cuss, and I make public my support of gay rights and marriage equality.  My "religious views" on facebook says nothing.  I always decline to give grace at family functions.  We just went through a very painful death in the family which caused a spike in the level of religiosity, and it was pretty clear I wasn't participating.

 

So the way I figure it, if they don't want to know, then I have no problem with that.  We can go the rest of our lives and simply never discuss it.  And if they really want to know, they can ask, and I won't lie.  

 

So just consider this as an option and as a possible future.  I know when you are first out of the cult you want EVERYBODY to know...that feeling fades.  And you're probably really fucking proud of yourself for figuring out that it's bullshit and you simply can't stand for anyone to mistakenly think that you still swallow that garbage.  This bugged me for a while, but then I came to realize that lots of people probably think lots of different things about me that are false, and I don't feel the need to expend effort correcting them.

 

Good luck.  And welcome to the real world.