RachelSkates Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 OK, I went to church out of loneliness. I MISS my friends. So, for a long while, they were emailing me, this and that and making me feel like I would be welcome. I had stitches because I was hurt and feeling still terrible from it all and thought, well, maybe they Do care. OMG, i came away feeling twice as bad. The one who texted me all the time.....WALKED AWAY! She had invited me over and over in the texts to lunch and when I really showed up......pow....not even "Hey let's do that lunch! Can't today, but maybe next week?" She waited till class started, gave me a polite nod like "shit" and walked out after. The leader did not even say hi. I watched closely at their behaviour to see if I was just feeling self conscious, but no, he did the rounds and when he came to me: He LOOKED DOWN and said, "Oh, Hi" No one even said, "Hey good you are here....: except ONE LADY asked me if I was OK and she was nice. ONE LADY showed me kindness in a room full. And these were people who KNEW ME!! Cold, heartless bunch. Wait til they get MS or Alzheimers and NEED someone. Stats show they will. And knowing me , I will be there to help them like an idiot. I remember when we were young and warned against those we thought were "black sheep" and advised to stay away. I am sure that is what it is. They think I AM the black sheep. "I love God ----but his disciples are bastards" I want to crawl into my bed and sleep it off, but I am in still a lot of pain---mental AND physical now! AND IT IS MY OWN FAULT for going back . Why the F do I do it?????? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 I've got to say some of the coldest people I have ever seen in my life were churchgoing folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 They are scared of what you represent - you make them aware that they don't have all the answers. Sucks though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boftx Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 It is said that misery loves company. Seeing that you were in physical misery (your stitches) it is only natural that you wold seek out the most miserable (excuse for?) people that you know. Levity aside, I am not surprised you would get that reception from what sounds like one of the trendy, elitist non-denominational groups. I could be wrong about that, but my experience with the more mainstream denominations shows at least a tendency to express concern when a missing "member" shows up again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted April 7, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted April 7, 2013 I have to agree with what Deva said -- churchgoers are among the most cold, heartless people I've ever met. I know it hurts, but now that you really know their true colors, I hope it makes it easier for you to say "FU(K 'EM," Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquareOne Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 This just in: Christians are hypocritical assholes. I recently several of my Christian friends about my deconversion, with whom I used to live for one or two years. Not even a message or email since then. They don't care. There's no holy spirit in them. They're just being stung along by a lie and being sucked of all compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Like Deva, I can honestly say that the nastiest, coldest, most horrible people I've known have all been Christians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 The funny thing is that this is similar to how we were treated even as people who had simply come back after leaving for another church... It's not necessarily because you have doubts or because you don't believe, but because you left at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 You don't--or shouldn't--need to go to church to see your friends. So you missed them. Didn't they keep in touch after you stopped going? Hm....maybe they felt awkward. Ask them about that lunch you had planned, and if they keep pulling away, confront them about it. Not that facing the issue always works, but it's worth a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 OK, I went to church out of loneliness. I MISS my friends. So, for a long while, they were emailing me, this and that and making me feel like I would be welcome. I had stitches because I was hurt and feeling still terrible from it all and thought, well, maybe they Do care. OMG, i came away feeling twice as bad. The one who texted me all the time.....WALKED AWAY! She had invited me over and over in the texts to lunch and when I really showed up......pow....not even "Hey let's do that lunch! Can't today, but maybe next week?" She waited till class started, gave me a polite nod like "shit" and walked out after. The leader did not even say hi. I watched closely at their behaviour to see if I was just feeling self conscious, but no, he did the rounds and when he came to me: He LOOKED DOWN and said, "Oh, Hi" No one even said, "Hey good you are here....: except ONE LADY asked me if I was OK and she was nice. ONE LADY showed me kindness in a room full. And these were people who KNEW ME!! Cold, heartless bunch. Wait til they get MS or Alzheimers and NEED someone. Stats show they will. And knowing me , I will be there to help them like an idiot. I remember when we were young and warned against those we thought were "black sheep" and advised to stay away. I am sure that is what it is. They think I AM the black sheep. "I love God ----but his disciples are bastards" I want to crawl into my bed and sleep it off, but I am in still a lot of pain---mental AND physical now! AND IT IS MY OWN FAULT for going back . Why the F do I do it?????? You seem to rely an awful lot on other people's actions, behaviors and appearances. Try relying on your own actions, behaviors and appearances and ignoring other people's actions, behaviors and appearances. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 It angers me they did this. This is not how you treat others. I do not believe Christianity makes you a good person. You're either a good person or you aren't, regardless of your religion. The Church is ultimately about elitism. If anything, Christianity robs people of their humanity and morality to the point where most of them are empty eggshell masks. All air and little substance. I'm so sorry they did this to you. Don't beat yourself up for missing your friends. That's normal. You didn't do anything wrong but reach out to your friends for comfort. It is THEY who walked away from YOU. I wish I could do more but offer my hopes that you heal up soon and your pain eases, and get some rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 There are people who are serious about their belief... christians who think the christian message is all about compassion and love your neighbor, and who think this should be their role model. We on this site know that you can only uphold this view if you pick and choose your verses carefully of course, but to be fair... such people exist. Of course actually acting out this compassion instead of just saying that you would is often a different thing already. And then there are morontheists who care shit for the ethical or religious foundation of their peer group. They only want to belong, belong to the right group, and thus be right about all they think and do by default. They do what they're told to do by their führer and "know" that they're therefore right for kissing the right arse. Now technically I can't know for sure but pestering you with mails and such so you come back, then caring shit when you finally do... I'd say these bastards safely belong to the latter group. Forget them. Your life will hardly suffer. Even if you feel lonely, what good can this kind of company do to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 ^^^ Agree with Thurisaz. These are not friends; they're posers. I suspect they interpreted your non-attendance as a reflection on them, and by the time you did go back they had talked themselves into a state of "Must... punish... Rachel." For now, dump the lot of them as it appears that they can't be trusted. If and when any of them approaches you and treats you as an actual friend, perhaps you can give that person another chance... If you want to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 You were foolish enough to show up to church when you needed something. Had you shown up at a different time then things would have gone very differently. I heard a joke the other day (though it's not all that funny): A young man falls head over heels in love and wants to get married immediately. That very weekend. So as he's very busy preparing everything he asks his dad to invite all his friends for him. His dad agrees. So he gives his dad a list of 75 people. On the day of the wedding only 15 people are there. He asks his dad if he invited everyone. "Of course," says his father. "But the list had 75 people and there are only 15 here," replies the son. "You told me to invite your friends," says the father, "so I called everyone on the list and told them you had something you needed them to do for you this weekend and these are the ones that showed. These are your friends." You see? The people at church are almost never your friends. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithless Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 With me not going to church as often,I have noticed this too.Some are still nice,but some act cold or don't say hi or seem to notice I'm there at all.I used to tell a close friend or two,if I didn't go to church,I bet no one would miss me...people thought I was just being negative,but it seems to be pretty true for the most part now.And it only took a few months....I do go on occasion to see friends cause it's the only way I can see a few of them.I don't have a car,and one of my friends moved away to go to collage and visits once a month for a weekend.She tends to be pretty busy with friends and family (she has a big family),and so going to church is usually the only way I can see her unless she has time to come to me.Sometimes going to church is lonelier than staying at home all the time.I can only put up with it maybe once or twice a month,usually.I go to youth too every once in a while to see friends...I just have a hard time not yelling when I hear nonsense being taught. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MadameX Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 My guess is that these people have become masters of emotional manipulation, especially of themselves. Being that they have so thoroughly fooled themselves and those around them, they can easily, like second nature, turn it against anyone they choose - and with hardly any conscience bugging them about it. I've seen it too. It's amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExCBooster Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 That's horrible, RachelSkates: so mean and petty. Nobody should treat people like you were treated there (so much for the Golden Rule, I guess). Sounds to me like you need a new batch of people to hang out with. Maybe see if there are any interest clubs or something to join near where you live? Like, you know, birdwatching, or art discussion, or history or something. Maybe you could volunteer for something cool. The nice thing about those is that you already have at least one thing in common with everybody (and it doesn't have anything to do with what you believe or enforcing who's in and who's out.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest r3alchild Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 I did the kinda same thing last night, I called a christian hotline and talked to a christian for an hour. It was really sad but I understand that I am reaching out to someone anyone and that does not mean I will return to my faith it means I am looking for help in familar places. Its just old faith habbits and that takes time to kick. There was a time I would return to my faith for a month or two now its no more than a day. You don't need to be hard on yourself just roll with it and you will come out of it with flying colours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelSkates Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Wow! Thank you guys for all the replies! Yes, I think I did learn quite a lesson about them and my own self as well. It is telling that i would go to where I knew would not be the result I wanted. I was just lonely for that dream that they do live out their beliefs, and so many of us had those Easter Blues...... Yes, I know it was a weakness in me to think that it would be different, but it takes time, as the poster above me said, to stop habits, and you know, for many of us the habit has been learning to live and accept all that craziness as normal. Yes, the poster who said there are indeed some who DO live it out is right. But this was a fundy fundy fundy church. It had been quite a while and I am sure it will be QUITE A WHILE again!!!!!!! Hopefully I will never have to post another post like this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest r3alchild Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Wow! Thank you guys for all the replies! Yes, I think I did learn quite a lesson about them and my own self as well. It is telling that i would go to where I knew would not be the result I wanted. I was just lonely for that dream that they do live out their beliefs, and so many of us had those Easter Blues...... Yes, I know it was a weakness in me to think that it would be different, but it takes time, as the poster above me said, to stop habits, and you know, for many of us the habit has been learning to live and accept all that craziness as normal. Yes, the poster who said there are indeed some who DO live it out is right. But this was a fundy fundy fundy church. It had been quite a while and I am sure it will be QUITE A WHILE again!!!!!!! Hopefully I will never have to post another post like this one. I hope you do post another post like this, I hope you shake your weakness all over ex christian.net because when you do it helps people who are weaker than you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoul Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 Please don't subject yourself to that kind of abuse. You have ALL the friends you'll ever need right over here okay? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pantophobia Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 You did not deserve that kind of reception from strangers, much less people who professed to be your friends and care about you, RachelSkates. WWJD? Not what those people did, no matter how uncomfortable they were. Shame on them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 sorry that you dont fit in with stupid people anymore. Welcome to the land of misfit toys 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 8, 2013 Share Posted April 8, 2013 This place is a great one to hang out in. But there is a difference being close to people on a face to face basis. That's, at least for me, harder to find. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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