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Relationships - Shaun


Falloutdude
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This is a poem/proto-rap/hip hop song, but don't worry, though I still feel these things, my pain is dissipating and we are still friends, though I ache for more.

 

I love you, but you don't love me, seems to me that it is clear, exceedingly, that your love is something you're not willing to relinquish, my love is that which cannot be extinguised. You never told me, never showed me, expected me to be knowing, what's in your mind, isn't that asinine? My heart is bleeding, but you don't care, your affection I have not been receiving, it's receding, leaking. As a whisper in the fire, our love was brief, quick to expire, I guess you're just a liar...Saying you want someone, and then saying you don't want another; well, I don't want anyone other than you.

 

You're my life, nothing else is in my mind, now all I can think of is suicide, anesthetize, my seething soul. Time falls through my fingers as a sive, I'm just trying to live, but it's a game to you, all of this. My heart is your puppet, my feelings your strings, jerking me around, deriding my grief...I think you're a thief, for my heart your have pilfered, it doesn't take skills, sir. Stealing my heart is easy to do, the question I pose is, why would you? It's delicate, battered, and scorned, now where the wounds are it is desiccate, tattered, and shorn.

 

Please, don't insult me, I see what you feel quite transparently, this is what has vexed me, quite thoroughly. You say for me you feel, yet you say you're not yet healed, I offer my arms, but your soul is horrendously scarred, yet you will not let me assist with what you are marred. I guess hearts really don't break even, I was just hoping you would help me out with the bleedin', but I guess that you thought that was too much for me to be needin', you know I think I might just take a bite of that magic bullet and just stop breathin'. Your hate I've been readin', I'm incredulous at the bitterness you've been seedin', in between us, just please, give me a reason!
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dude....what a good way to get some of that heartbreak out by writing. I wish I could hear you say it in the 'rap' style. I am so sorry that you face this 'love' disappointment. But you will make it through because you are a very smart person. I know that about you. I wanted to write you a few thoughts tonight from my experiences with 'love'..(for what it's worth! Lol) If you can relate - good. If you can't - that's ok too.

 

I 'feel' your pain. I have felt this way before. It hurts like hell. Having someone not be able to love you back the way you want  can be very sad for the heart...but only if you let it. I have finally learned that lesson at 58 years old. You are so wonderfully young my friend and you will have many more experiences with this thing called 'love'.

 

No one will ever love you the way you want to be 'loved'. We're all complainers. We whine and plead and manipulate and do whatever is in our power to get what it is that we are starving from......in this game called love. Most of the time, in my experience, we want someone who validates that we are special. And we want that over and over and over again because we do not believe it ourselves.  We do not understand how special we really are. How unique we all are.

 

Once you realize that you are special, (and we all are) you will eventually find a friend who you share many common bonds with (make sure of that - it's important!!) and that will grow into a natural 'love' where you will just enjoy being with that person so much and it will be reciprocated. You won't have to fight to get attention because it will come naturally through liking each other's company. You won't need to be told over and over that you are special...you'll just know it.

 

I sure hope you are feeling better now. You go now 'special boy' and look in that mirror tonight and tell yourself how special you really are. Cause you are.

 

Ole' Aunt Margee luvs ya Dude! Hug

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That's the thing. We DID love each other's company, and we're always hanging out, we used to walk and talk for HOURS on end. He took my virginity, and he used to pull me back to bed to cuddle. Oooh he makes my chest flutter.

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