Liesbet Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Like some of you living in a coastal city, you will from time to time get visitors to explore the Mother City, this case, Cape Town! So, my friend and her husband came to visit me and all went well except for the fact that I didn't full on said that I'm an atheist. Besides the point that she never once asked me how I'm doing...... it was all about her..... We went for coffee at a local Mall and then she told me about her 10-year old daughter's ordeal after being raped by her stepbrother. I nearly had a stroke and felt like strangling someone.... poor girl! All she said was.... "I am waiting for my husband (was his son) to confront his son. And besides, I don't have any authority to bind the spirit or do any spiritual warfare." "Bull shit", I said. "You know I don't believe in that shit!!!! Get your act together and protect your little girl!!!!!" How many "moms" just shrugged their shoulders after believing that bull shit lie that the devil is behind it.... WTF, it is your daughter.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CelticWhisper Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Such is the destructive nature of faith. It's often difficult to tell even when I can hear vocal inflection, but I'm assuming that she said "I don't have any authority..." in a matter-of-fact, resigned sort of way. Like she actually believes that A. she doesn't have any authority to do anything about it and that B. "spiritual warfare" is what's even required in the first place (as opposed to having the stepbrother arrested). If so, that's some damn effective religious brainwashing going on there.I've heard that South Africa has a very high incidence rate for rape, so while I'm not about to guarantee that contacting the authorities will resolve anything (if they're either corrupt, indifferent, or overloaded), the last thing she should do is to do nothing at all. At least file a report. Preferably make a lot of noise (though not so much it gets her arrested in case the cops are corrupt) and demand an investigation. Rapists - that is, the "men" and "women" (terms used very loosely as they imply some modicum of humanity) who commit rape - are scum, but it takes a very special kind of sicko to perpetrate this against a ten-year-old child. Not sure how old the stepson is but I'm assuming he's a minor as well. If so, he's headed down a really destructive path and someone needs to intervene sooner rather than later. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 In the US we can file a complaint with Family or Child Services to do a well-child check, anonymously, and the police will investigate whether the mother or father wants to press charges or not, and in some cases hold them as an accessessary for not reporting the rape of a child. Christianity, as the headlines day after day prove, is a pedophile protection racket. The church protects its own. A person who knows a child is endangered has the obligation to notify authorities no matter what one's religion or nationality. Unless one lives in a Muslim country where the child could be killed for being a victim. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creative Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Like some of you living in a coastal city, you will from time to time get visitors to explore the Mother City, this case, Cape Town! So, my friend and her husband came to visit me and all went well except for the fact that I didn't full on said that I'm an atheist. Besides the point that she never once asked me how I'm doing...... it was all about her..... We went for coffee at a local Mall and then she told me about her 10-year old daughter's ordeal after being raped by her stepbrother. I nearly had a stroke and felt like strangling someone.... poor girl! All she said was.... "I am waiting for my husband (was his son) to confront his son. And besides, I don't have any authority to bind the spirit or do any spiritual warfare." "Bull shit", I said. "You know I don't believe in that shit!!!! Get your act together and protect your little girl!!!!!" How many "moms" just shrugged their shoulders after believing that bull shit lie that the devil is behind it.... WTF, it is your daughter.... omg that's so sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 the fact that she is still with the husband and living in the same house with the son should be all the answer you need. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jose Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 sick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liesbet Posted April 15, 2013 Author Share Posted April 15, 2013 One day that little girl will remember that nobody did anything..... Didn't mention it but the stepbrother now lives with his mother.... And yes, the whole package of binding a spirit of...lust or whatever will all of a sudden sort the girl out!! That freaked me out!! Girl is in therapy but she needs to know that her mom will protect her and go the extra mile, and FIGHT for her..... And yes, it is true and it is sad to say, but South Africa is the rape capital. One hear it so much that I think people become "desensitised"..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Wow....and the cycle of misogyny continues under the banner of Christianity. Things are like this in my DH's family. For example, my SIL always wants her husband and father (my FIL)(and any other males near by) to pray for their adopted son because their prayers have more power (penis as god antenna?). If you want god to heal your migraine, I was told early on, have your husband stand behind you and pray for you . OMG. That almost ended my relationship with DH, who doesn't believe that tripe, but I was like, "OMG, what kind of family am I getting into?" I want to kidnap the girl you're talking about, or punch her family..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 This is actually far too common a reaction from parents. They can't deal with the horror and the royal shitfest that comes from finding out your child has been raped (and usually the rapist is another family member or friend), so they just ignore it in hopes it will go away. It happened to me, and I can't tell you how many other childhood sexual assault survivors I've run into with the same story. Seriously, if you aren't willing to step up when shit gets real and protect your own helpless child from predators, don't bother having kids. My husband would be warned that if his fucking demonspawn came anywhere near my daughter or me again, I'd show him the true meaning of HELL ON EARTH. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liesbet Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 It happened to me, and I can't tell you how many other childhood sexual assault survivors I've run into with the same story. Very true....never happened to me but the horror of it leaves me breathless! Most of my friends have similar molestation stories and I can see how it affected their teenage years and today their marriages. Decided that I will put pressure on my friend to take action against that boy, though he might have problems at his tender 15 years...(don't really give a shit), that boy is his parents problem, not hers!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 It happened to me, and I can't tell you how many other childhood sexual assault survivors I've run into with the same story. Very true....never happened to me but the horror of it leaves me breathless! Most of my friends have similar molestation stories and I can see how it affected their teenage years and today their marriages. Decided that I will put pressure on my friend to take action against that boy, though he might have problems at his tender 15 years...(don't really give a shit), that boy is his parents problem, not hers!!! I'm glad. I'm always happy to hear from women who say "This never happened to me!" I was a 30+ year old man's toy from the time I was 10 to the time I was 14. He was a family friend and my brother's business partner. My mom told me "Well you shouldn't have been bothering him!" when I told her what he had been doing. He even did it to my friends. My school told me "Don't make up stories." My mom worked a lot and so did my brother. So this asshole had access to come over to my house and do horrible things to me in my own bedroom. He was never caught, and he was never prosecuted. Being raped is like stepping on a landmine. You're never the same, and you'll never function the same. The severity of the injury and the reaction will be different for every survivor, but we all have to work through the trauma. Some days, that old injury just aches like crazy and gets in the way like nobody's business. I'll never be able to enjoy relating to somebody sexually. I will never stop feeling his filthy hands on my body instead of the person I love. I can't grow that back anymore than an amputee can grow back a leg. Orgasms are nice, but not worth it. Please, DO take a stand for that girl. Somebody...ANYBODY listening to me at the time and forcing the issue could have gone a long way in helping me and others if they had stepped past their own cowardice and faced the issue. There is something truly fucked up in this boy's brain chemistry. He NEEDS to be restricted and treated. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Decided that I will put pressure on my friend to take action against that boy, though he might have problems at his tender 15 years...(don't really give a shit), that boy is his parents problem, not hers!!! Good idea. Your friend really needs to stand up for her daughter, b/c if she won't do it, then who will? The last thing her daughter needs is to feel like everyone's choosing her stepbrother over her, and that's a really shitty feeling. His parents need to get him in treatment or therapy and put an end to this, now! If he's 15 and already raping young girls, then it's a sign of what's to come in the future. And if your friend decides her husband is more important than her little girl, then that says it all. Something similar happened to me too. The creep who did it to me was a bit older than your friend's daughter's abuser when he finally got caught in action. I was 10, and it had been going on for years. His grandma was the one who caught him, and she didn't give a shit. For the record, neither one of them are related to me, and they've been out of my life for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Does she think she should not interfere because the scumwad isn't her son? What does binding the spirit have to do with coming after criminals??? Oh. Spirit of lust. 1) Lust doesn't rape people; assholes do. 2) Witch doctor magic will not stop him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Oh for fucks sake!!!!... if YOU know about it YOU are responsible to report it to the authorities. Pick up a god damn phone and report it to the local children's services AND the police.. and the kids school.. and the kids doctor and whoever else you need to. YOU have been informed of a crime and you could be charged with accessory after the fact, or if the authorities find out you knew and didn't inform them... obstruction of justice. (think about if she had told you about a bank robbery, or a kidnapping... same, same) doesn't matter... a child is in danger and SOMEONE has to speak up. Where do you think the kid gets it from... sheesh.... and screw the mom - she's an immoral idiot and doesn't deserve to have her daughter and you should have slapped her silly right then and there. it's a fucking CRIME. I don't know what other countries are like but here in Canada if a child is in danger it's a crime NOT to report it. Pick up the damn phone. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 If that was my daughter that boy would have been locked up... and he would have been terrified of me from that time until the day he died. husband would be out on his ass too. bye bye 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeker001 Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I second Ravenstar, tell someone. Like some of you living in a coastal city, you will from time to time get visitors to explore the Mother City, this case, Cape Town! So, my friend and her husband came to visit me and all went well except for the fact that I didn't full on said that I'm an atheist. Besides the point that she never once asked me how I'm doing...... it was all about her..... We went for coffee at a local Mall and then she told me about her 10-year old daughter's ordeal after being raped by her stepbrother. I nearly had a stroke and felt like strangling someone.... poor girl! All she said was.... "I am waiting for my husband (was his son) to confront his son. And besides, I don't have any authority to bind the spirit or do any spiritual warfare." "Bull shit", I said. "You know I don't believe in that shit!!!! Get your act together and protect your little girl!!!!!" How many "moms" just shrugged their shoulders after believing that bull shit lie that the devil is behind it.... WTF, it is your daughter.... Well, she may not have the authority to "bind the spirits" or whatever nonsense they call it these days, but she does have the moral and legal obligation to protect the physical and emotional well-being of her daughter. If she isn't putting her child in counseling and addressing the abuse than she is a failure of a mother. This is sickening, physical scars fade over time it is the mental and emotional scars that linger. My heart goes out to that little girl, please tell someone that child needs to get out of there and into a safe environment. Does anyone else in the family know about this? I think her stepson has BMC Syndrome, or Broken Moral Compass Syndrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liesbet Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Oh for fucks sake!!!!... if YOU know about it YOU are responsible to report it to the authorities. Pick up a god damn phone and report it to the local children's services AND the police.. and the kids school.. and the kids doctor and whoever else you need to. YOU have been informed of a crime and you could be charged with accessory after the fact, or if the authorities find out you knew and didn't inform them... obstruction of justice. (think about if she had told you about a bank robbery, or a kidnapping... same, same) doesn't matter... a child is in danger and SOMEONE has to speak up. Where do you think the kid gets it from... sheesh.... and screw the mom - she's an immoral idiot and doesn't deserve to have her daughter and you should have slapped her silly right then and there. it's a fucking CRIME. I don't know what other countries are like but here in Canada if a child is in danger it's a crime NOT to report it. Pick up the damn phone. Oh yeah..... that is exactly what I'm going to do. I will give her the option to do it herself to show her daughter that she actually does give a shit. If not, it is a damn crime!!! And yes, they are sooooo strict in SA regarding rape but the problem is, we do not have proper safe houses or a foster care system. We have a corrupt government that will spend millions on their houses and extravagant cars and "steal" from those who need it the most!! (Don't get me started....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liesbet Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 I do however have a question to those of you who have gone through it, would you have appreciated it if the boy / man / pig got charged? Would you have healed easier? (If healing is possible....) Last thing I want to do is the screw things up for that girl..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderinstar Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I do however have a question to those of you who have gone through it, would you have appreciated it if the boy / man / pig got charged? Would you have healed easier? (If healing is possible....) Last thing I want to do is the screw things up for that girl..... Speaking for myself, I am convinced I would have recovered quicker, and perhaps to a greater degree if someone had of stood up for me as a child. I am nearly 40 but I can still sense the child in me long for someone to rescue me, that is just one of the many ways my emotional and relational health has been damaged by the fact that I was being horribly abused, for around a decade but no-one noticed - which to me meant I wasn't worth rescuing. My parents are genuinely beautiful, caring people and demonstrate their love for me often, which is why it is so hard for me to fathom that I could be abused, regularly by a much older cousin and them not notice. As an example; my mother would let him over when he was 18 and I was only 10. He would come to see me, take me to my room, close the door and a significant amount of time later we would emerge. It was like he had power to threaten my mother without her acknowledging the threat. Although I now forgive my Mum, she cannot forgive herself as she is aware of just how badly she failed - it is easy for me to love her when it is so clear she is doing all she can to make it up. I'm not sure if that is what is going on here but considering the family dynamics involved I can imagine the mother could be easily manipulated to not make a report. Massive amounts of denial is also very common in family members of sexual abuse victims. Either way the woman is an adult and, unlike the case with my mother, actually KNOWS a crime has been committed. From my experience christians think you shouldn't take people to court in the case of sexual abuse, instead forgive them, repent of your sins and cast out the relevant demons. Same said christians will happily run to the police if their house is broken into. People generally run, hide or go into denial when the abuse of children is involved. It makes me livid. Report it, someone has to be the voice this girl does not have. Even if the process is blocked somewhere along the line, one day she will know that someone cared enough to fight for her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I do however have a question to those of you who have gone through it, would you have appreciated it if the boy / man / pig got charged? Would you have healed easier? (If healing is possible....) Last thing I want to do is the screw things up for that girl..... It would have brought closure and it would have given some peace and relief. I not only was stuck being left alone with no protection, I knew he was trying to do this to other girls. I feared for them. He'd already done this to a friend of mine at my place. Her parents wouldn't let her come over anymore, but I was allowed to go there. Worse, my stupid-ass neighbors started hiring him regularly as their handyman. By that time I was in my 20's and I was stuck having to see him regularly. He wouldn't try anything with me because I was an adult then and I could pound his old ass into the ground by then, but he DID try to talk to me like I was an old friend. Ah hah hah hah. Hah hah. FML. I told them about what he did to me as a child. They winced and acted sympathetic, but being the devout Christians they were, I think they figured it was important to forgive him and kept giving him work. I did manage to warn a neighbor girl who was around 10 about him. Her parents HIRED him even AFTER I WARNED THEM. The girl, thankfully, wasn't stupid. She would leave the house to go to friends whenever he came to do work at their place. He never got to her. They DID eventually stop hiring him for work at that house. I did in my mid-20's bring up the subject to my mother again and told her just how FURIOUS I was with her for her failure and abandoning me for four fucking years to a predator. She began to cry and said over and over, "I didn't know...I didn't understand." I think what she meant was that she had shut down so completely against the horror that she had effectively talked herself out of the idea that anything was going on (she was REALLY good at that. She was the LAST person you wanted around in a crises.) She was also under so much stress at the time because she had just gotten divorced and had two abused and damaged children to care for by herself that her brain just went "Nope!" and shut down. Everything was dandy. Kind of amazing how the human mind works like that. Even writing this out it kind of gobsmacks me that I could TELL so many people in explicit detail what this monster does to little girls, and they just ignored the danger. Just...wow. I agree with Wanderinstar - I got the message that I wasn't worth saving. I wasn't worth protecting. I was simply an unwanted inconvenience. That has hurt and damaged me far worse than being sexually assaulted. And another thing that drives me crazy is people think if I have "enough" therapy that I'll suddenly be able to enjoy sex and be "normal" once again. This is why I liken it to stepping on a landmine and losing a limb. To try to make the damage visible. It's not like I can never have sex. I can still go through the act with my husband and even orgasm. So, I can function just like someone who's lost a leg. They can still walk, just differently. But I just can never see sex as a loving act or "connect" to a person in that fashion. And there are times where that old wound starts aching so bad I can't stand being touched at all. It passes eventually, and I just keep chugging along. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I do however have a question to those of you who have gone through it, would you have appreciated it if the boy / man / pig got charged? Would you have healed easier? (If healing is possible....) Last thing I want to do is the screw things up for that girl..... Yeah, it probably would have made a difference in healing. I'll never know for sure. His grandma was too busy defending him and cheerfully looking the other way. Hell, nine times out of ten, she'd be in the next room while he did it to me. Several other girls came forward and described the same incident that happened with me, they were my age, one was a year older. We got along real well. We all thought we were the only ones. Their moms confronted him and his grandma one evening, and naturally his grandma lashed out and blamed them for it. I never saw those girls again. She talked shit about them behind their backs, which was typical for her. The first person i confided in was a mandatory reporter. I thought i could really trust her. I was in 8th grade, and i was asking her how i should go about telling my mom something when i stopped in to see her after school. She wanted to know what it was, and i told her. She wanted details, and i was stupid enough to give in. I thought she'd call my mom in for a meeting and i figured we'd go from there, but nope, she dropped the ball and blamed me for what happened. Any "forgiveness" towards her and anyone else who blamed me and/or refused to listen to me, my molester himself, or his enabler grandma will be on my terms and definitions, and if it never happens, then so be it. The message i got was that i had it coming. I deserved it. I wasn't worth rescuing. Other kids were. I wasn't. I tried to tell the school counselor about it, in the words i had as an 8 year old, in the way i understood it, in the best way i knew how. The other girls didn't go to my school. She probably chalked it up to stupid kid stuff. For what it's worth, i've told my mom about it, and she didn't blame me for it. I found the creep on facebook, and i saw pictures of him with a girl about my age when he started in on me. That's part of why i'm not on facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Neither I nor my kids have ever gone through this, thank goodness. (At least I don't think so.) So you can discount what I say accordingly. But I think the protection of possible future victims from this boy ought to be a major consideration as to whether to prosecute. bill 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Neither I nor my kids have ever gone through this, thank goodness. (At least I don't think so.) So you can discount what I say accordingly. But I think the protection of possible future victims from this boy ought to be a major consideration as to whether to prosecute. bill Consider yourself damn lucky, Bill. You've got a point, going after this scumbag now will probably spare a whole bunch of other girls from becoming his victims. All the more reason your friend and her husband need to get the authorities involved. I told them about what he did to me as a child. They winced and acted sympathetic, but being the devout Christians they were, I think they figured it was important to forgive him and kept giving him work. I did manage to warn a neighbor girl who was around 10 about him. Her parents HIRED him even AFTER I WARNED THEM. The girl, thankfully, wasn't stupid. She would leave the house to go to friends whenever he came to do work at their place. He never got to her. They DID eventually stop hiring him for work at that house. Holy shitballs, that's the same EXACT reaction i got out of every single xtian i talked to, mostly that was about the bullet i dodged with "Eric." Aside from super vague hints, I didn't bring what happened to me as a kid up with anyone (at least not willingly where a certain someone was concerned). Looking back, their sympathy was so fake and insincere. Those neighbors must not have been too sympathetic, otherwise they wouldn't have hired the bastard in the first place. Their choice to give him work speaks volumes about the kind of people they are. Same thing for the neighbor girl's parents. It's sickening that even though their kid was the same age you were when he started his shit with you, they chose to hire him anyway. She was lucky you were there to warn her about what a scumbag he is, and even more so that she was smart enough to not be home when he'd be there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderinstar Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Neither I nor my kids have ever gone through this, thank goodness. (At least I don't think so.) So you can discount what I say accordingly. But I think the protection of possible future victims from this boy ought to be a major consideration as to whether to prosecute. bill This is exactly why I want to report the crimes committed against me now, almost thirty years later. The psycho who violated me also did so to at least five other girls I know. We all disclosed to others before we were aware anyone else was abused so I can be fairly confident they are genuine reports. This kind of behavior doesn't tend to stop over time, considering he was basically abusing children at any opportunity he could find for at least the fifteen years I know of. It will cost me a great deal to lay charges and potentially be involved in a harrowing court case but I think I will be able to live life more fully knowing I did all I could do to stop this bastard. Perhaps if this young perpetrator were convicted, sentenced and provided thorough psychiatric treatment he may be able to be rehabilitated. I would still have my doubts but at least while he's in prison he can't hurt anymore children. Far too many people and cultures minimize the devastating impact of childhood sexual abuse and cripple the justice system from performing its moral duty. I have said it before and I will say it again; many times I would have far preferred being murdered than living to endure what I endured. All who have the wisdom to see this crime for what it is should do all they can to break the silence. EDIT: I totally understand that many child abuse survivors cannot go to the police for many reasons, mostly because it takes all their energy to survive. This is why it is so crucial that people around the victim take all action possible to stop the abuse and have the perpetrator charged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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