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Defending Loved Ones Who Still Believe.


DarthKoopa
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The other day I told an atheist friend that I no longer believe in god. I explained to him how I am trying to tell my wife. He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief. This makes me very uncomfortable. My wife is a great and sweet person. I do not look down on her for believing something that I once believed. I did explain to him that self righteousness from atheist helps keep people stuck in their beliefs.

 

Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it?

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I can relate, although I don't defend family members because very few of them are outspoken believers.   In a general sense, though, I do tend to sympathize with believers when certain types of atheists belittle them.   If somethings works for someone at a certain point in his or her life, and they aren't out there acting crazy about it, then I tend to live and let live.  Everyone has their own journey to walk.  

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There is a type of atheism that is just as strong in its absolute faith in the non-existence of "God" as that of theists in their faith that "God" does exist. There is little or no difference between the two in terms of the level of :stupidity and "assholism" (thanks Margee!) that either is capable of engaging in.

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There is a HUGE difference between the thought processes of people who never been sucked in (or brought up in) fundamentalist Christianity and those who have copped a big dose on the way through life.  If someone has never been sucked in by it all, the ideas and beliefs that Christians subscribe to will seem totally preposterous.

 

Am I right in thinking that your athiest friend has never been sucked in to the Christian vortex?  You may need to go through the psychology of brainwashing with this friend SEVERAL times before he gets it.  But, as long as he is not saying this sort of stuff to your wife, then I guess you personally will be able to cope with it.

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There is a HUGE difference between the thought processes of people who never been sucked in (or brought up in) fundamentalist Christianity and those who have copped a big dose on the way through life.  If someone has never been sucked in by it all, the ideas and beliefs that Christians subscribe to will seem totally preposterous.

 

Am I right in thinking that your athiest friend has never been sucked in to the Christian vortex?  You may need to go through the psychology of brainwashing with this friend SEVERAL times before he gets it.  But, as long as he is not saying this sort of stuff to your wife, then I guess you personally will be able to cope with it.

there is a difference in experience but hes referring to the confidence of having the answer to an unanswerable question. Remember too that it also goes the other way as life long xians wonder how on earth someone can NOT believe there is a god.

 

My wife has told me that my attitude has been one that seems to look down on belief as childish, immature, and mindless. I dnt think I was like that. its not in my nature. but simply not believing is offensive to some since you reject something they hold so dear.

 

As for self righteous keeping people in their beliefs, see 'attitude polarization' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attitude_polarization

 

Minds aren't changed in a confrontation. My 'theory' and I'm no psychologist is that the most effective change comes by proxy. Watching a debate, stumbling on information that contradicts your view point (learning by accident), anything where you are not targeted. Its tough to get offended when no one was talking to you but a seed is sown.  

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Guest ThereIsNoGod

I've occasionally spoken in defense of certain classes of believers. I mock some believers as a defense against their arrogance, but there are some believers who are too innocent to mock. I mean would you mock a kid  who said "Mommy says Grandma is in heaven:)"? For some believers there is just no reason to mock them. I feel most of my mocking is purely defensive. The serious mocking anyway.

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I do not like to see Christians mocked because of their beliefs, especially since I used to share many of those same beliefs. Similarly, I do not like seeing Christians mock unbelievers. To my way of thinking, the act of mocking is a way of expressing perceived supiority by the one doing the mocking over the one being mocked. It is a way of expressing that the beliefs or position of the one being mocked are so silly that a consideration of them is worth no more than a snide remark and a laugh. That is disrespectful and is met with a returned scorn by the one being mocked.

 

I will not allow anyone to mock my loved ones who are Christians. I do not defend their religion, but make it clear that I will not sit there and listen to smart ass remarks directed to my loved ones. Period!

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Attacking a christian who simply believes and is a nice person is just as offensive as an aggressive,

arrogant christian belittling exchristians. Let people live their own lives the way they want to so

long as they don't interfere unnecessarily in others' lives. bill

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I've heard it said before that there is a difference between mocking a belief and mocking a person. The tricky thing is that people tend to form their identities around their beliefs, so that even when you are limiting your mocking to a belief, most of those believers aren't going to hear the distinction and will take it personally.

 

I guess it is important to clarify what you mean by "mocking" too. When do you believe the line is crossed from critique into mocking? I suspect a lot of people disagree about that line.

 

If you think your friend crossed the line, you might ask him why he feels the need to mock at all. Is it because he came out of a faith background and is angry about it and lashing back? Is it because he thinks you and he will bond over putting something/someone else down?

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He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief.

 

 

 

Hell, we mock Christianity and Christians around here all the time. Christian beliefs are worthy of mockery. He made the remarks to you, though, not her. Still, it's bad form to make fun of someone to their spouse.

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Guest r3alchild

 

He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief.

 

 

Hell, we mock Christianity and Christians around here all the time. Christian beliefs are worthy of mockery. He made the remarks to you, though, not her. Still, it's bad form to make fun of someone to their spouse.

True, just take OdinaryClay for example.
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Guest r3alchild

 

He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief.

 

 

Hell, we mock Christianity and Christians around here all the time. Christian beliefs are worthy of mockery. He made the remarks to you, though, not her. Still, it's bad form to make fun of someone to their spouse.

True
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He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief.

 

Hell, we mock Christianity and Christians around here all the time. Christian beliefs are worthy of mockery. He made the remarks to you, though, not her. Still, it's bad form to make fun of someone to their spouse.

True

 

There is a difference though, this site is not welovechristianity.net. Most people do not come here to praise Christianity, so the mocking is expected and it is not usually aimed at anyone personally. At least that I have seem.

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The other day I told an atheist friend that I no longer believe in god. I explained to him how I am trying to tell my wife. He has made a few comments to me mocking her and her belief. This makes me very uncomfortable. My wife is a great and sweet person. I do not look down on her for believing something that I once believed. I did explain to him that self righteousness from atheist helps keep people stuck in their beliefs.

 

Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it?

 

I don't think this is an issue about religion or atheism, this is an issue about respect. You don't mock a person's wife. You should tell this guy to go fuck himself.

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Are you sure you didn't do or say anything about your wife or christians in general that may have lead him to think whatever he said would be ok with you? Most people would just need you to say it makes you uncomfortable and that would be the end of it. I just wonder why you're having this conversation with us first and not him.

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When I believed, I had several friends mock the belief. The mindset I had made me believe they were mocking me, since it seems with Christianity, the whole, "you are second to this, this is everything you are" mentality, you can't help but believe said person is making fun of you.  Now, I realize that they weren't hating me, just the ideal that I seem to stand for. Example, why did I need to believe in a god to be nice, respectful, compassionate? Why did I need to go to church to prove how good I was? Did I believe that i needed a god to be good? Questions like that, at that time, seemed very mocking to me. It probably also didn't help that there are people who naturally have this attitude without realizing it.

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