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Be Careful What You Pray For


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-The pastor felt led to pray for rain in Kenya when he was there this spring. He said it rained everyday for the next few days. It's the rainy season, and they are now having catastrophic flooding.

So this post in another thread got me thinking...was anyone else told to be careful what you pray for? Like God was up there just waiting for you to fuck up your wording so he could give you exactly what you asked for, knowing the outcome was not really good, just so he could giggle his ass off.

 

Also, who else was warned never to pray for patience because God would really mess you up then?

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I heard about the guy who prayed that his johnson would touch the floor, then his legs fell off.

 

Popular Christianity today is rife with technicalities. One might think "thy will be done" would be safe, but you've all read what god's will has been at times.

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-The pastor felt led to pray for rain in Kenya when he was there this spring. He said it rained everyday for the next few days. It's the rainy season, and they are now having catastrophic flooding.

So this post in another thread got me thinking...was anyone else told to be careful what you pray for? Like God was up there just waiting for you to fuck up your wording so he could give you exactly what you asked for, knowing the outcome was not really good, just so he could giggle his ass off.

 

Also, who else was warned never to pray for patience because God would really mess you up then?

 

 

I have suggested before that Christians worship a god that is more like a genie than a loving deity. Their god is a trickster in almost exactly the same way.

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I like Bill Cosby's thoughts on how "God" answers all the conflicting prayers coming in from the Vegas blackjack tables: Bust everybody!

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Prayer: "Give me a sign if you are real God!"

 

Sign: A stop sign gets thrown out of a tornado a few miles away and it flies through your window and hits your face.

 

God: "Here's your sign bitch! Muhahahaha!"

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Don't christians only pray for whats probable, then claim later god has done the impossible.

 

And this is what broke my brain. First, we were told to pray for and believe in the impossible. Then, we were told to dial it down, so its at least doable. Then, the rulebook changed again and we were told to pray for God's will--AKA, what God was going to do anways. "Dear God, please do what you're going to do anyways." And then, when nothing happens, we're like "Oh wow, bless God! He's building patience!" Or when something bad happens (due to our "prayer") we're like, "Oh wow, bless God! He's building our character!"

 

Heads God wins, tails we lose.

 

I fucking rue the day I set foot into a "Bible believing" church. Goddamn lies!

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Yeah, a lot of churches teach that we do not pray to change god's mind (why would we want to change the mind of one that is perfect in all his ways? A change from perfection would be somehow less than perfect, right?), but that we pray to learn god's will. So, if we pray for a new car and we don't get a new car, then we have learned something: 1) that god doesn't want us to have a new car, 2) that god doesn't want us to have a new car NOW, 3) that there is some 'sin' in my life that keeps god from granting that prayer.

 

It's BS teaching, but it tends to satisfy the believer.

 

One thing that a lot of people don't think about is petitioning god for certain things may benefit yourself, but harm others. So, for example, one person prays for a sunny day because he is going to the park with his children. At the same time a farmer is praying for rain so that he won't lose his crops. It was realizing things like this that caused me, when I was a believer, to see the foolishness of prayer.

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I knew I could eventually count on one of my crazy FB friends to come through for me.

 

l7aciMM.jpg

 

Be specific, people! I don't want a shiny new one-horse trailer showing up in my driveway tomorrow morning or I'm going to be pissed at whichever one of you prayed some half-assed blanket prayer, dammit.

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-The pastor felt led to pray for rain in Kenya when he was there this spring. He said it rained everyday for the next few days. It's the rainy season, and they are now having catastrophic flooding.

So this post in another thread got me thinking...was anyone else told to be careful what you pray for? Like God was up there just waiting for you to fuck up your wording so he could give you exactly what you asked for, knowing the outcome was not really good, just so he could giggle his ass off.

 

Also, who else was warned never to pray for patience because God would really mess you up then?

 

 

Yeah, I used to pray that God would help me to quit drinking. Not long after, my girlfriend secretly went off the pill and "oopsed!" me with a pregnancy.

 

Long story short: We broke up and went to court to arrange visitation. She told her lawyer I was an alcoholic and I got sent to 30 days of rehab. I went to AA and got sober.

 

So... um... thank God for answered prayers!

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