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When Do You Just Give In?


vitani88
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I just had a conversation with my mom and then she teared up a little.


I'm visiting for the week for Mother's Day and my brother's graduation. I asked what the plan was for tomorrow (Mother's Day, obviously) and she said they would probably go to the early church service at the ass crack of dawn. I made the statement that I was not planning on waking up at 6am to cook breakfast (I generally make breakfast on Mother's Day). She said that maybe they would go to the late service. I, of course, asked why she didn't just stay home to spend the day with her children since it's Mother's Day and all. She asked why I couldn't just go with her to church. I replied that I would prefer to spend the morning with my mom instead of spending it in a pew listening to other people talk.


(Side note: My mom has no qualms missing church if she's just gotten back from the beach, is on vacation, is tired, etc.)


My mom went on and on with the guilt trip - "why can't you just go this one time?!" even though I did go with her a couple Christmases ago. It turned out to be really awkward because she suddenly thought I was going to reconvert for the next several days. This is why I prefer to not go at all.


So at what point do you just give in and go along with the nonsense? I'm afraid that not going may be bitchy. Thanks in advance!

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I think you have your answer already. If the last time you went she became that disillusioned about your reconverting, I would gently point this out and make it clear to her that you don't want to attend. Or, you could point out her own hypocrisy on the issue and totally fuck up any good spirit on Mother's Day she might have exuded.

 

I don't think you are bitchy to enforce boundaries, though it IS Mother's Day, and getting up at the ass crack of dawn to make breakfast and see her off to church would be a very loving gesture of a child to mom...... hint..hint..

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I think you have your answer already. If the last time you went she became that disillusioned about your reconverting, I would gently point this out and make it clear to her that you don't want to attend. Or, you could point out her own hypocrisy on the issue and totally fuck up any good spirit on Mother's Day she might have exuded.

 

I don't think you are bitchy to enforce boundaries, though it IS Mother's Day, and getting up at the ass crack of dawn to make breakfast and see her off to church would be a very loving gesture of a child to mom...... hint..hint..

 

Haha! You're probably right and I probably should do it anyway. But she actually begrudgingly decided not to go to church at all since I flat-out refused. Not only does my mom lose her mind for days after I go with her, but everyone in the church knows I'm not a Christian (my mom informed them) and they pray for me weekly. So it's awkward for me from the moment I get out of the car. 

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So, bring the service to her...kind of. She have any favorite performers? Favorite types of hymns? Play those on the stereo, have some coffee and breakfast, and love your momma.

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This is why I detest the guilt trip games people play and refuse to give in to them. I used to, all of the time, when I was in the cult and it always led to me making the wrong decision about things. So, in answer to your question of when to give in - NEVER!

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I just had a conversation with my mom and then she teared up a little.

I'm visiting for the week for Mother's Day and my brother's graduation. I asked what the plan was for tomorrow (Mother's Day, obviously) and she said they would probably go to the early church service at the ass crack of dawn. I made the statement that I was not planning on waking up at 6am to cook breakfast (I generally make breakfast on Mother's Day). She said that maybe they would go to the late service. I, of course, asked why she didn't just stay home to spend the day with her children since it's Mother's Day and all. She asked why I couldn't just go with her to church. I replied that I would prefer to spend the morning with my mom instead of spending it in a pew listening to other people talk.

(Side note: My mom has no qualms missing church if she's just gotten back from the beach, is on vacation, is tired, etc.)

My mom went on and on with the guilt trip - "why can't you just go this one time?!" even though I did go with her a couple Christmases ago. It turned out to be really awkward because she suddenly thought I was going to reconvert for the next several days. This is why I prefer to not go at all.

So at what point do you just give in and go along with the nonsense? I'm afraid that not going may be bitchy. Thanks in advance!

 

 

Might be fun to go to church ... let them pray for you and all ... give them all some hope ... then when you're back home let em know you're still a non-believer. :-)

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Sorry but although I think she might have poor boundaries in general, I think this time you invited it upon yourself by telling her you weren't going to cook breakfast (had she mentioned breakfast at all?) and then asking her to do what you wanted instead of what she wanted on Mother's Day at her own house. If she were visiting you and she suggested you go to church because she was visiting, you don't like that, right? So why would you think you can suggest she not go to church? It works both ways.

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