What Christian Denomination Were You From?

[milesaway]

I hopped around. All of the denominations I tried were fucked up insane asylums. I think that helped me realize that the whole thing is Just a cult. A bunch of delusional people that worship a fucking book. That is what all of them had in common. The bible may as well be GOD itself to most Christians:

 

I did as well, and I noticed the same thing. Someone at the last church I visited told me something along the lines of "church isn't a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken." At the time, I wondered to myself, if it was a hospital for the broken, why is nobody willing or able to get better? Looking back, that alone should have told me what I was dealing with. And you're right, pawn. It really is a cult for the delusional, barely educated (in most cases), gullible and superstitious. Their buybull might as well be their god incarnate, and the crackers they munch every Sunday are too.

[Lerk]

Church of Christ

 

I wonder how many of us former CoC folks there are here.

[pawn]

 

 

I hopped around. All of the denominations I tried were fucked up insane asylums. I think that helped me realize that the whole thing is Just a cult. A bunch of delusional people that worship a fucking book. That is what all of them had in common. The bible may as well be GOD itself to most Christians:

I did as well, and I noticed the same thing. Someone at the last church I visited told me something along the lines of "church isn't a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken." At the time, I wondered to myself, if it was a hospital for the broken, why is nobody willing or able to get better? Looking back, that alone should have told me what I was dealing with. And you're right, pawn. It really is a cult for the delusional, barely educated (in most cases), gullible and superstitious. Their buybull might as well be their god incarnate, and the crackers they munch every Sunday are too.

Yeah, the entire Christendom, the whole religion, is laid on the foundation of the bible. Once I realized this, and realized that the bible is full of errors, the entire religion just collapsed in a smoking heap of ashes. For me it happened very suddenly and quickly, like a sunrise. One moment I was groping around in the dark, and the next thing I knew, it was daylight.

[slave2six]

I ran the gamut. 

 

From birth to 18, we were Southern Baptists. (My dad started the Singles ministry at College Avenue Baptist Church in San Diego.)

 

We then went on to the Wesleyan Church where my dad was an associate pastor under John Maxwell at Skyline Wesleyan Church.

 

At the age of 21, I started attending the Vineyard Christian Fellowship and bounced around a variety of other non-denoms for the next 15 years.

 

We then attended the "cathedral" church of the Charismatic Episcopal Church for 8 years. The CEC is a liturgical church that was started by a bunch of former fundamentalist evangelicals who thought that the Orthodox had some really neat ideas but they were unwilling to submit themselves to any authority and so, in true Protestant tradition, they started their own gig. This was the last church that we ever attended. If those people were at all honest with themselves, they would have their cathedral at Mos Eisley Spaceport ("You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.").

 

We probably would have gone completely Orthodox had it not been that I was fed up with the whole church scene and I took it upon myself to ask the simplest of questions: Can Christianity be true?

 

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it cannot!

 

While we miss having the community of people at church, trying to go back would be like climbing back into a sewer after you've finally had several baths.

[slave2six]

I love this bit by Emo Phillips:

 

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! don't do it!"

 

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

 

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

 

He said, "Like what?"

 

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

 

He said, "Religious."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?"

 

He said, "Christian."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?"

 

He said, "Protestant."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?"

 

He said, "Baptist!"

 

I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?"

 

He said, "Baptist church of god!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?"

 

He said,"Reformed Baptist church of god!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?"

 

He said, "Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!"

 

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

[DoOrDoNot]

 

Church of Christ

 

 

I wonder how many of us former CoC folks there are here.

I don't know, but you'd think there'd be a lot! I'm a transplant from an ex coc forum. Geezer saw me there and recommended this site. I haven't actually physically left the coc, though I have in my mind I do manage to keep my attendance at a minimum, that's the best I've done so far.

[RankStranger]

I ran the gamut. 

 

From birth to 18, we were Southern Baptists. (My dad started the Singles ministry at College Avenue Baptist Church in San Diego.)

 

We then went on to the Wesleyan Church where my dad was an associate pastor under John Maxwell at Skyline Wesleyan Church.

 

At the age of 21, I started attending the Vineyard Christian Fellowship and bounced around a variety of other non-denoms for the next 15 years.

 

We then attended the "cathedral" church of the Charismatic Episcopal Church for 8 years. The CEC is a liturgical church that was started by a bunch of former fundamentalist evangelicals who thought that the Orthodox had some really neat ideas but they were unwilling to submit themselves to any authority and so, in true Protestant tradition, they started their own gig. This was the last church that we ever attended. If those people were at all honest with themselves, they would have their cathedral at Mos Eisley Spaceport ("You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.").

 

We probably would have gone completely Orthodox had it not been that I was fed up with the whole church scene and I took it upon myself to ask the simplest of questions: Can Christianity be true?

 

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it cannot!

 

While we miss having the community of people at church, trying to go back would be like climbing back into a sewer after you've finally had several baths.

 

A fellow ex-Wesleyan!  We are few and far between in my experience.  A few have come through here, but not many.

 

I went to a Wesleyan church in Bumfuck Tennessee for the first 18 years of my life.  I  moved out shortly after high school and have never attended church since.  

 

I would describe Wesleyans as I understand them as "methodists on crack".  The doctrine as I understand it is similar- but the Wesleyans take it to a ridiculous extreme.  Basically the attitude is that if anything MIGHT be construed as sin, then it is assumed to BE sin... and you're in danger of hell-fire every second of your life lest you repent anything that MIGHT be sin.  Let's say you're driving down the road and a truck pulls in front of you- you scream "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" and then you die in a fiery crash.  Well too bad- you're goin' to hell.  Because you didn't repent that sin before you died.  I guess I never saw this written down- their actual doctrine may or may not be exactly that... but this is how I was taught as a kid.  I gave Wesleyan Jesus a try as a kid, but figured out pretty quickly at age 13 that this shit didn't make sense and wasn't going to work for me.  My brothers were similar.  Many a time the whole goddamn church would be up at the alters praying, howling, running in the isles... and us three boys would be sitting uncomfortably in the back row wishing we could go home.  Or maybe we'd be asleep.

 

I wonder if Wesleyans in other parts of the country are as crazy as the ones I grew up with... or if it was kindof a local southern/appalachain thing.  I mean, they have colleges and hospitals and shit in other parts of the country- but they're not nearly functional enough for anything like that back home.  Are Wesleyans elsewhere as crazy as Pentecostals?  Do they require women to wear dresses and not cut their hair (this was officially required in the church where I grew up, though compliance wasn't universal especially among younger women)?  Are they a uniquely miserable bunch of people in other parts of the country too?  Or did I just grow up with a particularly screwed up bunch?

 

BTW... shout-outs to the former Nazarines in this thread.  We went to a Nazarine church until we moved when I was 4.  And to my knowledge it's pretty much the same thing as the Wesleyans.

[RenaissanceWoman]

 

I would describe Wesleyans as I understand them as "methodists on crack".  The doctrine as I understand it is similar- but the Wesleyans take it to a ridiculous extreme.  Basically the attitude is that if anything MIGHT be construed as sin, then it is assumed to BE sin... and you're in danger of hell-fire every second of your life lest you repent anything that MIGHT be sin.

 

I had the same trouble as a conservative Lutheran (LCMS). There was constant fear and guilt that every little thing is a sin. I once had a conversation with someone, wondering if a kid is squirming in church and distracting someone else's worship experience -- is that a sin on the part of the parents? That's just going too far. And if anything went wrong in your life or did not go the way you had hoped, perhaps it was a sin you had that you had not confessed -- which you probably did not even know was a sin. How can anyone live with these rules? We don't even know what the rules are! So I would spend lots of time in my mind, going over everything I had ever done or said that might be sin, hoping to cleanse myself so the situation would stop going to shit. That's a giant mind fuck.

 

You also mention not confessing before you die -- you go straight to hell. That was the reasoning I was taught for suicide; you cannot confess that last sin. Well, I argued, what if you start the deed (slit wrists, overdose on pills, whatever), wait a while, call 911, confess your sin, then die before they can save you. Heaven? What if you jump off a building or bridge and confess mid-air before you hit? Heaven? What about the people who leapt from the buildings on 9/11? They were facing a fireball in the building, or certain death from jumping. At least if they jump, there would be some remains for their families to scoop up and identify, so that suicide might have been the humane decision. Heaven? Did Judas die right away when he hanged himself? Maybe he hung there a few moments of suffocation, long enough to confess -- so he could be in heaven. (The pastor agreed that was possible.) It's just so ridiculous.

 

I'm glad we're all out of that nonsense. What a mess.

[RankStranger]

 

I would describe Wesleyans as I understand them as "methodists on crack". The doctrine as I understand it is similar- but the Wesleyans take it to a ridiculous extreme. Basically the attitude is that if anything MIGHT be construed as sin, then it is assumed to BE sin... and you're in danger of hell-fire every second of your life lest you repent anything that MIGHT be sin.

 

I had the same trouble as a conservative Lutheran (LCMS). There was constant fear and guilt that every little thing is a sin. I once had a conversation with someone, wondering if a kid is squirming in church and distracting someone else's worship experience -- is that a sin on the part of the parents? That's just going too far. And if anything went wrong in your life or did not go the way you had hoped, perhaps it was a sin you had that you had not confessed -- which you probably did not even know was a sin. How can anyone live with these rules? We don't even know what the rules are! So I would spend lots of time in my mind, going over everything I had ever done or said that might be sin, hoping to cleanse myself so the situation would stop going to shit. That's a giant mind fuck.

 

You also mention not confessing before you die -- you go straight to hell. That was the reasoning I was taught for suicide; you cannot confess that last sin. Well, I argued, what if you start the deed (slit wrists, overdose on pills, whatever), wait a while, call 911, confess your sin, then die before they can save you. Heaven? What if you jump off a building or bridge and confess mid-air before you hit? Heaven? What about the people who leapt from the buildings on 9/11? They were facing a fireball in the building, or certain death from jumping. At least if they jump, there would be some remains for their families to scoop up and identify, so that suicide might have been the humane decision. Heaven? Did Judas die right away when he hanged himself? Maybe he hung there a few moments of suffocation, long enough to confess -- so he could be in heaven. (The pastor agreed that was possible.) It's just so ridiculous.

 

I'm glad we're all out of that nonsense. What a mess.

Yeah, I had no idea that Lutherans could be batshit crazy until I met a preacher from the Wisconsin Synod several years ago. He used to stop by now and then and try to save my soul - I enjoyed the arguing at the time. Turns out that those guys are essentially Calvinists... for all practical purposes. He even claimed at one point that unbaptized babies go to hell. I challenged him to include that little nugget in his next sermon - I mean if it comes from 'god', then those broiling babies must be a good thing... right? He claimed that he did bring it up in his sermon in front of all the old church-ladys. I think he lied about it though.

 

I guess this goes to show that even the tame strains of Christianity (which would generally include Lutherans and Methodists) can mutate into crazy fundamentalism.

[slave2six]

It seems to me that most of the exchristians here come from a pentecostal, fundamentalist or evangelical churches.  I haven't counted denominations, but that is my impression. If true, It suggests that the more extreme the belief system, the more likely one is to deconvert. What are your views?

 

I think that you're mainly right. The main problem, though, is that Evangelicals want to have it both ways. They want to employ reason and they want to defend their faith. Oil and water. The reason that the Orthodox have so few representatives among ex-christians is that they are more esoteric and ethereal. That's simply my opinion though.

[slave2six]

 

I ran the gamut. 

 

From birth to 18, we were Southern Baptists. (My dad started the Singles ministry at College Avenue Baptist Church in San Diego.)

 

We then went on to the Wesleyan Church where my dad was an associate pastor under John Maxwell at Skyline Wesleyan Church.

 

A fellow ex-Wesleyan!  We are few and far between in my experience.  A few have come through here, but not many.

 

 

John Maxwell was a piece of work. He ran the church like a corporation and was more concerned with the chedda than anything else. He came out with a "90 Day Guarantee" in which you were supposed to tithe for 90 days and if god hadn't blessed you in that time you could get your money back (the satirical "Wittenburg Door" magazine awarded him the coveted "Green Weenie" award for that one).

 

Then there was the Sunday he had the ushers dismiss each row of pews to have everyone walk across the front of the church and put their money on the communion alter. And of course the annual ($20/seat) Christmas extravaganza including a laser show, ballerinas and ninja turtles (because nothing says Christmas like nunchuck-wielding reptiles).

 

Unbelievable.

[RenaissanceWoman]

Yeah, I had no idea that Lutherans could be batshit crazy until I met a preacher from the Wisconsin Synod several years ago. He used to stop by now and then and try to save my soul - I enjoyed the arguing at the time. Turns out that those guys are essentially Calvinists... for all practical purposes. He even claimed at one point that unbaptized babies go to hell.

 

 

Yes, unbaptized babies going to hell is preached with us. We chose to baptize our baby when she was a month old, because we had a lot of family coming from out of state, and various arrangements, etc. The preacher was in a bit of a panic that we would wait so long. He instructed us that if anything comes up (sudden illness), we should call him right away so he could come and baptize her in case it was life-threatening. We are also taught that if a baby is born with a life-threatening issue, we should baptize the baby on site at the hospital. We are instructed to ask for a nurse or chaplain who knows how to do it, and we are also taught the minimum words to say in case we have to do it ourselves. If the baby lives, then we fill out the proper paperwork with the church to certify that he/she has already been baptized, or we can have the pastor then do it "for real" at church as usual.

 

As if the panic situation of having a baby with a life-threatening issue is not stressful enough. Good grief.

 

(My baby was fine, by the way.)

[pawn]

 

Yeah, I had no idea that Lutherans could be batshit crazy until I met a preacher from the Wisconsin Synod several years ago. He used to stop by now and then and try to save my soul - I enjoyed the arguing at the time. Turns out that those guys are essentially Calvinists... for all practical purposes. He even claimed at one point that unbaptized babies go to hell.

 

 

Yes, unbaptized babies going to hell is preached with us. We chose to baptize our baby when she was a month old, because we had a lot of family coming from out of state, and various arrangements, etc. The preacher was in a bit of a panic that we would wait so long. He instructed us that if anything comes up (sudden illness), we should call him right away so he could come and baptize her in case it was life-threatening. We are also taught that if a baby is born with a life-threatening issue, we should baptize the baby on site at the hospital. We are instructed to ask for a nurse or chaplain who knows how to do it, and we are also taught the minimum words to say in case we have to do it ourselves. If the baby lives, then we fill out the proper paperwork with the church to certify that he/she has already been baptized, or we can have the pastor then do it "for real" at church as usual.

 

As if the panic situation of having a baby with a life-threatening issue is not stressful enough. Good grief.

 

(My baby was fine, by the way.)

 

Because GOD ALMIGHTY is completely helpless unless sinful, fallible humans step in and do all the "steps to salvation."  WTF?  WHy does GOD need mortals to do baptisms for him?  Ridiculous.

[pawn]

The more I learn about Xianity and all it's weird denominations, the more disgusted I am with it. Hellfire for babies? Only very Sick people would believe this stuff. Religion is a sickness.

[amateur]

The more I learn about Xianity and all it's weird denominations, the more disgusted I am with it. Hellfire for babies? Only very Sick people would believe this stuff. Religion is a sickness.

EXACTLY!  And EXACTLY for all the above about panic-driven baptisms in case of emergency.  Stupid and unnecessary cruel for the parents.

[Adam5]

Church of England

 

"Catholic Lite - same rituals, half the guilt" Robin Williams