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Jesus Anteater Has Come To Save Us


mymistake
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http://news.yahoo.com/mystery-immaculately-conceived-baby-anteater-140155441.html

 

We know Jesus Anteater has to be God the Son because that is the only way such a miracle could have happened.  Once Jesus Anteater is baptized and begins his ministry we can completely trust that his message is the gospel truth.  This miracle birth is testimony from God the Father that the words of God's son are true.

 

 

 Let us worship the newborn king!

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Let's not forget his holy mother! Our Lady of the Anteaters!

 

always knew ants were evil!  :P

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Is the Jesus anteater going to save only a portion of the ants from himself by purposefully killing himself? Is he also going to bring himself back to life only to eat the ants that he didn't save? 

 

Lol.

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He's keeping the Fire Ants alive as a special reserve  ;p

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"This ant is my body.  Eat it in remembrance of me."

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can we bless it with chocolate first?

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Awwww, if baby Jesus was depicted as being that cute maybe I'd have believed in him for longer!

 

 

My goodness, all those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were Jesus too ohmy.png

Wait... is that where Raptor Jesus came from?

Truly the scales have fallen from my eyes.

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Man, there is some really bad theology going on here. Jesus anteater didn't come to save the ants, he came to save his fellow anteaters.

Haven't you ever read from the holy epistle "Hills on a summer sidewalk crack"?

 

"1) How quickly some of you are removed from the gospel of anteater that was given to you. If any ant; piss, fire, red, black, or yes, even carpenter should come unto you preaching any other gospel than that which I have preached to you, let him be ant-athema.

2) For Jesus anteater was not sent unto the house of ants, but unto his own.

3) As it is written, he shall grow as a furry long-snouted one among you, and you esteem him not. He shall save the anteaters from their sins."

 

or

 

The "Book of Snout"?

 

"1)There have recently come in among you evil anteaters, leading silly women anteaters astray with the lie that their slim tounge is as long as their head.

2) Such are Termites! Spreading truth with enough of a lie in it to make it seem believable. 

3) Ants and termites, termites and ants. Jesus anteater shall do away with both of them.

4) They shall bite his snout, but he shall destroy them but not their energy"

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Sigh.  Again, the media get "immaculate conception" wrong.

 

 

Yes, but to be fair that is kind of like getting the Horcrux, from Harry Potter, wrong. 

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This is all blasphemy! There was no anteater Jesus, only Raptor Jesus who went extinct for our sins 90 million years ago!

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This is all blasphemy! There was no anteater Jesus, only Raptor Jesus who went extinct for our sins 90 million years ago!

 

You wouldn't find any bones of Raptor Jesus if Lucifer Anteater hadn't spread them all about to confuse the whole world.

 

Plus, your post made me blow liquids out of my nose.

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Oh yeah? Well then if anteater Jesus is real how come there are still ants?

 

Plus,haha

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Because the ants have to choose for themselves if they want to become a part of anteater jesus(' stomach contents).

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Because the ants have to choose for themselves if they want to become a part of anteater jesus(' stomach contents).

 

All ants will become part of Anteater Jesus.  Those ants who accept Anteater Jesus into their hearts are redeemed and will get to remain in fellowship in the stomach.  Those who choose to reject the Free Gift will be cast out into the lower intestine where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

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But Raptor Jesus loves you more than you can possibly imagine! You are just slapping him in the snout every time you pray to your so called "anteater Jesus".

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Because the ants have to choose for themselves if they want to become a part of anteater jesus(' stomach contents).

 

All ants will become part of Anteater Jesus.  Those ants who accept Anteater Jesus into their hearts are redeemed and will get to remain in fellowship in the stomach.  Those who choose to reject the Free Gift will be cast out into the lower intestine where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

 

 

I want to believe this, but I need chapter and verse from the New Testament of The Anteater. Until then, I maintain that Anteater Jesus only came to save other anteaters. Of course the rest get passed into the drought.

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Because the ants have to choose for themselves if they want to become a part of anteater jesus(' stomach contents).

 

All ants will become part of Anteater Jesus.  Those ants who accept Anteater Jesus into their hearts are redeemed and will get to remain in fellowship in the stomach.  Those who choose to reject the Free Gift will be cast out into the lower intestine where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

 

 

I want to believe this, but I need chapter and verse from the New Testament of The Anteater. Until then, I maintain that Anteater Jesus only came to save other anteaters. Of course the rest get passed into the drought.

 

 

"Behold, I come not to save the ants, for the ants are of Satan and must be destroyed for they pray that endangerment fall upon the anteaters. Eat of them and ye shall receive nourishment and blessings for destroying the wicked spirits of the soil." Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 6 verses 1-2

 

The wrath of Jesus Anteater fell upon the ants and crying out, they scurried away in fright. When the tongue came down, a group of ants huddled together, fearful of their coming destruction. "Spare us, we beg of you, Jesus Anteater! We chose not to live in fear for every day of our lives, waiting for the coming of destruction when the anteaters come to feed. We prayed that endangerment would fall upon the anteaters and realize that ye have come to prevent endangerment. We were wicked to pray for the destruction of anteaters. We know this for our tiny eyes have been opened! Spare us Jesus anteater and forgive us our transgressions against the anteaters!" Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 7 verses 11-18

 

Jesus anteater looked upon the frightened ants. In his heart, he felt sadness when he saw their despair and their terror. It was true, the ants chose not to live in fear. Though he came not to save the ants, in his infinite mercy, he granted salvation upon the fearful ants before him, to whom he said, "Thine eyes have been opened and from wickedness have ye turned. I am merciful and will grant ye forgiveness for thine transgressions. Know that one day, thine time will come, and ye shall be taken into my stomach where you will be able to remain in fellowship with other ants who also turn from wickedness. This gift that I offer is free and I offer it to all ants, but those ants that continue to pray for the demise of anteaters and choose not to accept this free gift shall be cast into my lower intestine. There shall be weeping and gnashing of pincers within the tunnel of darkness that is my intestine." Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 7 verses 19-27

 

See? He came to save only the anteaters, originally, but decided to save the ants too because some of them begged for mercy.

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While your scripture is most profound, It surely must have been corrupted. For although anteater Jesus may have indeed been a great prophet, it is only to Raptor Jesus that we must give praise and thanks. Salvation is by Him alone, even for the ants.

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If Anteater Jesus is real, then it is important that the Ant Queen is real also. Ant Queen is the mother of lies and evil. Save us therefore from the wiles of Ant Queen lest she tempt us to stealing picnic crumbs, extreme assmiliation  and unbecoming strength!

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

 

 

Because the ants have to choose for themselves if they want to become a part of anteater jesus(' stomach contents).

 

All ants will become part of Anteater Jesus.  Those ants who accept Anteater Jesus into their hearts are redeemed and will get to remain in fellowship in the stomach.  Those who choose to reject the Free Gift will be cast out into the lower intestine where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

 

 

I want to believe this, but I need chapter and verse from the New Testament of The Anteater. Until then, I maintain that Anteater Jesus only came to save other anteaters. Of course the rest get passed into the drought.

 

 

"Behold, I come not to save the ants, for the ants are of Satan and must be destroyed for they pray that endangerment fall upon the anteaters. Eat of them and ye shall receive nourishment and blessings for destroying the wicked spirits of the soil." Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 6 verses 1-2

 

The wrath of Jesus Anteater fell upon the ants and crying out, they scurried away in fright. When the tongue came down, a group of ants huddled together, fearful of their coming destruction. "Spare us, we beg of you, Jesus Anteater! We chose not to live in fear for every day of our lives, waiting for the coming of destruction when the anteaters come to feed. We prayed that endangerment would fall upon the anteaters and realize that ye have come to prevent endangerment. We were wicked to pray for the destruction of anteaters. We know this for our tiny eyes have been opened! Spare us Jesus anteater and forgive us our transgressions against the anteaters!" Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 7 verses 11-18

 

Jesus anteater looked upon the frightened ants. In his heart, he felt sadness when he saw their despair and their terror. It was true, the ants chose not to live in fear. Though he came not to save the ants, in his infinite mercy, he granted salvation upon the fearful ants before him, to whom he said, "Thine eyes have been opened and from wickedness have ye turned. I am merciful and will grant ye forgiveness for thine transgressions. Know that one day, thine time will come, and ye shall be taken into my stomach where you will be able to remain in fellowship with other ants who also turn from wickedness. This gift that I offer is free and I offer it to all ants, but those ants that continue to pray for the demise of anteaters and choose not to accept this free gift shall be cast into my lower intestine. There shall be weeping and gnashing of pincers within the tunnel of darkness that is my intestine." Book of Dave the anteater, Chapter 7 verses 19-27

 

See? He came to save only the anteaters, originally, but decided to save the ants too because some of them begged for mercy.

 

 

You do know that chapter seven, vs. 19-27 were added later don't you? The ants corrupted the Book of Dave.

You should know this from the first verse you quoted; Book of Dave chapter six, verses 1-2. "He came not to save the ants..."

 

Anteater Jesus changes not. I know this from the Book of Snout.  

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