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Why This Need To Discuss My Deconversion?


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Hi All.

 

Ok, so I deconverted last year after certain events took place in my personal life of which the content isn't important for now.

 

I've mentioned my non-belief to a few people.

 

1) I was at a friend’s place and there were two christian guys (everyone is christian / muslim here but we don't mix socially) discussing how "blessed" they are by god and what they do to strengthen the faith of others. I really got irritated with them and basically told them that as an Athiest there is nothing really that they can do to convince me, but if they feel the need to spread the faith then the best policy by far would be to at the very least be an example. The conversation ended there as I know for a fact these guys don't lead christian lives. Oh and I was also not invited again.

 

2) The other person I mentioned my non-belief to was a family member that I assumed were also non-religious as I know for a fact she doesn't live the life style. Apparently even though she doesn't do anything the christian faith requires of her and blatantly ignores their rules she still considers herself a born again christian. I was basically told that I'm free to believe what I want and the topic was never touched again.

 

3) I have mentioned to my religious wife that I have certain questions and feel that I have nobody to talk about. She said I can talk to her. I tried that the next day and she visible became upset so I won't do that again.

 

Why do I constantly feel that I need to discuss this? I feel like I need to go to every Sunday school teacher I had and tell them to stop lying. Why does it bother me that they are deluded and how do I stop caring about their little stories?

 

I know the religious would mention some nonsense about it being god searching for me or something like that. I highly doubt that as I searched for him for years and ultimately it became very obvious that if he exists he really doesn't care for the day to day running of this planet.

 

So, in summary, why do other peoples delusions bother me and how to keep my mouth shut about it and let them assume I'm a mellow christian like they are even when they're spouting absolute rubbish?

 

ps. This is the first time I comment or post on a forum ever. I'm 30 so please excuse me if I did something wrong like posting in the wrong section.

 

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pps. Ok my last sentence was supposed to be:

 

This is the first time I comment or post on a forum ever and I'm 30 so please excuse me if I did something wrong like posting in the wrong section.

 

I'll have to figure out how to edit.

 

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I think the edit button comes after you accumulate a certain number of posts! Don't worry about it :)

 

I can think of a few reasons! I put them in a list for some reason.

- You feel this lack of religion very liberating and you want to liberate other people?

Many people here have talked about the de-conversion process being like being unplugged from The Matrix. So you see all these people still daydreaming in their vats and want to unplug them too.

- You have lots of unresolved feelings about your past religious state

Talking is a great way of sorting through unresolved feelings! Plus if you're still feeling angry, some of that anger may feel aimed at those who shared/propagated this belief, hense the wanting to go out and tell them to stop lying.

- It's a new experience for you , people like talking about new experiences.

 

I think it's all about finding a balance with valuing your own beliefs and experience and respecting that other people's may be different. Just like you were as a Christian I suppose. Except this time you don't have to save people from the hellfire!

Anyway, this site is a great place to spout about Christianity and all that gubbins and you'll probably find it full of people who've gone through similar things to you! Sometimes it's good to rant at a bunch of sympathetic ears rather than people who'll just end up upset and offended. I think it's helped me be calmer when faced with people who are still Christians.

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I had that same need to discuss my deconversion with others immediately after it happened, but I was fortunate to have people I could actually discuss it with, unlike a lot of people who are not able to do that. For quite a long time afterwards, the teachings of Christians absolutely irritated me and I felt like I had to refute everything they said and always got angry and thought, "That's false!" It took almost a year and a half after my deconversion was over to finally calm down enough that I don't immediately get angry every time I hear nonsense spouted by a Christian, but sometimes, it still gets to me.

 

Welcome to ex-C. When you have 25 posts, you will become a regular member and will have the ability to edit your posts. But, you posted this thread in the correct forum, so no need to worry about that.

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Guest r3alchild

When I was a christian I used to apply the matrix philosophy to christianity. Boy was I wrong, true freedom is not dependant on a system to tell you what truth is.

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Welcome to Ex-C, faceahem.

 

My best guess is that you've opened a whole new world, and you want others to see it. To paraphrase Lao Tzu, now life's a journey, not a destination.

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I think one of the reasons I wanted to talk about my deconversion was that the mythology that is

Xtianity seemed so easy to debunk at first. It is easy, but not to one who won't listen. I had to

experience Xtians' anger at anyone who questions their faith before I could accept it as something

beyond my control. Also, and more importantly, I had to learn to respect my wife's right to believe,

even if she is wrong. I wish Xtians would respect my right in the same way. bill

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Thanks everyone.

 

I spent some time thinking about this last night and I think ExXex summarised it brilliantly. That is exactly how I feel. I don't want to be the militant type of Atheist that's always arguing with everyone, but at this stage of my life that is what’s going on in my head. 

 

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of - somewhere in Mathew. (I'm going to have to stop doing this.)

 

Skeptic. You mentioned Xtian's anger. I can't find any anger. It's just always being shunned or Xtians crying when they find out. (I haven't told my parents yet so there might be anger when/if that happens) I would actually appreciate some anger from them instead of the constant pity I get, just for varieties sake.

 

I know another real life atheist and I saw him again the other day. They're very scarce in this part of the world. He's been atheist since age 8 and he's in his 40's now. He's reaction when I told him I’m an atheist was a very cool and calm: "I don't cry myself asleep over religion". That's it. That's all he felt needed saying. There was no anger or regret. It just wasn't a thing wasting any energy over. I want to be like that guy.

 

And as I’m writing this I remember preaching to him once. He just sat there listening to what I told him and then I guess changed the subject. I assumed he was Christian, because well isn’t everyone?

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I suspect that your need to discuss is because you really do need to discuss.  But your need to discuss is not centered in saving people from themselves.  It's rooted in your need to forgive yourself for having bought into something that harmed you. 

 

The way out of that is to find atheists to discuss with, or go back and remember how you became part of xtianity.  Find the part where it was your innocence and perfection that was used against you.  when you find your own inherent beauty, the need to discuss (in person) will go away.

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Welcome, faceahem!

 

Even when I was still a Christian, it really bothered me to see Muslim women in burquas - because I knew there was no need for them to be burdened like that.  I wanted to tell them that Jesus died so they could be free!  *facepalm*

 

Now that I have deconverted, I experience the same frustration - although now it's the frustration of seeing people all over the world live their lives according to ridiculous rules that make no sense at all and are often harmful to them or others around them.  I want to tell them that they can forget about all of that stupid shit and just live their lives and be free!

 

But I don't.  I have no desire to argue about religion with people, unless they are infringing on my rights.  Like you've experienced, most Christians won't listen, and many are totally hostile in the face of fair challenges of their beliefs.

 

I do like to talk with like-minded people about my experiences with religion.  It helps me to vent about ridiculous things I experience in everyday life because of people's beliefs in ancient superstitions.  It helps me to discuss the guilt I feel when I think about how stupid I was to believe in all of these lies for so long.  It helps me to learn about what others have gone through that can help me with my journey through life.  I also enjoy the opportunity to help other people work through their issues, to the extent that I can.  I do all of these things right here, because I don't have any "real-life" friends who would really understand these issues.

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I suspect that your need to discuss is because you really do need to discuss.  But your need to discuss is not centered in saving people from themselves.  It's rooted in your need to forgive yourself for having bought into something that harmed you. 

 

I think Gail has hit the nail on the head. I am processing everything and I waiver back and forth daily about what to believe. But I think the most frustrating thing about deconversion is that the very people I am close to are the ones I can't go to for help. While I wish they would wake up and see the truth, I understand that they have the right to believe what they choose and so do I. But the biggest frustration for me in this process is my inability to find someone to talk to about my questions and get just a honest answer instead of the skewed viewpoint of Christianity. I just want to have a civilized conversation with someone who isn't afraid to admit they don't know or that I'm not going crazy for questioning something.

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Welcome to the forum!  And I love South Africa!!!  But we can talk about that some other time.

 

Anyway, something you'll need to understand is that you cannot change a Christian's mind.  This entire deconversion process is a personal one.  Just ask many of us here....  Most of us here did not deconvert due to debating with atheists... Most of the time all you're going to do is cause an emotional (read irrational) response.  I'm not saying there is no benefit in logical discourse on the matter, but they will usually only listen if they are the ones asking.  You can't just go on the attack and kick off the debate.  It just doesn't work that way.  Those that are asking are already seeking.  And those are the times you could find yourself in a great, stimulating and logical discussion. 

 

I deconverted last August after roughly a year of re-establishing my beliefs on Christianity...  The goal-posts kept adjusting for me to make sense of it all... Of course, all this did was challenge me further on the whole of the legitimacy of Christianity which ultimately lead to my deconversion. So yeah, what I'm saying is that I'm still new to this and know desire to preach the truth about the fairty-tales of the bible and the control mechanism of Christianity but have found that it's best to leave it alone unless approached. And even then, it all depends on the situation and the person. 

 

Welcome to the true freedom of life.  Free of religion and illogical dogma.  We live by cause and effect and the observable world because faith makes you stupid.

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You want to talk about it for the same reason a new Christian convert wants to tell the world they found Jesus. It's a perfectly normal response and part of the process. And this need to talk about your de-conversion will probably last for a long period of time as in years not months. De-conversion can also be identified as being deprogrammed. Religion requires indoctrination (brainwashing) and conversely deconversion requires deprogramming. All religions are cults and come in versions that range from soft to hard core extremism. It takes your mind time to process all that you are being exposed to. De-conversion involves both an intellectual and emotional component. IMO, the emotional component is the one that is the most difficult to deal with and the one that takes the longest time to resolve.

 

 

I wish you all the best in your journey.

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Yes, welcome.

 

I think it's natural for a lot of people to want to talk about it. Not for all. The things most people here discuss are who they should talk to about it, how.

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Thanks.

 

Not a single rude comment from anyone and everyone is supportive. This is why I joined this site.

 

@Apostate. This country is fantastic, but you have to remember that I probably had it a little easier to spot the lies. In 1994 we became a democracy. I was only 11 then, so I don't remember much of it. Before that only white people enjoyed privileges like being able to vote, quality education etc...

 

Anyway. I asked my dad once how could they believe that they we're superior to other human beings based on the colour of their skin in those days.

 

His reply basically was that from a very small age

1. The church preached this to you.

2. Schools taught this to you.

3. The government of course kept quite on some of the more "bad" stuff that we're doing and went all out to communicate about how much better non-white citizens have it in SA compared to the rest of Africa.

 

Apparently the churches even had scripture claiming that white people were god’s chosen people or some nonsense like that. Of course nobody officially still believe this nowadays (publicly anyway). It's not fashionable to be a racist anymore.

 

The church even changed their stance on this saying that people were wrong and now of course allows any of god’s people in their church. In reality though the churches are still mostly split in most cases.

 

If the church can preach something like that and then change their mind afterwards makes me wonders what else they have changed their minds about in the past.

 

Anyway. The more I think about it the more I realise that religion is evil. Thank  go science for the internet.

 

I know that when I was still religious and in high school it came out one of my friends was gay. I cringe when I think about how I reacted. I wonder if I should look him up and apologise. Of course then I felt I was justified in my reaction. So stupid.

 

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg

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Thanks.

 

Not a single rude comment from anyone and everyone is supportive. This is why I joined this site.

 

@Apostate. This country is fantastic, but you have to remember that I probably had it a little easier to spot the lies. In 1994 we became a democracy. I was only 11 then, so I don't remember much of it. Before that only white people enjoyed privileges like being able to vote, quality education etc...

 

Anyway. I asked my dad once how could they believe that they we're superior to other human beings based on the colour of their skin in those days.

 

His reply basically was that from a very small age

1. The church preached this to you.

2. Schools taught this to you.

3. The government of course kept quite on some of the more "bad" stuff that we're doing and went all out to communicate about how much better non-white citizens have it in SA compared to the rest of Africa.

 

Apparently the churches even had scripture claiming that white people were god’s chosen people or some nonsense like that. Of course nobody officially still believe this nowadays (publicly anyway). It's not fashionable to be a racist anymore.

 

The church even changed their stance on this saying that people were wrong and now of course allows any of god’s people in their church. In reality though the churches are still mostly split in most cases.

 

If the church can preach something like that and then change their mind afterwards makes me wonders what else they have changed their minds about in the past.

 

Anyway. The more I think about it the more I realise that religion is evil. Thank  go science for the internet.

 

I know that when I was still religious and in high school it came out one of my friends was gay. I cringe when I think about how I reacted. I wonder if I should look him up and apologise. Of course then I felt I was justified in my reaction. So stupid.

 

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg

 

I would recommend looking up that friend of yours and apologize. They may or may not even want to hear your apology, I don't know, but it can't hurt to try. I know I treated a guy at my school pretty badly with my insults and I know he hated me, because he said so himself. I really don't have the slightest idea how to contact him, but I sure would like to apologize to him.

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I definitely felt the need to talk about my deconversion because I had to re-think so many issues that, while a Christian, had pat answers.  However, there was no one IRL with whom I could talk.  That is where ExC came into play for me.  Here, one can discuss the issues, how one feels, what the implications are for deconversion, and on and on.  It's a safe haven for that!

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I did actually look him up yesterday on facebook. He's still gay obviously, but every single post he makes is scripture so I'm going to assume that he did what most christians do and ignore the parts of the bible that he doesn't like.

 

I don't think apologising to him now is a good idea. I might make it worse.

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