Vigile Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I think it's also because I'm still adjusting to life after de-conversion. Nobody said it would easy. And yeah, laughter is an antidote to fear. The problem is that it keeps coming back. It took me years. Again, give yourself some room. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesG Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Actually, the anxiety started about 3 weeks ago when I still was a Christian. I de-converted a week ago. De-conversion probably just added onto it. But, the anxiety was probably caused by Christianity. I never had this sort of problem before converting. It started when I was a Christian but it didn't get really bad until 3 weeks ago. Yeah this can still be related to de-conversion and 3 weeks ago really makes a lot of sense because we start to de-convert before we are consciously aware of doing this. Now I am not a psychologist so take what I say with a grain of salt but also you probably shouldn't worry to much at this stage about it as this can make things worse. Just be patient if these thoughts keep coming and you cant bear it I suggest seeing a psychiatrist if it is indeed an anxiety disorder that is a medical condition and you should treat it accordingly. Hang in there =D Is there anything that you enjoy doing that takes your mind off things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 It seems it's purely anxiety issues. I get those thoughts when the anxiety hits or at least, that's how I feel. Anxiety is caused by certain chemical balances (or imbalances) within the brain. Often, those balances (or imbalances) can be addressed with medication and certain talk therapy. Medical science does not have this nailed yet, but using it to attempt to mitigate/cure your anxiety is likely a better avenue than blaming an obsolete, infantile and silly religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 It seems like my mind is finally at ease. I don't think the thoughts are going to completely vanish until the anxiety starts to get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesG Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 If that's the case you should probably seek treatment for anxiety disorders. I recommend finding a psychiatrist that focuses on these treatments if you have insurance consult their website. My insurance has a detailed search of doctors that are covered and among mental health professionals it details what fields are amongst their expertise. Otherwise hang in there. Focus on your hobbies. Work out get exercise that helps a ton you can funnel your anxieties and worries into running or pumping iron. Plus it should help build your confidence and health in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 So just when I thought everything would get better a similar, even worse thought came into my head out of nowhere. It was not an intentional thought but it went along the lines of "getting all the stuff I want for a year in exchange for my soul". It's not like I wrote it down and signed my name in blood. It was a thought that came out of nowhere. So after my mind gets a little peace, something worse comes into my mind. Wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Hunter, I'm not a psychiatrist and I'm not trying to diagnose you, but your posts have a hint of "OCD" about them, and likely an anxiety issue. And I truly mean no offense by that whatsoever. But if this is truly ruining your quality of life and you aren't able to find any reprieve, consider going beyond yourself to get some help. Maybe even a little talk therapy could help you through. Let me say this. You are not your thoughts. You are the perception of your thoughts. You are the observer behind your thoughts. Consider these thoughts as images being projected onto a big screen in front of you, and consider yourself as the viewer in the audience. Thoughts and images of Hell or Satan or damnation may come onto the screen, and that's fine -- just remain the passive and neutral observer, allow the thoughts to come and pass by. It's a very simple but effective way of dealing. I've had anxiety disorder for years. This is one exercise I learned which helps me immensely. Just remember. You are not the images on the screen, you are the spectator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 Don't worry about offending. I already believe it's due to anxiety/OCD. Yeah, it's definitely affecting my life. I am going to see a counselor. But the problem with those kind of thoughts is that you can't just say it to anybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesG Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 A counselor/therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist are all safe places to tell them these thoughts. Tell them about your deconversion and what is going on in that regard. I think Blake has it right you need to view these thoughts not as something that is real but merely a regurgitation of memories/experiences/ etc. as you are deconverting your mind is projecting your fears onto a screen and you are observing those fears. Its just like when you get scared while watching a horror movie. You know its not real but you are still afraid of it nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 My biggest fear is that if Satan is real, he'll come to collect his due despite not intentionally thinking it or actually doing any sort of ritual or pact. In other words, I'm scared that I only have a year left. I hate this. It sucks so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 My biggest fear is that if Satan is real, he'll come to collect his due despite not intentionally thinking it or actually doing any sort of ritual or pact. In other words, I'm scared that I only have a year left. I hate this. It sucks so bad. So you did not sell your soul to anybody? It sounds like you have a phobia. This is irrational fear. You feel it when there is no reason to feel fear. Does it help to know that there are many ex-Christians who have been out of Christianity for many years? Of course the fear is irrational. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Considering I never meant ANY of those thoughts, I'd say no, I didn't and I don't plan to. The thoughts come from anxiety/OCD and like Blake said, you are not your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Considering I never meant ANY of those thoughts, I'd say no, I didn't and I don't plan to. The thoughts come from anxiety/OCD and like Blake said, you are not your thoughts. Hunter you don't control your own thoughts. Thoughts are not actions. This is one of the worst things about Christianity. It makes people believe that their thoughts are criminal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galien Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 So what is the going rate for a soul these days? There is no satan. There is only the fear we create in our own minds because of the shit we have been taught. Fight it. Hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Surprisingly enough, while searching Google, I found posts and stuff by Christians/Catholics who said they had OCD and apparently had very similar thoughts as me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 So if you sold your soul- what kind of price did you get? The best price there could ever be for a human. FREEDOM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 My biggest fear is that if Satan is real, he'll come to collect his due despite not intentionally thinking it or actually doing any sort of ritual or pact. In other words, I'm scared that I only have a year left. I hate this. It sucks so bad. That's not good I hope you find some professional help to get you past this. In the meantime, maybe it would help you to have some ideas you can use to counter the fear and calm down for a little bit? If satan is real, then god is real too, and at least in the OT, god's pretty picky about contract law and wouldn't put up with his rival "winning" anything without the paperwork being in order. Here's a Jewish joke to explain a bit of their view of god: christian: But what if Jesus is the messiah, and he came and told you himself, wouldn't you believe then? jew: If Jesus was our messiah, then we're going to sue G-d for breach of contract and demand an independent moderator. So if the paperwork's not all filled out right, then satan has no power over you. Another take on this I've seen was a comedy retelling of Faust, where the Faust character is a bumbling idiot. But he does trick satan (not even sure if it was on purpose) by signing the contract with a red marker instead of blood, so when satan comes to collect the contract turns out to be invalid and satan has to storm off without his prize. It may also be a better idea to just have some hobbies that you can focus on, so instead of worrying about the fear or spending enegy fighting it, you go do something else and just refuse to pay it any attention at all. I get that that's hard to do, but if you've already got something you love to do that requires a lot of mental focus, maybe that could help distract you. Anxiety sucks, but a good therapist can help a lot. Good luck, and hold in there. You'll get past this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fernweh Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Assuming satan exists (hint: he doesn't) there are something like 6 billion people alive. He's far to busy to worry about your soul. Besides, the value of souls has been diluted by the sheer number of people. One problem with trading souls is the paper trail. I mean, you can sell it to the devil but you still actually posses the soul. So you are really just selling a deed to your soul. The devil likes to take deeds to similar souls and bundle them together into Soul Back Securities. Pension funds and banks like to buy these securities but the devil did a neat little trick with the paperwork and was able to sell the same souls into several different pools of SBS's. Because of the obfuscation of the paperwork its difficult to figure out who really owns the soul. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 This has actually caused me to return to a nearly almost Christian mindset. For instance, I said out loud that if if Satan is real, I didn't sell my soul to him, there's no pact, etc. But, while not at the beginning, I did say "In the name of God" during it. I lost count on how many times I said this. And I did pray to God several times too. Even if I were to say it out loud with the intention of doing it, I doubt it would be enough anyway(if Satan is real). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galien Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 My heart breaks for you that you have to go through this shit. There is no god, there is no satan and you do not have to torture yourself this way. You need to get some good information on OCD and the trouble it causes for people involved in religion. It tortured me for decades, please please get some help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 It's not healthy at all. I'm going to see a counselor on Monday. I think I might have another appointment with my psychiatrist soon too. Or at least, next month. I didn't think it was OCD when I went to see my psychiatrist last time. Thanks to all of you for support. It's hard. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesG Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 just keep up at it. And don't feel guilty for praying if that's what you need at this stage go for it people don't usually deconvert all at once it takes time. I was a deist for a long time before I went to agnostic then to atheist. all in all it was about 8 years in fact it still feels weird to say I am an atheist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ crazyguy123 ◊ Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 It's not healthy at all. I'm going to see a counselor on Monday. I think I might have another appointment with my psychiatrist soon too. Or at least, next month. I didn't think it was OCD when I went to see my psychiatrist last time. Thanks to all of you for support. It's hard. I hope you get better soon so you don't need to suffer from these irrational fears anymore. I know for a fact that fears held by recent de-converts can be quite bad, without OCD, so I can't imagine how much worse it must be with OCD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Regarding Satan, I found an article by believers that suggests Satan is not a real being: http://www.ecclesia.org/truth/satan.html And then there's this site: http://imaginenosatan.com/index.html Of course, there's unverifiable stories of people who "sold their soul" too. Can't take anything at face value now can you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 I've also heard that "selling your soul" is not a literal team. Meaning, you'll do anything to get money, power, fame, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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