Two Months Post Deconversion

[FloridaGirl]

Hi everyone,

 

It has been two months since my deconversion. At first, I was left with pretty much no one and nothing since all my friends, hobbies, and interests were related to Christianity. Now I feel like a completely different person. I feel completely different than the person I was before becoming a Christian and different than the person I was as a Christian. My values have completely changed.

 

After suffering for my whole life with severe depression, I have developed compassion towards those who are suffering and a huge passion for social justice. I am planning on getting my masters in social work. Instead of seeking relief for depression by trying to fill a God shaped hole in my life, I have learned to experience true joy.

 

I still go to church with my boyfriend because I am not ready to tell him I am not a Christian yet. I used to find the hour long Catholic masses so moving and powerful. Now this hour drags on forever. I zone out about everything between what I am going to have for dinner, my plans for next week, how silly the homily is, how I ever believed it all in the first place, and checking out the girls outfits during communion to get fashion ideas. An experience that used to be the center of my life has become utterly devoid of meaning.

 

I am also dreading living in the Campus Crusade for Christ house next year that I have already signed the lease on. I have decided that since I have already signed the lease, I will stay there unless things get unbearably stressful.

 

I am dealing with the loneliness of hiding my deconversion from friends and my boyfriend. The only people

I have told are my nonreligious parents. I don't want to destroy any of the relationships I have built with people. I am also discovering the joy of finding a passion that gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. It gives me more joy than anything in Christianity has ever given me. It is really hard to leave my internsip of teaching reading to ESL and GED students because I enjoy it so much. Hours can go by without me even noticing.

 

Yeah. A bunch of random stuff has happened these past couple of months. I just felt like venting and wanted to know if any of you have experiebnced this as a result of your deconversion- that the world around you suddenly began to feel entirely different. If so, what have your experiences been like?