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Burny

Wish Me Strength Please!

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Stop reading my posts and telling my parents. This site is supposed to be confidential. You're a jerk and a jack ass whoever you are. Thanks also for hurting my folks. Good Christian actions. NOT.

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The nonreligious have no problem coexisting with religious folk, but often it doesn't work the other way. The Nazis of religion insist that everyone agree with them or GTFO. Truthfully, Christianity doesn't cause every believer to act like an ass, so I put most responsibility on the individual who rigidly rejects anyone who holds an opposing opinion.

 

Best of luck to you. Perhaps it won't be as bad as you expect.

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Stop reading my posts and telling my parents. This site is supposed to be confidential. You're a jerk and a jack ass whoever you are. Thanks also for hurting my folks. Good Christian actions. NOT.

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Be strong, Burny!  Hopefully everyone will be able to move on and accept you with your current conclusions once the dust settles.

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I wonder if you can break them in gently--instead of "Hey, we're apostate", just steering the conversation casually and breaking them in gently with things like "I've lost my certainty", or "We're going through a time of questionning right now". These types of statements permit a gentle descent similar to the one you went through yourself. It allows them to warm up to the idea.

 

Just a thought! Do keep us posted!

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Best of luck and I wish you and your wife great strength!  Do what you feel is right.  Remember, you are not hurting them.  It's their religion that is hurting them.

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I would have an exit strategy.  Maybe tell them in a public place so that if it gets ugly you can drive away.  I hope it works out for you.  I understand why you have to do this.  I went through something similar when I told my mom.  That was a rough afternoon.

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Wow, good luck!  Florduh makes a good point... This entire co-existing thing is difficult for the believers to do.  Wish it wasn't like that.

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My heart goes out to you and your wife. My only advice is that you should not lose your cool so that you won't say something you may later regret. Good luck.

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Best of luck. Thoughts are with you today. You've done nothing wrong and have every right to question anything that requires blind faith.

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Best of luck to you! Let us know how it goes.

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Stop reading my posts and telling my parents. This site is supposed to be confidential. You're a jerk and a jack ass whoever you are. Thanks also for hurting my folks. Good Christian actions. NOT.

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Good luck! That takes a lot of courage. I hope it goes well.

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I wish you strength. I also hope to hear in a few days what a relief it was to you and your wife. Clear out that mental anguish!

 

This may help you and/or your wife: Look at page 2 of RogueScholar's thread, "The Story of my Deconversion", and watch the short little video called "Be Brave". I found the message to be helpful, and the guy's delivery to be soothing.

 

Good luck, Burny! Time to rip off that bandaid. I hope the aftermath is not as bad as you think. (Even if it is, who cares? You are true to yourself, and that is BIG.) Be brave!

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I still have to do that as well at some stage. I wish I could be there to take notes on what worked and what not.

 

Let us know how it went.

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Best of luck!   (I'm a graduate of a conservative Reformed seminary btw-- and now an apostate.  Deconversion during seminary ain't fun ...)  'This too shall pass...'

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Stop reading my posts and telling my parents. This site is supposed to be confidential. You're a jerk and a jack ass whoever you are. Thanks also for hurting my folks. Good Christian actions. NOT.

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I too want to express my hope that you and your wife will be able to achieve your goals by this process.   

I came out a year and a half ago as a 57 year old with a believing wife.   I can offer this thought.   It is possible if you do it "gently" and gradual that the party you are speaking to will then think that there is hope to work with you and prevent you from going where in fact you already have ended up.   Long drawn out attempts to persuade you can then follow - emails, lunches, phone calls, etc.   I used this approach early on.   

I then realized it was not the best one for me.   It got rather tiring and only prolonged the inevitable moment when the full blown word is said - atheist. So I started to more firmly and clearly state what I believed, to mention I wanted to stay in relationship with that person but they must accept me the way I am.

 

Fortunately my fundamentalist Baptist minister father has long ago died so I did not have to deal with parents.

 

I can only imagine what you are and will be going through.   But I think most of us here would say that for the sake of your sanity it must be done.   "Here I stand, I can do no other!"  

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Just wanted to say that if the only thing that defines a relationship is the belief in imaginary beings, there probably is nothing beyond that. It saddens me to read so many posts like this. Blood should always be thicker than water.

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Good point LivingLife.   To me, when the discussion turned angry, mean, crazy, etc. if was further evidence that there is no loving all accepting god who "dwells" within the xtian.    At some point you have to call the xtians on this behavior and say your actions prove to me that this is all the result of human creation and it has human fingerprints all over it.   And I would have to add that some of the human formula written into xtianity does say to treat the apostate in exactly the way I mentioned.  

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You just believe in one less god than they do. 

 

Looking forward to hearing how it turns out for you.

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Good luck, Burny! Be prepared for them to want to argue or debate you out of this. It might be good to practice a "lather/rinse/repeat" response of "I'd prefer not to discuss religion any further. Hasn't the weather been nice this weekend?" But maybe it won't be necessary. 

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I wish you well, family is important, they will probably say oh your going through a spell,darkness of the soul.  They will say I understand , I've had my doubts as well at times. Let us know how it goes. Be easy.

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Guest r3alchild

Wishing you strength is like praying, theres no proof that it can effect external objects. But then my words on this page has more power than wishful thinking.

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Best of luck!   (I'm a graduate of a conservative Reformed seminary btw-- and now an apostate.  Deconversion during seminary ain't fun ...)  'This too shall pass...'

 

Thanks.

 

Tonight's the night...

 

I would LOVE to hear your story sometime - that could not have been easy for you! My wife and I have decided to break it to them very gently, basically say we haven't been attending church and we are still figuring stuff out (true for my wife but not me) and don't want to get into too many specifics.

 

Basically we're softening them up for when they start hearing things - which is guaranteed to happen sooner rather than later just because of the sheer number of people in our families! We really didn't think it was fair for them to hear things via gossip and other people when we are grown adults and can tell them ourselves.

 

The thing that makes it tough is that we haven't told too many people yet so it seems like we could get away with not saying anything for a while. Past experience in life has taught me that delaying the truth is very rarely the wise thing to do...

 

Hope it went well last night!  Make sure you give us the scoop.

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