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It's much harder for some. Not everybody can just say goodbye to the christian faith. If I still had to attend church every Sunday, I don't know where I'd be. I do know that a lot of people who still attend church are closet agnostics and possibly even atheists. It's like being in prison slowly building an escape tunnel I guess. Faking that everythings ok then one day you're gone! lol

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It's much harder for some. Not everybody can just say goodbye to the christian faith. If I still had to attend church every Sunday, I don't know where I'd be. I do know that a lot of people who still attend church are closet agnostics and possibly even atheists. It's like being in prison slowly building an escape tunnel I guess. Faking that everythings ok then one day you're gone! lol

 

I know that feeling. I'm still attending church so that the Christians still in my family don't need to know that I deconverted. I think if I just stopped going to church completely, that would probably confuse them and might even make them suspicious. I do feel like I'm slowly building an escape tunnel. My main hope for escape is to find a job that will have me working on Sunday morning or on the night shift on Sunday nights, so that I would either be working during the church services, or sleeping because they would be going on during my bed time.

 

Impickle, I don't think you need religion to tell you how to live your life. I think if you just do everything you can to make yourself happy and others happy, without hurting yourself or others to do it, you should be fine.

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I posted this on another thread, but felt compelled to post it again here...seemed more appropriate.

Hi all, I'm new here.  I was looking for an introduction thread and couldn't find one so I suppose I will introduce myself here.  I am a recent non-believer.  I would suppose I am in either in Phase 3 or 4 of deconversion.  I have questioned christianity for many years and and just never had the courage to deny what I was taught to believe my whole life.  I had many negative experiences in the church, and eventually at the age of 16 (with much guilt) stopped going to church all together.  After the birth of my children, I was under a lot of pressure to have my kids in church so, after several years, I joined a church.  Once again, I ended up hurt and dissatisfied and left the church for the last time.  I am surrounded by a religious community, and a religious family who are constantly trying to guilt me into church.  I just cannot submit to christianity, and at this point I just don't know what I believe in.  I feel so guilty for not believing in what I was raised on, but it feels just ignorant.  I am extremely confused at this point, and I feel very alone due to the strong religious community in which I live.  I am also battling the whole "what if I'm wrong and now I'm damned to hell" issue.  I know I know, the whole idea is rediculous, but like someone said in a previous post, it's like I was brainwashed.  I don't know how to handle this whole ordeal and how it makes me feel right now, but I am glad I have found a group of people who have also been through it.  I hope I get the chance to get to know you all!  And thanks for letting me vent!

 

 

Either your friends and family accept you the way you are if you, love them, care about their lives, try to help them when they need it, be the person that you are knowing that it is the person they must choose to accept. It truly is their choice and while it might hurt to have to eject them from your life if they do not accept you on those terms then frankly they don't accept you at all.

 

If something like this makes them love you less or "guilt" you more they are in the wrong.

if something like this make them feel the need to treat you like you are less than they are they are in the wrong.

if something like this makes you feel that they are not treating you with the love you deserve for the love you show them they are surely in the wrong.

if something like this makes you feel shitty inside and they do nothing to help you other than hurl the very thing that hurts you in your face you need to find new friends and family that accept you as you come not as they want you to be. In the end it is your choice. Pain is part of life it is how you know you know what feeling good feels like. It will lessen as you distance yourself from the cause of it and that cause is the dogmatic hell that is Christianity. Keep walking a path towards you and you will find in the end you will like you better no matter what others say about you or to you.

 

I believe in you and all mankind to fix it's own problems and in that way I have faith. That faith is in US you and me. Find people you can trust and put your faith in that.

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It's much harder for some. Not everybody can just say goodbye to the christian faith. If I still had to attend church every Sunday, I don't know where I'd be. I do know that a lot of people who still attend church are closet agnostics and possibly even atheists. It's like being in prison slowly building an escape tunnel I guess. Faking that everythings ok then one day you're gone! lol

 

I know that feeling. I'm still attending church so that the Christians still in my family don't need to know that I deconverted. I think if I just stopped going to church completely, that would probably confuse them and might even make them suspicious. I do feel like I'm slowly building an escape tunnel. My main hope for escape is to find a job that will have me working on Sunday morning or on the night shift on Sunday nights, so that I would either be working during the church services, or sleeping because they would be going on during my bed time.

 

Impickle, I don't think you need religion to tell you how to live your life. I think if you just do everything you can to make yourself happy and others happy, without hurting yourself or others to do it, you should be fine.

 

Consider the following idea:

 

You are not completely deconverted from Christianity until you have dealt with the peer pressure of relatives, friends and acquaintances by informing them that you no longer adhere to, believe in or desire to be involved with the Christian religion.

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It's much harder for some. Not everybody can just say goodbye to the christian faith. If I still had to attend church every Sunday, I don't know where I'd be. I do know that a lot of people who still attend church are closet agnostics and possibly even atheists. It's like being in prison slowly building an escape tunnel I guess. Faking that everythings ok then one day you're gone! lol

 

 

I know that feeling. I'm still attending church so that the Christians still in my family don't need to know that I deconverted. I think if I just stopped going to church completely, that would probably confuse them and might even make them suspicious. I do feel like I'm slowly building an escape tunnel. My main hope for escape is to find a job that will have me working on Sunday morning or on the night shift on Sunday nights, so that I would either be working during the church services, or sleeping because they would be going on during my bed time.

 

Impickle, I don't think you need religion to tell you how to live your life. I think if you just do everything you can to make yourself happy and others happy, without hurting yourself or others to do it, you should be fine.

Consider the following idea:

 

You are not completely deconverted from Christianity until you have dealt with the peer pressure of relatives, friends and acquaintances by informing them that you no longer adhere to, believe in or desire to be involved with the Christian religion.

You make a good point. But now isn't an appropriate time for that so I guess I'll have to wait to cut the apron strings entirely!

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I think to a certain extent being in the closet makes it difficult emotionally this does  not mean that telling your relatives will speed up the  process. There is a lot to consider when telling family and generally this will not make you more or less believe in an idea. With exceptions such as constantly being surrounded  by the stimulus of your belief.

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You are not completely deconverted from Christianity until you have dealt with the peer pressure of relatives, friends and acquaintances by informing them that you no longer adhere to, believe in or desire to be involved with the Christian religion.

 

Respectfully disagree. You can absolutely be deconverted as much as is humanly possible, and yet out of love and/or respect you do not fully inform them.

 

It depends on the life circumstances and I do not believe there can be a hard and fast rule here. Friends and acquaintances are different from close family members, especially parents.

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I second Deva's reasoning.

 

The deconversion process can be difficult enough to sort through without adding the often immense stresses and pressures that can result from informing loved ones that we've abandoned a belief they still cling to.

 

Each person must decide his or her own approach to leaving the faith, whether that's fully in the open or choosing to be more discreet. I don't think it's so much a matter of intellectual dishonesty as it is just trying to preserve one's ability to cope during such a tumultuous and turbulent time.

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