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Goodbye Jesus

I'm In So Much Pain.


IFeelSoMuchPain

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I think the best approach is to study the atheists' and agnostics' responses to Xtianity, The more you learn about Xtianity and its history, the less you will fear hell. And, as suggested above, read the bible thoroughly, not in a worship mode but in a learning

mode. What is really being said by the authors? Is it consistent? Does it conflict with itself? Does it make sense? 

 

Your brain has been trained, so to speak, to remember and believe Xtian myth over the years. What one learns literally changes the biochemistry of the brain. The more you read a religion or philosophy the more it will become your world view through which you see and interpret the world. The church leaders know that and that's why certain scriptures are repeated over and over again. So you have to retrain your brain to create another world view, not any specific one that anyone should suggest to you, but your own view.

So, for example, when you hear about violence in the Middle East, you don't automatically think of the coming rapture or the end of the world as we know it. You will decide what it means to you based upon your new world view, whatever it may be. Good luck to you and please keep coming back.     bill

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A question. how can you fear hell and a god you do not believe it exists....does that mean you still believe? I do not comprehend. I do not get why some have these fears while leaving the faith and others do not...I do not apprehend it. this sucks and I cannot stand it anymore. every-where I go I'm surrounded by god stuff and Christian stuff since I live in the USA, some Christians still think Christianity is being taking out of the country....what a freaking joke.

 

No, it doesn't mean you still believe. What it is is an emotional habit. It's just a tape playing over and over in your head, and it requires practice and patience to consistently interrupt it. That means catching yourself when you get ramped up, taking a deep breath, and then trying to imagine how you would RATHER feel as clearly as you can. 

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There is only one concrete reference to the afterlife in the whole of the OT (it comes at the end of Daniel).

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There is only one concrete reference to the afterlife in the whole of the OT (it comes at the end of Daniel).

2 Maccabees 12:43-46 is pretty explicit about the resurrection of the dead, and it praises those who pray and make sacrifice for the dead.

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There is only one concrete reference to the afterlife in the whole of the OT (it comes at the end of Daniel).

2 Maccabees 12:43-46 is pretty explicit about the resurrection of the dead, and it praises those who pray and make sacrifice for the dead.

 

 

<<2 Maccabees 12:43-46

Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)

43 And making a gathering, he twelve thousand drachms of silver to Jerusalem for sacrifice to be offered for the sins of the dead, thinking well and religiously concerning the resurrection,

44 (For if he had not hoped that they that were slain should rise again, it would have seemed superfluous and vain to pray for the dead,)

45 And because he considered that the who had fallen asleep with godliness, had great grace laid up for them.

46 It is therefore a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead, that they may be loosed from sins.>>

 

I am not entirely sure that this constitutes a reference to the afterlife. It might be just some kind of analogy to the medieval practice of throwing one's old shoes into a 'spiritual midden', which was a designated space in the middle of the house in which one lived - a kind of payment to the ghosts of those who had lived there before (the 'familiars'), as though to ask them to stay away. Admittedly it's strange - at least to modern perceptions - that one should hope "that they that were slain should rise again" in the context of ghosts - but still, there is nothing that explicitly says 'afterlife'.

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There is only one concrete reference to the afterlife in the whole of the OT (it comes at the end of Daniel).

 

And wasn't Daniel written very late? In other words, after the Jews would have incorporated the Zoroastrian beliefs into their religion?

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The Sadducees didn't believe in the afterlife.

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I do not understand how people can argue with people who basically believe in magical wizards in a magic realm that can do magical stuff, yet you never see it done in the real world. theists are the biggest hypocrites even if many of them are good people still. 

 

I see atheists continue arguing with Christians and theists, and much of the time you just go around in many circles. they're too emotionally invested in a magic sky wizard and that we live in a huge universe and world full of many issues that they cannot conceive their being no god or gods because it makes reality more harsh to accept. good luck to all atheists who continue to fight.....I myself cannot stand the arguing anymore...my god, it drives me crazy at times. when they start cloning humans and do who knows what else I hope believers are ready....who knows what grand things we may discover that has nothing to do with supernatural and yet still leave us in awe.

 

I may not believe in a magic god or gods anymore, but my sense of wonder and awe has not gone down, it has gone up if you ask me.

 

Take Carewink.png wink.png 

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I may not believe in a magic god or gods anymore, but my sense of wonder and awe has not gone down, it has gone up if you ask me.

 

[/b]

Yes, yes, yes! The universe is amazing! Life is amazing! And much more so since I realized that I don't have to "punt to god" when I don't understand something. If I don't understand, I dig deeper! If the really, really smart people don't understand, they dig deeper! The universe is amazing, and we must admit that we don't have all of the answers. Not having all of the answers is what allows us to search for more answers!

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There is only one concrete reference to the afterlife in the whole of the OT (it comes at the end of Daniel).

 

That is because during the OT religions there was no belief in an afterlife.  The Jewish religion had only this life.  If Yahweh was pissed at somebody they would die and that would be the end of it.  The concept of an afterlife came with Greek culture when Alexander conquered the Middle East.

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I have a question, when I did a word search for hell in the ot I found hell many times. Why is that?

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I have a question, when I did a word search for hell in the ot I found hell many times. Why is that?

Cuz you looked it up in a book in which the success of said book depends solely upon the amount of belief its followers have in that place. I dunno...
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Good points. what drugs are you on? I have some knowledge on psychiatric drugs. either way, it's hard to break free. some Christians say your angry with god or just want to sin, so on, and every theist I've seen and every theist in existence is a hypocrite since they do not rely on prayer in the true sense...many of them are good people still but they actions tell me other wise.

 

Thanks.

 

 

I'm on Cymbalta,which is an SNRI instead of the usual SSRIs. My doctor was very supportive of continuing all my other supplements to feed the brain (5-htp, melatonin, fish oil, adrenal support herbs, etc.), but I did have to stop St. John's wort (which is also an SSRI of sorts).

 

You may have seen it in the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." There are a lot of bummed out people in the commercial.

 

This drug is prescribed in Europe for urinary incontinence. Whatever! It is also marketed in the US for chronic pain. I think that part helps me too. I was in several minor car accidents in my early 20s, and have some minor aches from the seatbelt jerking my neck, shoulders, and hips. I also have some lingering issues from three bulging discs (better now) from childbirth. Taking the edge off of minor pain like that is also very helpful, because chronic pain can drain your adrenals and lower your patience for life.

 

The doctor has me listed (for insurance purposes) as premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is more of a female hormone issue than a mental illness. This is not a lie -- I get terribly weepy around my period. That way I hopefully won't show up on certain registries (if those ever get implemented) for mental illness. (Some of the recent mass murderers have been on SSRIs, you may recall. Scary side effects! But so far this SNRI is better.) My husband has a concealed carry permit, for example, and I just don't need the government poking around and cross-referencing that stuff, if you know what I mean. You may want to discuss this with your doctor too.

 

After giving me a free trial, the doctor called in a few days to check on me, and I had to go back in two weeks to make sure it was working properly and not causing certain adverse effects (worsening depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.). Before my appointment I asked my husband if there was anything he had noticed about me from the outside in those two weeks that he wanted me share with the doctor. He said, "Tell him I love him." I told the doctor. He laughed and said, "He loves me? He's never even met me!" And we just laughed. He said, "So, I guess it's helping." Yes, indeed.

 

Side effects: After almost two years now, I don't have any noticeable side effects. The worst is that since I am self-employed, I have "catastrophic" insurance only (by my choice), and I pay cash for minor visits and prescriptions. This one is $230 a month -- that's kind of a bad side effect, I guess you could say! The other thing is that if I miss a pill, about 10 hours later I get kind of lightheaded. I was concerned that I was addicted or whatever, but the doctor blows that off. Fine by me... it's helping me immensely, so I don't care. He says most people metabolize it in a longer time, like 24 hours, but for me it's shorter -- probably because I exercise, take liver-support herbs, and am a bit of a nutrition freak. My body/liver just metabolizes it faster... no big deal. Another minor side effect is that it takes longer for me to reach orgasm. This problem is worse for men on this medication, so you should be aware. Luckily my husband is supportive of this too, and we just work around it. The orgasms are more intense than they were before, so that is kind of a bonus, I guess.

 

My other word of advice is to watch out for prescription sleep aids. Seven years ago when I was in the depths of my post partum depression (which was exacerbated by a breast-feeding baby who did not sleep through the night until 13.5 months, oh my!), a different doctor gave me a free trial of Rozerem. This is the commercial with Abe Lincoln, an astronaut, and a beaver playing chess, and talks about allowing you to still dream. Well... it allowed me to dream all right -- the scariest, most disturbing and violent dreams I had ever had. It freaked me the fuck out, and I was scared to go to bed for about a week after that! My problem was not really that I couldn't sleep, it's just that I did not have opportunity. (Yes, my husband helped immensely with the baby, but I still woke up every single time. Being a new mom can be brutal. He and I had a couple of blow ups about which of us was more tired, and which of us was doing more work -- funny now looking back.) There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique!

 

Well, this was probably more info than you need, but there you have it. I hope you find some relief.

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I have a question, when I did a word search for hell in the ot I found hell many times. Why is that?

Likely because you searched in the King James version. The word translated "hell" in the King James, in the Old Testament, is usually "Sheol", which literally means "the pit" or "the grave". It isn't a place of burning, it's simply the hole the writer anticipates being buried in.

 

When you look at stuff in the Bible, try using something like the English Standard version. The King James was not translated from the original languages and old texts, but from the Latin Vulgate Catholic Bible. In other words, a translation of a translation. Another problem with it is that we simply do not speak that version of English anymore. It's just close enough to make you think it is the same, and to confuse you because the words don't mean what they did in 1611.

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I wonder if I can have a real life at times....if you knew my situation you understand why I say that. this has nothing to do with Christianity either, I was in pain long before I got deep into it. as my name applies.....I'm in so much pain, if only someone can see my mind. they may be fooled by my mere appearance, but I'm broken inside, it does not matter if I believe in god or not, I was broken long ago, if only I could reverse time and change some other things around. some people tell me everything is going to be okay, but if a hell exists, I live in one daily, my mind is hell itself. I'm expression myself as all of you do, merely saying this will not fix the issues. I at times still think god is punishing me for saying bad things about him or punishing me because of my sins......cognitive dissonance at it's core.

 

I hope some of you guys still feel happiness. I haven't been happy in so long I sometimes think such feelings do not exist. god or no god I was always sad and filled with hurt and sorrow for vary long time now. I been locked from the outside world for so long, yet people think it's laziness or I like this.....my anger boils when someone would muster such things because they have not walked in my shoes. I done my share of wrongs.....but do I deserve this pain for so long? by saying this it almost applies there is an agent behind it all....how heck do I not think like that? I rather my suffering have a reason for it if I'm going to suffer, to suffer and to continue to suffer, and to have no ultimate reason behind it.....enough of the sappy stuff, LOL.
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Have you tried getting help?  There are a number of therapies.  If you feel comfortable sharing what are the non-religious problems you face?  It's hard to offer advise when we don't know the cause.

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I wonder if I can have a real life at times....if you knew my situation you understand why I say that. this has nothing to do with Christianity either, I was in pain long before I got deep into it. as my name applies.....I'm in so much pain, if only someone can see my mind. they may be fooled by my mere appearance, but I'm broken inside, it does not matter if I believe in god or not, I was broken long ago, if only I could reverse time and change some other things around. some people tell me everything is going to be okay, but if a hell exists, I live in one daily, my mind is hell itself. I'm expression myself as all of you do, merely saying this will not fix the issues. I at times still think god is punishing me for saying bad things about him or punishing me because of my sins......cognitive dissonance at it's core.
 
I hope some of you guys still feel happiness. I haven't been happy in so long I sometimes think such feelings do not exist. god or no god I was always sad and filled with hurt and sorrow for vary long time now. I been locked from the outside world for so long, yet people think it's laziness or I like this.....my anger boils when someone would muster such things because they have not walked in my shoes. I done my share of wrongs.....but do I deserve this pain for so long? by saying this it almost applies there is an agent behind it all....how heck do I not think like that? I rather my suffering have a reason for it if I'm going to suffer, to suffer and to continue to suffer, and to have no ultimate reason behind it.....enough of the sappy stuff, LOL.

 

 

I am sorry you have been in such mental and emotional torment for so long, and having this to deal with along with deconverting is a huge load for anyone to have to bear alone. Keep talking to us if it helps but please seek professional treatment as it is quite possible it may help you significantly.

 

Since I was a child I was in similar torment, there were external circumstances that severely traumatized me but it has been only recently that doctors are beginning to understand that I have had a very serious mood disorder all this time too. I have been seeking help since I was 17 (twenty years ago) but few doctors/therapists could help much, and some even harmed me (usually the christian ones) but in the last three years I was at my most unwell ever, and spent many months in a psych ward because of this. In this time the emotional pain, torment, isolation, lack of understanding from friends, families and even doctors and deconversion issues was more than I could bear; my life seemed pointless and I had no hope of it ever improving as I felt that the doctors and therapists had really tried everything so I was beyond help. This made me feel more of a failure as I could't even get better with the best treatment, and had been trying so hard to do so for twenty years. It drove me wild when I saw depressed people come into hospital, get treatment, start feeling better and go home while I remained in deep despair, unable to leave hospital.

 

In the last 6 months however things have been turning around thanks to great therapy and Lithium. I have begun to feel hope and joy and make plans for my future. Just a week ago I had a day of deep depression and it reminded me just how much better I had been feeling and just how unwell I really was; I had not been lazy or a drama queen as others suspected. There is still a lot of work ahead of me before I can be stable, and I do still fear at times that it is all in vain, that I will fall back in the big hole again and never get out; but I can at least now get some enjoyment out of life and feel more comfortable with people.

 

I tell you all this so you may know that it is possible to get out of decades long depression (or whatever it is for you) if you persevere with treatment options. Make sure you know the credentials of anyone you seek treatment from and be willing to ditch them if they mistreat you (sadly there is a lot of crap help out there) but keep at it. Sure, perhaps you are one of the few for which no successful treatment is yet available but it is so worth exhausting all options as you may be surprised to find yourself smiling one day :)

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I wonder if I can have a real life at times....if you knew my situation you understand why I say that. this has nothing to do with Christianity either, I was in pain long before I got deep into it. as my name applies.....I'm in so much pain, if only someone can see my mind. they may be fooled by my mere appearance, but I'm broken inside, it does not matter if I believe in god or not, I was broken long ago, if only I could reverse time and change some other things around. some people tell me everything is going to be okay, but if a hell exists, I live in one daily, my mind is hell itself. I'm expression myself as all of you do, merely saying this will not fix the issues. I at times still think god is punishing me for saying bad things about him or punishing me because of my sins......cognitive dissonance at it's core.
 
I hope some of you guys still feel happiness. I haven't been happy in so long I sometimes think such feelings do not exist. god or no god I was always sad and filled with hurt and sorrow for vary long time now. I been locked from the outside world for so long, yet people think it's laziness or I like this.....my anger boils when someone would muster such things because they have not walked in my shoes. I done my share of wrongs.....but do I deserve this pain for so long? by saying this it almost applies there is an agent behind it all....how heck do I not think like that? I rather my suffering have a reason for it if I'm going to suffer, to suffer and to continue to suffer, and to have no ultimate reason behind it.....enough of the sappy stuff, LOL.

 

 

I am sorry you have been in such mental and emotional torment for so long, and having this to deal with along with deconverting is a huge load for anyone to have to bear alone. Keep talking to us if it helps but please seek professional treatment as it is quite possible it may help you significantly.

 

Since I was a child I was in similar torment, there were external circumstances that severely traumatized me but it has been only recently that doctors are beginning to understand that I have had a very serious mood disorder all this time too. I have been seeking help since I was 17 (twenty years ago) but few doctors/therapists could help much, and some even harmed me (usually the christian ones) but in the last three years I was at my most unwell ever, and spent many months in a psych ward because of this. In this time the emotional pain, torment, isolation, lack of understanding from friends, families and even doctors and deconversion issues was more than I could bear; my life seemed pointless and I had no hope of it ever improving as I felt that the doctors and therapists had really tried everything so I was beyond help. This made me feel more of a failure as I could't even get better with the best treatment, and had been trying so hard to do so for twenty years. It drove me wild when I saw depressed people come into hospital, get treatment, start feeling better and go home while I remained in deep despair, unable to leave hospital.

 

In the last 6 months however things have been turning around thanks to great therapy and Lithium. I have begun to feel hope and joy and make plans for my future. Just a week ago I had a day of deep depression and it reminded me just how much better I had been feeling and just how unwell I really was; I had not been lazy or a drama queen as others suspected. There is still a lot of work ahead of me before I can be stable, and I do still fear at times that it is all in vain, that I will fall back in the big hole again and never get out; but I can at least now get some enjoyment out of life and feel more comfortable with people.

 

I tell you all this so you may know that it is possible to get out of decades long depression (or whatever it is for you) if you persevere with treatment options. Make sure you know the credentials of anyone you seek treatment from and be willing to ditch them if they mistreat you (sadly there is a lot of crap help out there) but keep at it. Sure, perhaps you are one of the few for which no successful treatment is yet available but it is so worth exhausting all options as you may be surprised to find yourself smiling one day smile.png

 

I will say some things, I'm paralyzed by so many irrational fears, reason and logic go out the window for most of those. this has nothing to do with hell or god. I barely ever leave the house....call it agoraphobia or call it magic pixie dust, but in the end leaving the house to much most of the times for me. my world is my room, staring at pixels all day, whether it's the internet in which is both a curse and a blessing to me, a TV screen or playing video games, it's pixels all day almost. I dropped out of school at around 10th grade because I felt like a alien. 
 
Sometimes things are what they are, thus giving up the idea of a soul is far more difficult when your in my kind of pain and continual pain I might add. many people diminish the idea of mental or psychological pain, to them, well, never mind. 
 
I still cannot accept I been living a lie that god and the bible are based on lies, it's so freaking hard to accept, if I was not in enough pain before this all, I needed more, oh well.
 
As I say to my own mother, some drown in their own tears while others jump with joy, it happens every day. we do not live in a fair world.....very few theists would even say that we do.
 
You nor should anyone have to suffer.
 
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I hear you, man! I was in that pit when I was in my post partum depression. I used to joke that we need to find a way to bottle up ppd and sprinkle it on enemy camps, and they would self-destruct in a matter of days. LOL. Yeah, it's awful.

 

The Recovering from Religion organization has started The Therapist Project, a network to help us find non-christian therapists. You can sign up on seculartherapy.org. It is a private match-up scenario, since many therapists need to keep their atheism concealed for local social and professional safety.

 

There is help for you. I can tell you from experience that family is not going to understand. They will try, but are often confused, uneducated about it, scared for you, or just frustrated from trying to be nice and understanding with no visible results. You can't blame them -- you just have to learn not to rely on them for help with this. Friends are the same. Church people are even worse. I went round and round in my mind at the time, wondering why no one would help. Don't they love me? Don't they hear what I'm saying? Why won't they help? Once I got past that and got some real help, things got better.

 

I tried a lot of things on my own which each helped a bit, and they added up to make a difference. (Nutritional supplements to feed the brain, lots of reading and research, exercise that I actually like, acupuncture, taking control of my career and finances, ditching the losers in my life, even a pricey yoga retreat weekend.) The thing that finally took off the final edge was the medication. It took me over 6 years to realize I needed some bigger guns to battle the noise in my head.

 

The human brain is an awesome and mysterious thing. There are so many chemicals and hormones and nerve firings and all that -- we barely understand it so far. However, I believe you can feel better. If you have an open sore you put a bandage on it, and if you have a broken arm you put a cast on it. This allows the body to heal safely underneath. What I think you need is a bandaid for your brain, to protect it and shield the pain so it can go about the business of healing itself. Does that make sense? That's how I view my meds and my brain-food supplements and nutrition.

 

You may not want to hear it, but social interaction is going to help. Find a meetup group in your area, and get your butt to a meetup. Think of it as research, if you like. Sometimes putting your thoughts together for a stranger can help organize your thoughts, and get some reassurance that you are human. Heck, you might actually like the folks at your local atheist group! Having events to look forward to always helped me. (At the time, my events were all church-related, and in the end the people turned out to be less-than-perfect, but at the time it was what I really needed.)

 

Talking to a paid counselor or doctor is also helpful. Even though you are paying them and they have to listen, it's still nice. Do they really love you and care about you? Who knows, and who cares. It's their professional duty to at least try, and I believe they really deep down want to ease people's pain or they would have chosen a different career. I don't know your financial situation, and I realize counseling can be expensive. You can start with someone like your family doctor, assuming you or your family can swing that via insurance or cash. (Ask for a cash price -- mine will see me for $80 if I pay cash.) No more excuses there, my friend. Get on it!

 

I used to get so mad at church language like "love, joy, and peace." What the hell are those things? After much work (and I mean MUCH work), and several years, and a lot of trial and error, I can confidently say I know what those words mean now. I never thought I would get out of that hole, but here I am. The sun is shining and I am annoyingly happy.

 

If I were sitting in your room with you right now, I would listen until you couldn't think of anything more to say. I would offer what little comfort I could. And then I would kick you in the rear and tell you it's time to take the bull by the horns and knock this nasty shit out of your brain. You can do it, dude! You can get better.

 

It's easy for me to say, don't be afraid -- you can do it! I know it's much more serious than that. All I can do is offer hope that taking a few baby steps to confront this crap will pay off for you.

 

As for all the deconversion stuff... fuck it. That's just a mosquito buzzing in your ear. You have bigger fish to fry. Once you get control of the big picture, a lot of that other stuff will sort itself out. Don't get too distracted by it until you as a whole are better and strong enough to tackle that drama with a more solid foundation.

 

I hope my ramblings here are helping in some way. Just know that people get you, we know the pain, and we want you to feel better. That's not just blowing smoke. We are not going to "pray for you" and then leave you to work it out for yourself. We are ready to listen and offer support if we can. And right now the best support I know to give is... you can do it. Rise up and get some help. Punch that brain imbalance (or whatever it is) right in the face.

 

Keep us posted. I, for one, will be watching for your posts. You will get better. The sun will shine on you again.

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I still cannot accept I been living a lie that god and the bible are based on lies, it's so freaking hard to accept, if I was not in enough pain before this all, I needed more, oh well.

 

 

Other than co-signing what RenWoman just posted, I want to address this, too. Stop beating yourself up about believing! We've all been suckered, both by religious promises and other things. So we are trusting and want to believe in beautiful hopeful things. So what? That's human. It doesn't make you stupid. You don't need to add to your pain by berating yourself for believing. 

 

You also mentioned dropping out of high school in 10th grade. I know that this may twig your agoraphobia issues (I have them, too), but have you considered taking a community college class or two? (I don't know how old you are.) College classes, even if you weren't a school person before, help teach you to think differently than high school or vocational school classes. You have to interpret information and think critically. You also can come in contact with a far more diverse population, generally speaking. A class like Mythology, Intro to Philosophy or Humanities, Astronomy, Western Civ., basic Biology, Renaissance Literature, all of that can show you a different perspective of the world you thought about from a very specific contemporary Western Christian point of view. 

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Good points. what drugs are you on? I have some knowledge on psychiatric drugs. either way, it's hard to break free. some Christians say your angry with god or just want to sin, so on, and every theist I've seen and every theist in existence is a hypocrite since they do not rely on prayer in the true sense...many of them are good people still but they actions tell me other wise.

 

Thanks.

 

 

I'm on Cymbalta,which is an SNRI instead of the usual SSRIs. My doctor was very supportive of continuing all my other supplements to feed the brain (5-htp, melatonin, fish oil, adrenal support herbs, etc.), but I did have to stop St. John's wort (which is also an SSRI of sorts).

 

You may have seen it in the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." There are a lot of bummed out people in the commercial.

 

This drug is prescribed in Europe for urinary incontinence. Whatever! It is also marketed in the US for chronic pain. I think that part helps me too. I was in several minor car accidents in my early 20s, and have some minor aches from the seatbelt jerking my neck, shoulders, and hips. I also have some lingering issues from three bulging discs (better now) from childbirth. Taking the edge off of minor pain like that is also very helpful, because chronic pain can drain your adrenals and lower your patience for life.

 

The doctor has me listed (for insurance purposes) as premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is more of a female hormone issue than a mental illness. This is not a lie -- I get terribly weepy around my period. That way I hopefully won't show up on certain registries (if those ever get implemented) for mental illness. (Some of the recent mass murderers have been on SSRIs, you may recall. Scary side effects! But so far this SNRI is better.) My husband has a concealed carry permit, for example, and I just don't need the government poking around and cross-referencing that stuff, if you know what I mean. You may want to discuss this with your doctor too.

 

After giving me a free trial, the doctor called in a few days to check on me, and I had to go back in two weeks to make sure it was working properly and not causing certain adverse effects (worsening depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.). Before my appointment I asked my husband if there was anything he had noticed about me from the outside in those two weeks that he wanted me share with the doctor. He said, "Tell him I love him." I told the doctor. He laughed and said, "He loves me? He's never even met me!" And we just laughed. He said, "So, I guess it's helping." Yes, indeed.

 

Side effects: After almost two years now, I don't have any noticeable side effects. The worst is that since I am self-employed, I have "catastrophic" insurance only (by my choice), and I pay cash for minor visits and prescriptions. This one is $230 a month -- that's kind of a bad side effect, I guess you could say! The other thing is that if I miss a pill, about 10 hours later I get kind of lightheaded. I was concerned that I was addicted or whatever, but the doctor blows that off. Fine by me... it's helping me immensely, so I don't care. He says most people metabolize it in a longer time, like 24 hours, but for me it's shorter -- probably because I exercise, take liver-support herbs, and am a bit of a nutrition freak. My body/liver just metabolizes it faster... no big deal. Another minor side effect is that it takes longer for me to reach orgasm. This problem is worse for men on this medication, so you should be aware. Luckily my husband is supportive of this too, and we just work around it. The orgasms are more intense than they were before, so that is kind of a bonus, I guess.

 

My other word of advice is to watch out for prescription sleep aids. Seven years ago when I was in the depths of my post partum depression (which was exacerbated by a breast-feeding baby who did not sleep through the night until 13.5 months, oh my!), a different doctor gave me a free trial of Rozerem. This is the commercial with Abe Lincoln, an astronaut, and a beaver playing chess, and talks about allowing you to still dream. Well... it allowed me to dream all right -- the scariest, most disturbing and violent dreams I had ever had. It freaked me the fuck out, and I was scared to go to bed for about a week after that! My problem was not really that I couldn't sleep, it's just that I did not have opportunity. (Yes, my husband helped immensely with the baby, but I still woke up every single time. Being a new mom can be brutal. He and I had a couple of blow ups about which of us was more tired, and which of us was doing more work -- funny now looking back.) There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique!

 

Well, this was probably more info than you need, but there you have it. I hope you find some relief.

 

Thanks. I appreciate the help.

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Checking in. How are you this morning?

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