Pantophobia Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Selfish in that it's all your personal decision. Why do people have babies? Because they want them. That's right there up front, "I want to have children. I want to raise a family. I want a baby." People with kids also have certain expectations of them, even the most open-minded, and project their own hopes and dreams on their children. Plus there's the "My DNA is so awesome that I must propagate it!" angle. What I'm saying is that having children is not some pure and altruistic thing. It's, in essence, me-centric. I'm not saying that that is a bad thing, mind you! Just saying don't dress it up as some pure and giving act of utter sacrifice, because all you have to do is scratch the surface to hear the self-centered reasons people give for having babies. While parenting can include times of utter sacrifice, it in itself is not this divine and hallowed state of pure selflessness. Make sense? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I agree with Pantophobia but I also agree that not having kids is/was the selfish decision for me. We get to travel a lot, go out a lot, spend money on ourselves a lot and that's how I like it. I don't think I'd be a good father either. Yeah, it may be selfish but this is my life and want to do as much as possible. Having kids has never been a part of that. I don't think our current social structure caters to having kids anyway. If you work at least 40 hours a week, someone else is raising them and you essentially get visitation rights after work and on the weekends. No thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pantophobia Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 My therapist calls that "healthy selfishness," LifeCycle. I'm right there with you. I'd rather have a few degrees and publications than a few kids! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 My therapist calls that "healthy selfishness," LifeCycle. I'm right there with you. I'd rather have a few degrees and publications than a few kids! I learned a new term... thanks Pantophobia! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm curious. Did you feel pressured to get married young and start having kids? Do you feel the the root of this pressure was due to Christianity/religion? Absolutely. I was influenced by my own parents who married very young (my father was 18 and my mother was 16). They had 7 children. So to me, this was the normal thing to do. The only other option I thought I had was to become a catholic priest, which was out of the question for me. Staying single was considered a failure. Shacking up was a sin. Yeah, so marriage and kids seemed like the best choice. I actually wanted to experience marriage and kids, so I never felt forced. I didn't really want to take the VOWS though. I always thought something was wrong with marriage vows. How can you promise to love someone forever? That doesn't make sense to me. It's an outright lie. I love my wife and will until the day I die regardless of whether she is alive or not. I still have love for the first girl I ever did love. It changes sure but to say that you cannot love someone until at your death which is actually what most marriage vows say seems completely ok to me. If you cannot handle that I understand but don't call what others can actually do a lie. It would help if that is what traditional marriage vows say but the line is generally "until death do us part". The kids part, hell no. Do not will not. We both agree or we never would have married. We love our lives without children. That may not be right for you or all though. Without children our race will go under however I think we should be a bit more controlled in how we breed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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