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Tried Other Things


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Since leaving the church I've tried a couple of other things. One was a weekly course at an ashram, on meditation and positive thinking. I liked the woman who taught the course and I liked the atmosphere of the place. However when they did the meditation they brought in affirmations which I didn't agree with and that hindered me from focusing on the meditation. They kept mentioning rebirth, an idea which scared me. They believe that when you die your soul enters into a foetus. If there's no such place as heaven I think I'd prefer to be annihilated than immediately enter a foetus and start another life. At the end of this life I would prefer a 'rest'. the idea of being endlessly reborn fills me with dread.  Also, their teachings came from one person who had a vision and got all this knowledge which their ashram is based on. I don't agree with basing one's life on the ideas of one person's vision. Well anyway, I wouldn't do it myself. That got in the way of me being able to throw myself into it wholeheartedly.


Another experience was I read a second hand book by a guy, a guru, and discovered that his ashram was in my area and they had meetings Saturday nights. I loved the book and was amazied that the author of it was there 'in the flesh' so to speak. I attended the 'satsang' which was quite atmospheric , but again I couldn't enter into it as the others did. It had it's similarities to church, similar rituals, similar set up. I was also amazed that the guru of the guru was one I had had seen 30 years ago, now deceased. They had his photos up on the walls. But I was shocked to find out thru the net when I went home that this guru's guru had been an abuser of young girls at his ashram and that it was a known thing and yet he was still one of their heroes.That didn't make sense to me. It took away from their credibility, for me.


I wasn't looking for another religion to follow, anyway, just looking to learn meditation. Now I go to a non religious centre where they have meditation groups. I guess it is a bit 'religious' in a new age way. Instead of 'God' there's 'the Universe'. I think there's something in meditation.

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Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been trying new stuff but mostly all self taught. I'd kind of like to go to a meditation center or something, but I'm not sure how to go about it (and my car is in the shop so I can't really get there). There's a guy that moved in a couple units down that teaches yoga and was talking about meditation circles or something so I might go and ask him some stuff about it. Sometimes, though, I feel like a total ditz so I don't like talking to people or asking questions. 


Wow, that's crazy about the guru-- man, I don't blame you. I think MOST people would think less of it after hearing about the abuses. Huh, maybe you should find another ashram (I think, I don't really understand some of the words and am not in the mood to google tonight). I mean, I guess it makes sense-- a lot of people that experience power DO abuse it especially in those type of settings. 


And, yes, the idea of being born over and over is kind of scary. I just want it to be over and done with at the end.  I don't know, though, I always thought the rebirth in some of these other religions was more just like your energy or whatever charged your soul going into something else, but that it's not YOU, you will be finished.  But, I can definitely see how that would be dreadful. 


We've been talking about meditation in the thread about a higher self, too. I don't know, I have my doubts about religious meditation, but there have been some psych studies done on it and it's supposed to be really good for you so I figure why not?  If I can make myself into a better person-- or more like, if I can make my life better and more enjoyable, why not? I'm hoping to get to the point where I truly enjoy it. It seems to take a lot of work right now for me and I always have to drink some black herbal tea before I start otherwise I can't concentrate at all (and even WITH that, I still have trouble concentrating). 

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