Jump to content

He Doesn't Exist And He Still Found A Way To Hurt Me


lunchbox
 Share

Recommended Posts

Haven't posted in a while but I have been lurking almost everyday. Anyway, I need your guys advice. You are honestly the smartest group of people I've ever known. P.S. please forgive any typos. I'm on my cell.

 

I've been dating this girl for the

past nine months. At first everything was great. Now she's become incredibly religious. I don't have to explain to you guys. You already know. Overwhelming guilt. Anti sex. Can't drink. 10%. Church three times a week. Etc. I mean she's deep into it. So I love her. Even went to church with her for a while. That was was hard for me. Never complained or mocked anything they said. I supported her. I tried to find value in what they teach but I just couldn't. Anything worthy didn't need God in it so why have him? Started reading more online about religion. Ironically, all these Christian sites reestablished my atheism. They just don't know what they're talking about. These people have never even read their own book.

 

So I told her I don't believe. She broke up with me because it's not part of God's plan. I ask her to clarify what that even means. She can't. Says the church comforts her and she wants me to feel the same way. Ask her to clarify what that means. She can't. Says God is always there for her when she's alone. Ask her to explain how he comforts her. She can't. Etc.

 

I really miss her. I realize every problem we had stemmed from religion. She's just so consumed with delusion and guilt. We used to be like Jack and Rose or Jim and Pam. Real passionate love. Now it's all gone because of him. I tried telling her every reason to leave the church. Doesn't accept what I'm saying. I don't know. That's the end of my story. I could go on and on.

 

Tell me it won't work. I already know the truth. I just need to hear it from you guys.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oops. Forgot to mention she calling me and texting me every day saying she misses me and loves me. Like her mom told me that's she's about to due of a broken heart. She wants me believe but I just can't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator

Sorry for your troubles. In reality, she did the best thing for both of you by breaking up. Truly, we all need to date/marry within our own species. I consider Christians to be more alien than human. Be on the lookout for some emotional manipulation; don't fall for it. Grieve for a bit, then move on from this impending train wreck and find someone appropriate. All the best to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

     Yep, I've got to agree with the above.  You've dodged the bullet.  Just cut off communication and move on otherwise you're just dragging out your own suffering.

 

          mwc

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Agreed.  Install a call/text-blocking app, and move on.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sucks when two people break up even though they still have feelings for each other and it's not fair of her to break up with you and then try to keep you hanging on. Relationships are hard enough without the kind of fundamental conflicts you would have from your beliefs, you guys would always be communicating on two completely different levels. Breaking up is for the best and it sounds like you need to be the one strong enough to close the deal. 

 

Good luck!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Relationships are a two way street and compromise is needed from both parties.  Unless she is willing to compromise on her end and accept you for who you are, you are best to move on for both of your sakes.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Adding my "move on" to the pile. If she's gone full on Christian, she isn't the same person, and won't be again. I know you think maybe she'll come back, or that you can "be there for her" and all that. But you can't. And luckily for you, she broke up with you instead of hanging on. But her calling/texting you is ridiculous and not loving. In fact it's pretty selfish of her. She's probably telling herself that with enough love, she can bring you around to Jeebus. Neither of you can connect again. It's over. Cut all, and I mean ALL ties, and move on. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. That's a pretty common consensus. It's sad that it has to be this way. Just when I thought they had no more control in my life I see that's not completely the case. Still, I have the last word in how I live my own life. I think I'll take that advice on blocking her number.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. That's a pretty common consensus. It's sad that it has to be this way. Just when I thought they had no more control in my life I see that's not completely the case. Still, I have the last word in how I live my own life. I think I'll take that advice on blocking her number.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haven't posted in a while but I have been lurking almost everyday. Anyway, I need your guys advice. You are honestly the smartest group of people I've ever known. P.S. please forgive any typos. I'm on my cell.

 

I've been dating this girl for the

past nine months. At first everything was great. Now she's become incredibly religious. I don't have to explain to you guys. You already know. Overwhelming guilt. Anti sex. Can't drink. 10%. Church three times a week. Etc. I mean she's deep into it. So I love her. Even went to church with her for a while. That was was hard for me. Never complained or mocked anything they said. I supported her. I tried to find value in what they teach but I just couldn't. Anything worthy didn't need God in it so why have him? Started reading more online about religion. Ironically, all these Christian sites reestablished my atheism. They just don't know what they're talking about. These people have never even read their own book.

 

So I told her I don't believe. She broke up with me because it's not part of God's plan. I ask her to clarify what that even means. She can't. Says the church comforts her and she wants me to feel the same way. Ask her to clarify what that means. She can't. Says God is always there for her when she's alone. Ask her to explain how he comforts her. She can't. Etc.

 

I really miss her. I realize every problem we had stemmed from religion. She's just so consumed with delusion and guilt. We used to be like Jack and Rose or Jim and Pam. Real passionate love. Now it's all gone because of him. I tried telling her every reason to leave the church. Doesn't accept what I'm saying. I don't know. That's the end of my story. I could go on and on.

 

Tell me it won't work. I already know the truth. I just need to hear it from you guys.

 

"She's just so consumed with delusion and guilt." - Is this what you want to deal with possibly forever? Sorry you two broke up but it sounds like she has changed considerably from what you once enjoyed to something you don't enjoy and will always be at odds with. You will find someone else who is more like you and be happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you guys broke up but you kind of got off light.  Most of us get stuck with a partner where everything is entangled and we can't get away from the religious crap and we can't get free.  Move on and find somebody who is better for you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If her church is so comforting and God is with her when she is alone, why does her mother feel like she is going to die of a broken heart? Oh yeah... because that stuff is not real, but YOU are real.

 

There is the chance that one day she will see the light and get the hell out of Christianity. Sounds like she is still in the honeymoon phase with her faith, so that could be years from now... years of torture for you.

 

If you want to give a last ditch effort to try to get her to understand you, since you have already compromised by going to church with her... you could ask her sincerely to watch a nonstampcollector video or two, read a few posts on here that you think hit home, google "church is a cult" and let her see the tactics used to give her that "comfort" feeling she is getting, and so on. You could invite her to an atheist meetup so she meets "regular" people with other things to talk about -- part of her comfort is the social aspect of the church.

 

Of course, she will not accept any of these messages, I'm sure at this stage, but you have planted a seed and you can move on with a clear conscience. If she knows what to look for, she will maybe see the signs sooner than most of us did, and her unraveling will start before she wastes as many years in Christianity as some of us here did. You might save her a load of sorrow later. However, it is generally not our goal to de-convert people until they are ready, so you might not feel good about attempting this. But at least you will have had your side of the story told; I think it's the least she could do if you had to endure church with her. LOL

 

I hate to have to say this, but be warned that emotionally manipulative women have been known to get pregnant on purpose to trap a guy. If she suddenly wants sex, be careful. As a 40-something woman, I can say that I've seen women do some crazy manipulative stuff out of desperation. (Hell, I've done some myself, darn it.)

 

In a round-about way, I'm trying to say: You need to move on, unless you are willing to deal with a whole host of possible scenarios for many years.

 

I'm guessing you guys are both young enough to move on to someone else. Breakups from a young love are oh so painful I totally know, but it's not the end of the world. Grieve, learn, and move on.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If her church is so comforting and God is with her when she is alone, why does her mother feel like she is going to die of a broken heart? Oh yeah... because that stuff is not real, but YOU are real.

 

She needs to call and text Jebus everyday instead of lunchbox.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

lunchbox, I'm so sorry to hear about the excruciating breakup.

 

The thing is, a partnership can only work when all parties give each other's needs equal consideration. You were willing to go a lot farther for her (going to church and accepting her faith) than she was for you (she couldn't accept your own philosophy). Nobody's ever able to learn anything Earth-shattering until they're ready to, themselves. That's why nothing you could have told her would have changed the outcome. And, yes, she may have some hard lessons ahead, but then, it may be harsh, but everyone makes the bed they lie in. You can't blame yourself, here. It just wasn't going to work out. We're still here for you, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oops. Forgot to mention she calling me and texting me every day saying she misses me and loves me. Like her mom told me that's she's about to due of a broken heart. She wants me believe but I just can't.

 

This is a load of shit and you should never let a woman play this lame little drama game with you.

 

She either accepts you for who you are now or she can eat shit.

 

You accepted her for her and she did not return that to you stating that god was more important. Tell her she can learn to understand reason or go away.

 

Tell her to stop calling and texting you unless she has the intention of accepting you as you are.

 

DO NOT for any reason conform to what she wants. You frankly deserve a woman who loves you for you not what she can change you into.

 

She can say all day that she loves you but it sure seems she doesn't even love herself and her fear (yes it is fear) of god is pushing you away. You did not thing wrong and it is not your fault she needs a fantasy to wake up each day.

 

No matter what you think you have with this girl you don't she has made her choice and it was not you. I know it hurts but you will be a better person for living through this and be better equipped to be the great person a wonderful woman deserves. It just isn't this lying self centered drama queen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Finding someone spiritually compatible was always a huge goal for me while I was dating. My husband was an ex-Christian too when we met, which is so perfect. We didn't convert or de-convert each other, but we both TOTALLY understand what it's like to be a Christian and how to respectfully deal with our Christian parents and siblings. 

 

Religion or lack of religion is a huge part of compatibility. It lies underneath everything; how you raise your kids (the bible is pro-spanking you know), how you treat other people (judge and condemn them or accept them as they are), what you do with your free time (church? no thanks), and a host of other things that will greatly affect all other aspects of your life. 

 

So personality- and chemistry-wise, you might have been compatible. But that was only a part of what's required for a long-lasting and healthy relationship. It's really no different than dating someone for six months and realizing they have a kind of dark critical mean streak that can turn cruel. It's not something you want to put up with even if you love everything else about them. It still hurts to break up whenever you have a deal breaker discovery like that in a relationship, but no matter how blinded by love you are, HEED the warning bell of incompatibilities. Once the breathless infatuation tones down a little, that incompatibility will become magnified, and you'll need to decide with your head if you can deal with it over the long term. 

 

You sound like you have a smart mind. Trust your brain to over-rule your heart on this one. If she tries to keep texting you, tell her you aren't compatible, because you aren't converting for her, and you aren't going to try to de-convert her either. You WILL find other women you click with just as much as you've clicked with her. But you can click even more if you find someone who has the same understanding of reality as you do. 

 

Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Ain't love grand Lunchbox?  Hurts like hell sometimes doesn't it? I know from experience. I am sorry that you are heartbroken right now. We fall in love and for a good 'spell' everything is so god darned perfect. Then, after the honeymoon waers off, the real people come out of the closet!! Damn!woohoo.gif  You find out your loved one is a  lazy slob, can't keep a job, they are not dedicated or commited, they lie, cheat, steal, are addicted to sex, drugs or alcohol.......... or religion. It always hurts like hell  to discover the things we know are going to bring 'hell' into the relationship. I chose to stay with an abuser one time (yes, he was a Christian)  because he could be 'nice' sometimes. Let me tell you that it was not a fun relationship.

 

I hope what I just said has a little impact on you and you will think about the life you will have with someone who will abuse you with all their religious beliefs. Unless she accepts you 100% for you who you are or what you believe or don't believe...you could possible  be heading down a path that will not be a happy one in the future. We cannot change people. We all have to change on our own. I'm with the others my friend, cry out those heart broken tears and then go find another wonderful person who you have lots in common with. 

 

*hug* for you today cause I know it hurts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How infuriating that the strongest, most real power religion has in the world is to tear people apart. I don't believe it can be proven that Jesus was ever a real person, yet the bastard has been the direct cause of much loneliness in my life as well. The last woman I started to fall in love with started to love me back until she found out I don't accept Jesus as my savior, or believe in the horrible monster-god of the Bible or the threat theology with which he rules. Thank goodness the atheist scientists made such incredible advances in artificial vagina technology.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You dated her for nine months?  Dude, at my age, I've had songs stuck in my head longer than that.

 

She broke up with you because it's 'not God's plan'? Who are you to argue with The Big Guy? LOL.

 

My advice?  Run, lunchbox, Run!  And don't look back. 

 

Love and miss her all you want...from a nice safe distance.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She loves her brainwashing more than you. Sad way to end but that's how shit goes sometimes.

 

It's just like having a girlfriend who is addicted to drugs, except society encourages it.

 

I'd give up because it really isn't your fault.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

If her church is so comforting and God is with her when she is alone, why does her mother feel like she is going to die of a broken heart? Oh yeah... because that stuff is not real, but YOU are real.

 

She needs to call and text Jebus everyday instead of lunchbox.

 

clap.gif clap.gif clap.gif clap.gif clap.gif clap.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

If her church is so comforting and God is with her when she is alone, why does her mother feel like she is going to die of a broken heart? Oh yeah... because that stuff is not real, but YOU are real.

 

She needs to call and text Jebus everyday instead of lunchbox.

 

 

Yeah, but at least she gets a response when she calls and texts lunchbox. Jebus never calls or texts back. I guess she prefers to be in an emotionally abusive relationship with a magical guy who never makes contact with her, instead of a logical guy who actually gives a crap about her. It's sickening what brainwashing does to people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I keep going back to the title of this post: "He doesn't exist and he still has found a way to hurt me."

 

Nope. Not even close. He doesn't exist, but a person who is caught up in believing he does has hurt you because of that belief.

 

Relationships come and go. Romantic relationships, the kind that cause us to obsessively think about them, even come and go, until we eventually find one that could possibly last the rest of our lives.

 

This is not one of that kind, that possibly permanent kind. The end of it took you by surprise and you're still too obsessed to let it go. It won't be easy, because our brains aren't wired that way, but you need to get it in your head that it's time to move on. This one was exciting and seemed amazing and you formed an attachment, but it wasn't one that would have worked out. It has nothng to do with destiny or anything, it just wasn't the great fit you hoped it would be, and you weren't (and aren't) quite ready for it to be over. Start looking around, and you'll see that there are other women out there who could be a good match for you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.