How To Respond To My Father?

[WaitingInfinity]

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly) and told me basically that faith in God was one of the most important things I could ever have. He also said that faith is something I needed to hold on to even if it was illogical and didn't make sense (which I did not think made any sense!). Then he said that if I was to continue in my relationship with my current boyfriend that if we did not have God and were not in church, we would have a terrible marriage. He said if I left the faith now, my chances of coming back were very very slim.

 

I didn't know how to respond to these items. 

 

How would any of you respond?

[RaLeah]

It sounds like your father believes the lie that he's been sold that non-Christians can't be happy or have successful marriages. That's not correct. Actually the divorce rate is LOWER for atheists. My husband and I are both ex-Christians and we have a great marriage. (Our families are all still church-going Christians.)

 

I've told my parents that I'm not attending church anymore, but of course I won't try to talk them out of going or disrespect their beliefs, and I'd like them to respect mine. I appreciate that they love me and they're concerned about me, but I just keep reassuring them that I'm happy and healthy. I tell my parents it's okay if we disagree. 

 

Above all, I keep the conversation calm and I don't get defensive. I just stick firmly with my own boundaries. Sometimes I sound like a broken record, but that's okay. (I end up repeating, "I don't believe the same way you do anymore, and I'm not interested in changing that because I'm really happy with where I am. I don't miss going to church. I really don't. But I'm really okay, and I promise you don't have to worry about me.") 

[BendyLine]

The best reply is to say, "Okay Dad."

 

Then go about your business and do what you want to do. 

[pratt]

did not know that the rest of the non christian world have terrible marriages,,,,

 

what a load of crap anyway,,,,,,

 

anyway, need not be rude to father,,,,, good intention but bad recommendations thats all

[True]

Tell him you have hope in a life without God, and that your happiness with your boyfriend will not be dictated by your opinions on the existence or nonexistence of a God, but how you and your boyfriend treat each-other.

 

Ask him if he'd stop loving your mother if they both decided to simply not believe, and if at the same time they were not scared they were making the wrong decision.

 

Many Christians put God before their spouse, and it ends up being more of a distant companionship, than a close intimate relationship. 

[mymistake]

What Bendyline said.  Give lip service and then live your own life.  My father insists that we say a blessing over meals (at least when my mother is around) so I go along with it.  He gets his tradition and no harm done.  If he wants to believe in his imaginary friend so be it.  I'm not going to compromise in areas where somebody could get hurt but lip service does no harm.

[GroundedInMe]

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly) and told me basically that faith in God was one of the most important things I could ever have. He also said that faith is something I needed to hold on to even if it was illogical and didn't make sense (which I did not think made any sense!). Then he said that if I was to continue in my relationship with my current boyfriend that if we did not have God and were not in church, we would have a terrible marriage. He said if I left the faith now, my chances of coming back were very very slim.

 

I didn't know how to respond to these items. 

 

How would any of you respond?

Hi WaitingInfinity,

 

That's a difficult, some may call it tragic? message to hear from a father.  Could I reword your post a bit as food for thought?  Please note:  I am sharing my thoughts and interpretations which may be totally wrong so bear with me

 

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly because he's my dad who loves me so much) but he basically told me that for him, faith in God is one of the most important things he has in his life and believes it's superimportant for me as well.  He also said that faith is something he holds onto even if it is illogical or doesn't make sense, so I think he was trying to ask me not to let it go.  

 

Then he said that if he was in a relationship and did not have God or church, it would be a terrible marriage and that his chances of returning to religion were very very slim.  He believes I'm on a path to a terrible marriage and won't ever return to religion.

[WaitingInfinity]

Thanks to everyone. I have enjoyed reading what you all have said and think you all make very good points.

 

@GroundedinMe:

 

I see what you mean. It is probably his own fears that provoke him to say those things. Perhaps it will also make him feel like a failure if I leave the religion he holds so dearly? 

 

As for me, I am much happier as I am now as compared to when I was a Christian. My boyfriend and I have an exceptionally healthy relationship and I think I can judge that well as I am studying to (hopefully) be a marriage counselor someday. I can say these things to him to try to dispel his worries, although, that may be impossible.

 

I think I let my family make me feel guilty too often, but when my father talks to me, I hardly know what to say. I feel bad that he is disappointed in me because I want him to be proud of me and to love my boyfriend and to support me searching for answers (searching for God is what brought me to this point!). These are all probably common refrains of people in this community. 

 

Thanks to everyone for being like the family I've never met. 

[RenaissanceWoman]

You can allay your father's fears about your relationship with two facts: RaLeah mentioned that divorce rates are lower among atheists, and you mentioned that you are studying marriage counseling -- so you know what to look for in a bad relationship. Can't argue with facts. And then you can add some anecdotal evidence (not facts, per se), such as the atheists here who have happy marriages (including me).

 

The world needs more non-Christian marriage counselors, so more power to you, fine lady!

 

Another thing to consider: I bet your dad was part of your education as you were growing up, and hoped his little girl would grow up strong and independent, probably go to college, and find a healthy career that fulfills her and makes a difference in the world. So far, sounds like you are not disappointing him there! However, for some fundy denominations, your career aspirations would be contrary to God's plan of being a stay-at-home mom, subservient to your husband, giving all your free time to the church. Does your dad really want that? You could get sucked into the wrong congregation and start believing that crap, and then you'd be in a world of spiritual and emotional dilemmas about your career and ambition, while trying to be a devoted mother and doting Christian wife. You might even be convinced to give up your career for a while, all that education thrown away or put on hold for many years. (Don't get me wrong... you can still be a mother and doting wife and career woman, but not by the fundy Christian guilt-trip standards.) Your dad helped to make you who you are today, so he should be proud. Why risk undoing that?

 

Sounds like your bf is a keeper for you. Hurray! So many people dream of that, and you have found it. Be happy, Dad!

 

You could try to put your dad's fears on hold: Plenty of people fall away from religion in their twenties, partly to pull away from their upbringing (a rebellion of sorts), and partly to grow as a person during those formative years -- but some do come back to it later, especially when they start having babies and want to raise them the way they were raised. I'm not saying you will do this, and I'm definitely not suggesting that you go back to religion later, but... if you tell your dad this is possible based on trends with some other people who were raised Christian, it may be enough to get him to lay off for a while and see how it all plays out. Yeah, this might be a little deceptive on your part, knowing that you are not really coming back, but by the time you are at the age to come back, you will be older and stronger and independent enough that his proddings will have less and less effect on you. Does that make sense?

 

You are an adult now, and you need to expand your wings and grow. I like the road you are on. Keep on keeping on!

[florduh]

"I appreciate how your beliefs are of benefit to you, but I have different needs and have come to some different conclusions. I respect your position, but please understand that my position is just as valid, and I am just as entitled to it. I hope our disagreement on certain issues doesn't ever come between us and we can maintain mutual respect for the decisions we each make as informed adults."

[RipVanWinkle]

It's tough dealing with parents who believe god wants them to tell their children what to believe. You'll never convince him to change his mind, as I'm sure you are aware. Just tell him you appreciate his concern but that you have to follow your own conscience. I'd do what I could to retain a loving relationship with him. But you must stand your ground as to your private beliefs. Good luck.  bill

[midniterider]

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly) and told me basically that faith in God was one of the most important things I could ever have. He also said that faith is something I needed to hold on to even if it was illogical and didn't make sense (which I did not think made any sense!). Then he said that if I was to continue in my relationship with my current boyfriend that if we did not have God and were not in church, we would have a terrible marriage. He said if I left the faith now, my chances of coming back were very very slim.

 

I didn't know how to respond to these items. 

 

How would any of you respond?

 

"If you continue to hound me about religion I am going to speak to you less and less. Your religious talk is harming our relationship. My religious preference is personal, private and not open for discussion."

 

"Also, telling me I will have a terrible marriage unless I follow your rules sounds like you are putting a curse upon me. I am sad that you love your imaginary friend more than your own daughter. I will love you Dad whether or not you follow Jesus."

[WaitingInfinity]

Thank you @RenaissanceWoman!

That was such an encouragement to my heart to keep on searching and growing. It is difficult to find encouragement in my world where I am at a Christian college, have many Christian friends, have a pastor for a father, etc. I rely on the testimonies and words of people on this site, on my boyfriend, and on the few nonChristian friends I have for support. 

 

I'll get there. I have hope that I will, no matter how long it takes! 

[Bhim]

Hi WaitingInfinity.  If I may ask, do you rely on your parents financially?  I'm guessing yes because you go to a Christian college, but that's an important question to ask.  There are stories on this forum of some truly horrible parents who financially cut off their de-converted kids.  So if you're in college and your parents pay your tuition, there's a certain value in simply being silent for three more years until they no longer have the power to destroy your career before it even gets started.

 

Anyway, take what I say with a grain of salt, since my parents aren't Christians.  Also I don't know anything about your parents other than that they are Christians.  But I find that these questions really boil down to a question of choice: what sort of relationship do you want with your family?  Some Christian parents are OK with de-converted kids.  But we're talking about a religion that says you go to eternal hell if you don't believe in Jesus.  Any parents who are logically consistent evangelical Christians have no choice but to hate their de-converted kids.  The Bible says that Jesus brings not peace, but a sword, and that he's here to split up families over himself.  "whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:37) says this would-be Lord.  Jesus is the greatest anti-family values spokesman in history, as ironic as that might sound.

 

It sounds, from what you dad says, like he thinks you're struggling with your faith, and doesn't realize you haven't abandoned it completely.  If you want to have a good relationship with him, it might be a good idea to let him continue thinking this, and just live as you please.  If you want to be completely honest about your beliefs (or lack thereof), you may have to give up any hope of your relationship with him going back to the way it was.

 

Of course, what I said above applies to the logically consistent evangelical Christian, and Christians can be found on all parts of the spectrum of logic.  And really, no evangelical is entirely consistent with his own beliefs.  If you really thought that people who didn't believe in Jesus were going to burn in an eternal hell, wouldn't you be going from door to door on your knees, begging people to convert?  Would you be wasting time having a job, a life, and hobbies, knowing that everyone around you was going to burn?  It's interesting what motivations your dad gave you for returning to the fold.  He told you that your future marriage would suffer.  Interesting that he mentioned marriage and not your eternal soul.  One is more important than the other, isn't it?  It almost sounds like "believe in Jesus, and it'll improve your life in the following ways."  This doesn't sound to me like the logically-consistent evangelical.  So maybe he's not as bad as a true believer.  May I ask what denomination he's a part of?

[kolaida]

Yes, I would be careful.  You've said your dad is a pastor, right? I would just tread very carefully especially if they are paying for your school. I know it sounds selfish, but there have been several threads where someone was cut off because of their change in faith. Going to a Christian college, I'm sure, must stink a little, but honestly it would help for you to have a degree (the job market is rough enough without one and still rough with one) and if you can get that debt free, I'd just do what BendyLine recommended. Just make sure you think each area through.  In my case, I'm very near to telling my parents simply because I'm getting tired of getting Bible verse text and my mom bringing up religion every conversation (she does suspect). But they are also not paying for my school or supporting me financially. They might help every now and then (once) but not enough to where I'd be in trouble if we didn't speak again for another year or two. 

 

Also, do you live with your parents or are you away from the house? I know it sounds awful, but you really do have to look out for number one, which is yourself and make sure you benefit from the situation because if you don't, no one else will. Believe me, each of your parents are looking out for number one as well, whether it seems like it or not.  If you don't depend on your parents financially and you're not living with them, then I'd say screw it and just tell him that your beliefs are your beliefs. 

[Lerk]

Thank you @RenaissanceWoman!

That was such an encouragement to my heart to keep on searching and growing. It is difficult to find encouragement in my world where I am at a Christian college, have many Christian friends, have a pastor for a father, etc. I rely on the testimonies and words of people on this site, on my boyfriend, and on the few nonChristian friends I have for support. 

 

I'll get there. I have hope that I will, no matter how long it takes! 

 

Hopefully, your christian college is accredited in some practical disciplines (business, education, etc.) so that you won't be dependent on jobs in christian environments (only qualified to teach in private schools, etc.). If you aren't majoring in something that will allow you to get a decent job when you graduate, think about changing your major now. Generally speaking, christian colleges tend to be liberal arts schools, so I'm guessing engineering and science are out of the question, but any kind of business degree, if they're accredited, should be fine.

[WaitingInfinity]

@Mister Two

 

I am actually a Psychology-Philosophy major! Our school is accredited in many so options are not closed to Christian environments after I graduate, thank goodness!

 

To address another concern, the professors in the Psychology department do integrate Christian beliefs into classes, but they teach the material fully and do not leave what does not agree with Christianity out. They instead ask for us to interpret how this might fit in to Christianity. I do not feel deprived of concepts, but instead feel as though I have been exposed to the secular and Christian sides of psychology.

[Bhim]

@Mister Two

 

I am actually a Psychology-Philosophy major! Our school is accredited in many so options are not closed to Christian environments after I graduate, thank goodness!

 

To address another concern, the professors in the Psychology department do integrate Christian beliefs into classes, but they teach the material fully and do not leave what does not agree with Christianity out. They instead ask for us to interpret how this might fit in to Christianity. I do not feel deprived of concepts, but instead feel as though I have been exposed to the secular and Christian sides of psychology.

 

Please don't at all take this the wrong way, it's just the opinion of someone who's seven years out of college.  In my personal experience, liberal arts majors aren't the greatest pathway to jobs.  I know several people who majored in things like business and English.  The business guy had an office job for awhile and is now selling cell phones at the mall (and going to college again to get a marketable major).  One of the English guys works fast food.  The other English major had to go to China to teach English for a year.  Psychology is the most popular major on college campuses; in a market saturated with psychology majors its hard to get psychology jobs with these degrees.  Yes, you can work elsewhere, and people will value your critical thinking skills.  But majoring in engineering gives you the same critical thinking skills, plus skills that can lead to a specific job.  I keep reading statistics saying that liberal arts majors have a high employment rate.  I wonder how high it is if you subtract out all the people working undesirable jobs.  You're spending upwards of $40,000 on this degree, so get the most bang for your buck by making sure that what you study can directly lead to a job.

 

I honestly don't mean to sound insulting.  I'm just saying this because I wish someone had told me these things back when I was a college freshman, eager to study what I loved.  And I majored in physics and math, which are far more marketable than most liberal arts, though still not quite so much as an engineering degree.  A lot of students I tell this to say that they're just not wired for math and can't handle engineering.  To that I say that math is hard for a reason.  It's hard because it gets you a job (especially if you also do the engineering part!).  And if it's any encouragement, I suck at math and I managed to get a degree in it.

 

Anyway, having done my public service I'll shut up now.

[gall]

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly) and told me basically that faith in God was one of the most important things I could ever have. He also said that faith is something I needed to hold on to even if it was illogical and didn't make sense (which I did not think made any sense!). Then he said that if I was to continue in my relationship with my current boyfriend that if we did not have God and were not in church, we would have a terrible marriage. He said if I left the faith now, my chances of coming back were very very slim.

 

I didn't know how to respond to these items. 

 

How would any of you respond?

 

Sounds like he meant well and has no ability not to crush your toes so to speak.

 

He obviously buy's into the tale. He also sees you as a little woman by the way. If he knows so well for you ask him to prove it. Ask him why you should follow illogic just because he or even god says so. No reasonable person uses the lack of reason to make decisions.

 

Ten years from now if you get married and it goes well don't forget to rub it in his arrogant judgemental one sided face by not letting him see his grand kids if he plans on brainwashing them as he obviously is.

 

Either you believe or you don't but it is is is up to you what you do believe. If you disagree and he will not accept you as you are then I would say he is without love for you and the love he feels is false and it is fear that he is using to address you. The same fear that keeps him believing in such obvious deception.

[mando rando]

 

Please don't at all take this the wrong way, it's just the opinion of someone who's seven years out of college.  In my personal experience, liberal arts majors aren't the greatest pathway to jobs. 

I agree completely......but the other part of that is your degree will shape what you do for the next 40 plus years after graduating.  I choose a tech degree and career path, but never really liked my jobs much.  Now I'm just hoping for an early retirement, so I can work at a job I actually like.   My wife makes about half as much, but loves her job, and doesn't want to retire.  Both choices have merit; I was able to support my family when my wife couldn't work, and haven't worried about finances much.  But I never got any joy working with machines.

[sdelsolray]

My father confronted me about my faith (not meanly) and told me basically that faith in God was one of the most important things I could ever have. He also said that faith is something I needed to hold on to even if it was illogical and didn't make sense (which I did not think made any sense!). Then he said that if I was to continue in my relationship with my current boyfriend that if we did not have God and were not in church, we would have a terrible marriage. He said if I left the faith now, my chances of coming back were very very slim.

 

I didn't know how to respond to these items. 

 

How would any of you respond?

Your father is telling you that he does not approve of a marriage between you and your current boyfriend.  Your father attempts to clothe that lack of approval within the religion you commonly share with him.  That is quite shallow, disingenuous and cheap.  You might tell him that.

 

You get to make your own decisions in life.  Advice from loved ones is often helpful, except when it isn't.

[Bhim]

I agree completely......but the other part of that is your degree will shape what you do for the next 40 plus years after graduating.  I choose a tech degree and career path, but never really liked my jobs much.  Now I'm just hoping for an early retirement, so I can work at a job I actually like.   My wife makes about half as much, but loves her job, and doesn't want to retire.  Both choices have merit; I was able to support my family when my wife couldn't work, and haven't worried about finances much.  But I never got any joy working with machines.

 

Yes, this is worth discussing in further detail.  While the number one priority for someone in WaitingInfinity's position (really anyone's) is having a job with stable income, having an enjoyable career is a close second.  I guess I've had an almost ideal scenario.  For the past six years I've done PhD work in astrophysics; it doesn't pay much but it's enough to pay the rent (yes, PhD students in the natural sciences get paid to go to school), and I'm doing what interests me.  My basic financial needs are met, so I would prefer this to having a high paying job that I hate.  But I would prefer a high paying, abominable job to working at, say, a gas station or fast food.  And this is the reason I caution against the liberal arts.  You're basically accumulating skills that have no practical application.  I can take my knowledge of physics and go do computer programming or engineering.  In fact, that's most likely what I'll be doing next year.  I'm not entirely sure what a psychology major can do.  I think psychology is an interesting field of study, but there doesn't seem to be much in the way of transferrable skills.  What do you think?

 

Your father is telling you that he does not approve of a marriage between you and your current boyfriend.  Your father attempts to clothe that lack of approval within the religion you commonly share with him.  That is quite shallow, disingenuous and cheap.  You might tell him that.

 

You get to make your own decisions in life.  Advice from loved ones is often helpful, except when it isn't.

Heh, this is a very interesting issue for me.  My parents would likely have freaked out if I married a non-Hindu (I'm now engaged to a Hindu girl from the same caste as myself, so everything is fine on the home front and we're quite happy with each other), and indeed this was their major concern during the six years for which I was a Christian.  As someone born and raised in America, I can fully relate to your sentiment.  Why should religion dictate someone's relationship choices, after all?  And I almost hestitate to call myself "Indian," since I'm culturally American, don't speak any languages other than English, and really have no Indian culture besides the religion.  But as someone born and raised in Hinduism (and as someone who now subscribes to that label), I do factor my parents' wishes into my life choices.  That puts me in sort of a tough spot.  It would be hypocritical of me to claim to believe that a person should disregard his/her families wishes entirely when making decisions about marriage.  At the same time, I think that Christianity is the worst religion in the history of religions, and that any correlation between adherance to Christianity and having a good life is a bold faced lie.  The truth is, I don't know what the appropriate balance is between pleasing someone's parents and living an independent life.

[WaitingInfinity]

I appreciate all your comments.

 

As for my major, which seems like a tangential topic, I have been told multiple times to pursue a job in the healthcare or engineering fields as I am talented at math and science. However, I can't stand blood/guts/sick people, so healthcare is out and as for engineering, I always wanted a job that I would enjoy. I may be good at math, but I certainly do not care for it and I would be beside myself if I had to go to work and do math every day. I had no idea what i wanted to do when I entered college! I decided I would try a business class, but I was bored by that. Psychology and Philosophy were the subjects that intrigued me. And I absolutely love them. Sure, I'll have to go to grad school for them to be worth anything, but I like school, so I don't mind too much. 

I thought about going for a career where I could have a job and a lot of money. But, I wanted to be in a job that did not feel like a job.

I would still love to be a marriage/family counselor someday. That is approximately a two year course of study before I can be licensed. So, four years from now, I could be a licensed counselor. RenaissanceWoman did mention that secular marriage counselors are rare, so I might actually be useful. I did look up marriage counselors in my area to see who offers premarital counseling for nonChristian couples, but I did not find any (maybe because I live in the dang Bible Belt!). People don't like to go to counselors who do not have different religions/worldviews because their approaches to therapy are completely different. A premarital session with a Christian counselor would be odd for my boyfriend and I because they would feel almost inclined to tell us about God since God is so "pivotal" to healthy relationships. And, since America is becoming increasingly irreligious, secular counselors are needed. 

 

I suppose one of my "flaws" is having a lot of hope. 

 

I'm more worried about my dad finding out that my faith is already dead than the security of my future career. Seems sort of backwards.  But I hope it all works out in the end.

[RankStranger]

I appreciate all your comments.

 

As for my major, which seems like a tangential topic, I have been told multiple times to pursue a job in the healthcare or engineering fields as I am talented at math and science. However, I can't stand blood/guts/sick people, so healthcare is out and as for engineering, I always wanted a job that I would enjoy. I may be good at math, but I certainly do not care for it and I would be beside myself if I had to go to work and do math every day. I had no idea what i wanted to do when I entered college! I decided I would try a business class, but I was bored by that. Psychology and Philosophy were the subjects that intrigued me. And I absolutely love them. Sure, I'll have to go to grad school for them to be worth anything, but I like school, so I don't mind too much. 

I thought about going for a career where I could have a job and a lot of money. But, I wanted to be in a job that did not feel like a job.

I would still love to be a marriage/family counselor someday. That is approximately a two year course of study before I can be licensed. So, four years from now, I could be a licensed counselor. RenaissanceWoman did mention that secular marriage counselors are rare, so I might actually be useful. I did look up marriage counselors in my area to see who offers premarital counseling for nonChristian couples, but I did not find any (maybe because I live in the dang Bible Belt!). People don't like to go to counselors who do not have different religions/worldviews because their approaches to therapy are completely different. A premarital session with a Christian counselor would be odd for my boyfriend and I because they would feel almost inclined to tell us about God since God is so "pivotal" to healthy relationships. And, since America is becoming increasingly irreligious, secular counselors are needed. 

 

I suppose one of my "flaws" is having a lot of hope. 

 

I'm more worried about my dad finding out that my faith is already dead than the security of my future career. Seems sort of backwards.  But I hope it all works out in the end.

 

My wife is a psychologist, so I can tell you a little bit about her real-world experience in that job market.  It boils down to this:

 

If you have a bachelor's degree in psychology, you can get a job with meaningful work (say social worker, case manager, or the like)- but it won't pay much.  We're talkin' 11-14/hour here in the Midwest.  I'm sure it's somewhat higher in places with a higher cost of living- but still barely enough to pay rent.

 

If you get a master's degree, you can make enough to pay the bills.  Maybe 15-25/hour here in the Midwest.  I know one person with a master's in psychology making $80k/year (roughly $40/hour)... but she's been in that line of work for decades, and her husband has political connections.

 

If you want to make a good middle-class salary that'll buy you a nice cardboard-castle in the burbs and a new vehicle every couple of years, you'll have to have a phd, psy-D, or the like.

 

I'm not trying to discourage you- just trying to give you a realistic picture of what to expect. 

[gall]

 

I appreciate all your comments.

 

As for my major, which seems like a tangential topic, I have been told multiple times to pursue a job in the healthcare or engineering fields as I am talented at math and science. However, I can't stand blood/guts/sick people, so healthcare is out and as for engineering, I always wanted a job that I would enjoy. I may be good at math, but I certainly do not care for it and I would be beside myself if I had to go to work and do math every day. I had no idea what i wanted to do when I entered college! I decided I would try a business class, but I was bored by that. Psychology and Philosophy were the subjects that intrigued me. And I absolutely love them. Sure, I'll have to go to grad school for them to be worth anything, but I like school, so I don't mind too much. 

I thought about going for a career where I could have a job and a lot of money. But, I wanted to be in a job that did not feel like a job.

I would still love to be a marriage/family counselor someday. That is approximately a two year course of study before I can be licensed. So, four years from now, I could be a licensed counselor. RenaissanceWoman did mention that secular marriage counselors are rare, so I might actually be useful. I did look up marriage counselors in my area to see who offers premarital counseling for nonChristian couples, but I did not find any (maybe because I live in the dang Bible Belt!). People don't like to go to counselors who do not have different religions/worldviews because their approaches to therapy are completely different. A premarital session with a Christian counselor would be odd for my boyfriend and I because they would feel almost inclined to tell us about God since God is so "pivotal" to healthy relationships. And, since America is becoming increasingly irreligious, secular counselors are needed. 

 

I suppose one of my "flaws" is having a lot of hope. 

 

I'm more worried about my dad finding out that my faith is already dead than the security of my future career. Seems sort of backwards.  But I hope it all works out in the end.

 

My wife is a psychologist, so I can tell you a little bit about her real-world experience in that job market.  It boils down to this:

 

If you have a bachelor's degree in psychology, you can get a job with meaningful work (say social worker, case manager, or the like)- but it won't pay much.  We're talkin' 11-14/hour here in the Midwest.  I'm sure it's somewhat higher in places with a higher cost of living- but still barely enough to pay rent.

 

If you get a master's degree, you can make enough to pay the bills.  Maybe 15-25/hour here in the Midwest.  I know one person with a master's in psychology making $80k/year (roughly $40/hour)... but she's been in that line of work for decades, and her husband has political connections.

 

If you want to make a good middle-class salary that'll buy you a nice cardboard-castle in the burbs and a new vehicle every couple of years, you'll have to have a phd, psy-D, or the like.

 

I'm not trying to discourage you- just trying to give you a realistic picture of what to expect. 

 

 

Social workers in my area of which my wife is one start around 22$ per hour. I am not sure how your wife is getting the shaft or where you got these numbers from but you might want to check again.

 

I can get a job washing dishes in my city for 10$ an hour for god sake.

 

What is the source of your data?