kolaida Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 So, I noticed myself posting about this in a few threads and figured I'd just make a thread for it so people are aware it exists. If you are obsessing over your morals to the point it is affecting your quality of life you could possibly have Scrupulosity, which is, in laymen terms, a religious form of OCD. I am NOT a therapist but I am just putting this out there to help make people more aware of what might be going on in their brain. According to beyondocd.org (a great site), it is the fifth most common form of OCD and ALL religions have followers that suffer from it; it is not unique to Christianity, though if you live in a country where Christianity is the prevalent religion, you will obviously meet more people who were affected by that religion than another. Also, religions that focus on some form of perfectionism seem to have more people with Scrupulosity. (OCD is perfectionism, after all) It is a disorder of the brain and is usually accompanied with general OCD, but not always. OCD is a very common and highly treatable disorder, it has thankfully been very heavily researched and most in the psychology field are aware of how to treat it (http://beyondocd.org/ocd-facts/find-the-right-therapist). Scrupulosity falls under OCD (there are a lot of different types of OCD, along with general) and is when people obsess over their religious beliefs and worry if they have done something right or wrong, did they confess that sin, did they sell their soul to the devil, did God hear that nasty thought they had, worry excessively about disappointing God, have sexual thoughts in relation to religion and worry excessively over it, etc, etc, etc and chant prayers or do other religious rituals or compulsions to try to calm these thoughts. This is a mental illness, a psychiatric disorder, and should be treated by a therapist. It does not mean anything is severely wrong with you and it is not anything that should cause shame, it simply means your brain needs some retraining and possibly some meds (though, it can be done without medication). It is better to accept and find relief than to keep fighting it. I, and quite a few others on these forums, have suffered from Scrupulosity at some point in our lives. I went through it from age 11 until almost 23, so a little over a decade and it was quite horrifying and awful. I did not have to de-convert to get it manageable, but when I DID de-convert, it flared up quite badly for a few months. It made going to church and, at times, even reading the Bible, an extremely excruciating and frustrating experience followed by being wracked with guilt for not feeling full of the Holy Spirit. Nothing but self-disgust and rejection from a Creator who was probably never there. Feel free to talk about your own experiences relating to it or people you know or suspect have it, or post questions, whatever you'd like. But, please, if you are suffering from this, know that you NEED to seek out a therapist because the internet can only get you so far. It took me five looooooong years to accept that after I realized what I had. The sooner you get help for it, the better you'll be and the faster your quality of life will improve. Research in this area will only get you so far because you need to learn how you are thinking and how to change that. Also, in some cases, you might need medication. (PS: OCD- obsessive compulsive disorder) I posted this in the Theological Issues because I think it says a lot that religion will trigger these disorders but offer little to no help for it and delude a person into believing they are being attacked by Satan and his demons or some other evil entity. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogilvy Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 In Christianity there is supposed to be peace. Jesus said ' Come unto me and I will give you rest', but this was not so. With OCD and with scrupulosity that peace and rest is always out of reach. It's especially hard if you're of the belief that you can lose your salvation. Thankfully I don't believe in the Bible any more. Christianity only really brings peace if you don't look into it too deeply or logically. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 You mentioned that when you de-converted, it got more bad. I'm starting to think that's what happened. And it actually feels like my selling soul fear is no longer connected to the intrusive thought I had that started the fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 You mentioned that when you de-converted, it got more bad. I'm starting to think that's what happened. And it actually feels like my selling soul fear is no longer connected to the intrusive thought I had that started the fear. Yeah, I had it at a manageable level for about three or four years and during de-conversion, it did flare up for several months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingernut Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 My daughter has this...I had just mentioned to someone on another thread that I thought they might have spiritual OCD. She is much better now and once recognized it is so helpful to know what is going on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter93 Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 You mentioned that when you de-converted, it got more bad. I'm starting to think that's what happened. And it actually feels like my selling soul fear is no longer connected to the intrusive thought I had that started the fear. Yeah, I had it at a manageable level for about three or four years and during de-conversion, it did flare up for several months. I've also decided I'm done with Christianity again. I don't know if God exists or not and I can't prove that he does or doesn't. I know I still have OCD. But, since I "re-coverted" I did not get better and it even got worse. I'm an agnostic again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 In Christianity there is supposed to be peace. Jesus said ' Come unto me and I will give you rest', but this was not so. With OCD and with scrupulosity that peace and rest is always out of reach. It's especially hard if you're of the belief that you can lose your salvation. Thankfully I don't believe in the Bible any more. Christianity only really brings peace if you don't look into it too deeply or logically. The only christians I have met at peace are... wait I have never met one at peace with anything. How can you ever be at peace when most of the world around you seem to be falling apart on its way to rapture? At least that is how many view it. Religion specifically the ones we now based christianity on were never about peace and always about control. Millions have died over that so called peace. Many more probably will before it is over. The only faith I have is that one day mankind will outgrow tiny childlike needs for religion and actually learn to live on our own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 In Christianity there is supposed to be peace. Jesus said ' Come unto me and I will give you rest', but this was not so. With OCD and with scrupulosity that peace and rest is always out of reach. It's especially hard if you're of the belief that you can lose your salvation. Thankfully I don't believe in the Bible any more. Christianity only really brings peace if you don't look into it too deeply or logically. The only christians I have met at peace are... wait I have never met one at peace with anything. How can you ever be at peace when most of the world around you seem to be falling apart on its way to rapture? At least that is how many view it. Religion specifically the ones we now based christianity on were never about peace and always about control. Millions have died over that so called peace. Many more probably will before it is over. The only faith I have is that one day mankind will outgrow tiny childlike needs for religion and actually learn to live on our own. I think she meant the people who are kinda Christian, the ones who claim it, but just go to church on holidays and sometimes pray before meals and never really read their Bible and don't really care if it's true or not. Some people are that easy going and, honestly, I do envy them to a degree. I believe religions are definitely about control. I also hope mankind will outgrow them one day. We can all dream. Definitely won't be in our lifetime and there have been so many religions throughout history, anyway. There will probably just be some other religion a thousand years from now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 You mentioned that when you de-converted, it got more bad. I'm starting to think that's what happened. And it actually feels like my selling soul fear is no longer connected to the intrusive thought I had that started the fear. Yeah, I had it at a manageable level for about three or four years and during de-conversion, it did flare up for several months. I've also decided I'm done with Christianity again. I don't know if God exists or not and I can't prove that he does or doesn't. I know I still have OCD. But, since I "re-coverted" I did not get better and it even got worse. I'm an agnostic again. Why do you connect (i) whether you adhere to a particular religion (or not) with (ii) your OCD? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megasamurai Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I had something strongly like this. The Assemblies of God emphasizes emotion crime as the worst possible offense. I always tried to feel the right emotions, but couldn't do it well. I struggled with "idolatry" or feeling stronger affection for humans that God. This was the worst cardinal sin. I obsessed about it frantically. I prayed for forgiveness once every half hour. I tried to obey all the rules to a paronoid extend, but realized that the emotional law was way harder than the active law. I'm still suffering to a degree because I fear the boogeyman named God may be real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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