Facebook Disappointment

[Margee]

For many years, my family and friends has been wanting me to register on Facebook and it has never interested me for some reason. I didn't even know what the reason was???   I just wasn't interested.

 

Ex-c has been my 'Facebook'. I was always so happy with the interaction here and all the discussions that I felt it filled most of my 'needs' for communicating my happy and sad days. Ex-c has always come through for me.

 

Anyway, I finally did it. I now have 55 friends which include some of my cousins, family and friends that I never get to see.

 

The very first night, I had a friend mail me and welcome me. When I wrote back and said thanks and made a joke about being able to say what I want, he wrote me back made it clear that I wouldn't be doing it on his 'wall' and he de-friended me within an hour????  This is a person I see around town. Just like that!! (mind you everyone around town thinks he's an asshole), but still it hurt my feelings a lot.

 

 Well, so far, I have only received one 'personal' note and that was from my half sister (who I've never been close to because we grew up with distance between us. She is much younger than me and I really did not play a part in her life. She wanted to tell me what a disappointment I've been as a 'half sister'. Then my  own girl told me yesterday to not even call her on the phone anymore because it was just as easy for me to send her a message on Facebook. It has already taken me a half hour to type this because I am a 2 finger 'typer'. How am I supposed to have a conversation with her? It would take me hours. None of my long lost cousins have written to me and I sent them all a note??

 

 Most do not know about my deconversion from Christianity and I have no intention to stir a 'hornets nest' on Facebook so I  just sit there and read. But read what? Foolish things that come in that I'm not one bit interested in (lots of god stuff)  It's the same 'stuff' that clutters up my own personal inbox that irritates me.

 

Nobody seems excited about me being there at all. What a blow to the ego!! Even some old time friends that I tried to contact haven't sent me a personal message yet? and these are people who played a significant part in my life at some points. I was excited to find them but I haven't heard anything back.

 

And  most of you guys know me. I've already been hitting the like' button just to validate that I read the material they sent. I love to give 'points' out. Well I've already been told that hitting the 'like' button gets on everyone's nerves?

 

I really don't understand the benefits of Facebook besides finding the old friend that you would like to talk with again.

 

Am I the only one who feels this way about Facebook? I know we have had a thread going about all the god stuff on Facebook, but what about the general disappointment. Do you, who belong, get nice messages from your friends wanting to wish you a nice day? I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I feel very disappointed? Maybe I was expecting way too much, but I find it very impersonal. Is something wrong with me that I find Facebook a disappointment?

[Deva]

Not much in the way of personal messages. I have reconnected with some people I knew many years ago, which is nice, but people do hold back and probably for the same reason I do - its not certain that what you post is private.  This becomes an issue if you are, for example looking for a job and thinking how potential employers are for sure going to try to find you. Also, some people don't use their real names for, I suspect the same reason.

 

Still, am I correct that private messaging is still, for the most part, private?

 

Anyway, Margee I would be happy to be your Facebook friend.

[pratt]

hahaha,,, well, margee, why would you be creating a facebook account.

 

i work overseas, and my facebook account enables me to connect to people which otherwise would be expensive over the phone.

 

facebook now for me, is to update some funny pics, see my grand nephew and niece pics and such,,,

 

for friends and such, i usually whatsapp or iM or call them when I can,,,,,,

 

i dont have many friends on facebook, and i restrict them to only people who knowme well,,,,,

 

good luck with the cyber "friends",,,,

 

cheers

[gall]

For many years, my family and friends has been wanting me to register on Facebook and it has never interested me for some reason. I didn't even know what the reason was???   I just wasn't interested.

 

Ex-c has been my 'Facebook'. I was always so happy with the interaction here and all the discussions that I felt it fill most of my 'needs' for communicating my happy and sad days. Ex-c has always come through for me.

 

Anyway, I finally did it. I now have 55 friends which include some of my cousins, family and friends that I never get to see.

 

The very first night, I had a friend mail me and welcome me. When I wrote back and said thanks and made a joke about being able to say what I want, he wrote me back made it clear that I wouldn't be doing it on his 'wall' and he de-friended me within an hour????  This is a person I see around town. Just like that!! (mind you everyone around town thinks he's an asshole), but still it hurt my feelings a lot.

 

 Well, so far, I have only received one 'personal' note and that was from my half sister (who I've never been close to because we grew up with distance between us. She is much younger than me and I really did not play a part in her life. She wanted to tell me what a disappointment I've been as a 'half sister'. Then my  own girl told me yesterday to not even call her on the phone anymore because it was just as easy for me to send her a message on Facebook. It has already taken me a half hour to type this because I am a 2 finger 'typer'. How am I supposed to have a conversation with her? It would take me hours.

 

 Most do not know about my deconversion from Christianity and I have no intention to stir a 'hornets nest' on Facebook so I  just sit there and read. But read what? Foolish things that come in that I'm not one bit interested in (lots of god stuff)  It's the same 'stuff' that clutters up my own personal inbox that irritates me.

 

Nobody seems excited about me being there at all. What a blow to the ego!! Even some old time friends that I tried to contact haven't sent me a personal message yet? and these are people who played a significant part in my life at some points. I was excited to find them but I haven't heard anything back.

 

And  most of you guys know me. I've already been hitting the like' button just to validate that I read the material they sent. I love to give 'points' out. Well I've already been told that hitting the 'like' button gets on everyone's nerves?

 

I really don't understand the benefits of Facebook besides finding the old friend that you would like to talk with again.

 

Am I the only one who feels this way about Facebook? I know we have had a thread going about all the god stuff on Facebook, but what about the general disappointment. Do you, who belong, get nice messages from your friends wanting to wish you a nice day? Maybe I was expecting way too much, but I find it very impersonal. Is something wrong with me that I find Facebook a disappointment?

 

Do yourself the favor and delete it and go back to listening to your better reasonable judgement that was keeping you from making a FB account in the first place.

 

If you can stand your ground in real life against or for these people why can't you do it online? If you are afraid of what a mass or mob thinks or that you do not have the strength to defend yourself against a mob you should not be on FB. It is group-think, sheep life, mob mentality all the way for most people on there. I would also follow this up by saying that no I do not have one myself.

 

By the way the most important thing is what you think about yourself. If others don't like that have nothing to do with them.

[TrueFreedom]

Haven't you heard? Facebook makes people less happy: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/08/14/facebook-makes-people-more-connected-and-less-happy-study/

 

You should just join our group and unfriend everyone else.

[Margee]

Haven't you heard? Facebook makes people less happy: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/08/14/facebook-makes-people-more-connected-and-less-happy-study/

 

You should just join our group and unfriend everyone else.

Ok buddy...*hug*.......what group am I joining and if I join, will all the others be able to see our discussions?

[Margee]

Not much in the way of personal messages. I have reconnected with some people I knew many years ago, which is nice, but people do hold back and probably for the same reason I do - its not certain that what you post is private.  This becomes an issue if you are, for example looking for a job and thinking how potential employers are for sure going to try to find you. Also, some people don't use their real names for, I suspect the same reason.

 

Still, am I correct that private messaging is still, for the most part, private?

 

Anyway, Margee I would be happy to be your Facebook friend.

Thanks Deva. I would be happy to have you as a friend. I just don't know how to do that on Facebook? how do I get in touch with you?

[Margee]

Haven't you heard? Facebook makes people less happy: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/08/14/facebook-makes-people-more-connected-and-less-happy-study/

 

You should just join our group and unfriend everyone else.

 

This link MM...it is totally what I'm taking about!! Thank you so much for that!! It is exactly how I am feeling this morning.

[TrueFreedom]

It's a secret. I sent you a PM, (((Margee))).

[Margee]

 

It's a secret. I sent you a PM, (((Margee))).

You are now my friend!!!!!!  But you always have been anyway.....  OK....so how do I join this secret Ex-c group?

[VacuumFlux]

My facebook usage isn't for anything personal, and I'm kinda confused by people who use it that way. It is good for event planning, since you can keep everyone in the loop at once and get a convenient head count, and for keeping an eye on people who live far away when both of you are bad at keeping in touch. You know anyone who sends out a "family newsletter" at christmas? They're one sheet of paper with a recent picture and a few paragraphs about major life events that year, like who's graduated from where or moved or gotten married or had a baby. But it's a mass mailing, and the exact same piece of paper goes out to everyone they know. Facebook is kinda like that.

[Margee]

My facebook usage isn't for anything personal, and I'm kinda confused by people who use it that way. It is good for event planning, since you can keep everyone in the loop at once and get a convenient head count, and for keeping an eye on people who live far away when both of you are bad at keeping in touch. You know anyone who sends out a "family newsletter" at christmas? They're one sheet of paper with a recent picture and a few paragraphs about major life events that year, like who's graduated from where or moved or gotten married or had a baby. But it's a mass mailing, and the exact same piece of paper goes out to everyone they know. Facebook is kinda like that.

 

Thanks VF....This is a good thing that you mention above. I can definitely see the benefits of this.

 

I did think it was more 'personal' though.That's what I'm disappointed in........

[Tzarza]

Hey Margee! I have two conflicting things to tell you, haha-- 

1. If you're not sucked in yet, RUN FOR THE FREAKING HILLS! I wish I could just drop fbook, but I feel like I would be missing out on certain peoples' lives that I otherwise wouldn't have contact with. I really spend way too much time checking facebook. It's absurd, and I can't stop. 

2. Facebook can be really fun if you have the right kinds of friends. Regarding most of the people that I see everyday, I don't necessarily care what they post on facebook. But I do like to see occasional updates about how their lives are going. I like stories, so it's like I'm tracking peoples' stories. There are a few people who I met very briefly, but they post amazing articles, stories, funny pictures, etc. I like to stay on facebook so that I don't miss the interesting things they share. 

My favorite people/pages to follow are "George Takei" and "I fucking love science". There are a few comedy pages that my friends regularly share, and I like those too. 

Edit: OH! And I'll be your friend if you like I'll PM you, and let you decide

[Margee]

Hey Margee! I have two conflicting things to tell you, haha-- 

 

1. If you're not sucked in yet, RUN FOR THE FREAKING HILLS! I wish I could just drop fbook, but I feel like I would be missing out on certain peoples' lives that I otherwise wouldn't have contact with. I really spend way too much time checking facebook. It's absurd, and I can't stop. 

 

2. Facebook can be really fun if you have the right kinds of friends. Regarding most of the people that I see everyday, I don't necessarily care what they post on facebook. But I do like to see occasional updates about how their lives are going. I like stories, so it's like I'm tracking peoples' stories. There are a few people who I met very briefly, but they post amazing articles, stories, funny pictures, etc. I like to stay on facebook so that I don't miss the interesting things they share. 

 

My favorite people/pages to follow are "George Takei" and "I fucking love science". There are a few comedy pages that my friends regularly share, and I like those too. 

 

Edit: OH! And I'll be your friend if you like I'll PM you, and let you decide

Thank you for this  TZ....and yes, please make me your friend!! I would love that!! 

[stryper]

Margee, 

 

THe my wall thing is something that people get really touchy about.   When I post things to facebook, it's because I found them funny, thought provoking, or George Takei posted it. The problem is depending on your settings anyone and see anything you posted.   What these people are to stupid or ignorant to realize is they can adjust their newsfeed to only show posts from the people they really like. 

 

When you login to facebook it usually defaults to your newsfeed.   This is just a collection of posts based on your settings.   Personally I have mine set so only my direct friends can see and comment.  However, most people don't.   So they see everything on their newsfeed.  So the see it a you posting on THEIR wall, when in reality you posted on yours and allowed them to see it. 

People who publicly defriend people get blocked by me.  If I strongly don't agree with something someone posted I my unfriend them and if they care and message me I my talk with them about it. 

Just treat facebook as a place to share what you feel comfortable sharing.  Use it as a place to keep tabs on those you don't get to see every year.  I have 

 

BTW we have an EXC private facebook group that is invitation only.  We don't really discuss EXC stuff much.   It is total unmoderated.  It really is a place to talk about anything that you need to.  Which seems to be alot about sex......but anyway.  That's because we know we can always come here for a heavy theological discussion. 

 

PM me if you want in. 

 

Stryper

[stryper]

Speaking of fun FB pages.  You must subscribe to God.   Literally, the page is GOD.  

http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/facebook%E2%80%99s-god-smites-vladimir-putin140813

 

I don't think anyone knows or really cares who runs the God page but s/he is seems very much to be at least agnostic if no atheist with a great since of humor. 

[Chikirin]

I was on Facebook 2008-2009 and and it was too bizarre having every person I've ever known be able to find me, it made me feel exposed and weak.

 

Facebook added a substantial extra layer of stress to my usual daily stress quota.

 

And I hated seeing my existence reduced to some 1 page electronic 'profile' available to all manner of people to scrutinize.

 

Jealousy also was a factor as I found myself feeling like my life paled in comparison to others'.

 

I'm thinking if I go back on I will limit it to family members only.

[Margee]

Margee, 

 

THe my wall thing is something that people get really touchy about.   When I post things to facebook, it's because I found them funny, thought provoking, or George Takei posted it. The problem is depending on your settings anyone and see anything you posted.   What these people are to stupid or ignorant to realize is they can adjust their newsfeed to only show posts from the people they really like. 

 

When you login to facebook it usually defaults to your newsfeed.   This is just a collection of posts based on your settings.   Personally I have mine set so only my direct friends can see and comment.  However, most people don't.   So they see everything on their newsfeed.  So the see it a you posting on THEIR wall, when in reality you posted on yours and allowed them to see it. 

 

People who publicly defriend people get blocked by me.  If I strongly don't agree with something someone posted I my unfriend them and if they care and message me I my talk with them about it. 

 

Just treat facebook as a place to share what you feel comfortable sharing.  Use it as a place to keep tabs on those you don't get to see every year.  I have 

 

BTW we have an EXC private facebook group that is invitation only.  We don't really discuss EXC stuff much.   It is total unmoderated.  It really is a place to talk about anything that you need to.  Which seems to be alot about sex......but anyway.  That's because we know we can always come here for a heavy theological discussion. 

 

PM me if you want in. 

 

Stryper

 

You guys always come through for me when I need input!! Thank you Stryper! This is great information. I got my girl to set my privacy settings yesterday. And you are so right.. I will just share with all the friends and family the 'common' things in life. No heavy discussions at all!! That's another point that was brought up to me - don't share anything on Facebook???? I really thought that was the whole purpose of Facebook? Anyway...I am learning now.....

[Margee]

I was on Facebook 2008-2009 and and it was too bizarre having every person I've ever known be able to find me, it made me feel exposed and weak.

 

Facebook added a substantial extra layer of stress to my usual daily stress quota.

 

And I hated seeing my existence reduced to some 1 page electronic 'profile' available to all manner of people to scrutinize.

 

Jealousy also was a factor as I found myself feeling like my life paled in comparison to others'.

 

I'm thinking if I go back on I will limit it to family members only.

 

I can totally understand what you are saying here Chikirin!! I will probably end up using this for the nicer things like just saying hello to the family and friends and reading a little at night when I finally get my 'down time'. If I find it adds stress to my life, I will be gone!! Thank you for your input today my friend!!

[florduh]

Facebook is what you make it. As in real life, some people are assholes, and as in real life - YOU DON"T HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THEM!

 

But should you choose to interact with assholes, I am now your Facebook Friend!

[TrueFreedom]

I tried to take a break from FB by deleting my profile, but that deleted everything that I had ever shared, including commonly used documents in groups that I was a part of. It also made it difficult for event coordination. So I was back in within a few days.

[Margee]

Facebook is what you make it. As in real life, some people are assholes, and as in real life - YOU DON"T HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THEM!

 

But should you choose to interact with assholes, I am now your Facebook Friend!

 I am very happy to have YOU sir, as my Facebook friend!!  Two assholes re-unite!!   Lol 

 

silly boy..........I luv's ya ta death!!!  

[Margee]

I just added a whole bunch of agnostics and atheists to my friend requests!! Now I feel totally at home again!!!!

 

I'm now a 'believer' of Facebook again.....      

[Positivist]

LOL! Margee!

 

Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. Only you can decide what to make it/let it be. I personally have found that Facebook is the new phone book. At a minimum, it's good to "hang out a shingle" to exist digitally. It's crazy but it seems to be the way of the world!

[gall]

LOL! Margee!

 

Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. Only you can decide what to make it/let it be. I personally have found that Facebook is the new phone book. At a minimum, it's good to "hang out a shingle" to exist digitally. It's crazy but it seems to be the way of the world!

 

I cannot say I agree with this logic as a person. As a business sure but it does not follow what I would call a safe practice online for your digital footprint. Of course that is not a reason not to have one over personal preference. Just be careful it is far easier to hack a facebook account than most people realize and if you have enemies and they know I would watch out. I could teach anyone that has basic computer skill to do it in three different ways in about an hour. Not sure why anyone would risk breaking federal law over it but people do all the time.