Worried About Everything

[AzariaC7]

Hi guys, I was a lurker here for awhile. I thought I'd join. I relate to others on this and it made me feel better. I want to hear other's opinion and advice. I have severe anxiety, I'm a young teen and I began reading the Bible and praying in April of 2013. I felt better but selfish. Why? because I had anxiety and I couldn't take it anymore. I thought God would simply take it away. That's selfishness. I prayed a few times for my anxiety to go away, but nope. It's still here. I had blasphemous intrusive thoughts, obsessions, fears, guilt, panic attacks, odd behaviors, prayed excessively, fear of being damned, etc. My grandma made it worse. She's a Christian. What she told me about Hell made me afraid more. I did a lot of praying and Bible reading in order to make God accept me and avoid the bad things. What's funny is that I did all of those out of fear and not out of love. My grandma told me there was a man from here that almost went to Hell. He was on a life support machine and almost died and she told me that God gave him another chance. That made me afraid more. I know the man and I'd get so scared and feel sorry for him every time I hear his name or see him. I would always convince myself "he must've been dreaming because God is love!" I made the mistake of hearing other people's testimonies about going to Hell and coming back. It made me so afraid. I cried a few times. Couldn't eat or sleep. The only time I would get peace and rest is when I slept and forget it all. I couldn't enjoy life. I heard this girl named Angelica, from Ecuador, went to Hell and Heaven for 23 hours. I read that she saw Selena, Michael Jackson and John Pope Paul II in Hell.  That made me feel sorry for them. I felt really sad. I'd jump and get sad if I hear about Selena or Michael Jackson. It really scared me and kinda does now. It's terrifying... I'm worried all the time. Anxiety makes it worse. 

[AzariaC7]

I'm sorry if I got this in the wrong category. 

[TrueFreedom]

It's ok, Azaria.  *hugs*  The doctrine of hell is a cruel and abusive teaching.  A loving God could not conceive such a place.  It's obviously a human invention.  I hope that you are able to seek and find more useful and reliable information from more reliable sources.  Don't trust other people's fears, dreams, and superstitions.

 

[Akheia]

Anything that depends upon your fear is not something worth loving or worshiping. You cannot love that which threatens you. There's no proof that any hell or afterlife exists, and the idea of "Hell" itself only developed centuries after Christianity got rolling, so anybody who tells you differently is just guessing as much as you or I or anybody else is. But I'd say that anything that terrorizes a young person as bad as you have clearly been terrorized is something that can't stand on its own two feet without fear of punishment to hold you in thrall. I would call a religion that terrorizes impressionable young minds evil in the extreme, wouldn't you? Certainly no god who'd send a person there for even a heartbeat, much less for forever, for what amounts to thought crimes over a short lifetime would be anybody we should be calling good or worthy of our worship.

 

And your grandmother has no idea who is going there or not, by her own Bible's admission--she herself might die and discover she did some minor thing wrong and is heading to Hell. That doesn't even make sense--that you could be doing everything you think is right, yet be wrong. What kind of asshole god does that to people? That's very obviously a doctrine meant to terrify people. I'll leave it up to you to wonder why Christians themselves have no idea who's going to heaven or Hell. But if anybody tells you they know for sure who is and isn't going to Hell, that's when you need to get really skeptical--because first, there's no evidence for Hell, and second, even if there were, nobody has any idea what's going to be required to avoid it because the Bible doesn't ever say for sure how to avoid it (probably because the Bible was written before the idea of Hell got solidified).

 

I would gently suggest that you educate yourself about this doctrine that has got you so afraid. Once you learn what Bible scholars, historians, and scientists say about the idea of Hell, chances are you won't be quite so afraid. And the more you learn about the sheer crazy impossibility of anything else the Bible says as "gospel truth," the less you'll be afraid of this little bit of doctrine. Nothing based in fear can possibly be good for you. Acting out of terror will exhaust you eventually and wear you down like a rabbit being hunted by foxes. I hope you find peace, because it doesn't sound like this religion is bringing you the least little bit of it.

[jblueep]

You can not rely on stories about near death experiences (NDEs).  NDEs are fairly well explained by science as heightened brain activity as a physiological response to the circumstances, i.e. they are not spiritual experiences.  Generally speaking, people have NDE experiences that relate directly to their culture...Christians "see" Jesus/Satan, Buddist "see" Buddha, and so forth.

[Margee]

Hi guys, I was a lurker here for awhile. I thought I'd join. I relate to others on this and it made me feel better. I want to hear other's opinion and advice. I have severe anxiety, I'm a young teen and I began reading the Bible and praying in April of 2013. I felt better but selfish. Why? because I had anxiety and I couldn't take it anymore. I thought God would simply take it away. That's selfishness. I prayed a few times for my anxiety to go away, but nope. It's still here. I had blasphemous intrusive thoughts, obsessions, fears, guilt, panic attacks, odd behaviors, prayed excessively, fear of being damned, etc. My grandma made it worse. She's a Christian. What she told me about Hell made me afraid more. I did a lot of praying and Bible reading in order to make God accept me and avoid the bad things. What's funny is that I did all of those out of fear and not out of love. My grandma told me there was a man from here that almost went to Hell. He was on a life support machine and almost died and she told me that God gave him another chance. That made me afraid more. I know the man and I'd get so scared and feel sorry for him every time I hear his name or see him. I would always convince myself "he must've been dreaming because God is love!" I made the mistake of hearing other people's testimonies about going to Hell and coming back. It made me so afraid. I cried a few times. Couldn't eat or sleep. The only time I would get peace and rest is when I slept and forget it all. I couldn't enjoy life. I heard this girl named Angelica, from Ecuador, went to Hell and Heaven for 23 hours. I read that she saw Selena, Michael Jackson and John Pope Paul II in Hell.  That made me feel sorry for them. I felt really sad. I'd jump and get sad if I hear about Selena or Michael Jackson. It really scared me and kinda does now. It's terrifying... I'm worried all the time. Anxiety makes it worse. 

 

 

Hi Azaria. Welcome to Ex-c. Hon, one of the first things you may have to face is that you have been brainwashed by your very own family. They didn't mean to. They were brainwashed by their family..... and back and back and back you go for hundreds of years indoctrinating generations with the same story of the bible and what the bible means.

 

You are young hon, with a good brain and  you can start to de-program yourself. Take your time. Come here and read the posts. Investigate for yourself. Trust what your heart tells you. We'll be right here to help you through it. I started deconverting only 5 years ago in a serious manner and I was involved in the church for a long, long time. You can do it!!

 

As you learn that the horrible, cruel Old Testament god does not exist....some of your anxiety will go away. It all takes time. Read, as much as you can and ask as many questions as you need to. There is always someone here 24/7 to help you if you are having a hard time. You have found the right site for all your questions. Welcome to the place where we came to and had the same confusions as you! We understand! *hug*

 

Read this article hon - it may help......

 

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html

 

Sincerely, Margee

[AzariaC7]

Thank you guys. You're all nice. :] The only thing that bothers me are these blasphemous thoughts. I fear committing the unforgivable sin. I know what it is, but people get me mixed up on the important Bible subjects all the time and they get the Bible all twisted up. Get what I'm saying? 

But I have to say, thank you! I hope to become friends with all of you. :-)  

[TrueFreedom]

What's the unforgivable sin? I don't know of one.  I know that the Bible is a flawed collection of things that various superstitious people have written down in earnest.  You are fine, honey.  Please don't worry.  You will see!  Whatever you are worrying about is really not worth worrying about!  You are a wonderful person!  Be free!

[Akheia]

Glad to help! The best tool in your drawer is education. The more you know about the Bible's claims and about real history and science, the better off you're going to be. Education is like a light being turned on in a big, dark basement; the more you know, the more lights you light up, and the less room that fear will have for lurking in and frightening you. There are some really great resources out there to help you--here and in many other places. Just say the word and we'll load you up.

 

Remember, it can't be blasphemy if the Christian god doesn't exist. That's another fear tactic. Bet you can find more if you think about it.

[RealityCheck]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this phase of anxiety.  I will tell you from personal experience that Christianity and the church preys on the vulnerable.  When I was just a few years older than you the church used my social anxiety against me to lure me in.  They knew exactly how to tap into my fears and halt any critical thinking I had.  I wasted 10 years of my life in that nightmare and I know others here who've experienced it for much longer.  Your grandmother probably means well in her own way but she doesn't realize the damage this indoctrination is causing you.

Like every one else who've commented on here, I can tell you that hell doesn't exist for an entire list of reasons.  I want to leave you with an additional thought though.  I know the biblical hell doesn't exist but I do know these beliefs create a hell for is in our minds, a mental hell of fear and worry.  I know you have the power to get out of it and move on, all it takes is avoiding the road blocks and perseverance.  r 

[RealityCheck]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this phase of anxiety.  I will tell you from personal experience that Christianity and the church preys on the vulnerable.  When I was just a few years older than you the church used my social anxiety against me to lure me in.  They knew exactly how to tap into my fears and halt any critical thinking I had.  I wasted 10 years of my life in that nightmare and I know others here who've experienced it for much longer.  Your grandmother probably means well in her own way but she doesn't realize the damage this indoctrination is causing you.

Like every one else who've commented on here, I can tell you that hell doesn't exist for an entire list of reasons.  I want to leave you with an additional thought though.  I know the biblical hell doesn't exist but I do know these beliefs create a hell for is in our minds, a mental hell of fear and worry.  I know you have the power to get out of it and move on, all it takes is avoiding the road blocks and perseverance.  r 

[RealityCheck]

And sorry for the double post, this site just had a minor glitch.

[Sheild Maiden]

 

Hey Azaria, my parents used the same tactic of NDE on me, and I grew up in the church but once you read about the origins of Christianity and learn more about science and read myths, you will realize that you have nothing to be afraid of. I was depressed for a number of years and Christianity made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Now I have confidence in myself because I know more and am no longer afraid. I was more saddened that God wasn't there than by the fear of Hell. That was never beat into me growing up.

[milesaway]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this phase of anxiety.  I will tell you from personal experience that Christianity and the church preys on the vulnerable.  When I was just a few years older than you the church used my social anxiety against me to lure me in.  They knew exactly how to tap into my fears and halt any critical thinking I had.  I wasted 10 years of my life in that nightmare and I know others here who've experienced it for much longer.  Your grandmother probably means well in her own way but she doesn't realize the damage this indoctrination is causing you.

 

Like every one else who've commented on here, I can tell you that hell doesn't exist for an entire list of reasons.  I want to leave you with an additional thought though.  I know the biblical hell doesn't exist but I do know these beliefs create a hell for is in our minds, a mental hell of fear and worry.  I know you have the power to get out of it and move on, all it takes is avoiding the road blocks and perseverance.  r 

 

I can vouch for religion attracting the vulnerable. Think about it, they tout themselves as having all the answers. They make it look like they provide a safe haven in this scary world, and when you're between a rock and a hard place for whatever reason, you're not likely to be at your best in making good choices. Those who stand to gain from religion, namely the ones who deal with converts and religious education, know this, and they know how to suck you in. Despicable, isn't it?

 

That said, have a look at this site, OP. I found it quite helpful, and maybe you might too: http://loudsignal.com/

[AzariaC7]

Thank you guys! Tbh, you guys make me feel calm. Most of the Christians make me worried and they can't even make me feel calm. They make me afraid more than any other people. 

[AzariaC7]

Guys... I just want to share this, but I prayed just now. I felt like it. I don't know if He was there or not, I just felt like it. After praying, I felt a huge wave of fear and excitement. And death came to mind. Felt like I'm not gonna live longer now. Idk what this is. Maybe anxiety or just panic attacks? I'm not scared of death or the progress of dying. I mean everyone has to go sometime, right? No one can stop death. It strikes anytime and without warning. So I'm not scared of both. No one has the reason to be scared of both.. Anyway, I had the thought "do things that make you happy before it's gone" appear in my head when I felt like that. I don't feel like that now, I just feel excited now. Do you think it's just my anxiety or just my teen moods/hormones? The only thing I'm scared of is not doing the things I wanted to do after death strikes me like how I want to finish my education, get a job, have children, get my own house, and so on. I want to do all that before I die... Do you guys feel like that sometimes?

[AzariaC7]

Sorry if I didn't post my other question in another thread, by the way. I was just eating chocolate chip cookies and I heard youre suppose to stay away from sugary foods or you'll feel anxious. Idk. xD

[creative]

Guys... I just want to share this, but I prayed just now. I felt like it. I don't know if He was there or not, I just felt like it. After praying, I felt a huge wave of fear and excitement. And death came to mind. Felt like I'm not gonna live longer now. Idk what this is. Maybe anxiety or just panic attacks? I'm not scared of death or the progress of dying. I mean everyone has to go sometime, right? No one can stop death. It strikes anytime and without warning. So I'm not scared of both. No one has the reason to be scared of both.. Anyway, I had the thought "do things that make you happy before it's gone" appear in my head when I felt like that. I don't feel like that now, I just feel excited now. Do you think it's just my anxiety or just my teen moods/hormones? The only thing I'm scared of is not doing the things I wanted to do after death strikes me like how I want to finish my education, get a job, have children, get my own house, and so on. I want to do all that before I die... Do you guys feel like that sometimes?

Fearing death is a "build in thing" we have that helps not to jump of buildings or do other stuppid stuff..

Trust me that list will change... im sure you already have stuff you want to add to it now.

Dont worry about it. Liv life how you want to liv it and dont let anyone tell you how to liv it.

[new2me]

The thought of death is unsettling for most people.  For me, one of the most difficult parts of deconversion is the belief that this life is all that you get.  I had been really looking forward to reuniting with my dear departed loved ones, to knowing the answer to all of life's questions, to exploring the vast universe and enjoying my glorified body.  It sounded like great fun!

 

The disappointment of giving up eternal "good times" is tempered by the fact that this life feels so much more important than it ever did while I was a Christian.  I try my best not to waste my time feeling sad or stressed out.  (I know, easier said than done!)  I try to wring as much enjoyment and joy out of the precious moments that life provides every day.

 

There is no "unforgiveable sin" because there is no such thing as "sin" and no one to forgive it.  I know I can tell you this, but you may not be able to absorb it right now.  However, once you really know this, I think the concept of hell will drift away and stop causing you anxiety.  Read about the falseness of the Christian religion.  Listen to (and read) Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and others present their eloquent arguments.  I always highly recommend the YouTube series by Evid3nce and prplfox.  Interact with the people here who have gone through the same things you are experiencing right now.  Give yourself time.  It is not easy to undo the brainwashing.

 

You will get through this.  We are here for you!

[gall]

Thank you guys. You're all nice. :] The only thing that bothers me are these blasphemous thoughts. I fear committing the unforgivable sin. I know what it is, but people get me mixed up on the important Bible subjects all the time and they get the Bible all twisted up. Get what I'm saying? 

But I have to say, thank you! I hope to become friends with all of you. :-)  

 

The bible would have to be true for this to be valid.

 

You have nothing to worry about seriously. I know there are many out there that would have you believe otherwise but that is sort of the point. They want you to be like them and they will say anything to get you there. They will lie, smile, frown, cry, preach, beg, plead, shun you, shit on you, tell you they are better than you in words that sound like love but are nothing but their judgement of you.

People will be people and most are scared and afraid. Of what I don't fully understand. I have never really felt like that and I was lucky I guess. I am lucky and I don't have to guess actually. I never had to feel this weight of "god" crushing me and a time in life when it should be a blast for you. I loved being a teen as much as I love being an adult. I love my life. I am cynical as hell I promise. I am a bad bad skeptic and will talk shit to anyone and I would hate it if I had to bend all that because of some old dusty book and a really hypocritical doctrine to live by.

 

Your grandmother probably means well but she is brainwashed. Please don't let them wash your brain to believe in magic over reason. Just because we don't understand everything yet in our world, universe ect... does not mean we should abandon reason and just follow god down the rabbit hole of fear and despair. I have never met anyone more afraid of the so called "after-life" than the religious. I don't fear death and I don't care what happens after. I care about living a vibrant and fulfilling life. Remember the only person that knows best for you in the end is you. I would suggest that you get to know yourself in a very intimate way every aspect of you so that when influences of the world come calling like religion or any other creed saying you should believe like us cause the others are wrong... you will be able to resist it and believe in YOU.

 

Don't doubt yourself and don't waste your time on notions of unforgivable sins and so forth. Any god that would damn you to burn in fire for all eternity simply for being born without a choice is not one I would follow in the first place. Think about all of that for a while and really read that book and see if it looks like truth in the end.

[Geezer]

I can offer a rather lengthy list of close friends, who were devout Christian fundamentalist, that were diagnosed with cancer. They all had armies of prayer warriors that prayed for their healing relentlessly. In the end their disease ended their life.

 

In their time of need, when they walked through the valley of the shadow of death, their god was nowhere to be found. The bible is a collection of myth, legends, and folklore. It isn’t history and it isn’t true in any literal or historic sense.

[Deva]

One thing I began to slowly realize was that in the event I were to be ill or hospitalized, I would not get any real help whatsoever from the church.  It wasn't the only factor in leaving, but it did figure into it.

[amateur]

Welcome, Azaria!  It does sound like you are panicking and having anxiety, but I think it's just all related to xianity, and definitely isn't helped by teenage hormones (or female hormones in general).  Don't worry about "blasphemous thoughts."  It's like pink elephants -- as soon as somebody says don't think about pink elephants, they pop up in your mind.  Well, as soon as you think you shouldn't be thinking blasphemous thoughts, guess what's going to pop up in your mind?  It just happened to me, too, while typing this.  It's just a normal thing.  Let your mind drift to something else more pleasant.  But there is no "mind police" that's reading your thoughts.  Everybody's mind is cranking away all the time thinking about every random thing there is.  None of it is "bad," it just IS.

 

There is a lot on this site to read and learn from, take your time.  I find it to be rational and comforting.  Write any of your worries or thoughts here, and people will reply and add their own thoughts.  It's all very helpful.

 

You do say you have plans for your life, like finishing your education, working, eventually marrying and having kids, etc.  Think about those things and your plans for them.  Focus on those real things, and what you want to do with your life and what you need to do to get to your goals.  What kind of plans, in general, do you have?  Anything you'd like to study in college or job plans?  Where would you like to eventually live?  Somewhere away from where you've grown up?  Another country?  Do you like the city or country?  Are there places in the world you'd like to visit?  How many kids would you ideally like to have?  

 

Again, welcome!

[decafaholic]

I'm telling you what I wish I had known as a young teen:

You are not weird.

Everything you are thinking and feeling has an explanation.

You are not crazy.

It is NOT your job to save the world 

You're a lot more normal than you think

You are going to be okay.

 

Maybe do some investigative work and find out if anxiety runs in your family. I understood myself a lot more once I found out that every single woman in my family is on medication for depression or anxiety. If anxiety is a regular thing for you, I recommend talking to a counselor or a doctor about it. I didn't get help for anxiety until I was 18 and I wish I had asked for help a LOT sooner. Depression made me miserable for a long time before I got up the courage to see a doctor. 

 

Keep posting. We're here for you!

[AzariaC7]

Thanks guys. You're like my brothers and sisters. I'm glad to have joined this site. =) I hope to meet more.