Do I Go To My (Private Christian) High School Reunion?

[Tzarza]

It's in November, and I really have a lot of irrational anxiety about it. I haven't kept up with anyone from high school really, except one other heathen like myself. 

I've talked to several people about it, and gotten mixed answers.

"Go! You're so more exciting than you were then, go shine!"

"Don't go, all anyone has done so far is graduate and/or get married. It's too soon for popular kids to have gotten fat."

 

I actually had a lot of anxiety about confronting my high school classmates during my deconversion, and I expected I would at least get to wait until the 10 year reunion. This will be the 5 year reunion. 

I would say that I was at the most devout point of my life during my senior year in high school. I was a fundy. I bought everything hook, line, and sinker, and everyone I knew was a Christian. All of my teachers, friends, classmates were good ole' Texan, white, middle-class, protestant, born again Christians. And I think very few of them have changed. 

 

Part of me feels like I should go, because no matter what, we all went through high school together. We were a small class of about 120, and everyone knew everyone. There's a certain amount of solidarity that goes with having a shared history. 

 

Part of me feels like I shouldn't go, because I've become very disconnected from them. And not only have I not kept in touch, I have betrayed the very thing that we all agreed on when we were younger, by intentionally walking away from the faith. 

So do I go sniff out those like me?

Use the "prayer" that we're sure to have as a time to hold my head high, and see who else's head isn't bowed? 

Or do I just chalk all of them up to my past and leave them there?  

 

[TrueFreedom]

Most of our regrets are from things we haven't done rather than things that we have done.  I think that you should go.


*edited for grammar (hope that's better)

[gall]

It's in November, and I really have a lot of irrational anxiety about it. I haven't kept up with anyone from high school really, except one other heathen like myself. 

 

I've talked to several people about it, and gotten mixed answers.

"Go! You're so more exciting than you were then, go shine!"

"Don't go, all anyone has done so far is graduate and/or get married. It's too soon for popular kids to have gotten fat."

 

I actually had a lot of anxiety about confronting my high school classmates during my deconversion, and I expected I would at least get to wait until the 10 year reunion. This will be the 5 year reunion. 

 

I would say that I was at the most devout point of my life during my senior year in high school. I was a fundy. I bought everything hook, line, and sinker, and everyone I knew was a Christian. All of my teachers, friends, classmates were good ole' Texan, white, middle-class, protestant, born again Christians. And I think very few of them have changed. 

 

Part of me feels like I should go, because no matter what, we all went through high school together. We were a small class of about 120, and everyone knew everyone. There's a certain amount of solidarity that goes with having a shared history. 

 

Part of me feels like I shouldn't go, because I've become very disconnected from them. And not only have I not kept in touch, I have betrayed the very thing that we all agreed on when we were younger, by intentionally walking away from the faith. 

 

So do I go sniff out those like me?

Use the "prayer" that we're sure to have as a time to hold my head high, and see who else's head isn't bowed? 

Or do I just chalk all of them up to my past and leave them there?  

 

 

I would say no.

 

Don't waste your time or the time of the others who will probably be there because they want to see the others that may still believe like they do.

 

you would be doing yourself and them a slight to attend.

 

you moved on so stay gone is my advice.

 

All those functions really are these days are like live facebook material waiting to happen...

[pratt]

well, depends,,,

 

if the reunion is gonna talk about religion , then that depends kn your comfory level,,,,,

 

but if it is a social get together, catching up with each other, why not?

[florduh]

Most likely, their religion overshadows any commonality you had back in the day. It would be both sad and painful for me, but only you know how much witnessing/evangelizing you can tolerate.

[new2me]

I think at the 5-year reunion, people have generally not grown up enough to really be interesting.  The old cliques and old ways of relating to each other will still be pretty strong.  My high school was about the same size as yours, so the dynamics may be similar.

 

I'd wait until the 10-year.  I generally hated high school, hadn't kept in touch with anyone, and had to be talked into attending my 10-year reunion.  I didn't know what I would have to say to any of the people there.  I remember feeling nervous when I was about to walk through the door (I went alone.)  The thought went through my head - "But, what if they are mean to me!"  It felt a little like getting transported back to high school.  Fortunately, the grown-up me responded - "Then you leave!  These people have no power over you at all."  After that, the rest of the evening was a total blast.  I talked to almost every single person there.

 

If I could have had the same attitude at my 5-year reunion, maybe it would have been worth attending.  I still don't think it would have been as much fun.

[RaLeah]

I skipped mine without any pangs of regret whatsoever. (I also went to a private Christian school.) 

I'm not friends with any of them anymore and haven't kept in touch and I'm not curious about them. 

One of them reached out by email to invite me to the reunion, and she sent me a little update about everyone, whether they were married / kids / where they lived / what they did for a living. I emailed her my info but declined the invitation. It sounded like they were all still religious. And I couldn't imagine wanting to see any of them. Besides, I doubt their definition of successful is the same as mine--I'd find their lives boring and traditional, and they'd find mine weird and unconventional. 

 

I don't plan to go to any others either. There were good reasons I didn't keep in touch in the first place, and there's no good reason to reconnect.  

 

I figure, go if you're curious or whatever. But if none of them are current friends of yours, it's going to be a long boring evening.

[Deva]

I wouldn't do it, since it was a Christian school. You know what you will run into. Most people do not change their fundamental way of thinking that was drilled into them from their families. Here on Ex-C you meet the minority. Believe me.  I have probably 40 of my high school classmates on facebook and the vast majority are so conventional -- typical American Christians with a conventional spouse and kids that fit into society's definition of "success."  That is all I can say. From what I can see, we have basically nothing in common.

 

I would only say to go if you really know someone that is going that you want to reconnect with.

[Ro-bear]

I waited for the thirty year reunion.  It was fun.

 

If you are even thinking about it, it means part of you wants to go.  So go and have a good time or leave early if it sucks.

[ClaraOlive]

I didn't go to my 10 year reunion for my private Christian school. I don't regret it.

 

These were the main factors:
1. I don't live close to my hometown (and that's not coincidence). There was no possible way that I was going to be having >$400 + plane trip with layovers of fun reconnecting with Christian classmates. If you live near or in your hometown, this might not be a factor.

2. I don't have anything positive to say about the school or my time there. It was anti-woman, anti-science, and super Fundy.

3. I had already "unfriended" about 30 people from my old high school on Facebook. A few because they were relentless Bible verse or "let's talk about how Jeebus has blessed us" status updaters, but more because we didn't have any new commonalities and the stories of how they'd each had 50 kids didn't interest me. I'm not on FB all the time either - it's not filled with personal stuff for me, so if I don't want to be friends there, it means you really are not part of my life.

4. It was a tiny school - my graduating class was 40 people and I am connected just enough to know for a fact that I'm the ONLY woman in the entire class who isn't an active Christian, and one of just a few who hasn't followed the total lifescript.

[Jedah]

I plan to skip my 10 year but attend one of the later ones. I have a feeling the 10 year one will just be about who is successful and who isn't, people aren't quite mature enough yet.

[Tzarza]

Thank you so much for these varied replies! I'm still undecided. I'm sure I'll still be undecided for awhile, but I'm currently leaning towards the "go, so that you don't regret not going, and leave if it stinks" mentality. I sometimes forget that I can just walk out if I'm not having fun. It's in November, so I think I still have awhile to make up my mind. Thanks again! 

[HitchWithMe]

5 year reunions are kinda superfluous. I think someone already mentioned that the only news you'll get is who graduated college and who got married....if you went to Christian high school the second option will be no surprise. At the same time, I'll leave you with these tid bits:

 

1. In the years between 18 and 22, the individual does more changing, more deciding, and more solidifying of personality and life path than any decade before or after. This time period is one of the most condensed growth periods in all of personality development; people leave their parents and decide who they are going to be. You may go back and be frustrated by the lack of change in lots of people...but at the same time you might be surprised by those who have found a path similar to you or you might find a kindred spirit in the "lost" kid you tried to "save." It's actually quite a relief to just say you were to those people. I guess it's always a fun ride to see where you find kindred spirits.

 

Best of luck in your decision!