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When Am I Going To Learn *sigh*


TotalWreck
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I'm too emotionally/mentally drained right now to go into detail, so I'll just get to the point:

 

Once again, I got desperate, prayed to "god" to help me, and sure enough "he" failed me AGAIN.  Why do I keep praying when I get desperate?fun_84.gif   It hurts even worse because at least if I don't pray, I don't have to get upset that an imaginary wizard in the sky didn't help me.

 

Am I EVER going to learn?  I swear, it's scary how you can think you're done with all of this god bullshit, only to find out later on that it's not all out of your system.

 

Maybe I just haven't let myself get disappointed enough.Wendybanghead.gif

 

At this point, I hope there really isn't a god of any kind, because if there is, he is one cruel, sick, twisted motherfucker.

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I'm too emotionally/mentally drained right now to go into detail, so I'll just get to the point:

 

Once again, I got desperate, prayed to "god" to help me, and sure enough "he" failed me AGAIN.  Why do I keep praying when I get desperate?fun_84.gif   It hurts even worse because at least if I don't pray, I don't have to get upset that an imaginary wizard in the sky didn't help me.

 

Am I EVER going to learn?  I swear, it's scary how you can think you're done with all of this god bullshit, only to find out later on that it's not all out of your system.

 

Maybe I just haven't let myself get disappointed enough.Wendybanghead.gif

 

At this point, I hope there really isn't a god of any kind, because if there is, he is one cruel, sick, twisted motherfucker.

Don't beat yourself up. We all backslide every now and against  be grateful the prayer wasn't answered, sucking you back in again.

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Don't beat yourself up. We all backslide every now and against  be grateful the prayer wasn't answered, sucking you back in again.

 

 

That's a good way of looking at it!GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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That's okay. Prayer is a habit, and it's hard to break, even once you've realized no one is listening. 

 

You can still think positive thoughts, wish and dream. 

 

Some things are out of our control. We can only hope those things work out in a positive way. Sometimes we can help encourage or influence that positive outcome ourselves. There are naturally going to be some challenges, disappointments, sorrows, and set backs in our lives. We hope for the best, but plan for the worst. 

 

I'm not sure what specific thing you prayed for, but when I'm in a situation where I'd normally have wanted to pray for someone else, I know the best thing I can do is just be emotionally available and supportive for that person. If it's a situation for myself, like a job interview, I give myself a pep talk and remind myself of all the things I've accomplished so I feel positive and relaxed, and remind myself it's okay if it doesn't work out. The people who love me will still love me, and I will have other opportunities. If I embarrass myself, I'll forgive myself, and I'll try to be even more prepared and focused the next time and chalk the experience up as good practice for next time. (I'm very happily employed--this is just an example.)

 

Just keep in mind you're writing your own life story, and how you choose to tell it is up to you. For example, you can think: I totally blew that interview. I'm so stupid! Or you can think, I guess that position wasn't right for me. I'll keep trying. 

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I'm too emotionally/mentally drained right now to go into detail, so I'll just get to the point:

 

Once again, I got desperate, prayed to "god" to help me, and sure enough "he" failed me AGAIN.  Why do I keep praying when I get desperate?fun_84.gif   It hurts even worse because at least if I don't pray, I don't have to get upset that an imaginary wizard in the sky didn't help me.

 

Am I EVER going to learn?  I swear, it's scary how you can think you're done with all of this god bullshit, only to find out later on that it's not all out of your system.

 

Maybe I just haven't let myself get disappointed enough.:ban

 

At this point, I hope there really isn't a god of any kind, because if there is, he is one cruel, sick, twisted motherfucker.

 

How long have you been "out"? Because you sound just like I did awhile back. It left eventually. Sometimes I still get sad that I don't have a deity to lean on but I no longer "catch" myself praying, even in great distress. But it took awhile.

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I'm too emotionally/mentally drained right now to go into detail, so I'll just get to the point:

 

Once again, I got desperate, prayed to "god" to help me, and sure enough "he" failed me AGAIN.  Why do I keep praying when I get desperate?fun_84.gif   It hurts even worse because at least if I don't pray, I don't have to get upset that an imaginary wizard in the sky didn't help me.

 

Am I EVER going to learn?  I swear, it's scary how you can think you're done with all of this god bullshit, only to find out later on that it's not all out of your system.

 

Maybe I just haven't let myself get disappointed enough.Wendybanghead.gif

 

At this point, I hope there really isn't a god of any kind, because if there is, he is one cruel, sick, twisted motherfucker.

 

This really worked for me.  Switch the target of your prayer.  I was in the habit of praying.  I felt compelled.  I didn't know how to stop.  So I did pray but I stopped praying to Jesus/God.  I choose something I knew could not answer prayer.  I prayed to Captain James Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.  Yeah, it's silly but that was the point.  When the situation got better on it's own I would say "Captain Kirk answers prayer" or "Praise Captain Kirk".  Maybe you have a pet dog or cat or something else that would work better for you.  The point is that we were conditioned to do this.  Prayer is the way Christians learn to passively accept the random events that happen to them.  When the thing you pray about goes bad then you chalk it up to God's will or God teaching your something or God is testing us or some other crap.  Maybe you could pray to yourself?  Or pray to your favorite color?  It takes time to unlearn the training.

 

 

It sounds like crap is happening in your life right now and I do hope it gets better.  Bad things happen and that isn't your fault.  Taking an active role is the best shot you've got but it isn't much of a shot so if things go bad dust yourself off and try again.  That is also unlearning the Christian training.

 

Good luck!

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Maybe try viewing your prayer urges as a seizure. Stop blaming yourself and instead acknowledge that you have PCPD (like PTSD GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif )--Post Christian Prayer Disorder--that causes these weird urges to pray even though it's futile. Maybe find the triggers for your Prayer Seizures and find ways to work through them.

 

Love ya, TW.

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