GoddessOfWisdom Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Citsonga just gave me an idea... In a topic concerning Christians defending slavery, Citsonga mentioned that god should have reminded himself that his promise to Abraham was supposed to be 'everlasting'...a reminder a la-rainbow in the flood story. Well, I declare myself the heavenly clerk, and consider this god's Official Reminder Thread. After all, Christianity isn't a religion, but a relationship, right? Well, relationships are nothing without feedback. Heheh. *pulls out typewriter: What else seems to have slipped god's mind, folks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 " URGENT: Align my own actions with the commandments I gave those humans, especially that "thou shalt not kill" thing! " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoddessOfWisdom Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 " URGENT: Align my own actions with the commandments I gave those humans, especially that "thou shalt not kill" thing! " Duly noted. *scribbles furiously Keep it coming, folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Note to self: When being infallible and all knowing, get the value of pi correct. It isn't THREE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Note to self: Need to take care of that darn weakness to iron! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Tell my guys to quit saying things like, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" when they know I have no intention of delivering. Bad for the reputation. Oh. And those things about followers of Christ being able to take poison without being harmed and handling venomous snakes? Delete next time. Another bad idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 9, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 9, 2013 Reminder: Let Adam and Eve have a bite from that tree so they can know the difference between good and evil before I punish them and all future generations, my beloved creations, for all eternity for not having the knowledge of good and evil. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Note to self: Don't teach them what Love truly is in 1 Corinthians 13, declare myself to be love in 1 John 4:8, but not follow it myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Citsonga just gave me an idea... In a topic concerning Christians defending slavery, Citsonga mentioned that god should have reminded himself that his promise to Abraham was supposed to be 'everlasting'...a reminder a la-rainbow in the flood story. Well, I declare myself the heavenly clerk, and consider this god's Official Reminder Thread. After all, Christianity isn't a religion, but a relationship, right? Well, relationships are nothing without feedback. Heheh. *pulls out typewriter: What else seems to have slipped god's mind, folks? What slipped his mind lol I will play: Lets see, Reason logic joy justice fairness equality why you don't keep slaves why you treat others as you want to be how a person should really live with other persons Intelligence I could go on but hey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoddessOfWisdom Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 I needed these. Thanks guys! MEMO: Tell U.S. followers to stop calling hurricanes "my judgement on teh gayz"...cause then the tornadoes I send to the bible belt are gonna be all weird and stuff. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 NOTE TO SELF: Need more balance. If I'm going to turn some broad into a pillar of salt for looking at a disaster, I probably shouldn't turn around and reward her husband for first offering to turn his daughters over to a mob, then getting drunk and screwing them. NOTE TO SELF: The she-bears tearing up the 42 mouthy kids was probably excessive. Should I claim PTSD for my little overreaction? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoddessOfWisdom Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 MEMO: Explain that me being married to both Israel and Judah does NOT condone polygamy. Why? Cause my ways aren't yours, b!tches. [insert gang sign] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted September 9, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 9, 2013 Note to god: You still owe Job an apology for that little wager you had with satan when you were drunk. A lot of innocent people died and it damn near cost you the only righteous servant you had. The man simply wanted an explanation, as any man would have, but all you gave him was a rambling tyrade from within your whirlwind. I understand you might have still been hung-over when it happened, but you seriously need to man up and make it right. While you're at it, you might also want to explain to your followers that the point behind the book of Job isn't "patience in suffering"; it's that you're a lousy god who bets their souls against the devil and then blows up at them when they call you on it. Oh, and since you are in the habit of hanging out with satan, as the book of Job indicates, you might want to reword some of your "shun the very appearance of evil" and "what fellowship hath light with darkness" rhetoric. It makes you sound like a pompous and hypocritical ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Definitely update that "Jesus will return while some of you are still alive." Maybe rewrite to: "Jesus will return when he darn well wants to." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 With xianity split into 32,000 denominations, maybe a memo on: "Decide which of those 32,000 got my message right and LET EVERYONE KNOW. Stat." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherJosh Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Reminder: Should probably clarify that slavery isn't cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 Note to self: Need to take care of that darn weakness to iron! That was very poor planing when God created iron. Hey maybe it's human use of iron that prevents God from doing miracles. God just hasn't worked miracles the way he did back in the Bronze Age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted September 12, 2013 Share Posted September 12, 2013 "Smite Pat Robertson." "Regrow one amputated limb. Step back and watch the show." "Make more dinosaur fossils." "Find that guy in the SUV a parking spot." "Appear in toast." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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