The Bride Wore Illusion Lace...

[ContentedIntrovert]

Hello Forum! First-time poster here – been lurking a bit these past few days and figured it was time to… materialize, or whatever.

 

It’s been almost ten years since my deconversion. About 360 days a year the whole thing is a non-issue, but every now and again life bumps up against that old bruise. At the moment, even though the thing that triggered it is small, I’m really, really pissed. Sad. Disgusted. Frustrated.

 

So here’s the story: a young lady I know is getting married soon; I heard they’d put up a wedding website, and went online to check it out. I’d never seen one before, so I poked around for a while (wedding websites… whodathunkit?) and eventually landed on her Bride’s Blog.

 

I knew she’d been raised in a fundamental congregation, so – stupid me – I really should have seen it coming. There, in a recent post, is this elaborate story about how she and her friends “covered her wedding dress shopping with prayer”. Yes, they all got together and beseeched Jesus to take care of every aspect of that gown, and that “He” would make it very clear to her which one “He” wanted her to buy: the perfect dress, the perfect fit, the perfect price. So you can imagine their response when they unexpectedly found a dress from a top-name designer in the bridal boutique of their tiny little two-horse town – ON SALE!!! It was Jesus – of course it was Jesus! Proof of divine providence, the love of the savior, and the power of prayer – all rolled into a single garment.

 

I’ve been shaking my head – yet again – at the relentless self-absorption of the Christian world view. It’s a reminder that they actually encourage each other to believe that they're so important, so special, that the creator of the universe drops everything to deal with this crap; then, both as cause and effect of this belief, they hold themselves superior to everyone else. I want (again) to kick myself in the butt for having been one of them.

 

If I were a less kind, less compassionate person, I’d point all this out to that girl and her family; I won’t, though, because it’s still a wedding, and I care enough about their happiness that I don’t want to be the stick in the mud that screws it up. Still, a part of me would love to let her know: “Well, honey, it’s no wonder the shit hit the fan in the middle east again – Jesus has been busy with your wedding dress. But don’t you worry about it – as long as you feel pretty on YOUR special day, I’m sure the world won’t mind.”

 

What do you think, folks? How and when do you speak up?

[Astreja]

Welcome, CI!

 

There'll be ample opportunities to feed silly beliefs to the lions.  This sounds like the time to smile politely (albeit trying to not dislocate one's temporomandibular joint) and then wander over to the bar for a refill.

[RaLeah]

I call this "voodoo Christianity" where you feel your tiny stupid little insignificant request to God gets an answer when thousands of other people are dying, starving, getting killed by needless war, etc. in another country. 

 

Praise God, I found a parking spot, thank you, Jesus. That kind of stuff. 

 

I mean, really?? Said by people who have had super privileged lives and can't acknowledge it. 

 

Easier to feel God is looking right at you all the time, intervening to give your already privileged life more ease and comfort. Sure. Why not?

[Bhim]

It's always a bit harder for me to relate to these stories of what RaLeah aptly called "voodoo Christianity," since the Christianity I subscribed to was Reformed, Calvinistic Christianity, and my fellow Christians were actually fairly logical about their faith.  This sort of thing did happen at a deeper level, though.  I don't think anyone would turn the outcome of a shopping trip into a praise of God's providence.  But they did so with other things, such as when people got jobs, when their relationships with others were mended, etc.

 

Personally I find that the best way to deal with this is to go back to the most truly repugnant doctrine of Christianity, namely the concept of eternal conscious torment of unbelievers.  Any reasonable person believes that it is contrary to human conscience (which is God-given) for God to burn people for all eternity for failing to put their faith in Jesus.  This is evidenced by the fact that Christians must invent such inane excuses as to why God eternally torments theistic individuals who subscribe to other religions.  If indeed this is the case, then why do Christians not spend all their time imploring others to believe in Jesus?  If I truly believed that God would send my friends and family to an eternal hell for not believing in Jesus, I would be on my hands and knees before them begging that they convert if only to be saved from such eternal torment.  Save for eating and sleeping, I would do nothing else.  I wouldn't even go to church or Bible study, and I certainly wouldn't go shopping for a wedding dress.

 

Forget people dying in the Middle East.  Under the premises of the Bible, a Syrian Christian who gets killed by a chemical weapon is going to heaven.  A middle-class American Jew or Hindu who gets run over by a bus goes to eternal hell. The Syrian got an infinitely better deal.  Your friend is enjoying her life and going dress shopping because she doesn't live as though everyone around her who doesn't confess Jesus will burn in hell forever if they happen to die for some reason.  And I don't mean to insult your friend; the vast majority of Christians live this way.  That goes to show that at some level, they don't really believe in what they are preaching.  I would point this out to them if you get a chance to tactfully do so.

 

And mind you, we can choose to practice tact since we don't believe that anyone will be eternally condemned for failing to meet our moral standards.

[RenaissanceWoman]

If it was a designer dress in a small town, there's a reason it did not sell and was therefore on sale. It was either too cosmopolitan or too expensive (or both) for all the other local brides to purchase, so it was left on the sale rack. Duh.

 

Last year I sent an extra $100 to the child I sponsor through World Vision. The organization helped his family buy a goat. With the milk and cheese, plus the babies they can sell, they went from the poorest in town to the richest. My money was also enough to buy the child a school uniform and pay school fees for a year. 8 years old, finally going to school. The ongoing contributions of others like myself to this community also constructed a well in their village, so my child no longer has to spend all day every day walking miles to and from the nearest water source, carrying water for his family... so he is free to go to school now. He sent me a letter telling me how nice it is to get to take a bath every day with the new well.

 

All that for $100. (Aside from the well construction, which involved other people and more money, but you get the idea.) Money I could have so easily wasted, changed this boy's life forever.

 

I have mentioned this to Christians when they go off about God answering money prayers (or in your case, finding a dress on sale), to give a little perspective. Get over your spoiled self! They usually get it.

[mwc]

All that for $100. (Aside from the well construction, which involved other people and more money, but you get the idea.) Money I could have so easily wasted, changed this boy's life forever.

 

I have mentioned this to Christians when they go off about God answering money prayers (or in your case, finding a dress on sale), to give a little perspective. Get over your spoiled self! They usually get it.

     I would think you would hear something like "It's a good thing that god decided to work *through* you.  He could have fixed those problems directly but look how his glory is magnified by the telling of this story?  You should now humble yourself and accept that you only played a part in his plan as we all do."

 

          mwc

[gall]

I call this "voodoo Christianity" where you feel your tiny stupid little insignificant request to God gets an answer when thousands of other people are dying, starving, getting killed by needless war, etc. in another country. 

 

Praise God, I found a parking spot, thank you, Jesus. That kind of stuff. 

 

I mean, really?? Said by people who have had super privileged lives and can't acknowledge it. 

 

Easier to feel God is looking right at you all the time, intervening to give your already privileged life more ease and comfort. Sure. Why not?

 

 

to me this stinks of the same type of superstition that baseball players use in how they wear a hat or chew seeds/tobacco... basically it makes one look foolish.

 

Seriously if god is out there answering prays like that (I can't even keep a straight face typing this) I wonder what she will ask for next time she wants something for herself. Even though I never prayed when being taught about it as I resisted forced religion as a boy (and I resisted like a steel wall lol) they tried to teach that you should pray for others and not yourself. She sounds like a bridezilla waiting to be unleashed and a greedy bitch at the same time.

 

Then again what I call greedy is apparently totally normal behavior from an American female now... men to can't leave those greedy bastards out. It is that hard to be more selfless or at least less self absorbed?

 

Thank you god for this wonderful dress you made me...errr that you influenced someone to sew just for me? Lame.

[LivingLife]

Damn, I thought this would be about a nekked wedding

 

Anyways welcome.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I think the scathing sarcasm of Tim Minchin's song "Thank You God" pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.

 

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tim+minchin/thank+you+god_20917884.html

[buffettphan]

Love love love Tim Minchin.

[amateur]

Welcome!  I would have to ignore all those god praises over the dress (and whatever else she comes up with) if I were going to attend the wedding.  Eat, drink, dance, have a good time!

 

I just hope that her new husband is always the husband of her dreams, because when he turns into a regular guy she's going to be mighty disappointed with god.  I do hope things turn out good for her, though!

 

I find "Xian Mingle" to be really strange -- they actually pimp out god in their motto:  "God's Choice for You."  

 

I had a friend who was into Native American religion (she was a white woman who hung out with wanna-be's, so it wasn't authentic Native American religion, but she was into it), and in her mid-30's very much wanted to be married so she prayed to the Thunder Beings (according to her, they were 'her' spirits) and one day, while they were building a sweat lodge, she saw HIM, the man that the Thunder Beings were presenting to her because he was on top of the sweat lodge trying to get it covered before a storm hit, so she was looking up at him and he was backlit by the sky full of thunderclouds!!!  It didn't hurt that he was shirtless and well-built!  Anyway, they met during the sweat lodge weekend, and within no time he ended up living with her, which she was happy with because she KNEW that the Thunder Beings had sent him to her.  Well, he ended up living with her because he was broke and unemployed and working through a divorce and he and his ex had two early-teen daughters.  And he was bipolar but he "didn't like" to take his medication so simply wouldn't take it or consult his doctor.  Ater a year of her paying for everything, and listening to all his complaints about his ex and the kids, and dealing with the severe mood swings and anger, she had a heck of a time getting him out of her apartment; it actually got scary.  He ended up committing suicide in the woods on Good Friday -- shooting himself with his rifle.  Now my friend, instead of saying, "Oh screw those Thunder Beings; that was obviously made up!" or "I guess I should never let a near-stranger move into my apartment," she was very weepy and said things like, "Why would the Thunder Beings have sent him to me?  Why would they do that?"

 

I'm not friends with her any more.  It's hard to stay friends with someone who has such a tenuous grasp of reality.

[ContentedIntrovert]

Hello, all. Thank you for the responses and the welcome. 

 

Yeah, I'll be at the wedding, but if I want a drink I'll have to smuggle in a flask (and believe me, I'm tempted!). And, no, she's really not a greedy little bridezilla -- she's a very kind and warm young lady who's simply been taught the old "ask and receive" BS. And, to be fair, she's also quite young (gotta get the ring on before you give it up, dontcha know...)

 

LivingLife - thanks for the chuckle.

 

Amateur: amazing story... it's not just Christianity, I guess. And "pimp out their god" -- never thought of it that way, but I do remember the idea that there's a special someone just for you (!) being part of the teaching. 

 

Thanks again,

CI

[RenaissanceWoman]

A wedding without booze? How lame. I guess I was lucky to have been brought up Lutheran, LOL.

 

I got married the first time for similar reasons -- going off to grad school in another state with my boyfriend, and we can't live together unless we're married! Getting away from home, I realized who I was, and who my husband was. (He was great, just not for me.) I dropped out of grad school after the first year and ditched the husband a year later. Found my current hubby (lived together for 6.5 years, and together a total of 19 happy years now) and finished my master's degree later. This poor girl may be a statistic as well.

 

Yes, her excitement will wear off. I hope she has chosen well. Her 20s could be a rough, eye-opening decade for her.

[Jds22]

This reminds me of a wedding I was at a few summers ago.

My wife's entire family, quite a big family btw, are hardcore fundy baptists.

The wedding was to be outdoors but it had been raining for most of the week leading up to Saturday. As fate would have it, Saturday was sunny and beautiful. Of course the entire family is thanking Jesus for answering their prayers and stopping the rain so their little princess could have a nice sunny wedding.

 

I doubt that it occurred to any of them that while their little girl was getting her way, lots of other outdoor weddings in the next state were being rained out.

 

Maybe Jesus was pissed at Indiana that day or something.

[gall]

This reminds me of a wedding I was at a few summers ago.

My wife's entire family, quite a big family btw, are hardcore fundy baptists.

The wedding was to be outdoors but it had been raining for most of the week leading up to Saturday. As fate would have it, Saturday was sunny and beautiful. Of course the entire family is thanking Jesus for answering their prayers and stopping the rain so their little princess could have a nice sunny wedding.

 

I doubt that it occurred to any of them that while their little girl was getting her way, lots of other outdoor weddings in the next state were being rained out.

 

Maybe Jesus was pissed at Indiana that day or something.

 

I know I understand ignoring the natural order for one family that will inhabit this space for less than 1% of 1% the time the universe and this living planet have been here. He totally understands and put his big ass see through hand over their wedding day. Wow thanks for that.

 

Personally I would like to thank the jet stream. I am guessing they just forgot how to spell it and the whole family could only rememeber the word "jesus"...

[midniterider]

I think the scathing sarcasm of Tim Minchin's song "Thank You God" pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.

 

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tim+minchin/thank+you+god_20917884.html

 

Wow, that was fantastic. lol!