No. Not Again.

[Lilith666]

One of my good friends had been in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks because she has depression and has attempted suicide several times. She disappeared last week--she wasn't answering her phone or posting on Facebook, which is very weird for her. She lives across the country from me, so I couldn't just go to her house to see what was going on.

 

I found out the other night that she had tried to kill herself again, so that's why she was unavailable. She's covered in fresh scars. That's a lot of blood loss. The nerves in her right arm are destroyed from earlier cuts. What happened was the psych hospital that she was in decided she was perfectly normal, so they let her out. She promptly mutilated herself over a fight with her ex-boyfriend.

 

How could they? They knew she had a history of severe depression and suicide attempts, but decided she was fine anyway. She almost died because of them! And she has no medication. It's too expensive.

 

I'm still seething. Those morons could have killed her. They were supposed to make sure she didn't hurt herself. 

 

When she told me, I raged about it, so she insisted that everything is okay now. It's always okay until the next time. It's amazing she's made this far, and she's only fifteen. I'm afraid that one of these days, no one is going to find her and she'll just bleed out.

 

There is no god. If I wasn't sure before, I am now.

[mymistake]

Sorry to hear about your friend.  I hope she is okay.  Sometimes the health care workers make a bad call.  It sucks.

[Lilith666]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she is okay. Sometimes the health care workers make a bad call. It sucks.

Thanks, but "a bad call" is when they give you the wrong prescription glasses and it makes your head hurt. She could have died.

[RaLeah]

I'm so sorry about your friend. It's very hard when you're a friend of someone who is so emotionally fragile, especially when it's out of your hands to help. 

 

I remember being a teenager and reading Les Miserables. One chapter was called "A Tempest in a Brain" and that resonated with me so much. I was really, really depressed, and that phrase fit perfectly. The best thing that helped was my older sister (away at college) telling me, "Teenage years are the worst part of your life. Never ever listen to anyone who tells you, "This is the best part of your life" because that is a huge awful lie." 

 

And now I know that teenage brains are undergoing massive growth and transformation--and yet the frontal lobe hasn't grown up quick enough yet to process and slow down the impulsive behaviors. Basically, you feel like what you're feeling right in that moment is all you're ever going to feel again, and you want the pain to stop. Now. Fast. Yesterday. Anything, anything, anything to please just stop this pain. 

 

It was the most emotionally difficult time in my life. Period. I slowly learned better coping mechanisms, and now I don't struggle with depression anymore, but I lost YEARS of my teenage life to absolute misery and despair, the torture inside my own brain. 

 

Part of what causes that despair is adolescence. It's a new-ish thing, because in our earlier years as humans, when we were physically mature, we were considered adults and awarded a lot more autonomy and independence. (Not that long ago either--my grandfather dropped out of school to be a farm hand at age 15; and I think my grandmother was 15 and he was 17 when they married... and stayed married until his death at age 80.) 

 

Adolescence is hard, because you're working hard (school, etc.) and there are social pressures from peers, and there are pressures from your parents, and heartbreak from a boyfriend makes it feel like everything good you had just crumbled into dust and you can wish you were dead because you can't imagine ever loving anyone else the same way again ever...  but the worst part is that you don't have any real total meaningful control of your life. No financial independence, no apartment of your own, no choosing your own schedule or work, not even really in charge of your social world. Certainly not enough understanding of romantic relationships to understand what went wrong when a relationship ends, and definitely not able to put it into perspective especially if it's one of your first loves. It's super hard. A lot of times a giant, chaotic mess. 

 

And yet... all you can do as her friend is to try to tell her it's hard, it sucks totally, but if she promises herself she won't kill herself, she will live long enough to be in control one day. She will get to have a life that makes sense, that she can shape into anything she wants. Her brain and her emotions and hormones will calm down and that tempest in her brain will blow over. She will be able to keep things in perspective and learn how to focus on what she wants and enjoy her life. She will meet other people, have other beautiful experiences, learn how to enjoy the good things in life and how to keep the bad things in life contained, managed, and overcome... all while keeping them in perspective. There will never be anything so terrible and too hard that she won't be able to work out a solution to manage it. 

 

But what she chooses to do... ultimately is up to her. You can't fix her suffering or "snap her out of it." It's good you're there for her as a friend to talk to. That's the most meaningful thing you can do for her and be for her.

 

Good luck, Lilith. I know you care for her and your outrage at those who let her down shows me how loving and concerned you are for her well being. My heart goes out to both of you. 

[Guest Marty]

Gotta love the health care system in this country...

[amateur]

I am not a fan of hospitals.  Or doctors.  Or the health system in this country.  Especially not a fan of the insurance companies that deny medicines and hospital stays.

 

I hope your friend is ok and she can find some peace and help.

[gall]

Gotta love the health care system in this country...

 

The health care system is pretty good in this country if you can pay for it. We actually do have some of the best doctors in the world. Problem is a lot of hacks are mixed in with them.

 

This case sounds more like a problem with the Mental health system in this country which sadly is a joke.

 

The doctors made the wrong professional decision and there are rules about these things, they need to be held legally responsible for their actions according to law if it applies. If not it just makes it easier and easier for stuff like this to happen.

 

Your friend needs to get real help a real doctor who cares more about her and helping her get right over money or time if they exist in mental health.

[Lilith666]

I'm so sorry about your friend. It's very hard when you're a friend of someone who is so emotionally fragile, especially when it's out of your hands to help. 

 

I remember being a teenager and reading Les Miserables. One chapter was called "A Tempest in a Brain" and that resonated with me so much. I was really, really depressed, and that phrase fit perfectly. The best thing that helped was my older sister (away at college) telling me, "Teenage years are the worst part of your life. Never ever listen to anyone who tells you, "This is the best part of your life" because that is a huge awful lie." 

 

And now I know that teenage brains are undergoing massive growth and transformation--and yet the frontal lobe hasn't grown up quick enough yet to process and slow down the impulsive behaviors. Basically, you feel like what you're feeling right in that moment is all you're ever going to feel again, and you want the pain to stop. Now. Fast. Yesterday. Anything, anything, anything to please just stop this pain. 

 

It was the most emotionally difficult time in my life. Period. I slowly learned better coping mechanisms, and now I don't struggle with depression anymore, but I lost YEARS of my teenage life to absolute misery and despair, the torture inside my own brain. 

 

Part of what causes that despair is adolescence. It's a new-ish thing, because in our earlier years as humans, when we were physically mature, we were considered adults and awarded a lot more autonomy and independence. (Not that long ago either--my grandfather dropped out of school to be a farm hand at age 15; and I think my grandmother was 15 and he was 17 when they married... and stayed married until his death at age 80.) 

 

Adolescence is hard, because you're working hard (school, etc.) and there are social pressures from peers, and there are pressures from your parents, and heartbreak from a boyfriend makes it feel like everything good you had just crumbled into dust and you can wish you were dead because you can't imagine ever loving anyone else the same way again ever...  but the worst part is that you don't have any real total meaningful control of your life. No financial independence, no apartment of your own, no choosing your own schedule or work, not even really in charge of your social world. Certainly not enough understanding of romantic relationships to understand what went wrong when a relationship ends, and definitely not able to put it into perspective especially if it's one of your first loves. It's super hard. A lot of times a giant, chaotic mess. 

 

And yet... all you can do as her friend is to try to tell her it's hard, it sucks totally, but if she promises herself she won't kill herself, she will live long enough to be in control one day. She will get to have a life that makes sense, that she can shape into anything she wants. Her brain and her emotions and hormones will calm down and that tempest in her brain will blow over. She will be able to keep things in perspective and learn how to focus on what she wants and enjoy her life. She will meet other people, have other beautiful experiences, learn how to enjoy the good things in life and how to keep the bad things in life contained, managed, and overcome... all while keeping them in perspective. There will never be anything so terrible and too hard that she won't be able to work out a solution to manage it. 

 

But what she chooses to do... ultimately is up to her. You can't fix her suffering or "snap her out of it." It's good you're there for her as a friend to talk to. That's the most meaningful thing you can do for her and be for her.

 

Good luck, Lilith. I know you care for her and your outrage at those who let her down shows me how loving and concerned you are for her well being. My heart goes out to both of you.

Thank you so much, RaLeah. The problem is she can't promise not to kill herself, because this time she blacked out. She didn't realize what she was doing.

[TheSpiritualPilgrim]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. With her mental illness she needs to be on medication. Money should not be an issue as there are multiple month supplies of generic antidepressants available for $4-$40 without insurance. I hope she gets the help she needs and the proper medical attention.

[RaLeah]

 

Thank you so much, RaLeah. The problem is she can't promise not to kill herself, because this time she blacked out. She didn't realize what she was doing.

 

 

That may be true, or she might be suffering from post-traumatic amnesia of the event afterwards. 

 

But the subconscious mind is very powerful. If she could get to a place in her conscious mind and decide that no problem is ever so big that harming or killing herself would be a good or acceptable response to it, her subconscious actions might not be so severe in the future. 

 

Mostly though, I'm just very sorry she's going through such a rough time right now, and I'm glad you can be a friend to her, even long-distance. Friendships do help, positive conversations help, and hopefully she can survive the tough time she's going through now and have a happier, safer future. It IS a good thing they caught her in time, and at least going forward, the mental treatment facility will know to keep a closer eye on her and hopefully not be so quick to discharge her until it truly is safe for them to do so. 

 

I'm really concerned about her not getting the medication she needs though -- does she not have adequate health insurance? Is there any way she can qualify for some medical financial assistance? 

[Lilith666]

I'm really concerned about her not getting the medication she needs though -- does she not have adequate health insurance? Is there any way she can qualify for some medical financial assistance?

I don't know. I feel awkward asking questions about her financial state, but I do know her family doesn't have much money. I wonder if for whatever reason the health insurance won't cover the cost. They must have some kind of coverage because she's been to the hospital so many times.

[kolaida]

Very sorry to hear about this.  And, surely, she must have some kind of coverage or medical plan? It sounds like she definitely needs some kind of medication.  It sounds like she definitely needed more than a week stay. 

[Thonord]

One of my good friends had been in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks because she has depression and has attempted suicide several times. 

I'm told that most atempted suicides are cries for help.

Do you think your friend actually wants help?

[Lilith666]

 

 

One of my good friends had been in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks because she has depression and has attempted suicide several times.

I'm told that most atempted suicides are cries for help.

Do you think your friend actually wants help?

Why wouldn't she?

[Jesususedpeyote]

That's some shit. I feel I understand it a little better, as I've been there (psych ward) 4 times for the same type of issues. She needs medication, and I know some will probably not agree with me. There's only so much one can do. Hopefully she doesn't use drugs or alcohol, as alcohol took me to the furthest depths of hell. I don't see how they couldn't have given her SOMETHING. Yes, medications can be extremely expensive. One of my pills cost $600/month. Medicare is the only reason I have it. There are so many variations and substitutions for medicine, that I find it rather irresponsible of them to not put her on something.

 

Suicidal feelings are not something that will go away easily. I still struggle with my major depression every day, but it does get easier. Does she say WHY she feels the way she does? There is always an underlying issue, that should be at least addressed. And not all suicide attempts are cries for help. Some of us just can't stand the pain of living another day. Another day is another eternity, and death is too kind for us.