Guest JordanRiver Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 What would make me psycho was if I actually sought your advice on the psyche. You are a moderator correct? No MD. Again, thanks for your concern. I know Jesus is not with me here on earth, but by faith I receive Him. And oneday I will see my wonderful Husband face to face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I know Jesus is not with me here on earth, but by faith I receive Him. And one day I will see my wonderful Husband face to face Alas, that's not how it works, JR. There's no evidence for life after death, although the atoms that currently make up your body will carry on. Get your celestial nookie while you can, (or better still, get the real deal from a real person). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JordanRiver Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Celestial nookie....lol! Hilarious. I prefer Jesus over human men. Jesus always knows how to please He created this whole love/sex business. I'm sticking with Jesus...He's a million times better. Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JordanRiver Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I think I might be what the Bible calls a eunuch? I believe that's what I am. Made by God for His purpose. I've always been marching to my own beat. Always been a little eccentric etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I think I might be what the Bible calls a eunuch? I believe that's what I am. Really? If you are serious then I am so sorry for your loss. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JordanRiver Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 There are female and male Eunuchs. Some whole, some not whole. Some born, some made so by the Lord. I am not sure that I fit the traditional definition well, but I know that I am set aside for His special purpose for me. One time, many years ago, I was reading the Bible and came across the verse that discusses Eunuchs, and the Lord whispered into my heart that I am one. Some are born, some are made by God for Him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 There are female and male Eunuchs. Some whole, some not whole. Some born, some made so by the Lord. I am not sure that I fit the traditional definition well, but I know that I am set aside for His special purpose for me. Are you saying that you are transgendered, injured or what? If this is some kind of game then it's annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duderonomy Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I'm still waiting for an answer from JordanRiver about the Adult Only Jesus, and why can't the kids be allowed to see this or read about this (according to his/her link). I've been here since July of this year but just started to post recently. I have roamed these streets here and I have noticed that that is sort of some strategy that you non-Chrisitans use here on Christians. That we are mentally ill etc. Weak stance if you ask me. You will have to do better. I'm sure that your stance is fine and your mind is strong. It's you that will have to do better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I'm still waiting for an answer from JordanRiver about the Adult Only Jesus, and why can't the kids be allowed to see this or read about this (according to his/her link). Matt 19:13-14 "Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xerces Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I totally and completely agree, he is my heavenly husband as well. I wanna shove it in his ass so hard. He really likes it in the shitter to, when he was on the cross he thought about us doing the nasty and his clothes came off on the cross, example: Did I mention I'm over 2000 years old and it is because I, Xerces, sucked Jesuses dick on that special day? His holy cum is what keeps me preserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted September 24, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2013 So how do you guys fuck? Do you have any functional sex organs? Do you imagine Jesus using your own fingers, cucumbers or whatever to masturbate yourself with? Does Jesus take the male role or do you? Do you think you'll have even more sex after you are dead as He is? Are you a virgin other than in your fantasies? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist about this? You brought it up; inquiring minds want to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 You brought it up; inquiring minds want to know. No, not really. He/she/it is wanking for jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 : It looks like Jesus can love at least nine inches deep. Maybe ten. How deeply does Jesus love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Jordan needs either some new material or serious help. This joke is wearing thin. Are the lions sleeping? This is not a joke. It's real. Yes we joke in here because most people are in shock about the way I choose to live my life, but when the lights go down, and all is said and done, I am not joking. Less shock and more boredom would be apt. Fan fiction isn't really new. It's about as interesting as someone posting their masturbation habits in detail. No one really wants to hear it or really cares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 So is Jesus bisexual or omnisexual? I kind of figured he would be. Jesus could love up an entire stadium without slowing down. On the other hand, God the Father must not be the slightest bit strait. He only banged a gal once (an experiment?) and thousands of years later he still isn't the least bit interested in women. Now Zeus is a strait god. When Zeus was in his prime he would get women pregnant left and right. Even to this day it still drives poor Hera jealous. And does he do anal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 So how do you guys fuck? Do you have any functional sex organs? Do you imagine Jesus using your own fingers, cucumbers or whatever to masturbate yourself with? Does Jesus take the male role or do you? Do you think you'll have even more sex after you are dead as He is? Are you a virgin other than in your fantasies? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist about this? You brought it up; inquiring minds want to know. Entirely reasonable questions, Florduh. To which I'll add one of my own. . . . So is the resurrected Jesus cut or uncut, Jordan? . . . We know from Luke 2:21 that he was cut, in the approved Jewish manner, according to the law of Moses. But we also know that the this law ceased to apply when he died on the cross. Therefore, his resurrection took place in the post-Mosaic era. You'd think therefore, that if he were raised from the dead with his foreskin still missing, this would hark back to a practice and a time that his death bought to a close, right? So, by this line of argument - he should have regrown it. Did he, Jordan? Thanks, BAA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted September 24, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2013 Hmmm. Hadn't considered that, BAA. Is He now magically uncut? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 When the corps of a lich is reanimated it continues to bear the scars from wounds inflicted during life. That is why Jesus still has a hole in his side, a hole in each limb and the Holy Foreskin is still detached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Thank you all for the comedic relief. This thread is fabulous. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagainathiest Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Hmmm. Hadn't considered that, BAA. Is He now magically uncut? Nope. MyMistake's found the truth of it. I bow to his logic on this one. . . . But maybe Jordan should prepare herself for a surprise? After Judgement Day, that is. Revelation 1: 13, KJV. 13 And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the... paps ...with a golden girdle. . . . [in olde English, paps are the female breasts] You can check out the Koine (New Testament Greek) here... http://www.scripture4all.org/OnlineInterlinear/Greek_Index.htm Just click on Revelation 1 and scroll down to verse 13. There you'll read... kai (and) periezosmenon (girded about with) pros (at) tois (the) mastois (breasts) zonen (a belt) chrysan (golden) So, it looks like the apostle John saw the risen Jesus supporting his boobies with a golden C-cup. . . . That thought get you you at all wet, Jordan? A bit of divine girl-girl(man) action? How about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted September 24, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2013 Entertaining thread....now I'm gonna go check out the Sluts for Jesus thread BO just posted. Maybe Jordan's been posting there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted September 24, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2013 I thought I'd seen some heavenly paps in my life, but apparently I was wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted September 24, 2013 Moderator Share Posted September 24, 2013 I've been following this story..... .....it's like that '50 shades of gray' everyone tells me to read... I don't need it when I belong to Ex c! No need to go to porn sites when you have these kinds of stories!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 I've been following this story..... .....it's like that '50 shades of gray' everyone tells me to read... I don't need it when I belong to Ex c! No need to go to porn sites when you have these kinds of stories!!! This site is kinda like a porn site for xians; reading our blasphemy is naughty and an adrenaline rush, followed by much guilt and prayer. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 Forgoing real human contact for a 'relationship' with a fictional, or even non-corporeal being is a pretty clear symptom of a schizoid personality disorder. another clue would be eccentricity and bizarre ideation... and yes psychology was one of my majors. amusing in a debauched, creepy and disturbing sort of way.. hey, at least the altar boys and youth groups are safe from this one. I stand with Florduh, help should be sought - a better life awaits! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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