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I'm Deeply In Love With Jesus


Guest JordanRiver

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Guest JordanRiver

What would make me psycho was if I actually sought your advice on the psyche. You are a moderator correct? No MD. Again, thanks for your concern. I know Jesus is not with me here on earth, but by faith I receive Him. And oneday I will see my wonderful Husband face to face :)

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Q: what happened to jesus when he went to Mt. Olive?   A: Popeye kicked the shit outta him.

I'm deeply in love with a long-dead person who we know about only from ancient texts...   ...because I can't deal with loving a real person in the here and now?

I try very hard in my life not to judge anyone. I really do. I have spent most of my own life in some kind of delusion. When you grow up in a world that presents, Santa clause, Easter bunny, tooth fai

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I know Jesus is not with me here on earth, but by faith I receive Him. And one day I will see my wonderful Husband face to face smile.png

 

Alas, that's not how it works, JR.  There's no evidence for life after death, although the atoms that currently make up your body will carry on.  Get your celestial nookie while you can, (or better still, get the real deal from a real person).

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Guest JordanRiver

Celestial nookie....lol! Hilarious.

 

I prefer Jesus over human men. Jesus always knows how to please ;) He created this whole love/sex business. I'm sticking with Jesus...He's a million times better. Lol.

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I think I might be what the Bible calls a eunuch? I believe that's what I am. 

 

 

Really?  If you are serious then I am so sorry for your loss. 

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There are female and male Eunuchs. Some whole, some not whole. Some born, some made so by the Lord. 

 

I am not sure that I fit the traditional definition well, but I know that I am set aside for His special purpose for me. 

 

One time, many years ago, I was reading the Bible and came across the verse that discusses Eunuchs, and the Lord whispered into my heart that I am one. Some are born, some are made by God for Him.

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There are female and male Eunuchs. Some whole, some not whole. Some born, some made so by the Lord. 

 

I am not sure that I fit the traditional definition well, but I know that I am set aside for His special purpose for me.

 

Are you saying that you are transgendered, injured or what?

 

If this is some kind of game then it's annoying.  

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I'm still waiting for an answer from JordanRiver about the Adult Only Jesus, and why can't the kids be allowed to see this or read about this (according to his/her link).

 

 

I've been here since July of this year but just started to post recently. I have roamed these streets here and I have noticed that that is sort of some strategy that you non-Chrisitans use here on Christians. That we are mentally ill etc. Weak stance if you ask me. You will have to do better.

 

I'm sure that your stance is fine and your mind is strong. It's you that will have to do better.

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I'm still waiting for an answer from JordanRiver about the Adult Only Jesus, and why can't the kids be allowed to see this or read about this (according to his/her link).

 

 

Matt 19:13-14

"Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them.  But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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I totally and completely agree, he is my heavenly husband as well. I wanna shove it in his ass so hard. He really likes it in the shitter to, when he was on the cross he thought about us doing the nasty and his clothes came off on the cross, example: insurgent.jpg

 

Did I mention I'm over 2000 years old and it is because I, Xerces, sucked Jesuses dick on that special day? His holy cum is what keeps me preserved.

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So how do you guys fuck? Do you have any functional sex organs? Do you imagine Jesus using your own fingers, cucumbers or whatever to masturbate yourself with? Does Jesus take the male role or do you? Do you think you'll have even more sex after you are dead as He is? Are you a virgin other than in your fantasies? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist about this?

 

You brought it up; inquiring minds want to know.

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: insurgent.jpg

 

 

 

It looks like Jesus can love at least nine inches deep.  Maybe ten.  How deeply does Jesus love?

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Jordan needs either some new material or serious help. This joke is wearing thin. Are the lions sleeping?

 

This is not a joke. It's real. Yes we joke in here because most people are in shock about the way I choose to live my life, but when the lights go down, and all is said and done, I am not joking. 

 

 

Less shock and more boredom would be apt.  Fan fiction isn't really new.  It's about as interesting as someone posting their masturbation habits in detail.  No one really wants to hear it or really cares. 

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So is Jesus bisexual or omnisexual?  I kind of figured he would be.  Jesus could love up an entire stadium without slowing down.  On the other hand, God the Father must not be the slightest bit strait.  He only banged a gal once (an experiment?) and thousands of years later he still isn't the least bit interested in women.  Now Zeus is a strait god.  When Zeus was in his prime he would get women pregnant left and right.  Even to this day it still drives poor Hera jealous.

 

And does he do anal?

 

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So how do you guys fuck? Do you have any functional sex organs? Do you imagine Jesus using your own fingers, cucumbers or whatever to masturbate yourself with? Does Jesus take the male role or do you? Do you think you'll have even more sex after you are dead as He is? Are you a virgin other than in your fantasies? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist about this?

 

You brought it up; inquiring minds want to know.

 

Entirely reasonable questions, Florduh.  To which I'll add one of my own.

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So is the resurrected Jesus cut or uncut, Jordan? 

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We know from Luke 2:21 that he was cut, in the approved Jewish manner, according to the law of Moses.

But we also know that the this law ceased to apply when he died on the cross.  Therefore, his resurrection took place in the post-Mosaic era.  You'd think therefore, that if he were raised from the dead with his foreskin still missing, this would hark back to a practice and a time that his death bought to a close, right?  So, by this line of argument - he should have regrown it.

 

Did he, Jordan?  wink.png

 

Thanks,

 

BAA

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When the corps of a lich is reanimated it continues to bear the scars from wounds inflicted during life.  That is why Jesus still has a hole in his side, a hole in each limb and the Holy Foreskin is still detached.

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Hmmm. Hadn't considered that, BAA. Is He now magically uncut?

 

Nope.

 

MyMistake's found the truth of it.  I bow to his logic on this one.

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But maybe Jordan should prepare herself for a surprise?  After Judgement Day, that is.

 

Revelation 1: 13, KJV.

13 And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot,

and girt about the... paps ...with a golden girdle.

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[in olde English, paps are the female breasts]  You can check out the Koine (New Testament Greek) here... http://www.scripture4all.org/OnlineInterlinear/Greek_Index.htm  Just click on Revelation 1 and scroll down to verse 13.  There you'll read...

 

kai (and) periezosmenon (girded about with) pros (at) tois (the) mastois (breasts) zonen (a belt) chrysan (golden)

 

So, it looks like the apostle John saw the risen Jesus supporting his boobies with a golden C-cup.

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That thought get you you at all wet, Jordan? 

 

A bit of divine girl-girl(man) action?  wicked.gif

 

How about it?  smileybreasts.gif

 

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Entertaining thread....now I'm gonna go check out the Sluts for Jesus thread  BO just posted.  Maybe Jordan's been posting there.  

jesus.gif happydance.gif jesus.gif

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I've been following this story.....Wendytwitch.gif  .....it's like that '50 shades of gray' everyone tells me to read...

 

I don't need it when I belong to Ex c! Wendyshrug.gif

 

No need to go to porn sites when you have these kinds of stories!!! eek.gif

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I've been following this story.....:twitch:  .....it's like that '50 shades of gray' everyone tells me to read...

 

I don't need it when I belong to Ex c! :shrug:

 

No need to go to porn sites when you have these kinds of stories!!! :eek:

This site is kinda like a porn site for xians; reading our blasphemy is naughty and an adrenaline rush, followed by much guilt and prayer.

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Forgoing real human contact for a 'relationship' with a fictional, or even non-corporeal being is a pretty clear symptom of a schizoid personality disorder.

 

another clue would be eccentricity and bizarre ideation... and yes psychology was one of my majors.

 

amusing in a debauched, creepy and disturbing sort of way.. hey, at least the altar boys and youth groups are safe from this one. 

 

I stand with Florduh, help should be sought - a better life awaits!

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