CDFree Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? That was the deal breaker for me, I just can't believe it, but it saddens me that I won't see people ever again 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted September 22, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2013 To be consistent with that belief, you wouldn't be aware of missing anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I never really thought about it even as a Christian. The Bible doesn't say we'll know our relatives in Heaven, does it? It just says we'll sit around and sing to god all day. I miss the people I've lost, but for whatever reason, I never thought about seeing them again in Heaven, so I can't say that it's something I had to give up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogueScholar Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 It is sad. Mortality was something that I had to face during my deconversion. It was depressing and painful to face that reality. However, it also makes life more precious and meaningful because our existence is so limited. Go out, live, love and make wonderful and meaningful memories with the ones you care about. These precious experiences are more important than you have ever thought. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I will never meet my mum. I have "pure unspoiled" memories of what she would have been like and what our relationship would have been like. I feel like if I died and found myself in heaven and there was mum, I wouldn't know her because I've idealized her to perfection. I've grieved a lot for her, grieved for what could have/should have been but never was. If mum were to appear to me now like a ghost I'd loose it. I'd loose it with grief because my mind has worked hard to close her out of my life since she died. If I'd meet her today all I could feel is the pain of all the years of my life that she couldn't be there. You know it would be like having something that I was denied all my life suddenly thrown in my face "Rachel *this* is what you missed out on. This is what life could have been". And I'd be crushed. So I've just gotten used to cherishing what time I do have with my loved ones and knowing it won't go on forever. I am a spiritual type person I often envision myself going to some paradise place after I die. But every time I imagine that or dream about it, I always see myself with a new crowd of people. I don't see my bio family there or my adoptive family. I certainly don't see bible characters there. Just friends. I just never had that typical Christian vision of heaven where we go fishing with grandpa and Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pratt Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 am now living for the present,,,,, even with afterlife in supposedly BS book, you are supposed to worship that fucker day in day out,,,, hallelujah all day long, no night nor day,,,,, meeting your relatives? unlikely,,,,,, you will be sexless like angels,,,,,, you will not be anybody's mum, daughter or whatever, you will be bride of christ,,, see the other thread,,,,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 The Dharma says that everything is impermanent. Everything is always changing into something else, some different form, always in flux. That seems correct to me. Death is a line that does seem to cut sharply - instead of gradual change there is suddenly a permanent and irrevocable change. Change, but not complete disintegration; impermanence, but not destruction. That is my view as well and I accept the idea of reincarnation as the most likely theory. After death you won't be the same as you are (you really aren't the same as you were yesterday, either) and neither will anyone else. I'm not happy or sad about it, to me it is just how things work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? That was the deal breaker for me, I just can't believe it, but it saddens me that I won't see people ever again The ones that have gone before live in my memory. No need yet to mourn the ones still with me. When I die, all my mourning and missing loved ones will die with me. All that, plus that's just the way it is. The greatest part of honesty is accepting reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? What are loved ones? Do we have hated ones? Every one is the same. They are all versions of you. This creepy pasta sums it up pretty well for me: An Egg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 There will never be a time after our death when we can't be with our loved ones because we won't "be" at ll. Instead, we need to make full use of ability to see and love them in this life. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted September 22, 2013 Moderator Share Posted September 22, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? That was the deal breaker for me, I just can't believe it, but it saddens me that I won't see people ever again CD, this was my cry also when I joined Ex. I Often said that I've had to grieve them twice. It was part of the painful deconversion that I went through. Today, I can still talk to them in my head. I can always hear my dad's logical voice saying,''Smartin' up' or mom saying, ''it's going to be alright''....just like when I was growing up. I have them all stored in my memory now and I take them wherever I go. They will...as long as I live...be with me in a different way. But it was very hard for me to get to this point. I did a lot of crying. *Hug* for you as you accept some of the realities of life. There is always a piece of me and always will be that maybe, just maybe..I will get to see them all, in some kind of spirit world.... I'll take that thought to my grave with me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? That was the deal breaker for me, I just can't believe it, but it saddens me that I won't see people ever again I grew up an agnostic. Never thought I'd be seeing them again, anyway. I also have the ability to grieve and then let go. Sure I miss loved ones now and then while I am here on earth. But the thought doesn't consume me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 The realization there is no afterlife is far more comforting than worrying about making the cut at a final judgment. No afterlife means there is no heaven but it also means there is no hell. Death is simply going to sleep and never waking up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquareOne Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I am perhaps fortunate that nobody close to me died before I deconverted. So I did not have to go through that double grief. For me, now, the challenge is rethinking the way that I interact with my family, particularly my grandparents. Now that I know that I will not see them once they are dead, it puts an onus on me to make sure I spend time with them while they are alive, so that I do not later have regrets. Likewise, I want to make sure that they feel like they have not been ignored in their older age, and so lose the value of their later years. I think, the fact of our own mortality means we should think more about the way we interact with the younger generations. I'm only 24, I don't have children. But I think when I do, I'll want to make sure that I leave behind a good impression of myself on my children and grandchildren, and hopefully pass on to them a portion of my thinking, a portion of my world-view, even if they do not embrace it as their own. In this way, in genes and memory I may live on vicariously through them. It's our only chance of immortality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 How do you handle the fact that you will never see loved ones again? That was the deal breaker for me, I just can't believe it, but it saddens me that I won't see people ever again I grew up an agnostic. Never thought I'd be seeing them again, anyway. I also have the ability to grieve and then let go. Sure I miss loved ones now and then while I am here on earth. But the thought doesn't consume me. This is healthy. This is the healthiest way overall. We are meant to grieve and let go move on and live again. We live for their memory and hopefully with added vigor to make their death worth something in your life. To endlessly grieve like I have seen some do im my opinion is a travesty of the memory of those past. Let them live in you and through you in that their influence on your life while alive helped shape your journey and the journey as much as we can with others was shared. We are all islands in the end. We come into this world alone and we go out alone no matter who stands at our side. Birth and death are singular experiences meant only for the person experiencing it at the time at that level. Others may witness it but it is the thing the one thing we get to ourselves. I try and live each day remembering those that have gone before me and attempt to make the world a better place for those that will come after me. a life well spent is one that brings a smile and happiness to the hearts of those they leave behind, and a joy that coexists with the pain of loss that makes it all worth our time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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