Kids In An Atheist-Christian Home

[mymistake]

Okay I grew up in a strong fundie environment.  My high and middle school education were private Christian.  I really believed that stuff with all my heart at the time.  But even I could see that not everyone there believed it.  I though of them as fake Christians, wolves in sheep clothing and so on but I knew they were there.  I myself had almost ended up as one of them because I had a brief moment when my faith left me as a child.  I don't know if I was 8 or 10 but I reached the age where reasoning skills develop in the brain and I was an atheist until my parent sent me off to indoctrination camp.  The thing to take away from all this is that many kids deconvert on their own with no outside help at all.  Around a certain age they question their childhood world view and realize Santa, the Easter Bunny and Jesus are not real.

 

My son is around that age right now.  My daughter has a ways to go.  My wife wants them indoctrinated into the religion she was brought up with - it's a tradition.  And what is an atheist to do?  Well my first step was to slowly get them away from church without getting caught.  So I was a very subtle influence.  When it came to words I alway overtly supported going to church but I found actions that would make going to church harder.  Without the brainwashing of a pastor or priest much of the harmful nature of Christianity doesn't reach my family.  But you have to move very slowly because you don't want to get caught undermining.

 

Step two was prayer time.  Kids naturally like to peek during prayer.  Instead of closing my eyes I watch my kids for the moment when they peek.  And sure enough they do.  Now when they do they want to be goofy and distract the Christians.  I use body language to convey that they must be respectful and quiet during prayer time.  Sometimes I will remind them of this with words afterwards.  To the Christians who see me doing this it looks good to them - good spiritual leader and all that.  But what they don't realize is that my kids peaking for the first time and seeing that I am already watching them instead of praying conveys a deeper meaning to the kids.  "It's an empty ritual"  I won't say that part out loud.  

 

Step three is to teach logic as soon as the kids can handle it.  My daughter is still too young but with my son I have done this for years.  I will make it a game.  I tell my son something that cannot be true (Like I make it rain or I have magic powers) and then I challenge my son to prove me wrong.  During the game I use the standard Christian apologetics tactics but since the topic isn't religion nobody will catch me at it.  I drill him over and over and he loves proving my nonsense apologetics are wrong.  I'm training his B.S. detector.

 

Step four is to teach basic science.  I want my son to understand what the scientific method is, what makes it work.  I fill him in on basic information on how the world works and how it got to be there.  Knowledge is a wonderful thing.  Those who are not good with science can show Bill Nye clips from youtube or CD.  Kids are thirsty for why.  Christianity is going to fill their brain with silly myths for why and how the world got here.  Give them an alternative answer that makes sense.

 

Young kids will reach the age when they question their Christian world view.  In my opinion you cannot make them believe something or not believe something.  But we can support them and protect them from Christians would would like to swoop in and indoctrinate them.  So the last part of my plan (which I have not had the chance to implement yet) is to stand up for the kid if they vocalize doubt or declare unbelief.  It's good to support your kids whatever they do.  But I know some of my family would pounce if my son were to publicly reject their religion.  So I am preparing mentally for the time when I will go to bat for him no matter what the cost.

 

If anybody else is in a similar position I welcome you to share your thoughts:

[Endemoniada]

This sounds pretty cool. I hope it works out for you. And if it doesn't work the way you hope and they end up Christians anyway, they'll at least be able to use their brains.

[RenaissanceWoman]

I recommend the book, "Parenting Beyond Belief." It is full of tiny little segments (by scholars, comedians, ex-preachers, all sorts of folks) that are easy to browse when you have a few minutes here and there. I actually found it at my public library here in a conservative little Bible-belt town. You may find a few pages that would interest your wife, and start a little conversation. You will know those when you see them.

[Storm]

Being a new parent, this is something that I am really starting to think about. Even though my daughter is only 8 months old, I know that I am going to be competing for her mind against my wife and her family and my family as well. Although none of them are overtly trained in apologetics and most of them aren't full tilt, dedicated Christians, I think they are the most dangerous. People who only believe "just because" are the worst to try to reason with. That is going to make the task of teaching my daughter the truth more difficult. They will teach her that God is the reason for everything and he makes the world go round. I am thinking of teaching my daughter the law of fives. I love discordianism and how it plays with religion and is subtle and yet profound at the same time. I don't want to compete with the stupid answers to questions like "why is the sky blue? cuz god made it that way" I will teach her the truth. I don't think that will cause too much trouble. But I am a bit concerned because, no matter what I teach her, she will still be confronted with christianity.

[TrueFreedom]

I've always tried to spend time with my kids doing things that they enjoy.  I have a strong relationship with each of them.  As far as teaching them that religion is wrong, I didn't have to be very intentional.  They figure out what was up pretty quick after we stopped attending church.  My wife, on the other hand--slow and methodical won the race.

[Storm]

 

Being a new parent, this is something that I am really starting to think about. Even though my daughter is only 8 months old, I know that I am going to be competing for her mind against my wife and her family and my family as well. Although none of them are overtly trained in apologetics and most of them aren't full tilt, dedicated Christians, I think they are the most dangerous. People who only believe "just because" are the worst to try to reason with. That is going to make the task of teaching my daughter the truth more difficult. They will teach her that God is the reason for everything and he makes the world go round. I am thinking of teaching my daughter the law of fives. I love discordianism and how it plays with religion and is subtle and yet profound at the same time. I don't want to compete with the stupid answers to questions like "why is the sky blue? cuz god made it that way" I will teach her the truth. I don't think that will cause too much trouble. But I am a bit concerned because, no matter what I teach her, she will still be confronted with christianity.

 

 I just looked up discordianism. The Wiki article is hilarious. Would you recommend a site?

 

I haven't visited a specific site. I did the wiki thing and I looked up a few of the references they use in the article. Just good stuff.

[Aggie]

It's tough-- I have a "split home" too.  I try to remind myself of the best of the ideals in traditional Christianity (kindness, compassion, honesty, etc) so I don't exaggerate its very real flaws.  I also encourage them to ask questions, pose questions to them, and mention its shortcomings and absurdities (lack of existential honesty, cruelty and hypocrisy of God in Scripture, discordant theological and moral ideals, errors in Scripture, myths treated as history, conjecture treated as certainty, etc)-- and hope for the best.  They've been reading a lot of myths from other cultures too which I think helps.  

I'm trying to let go of my emotional attachment to Christianity too so that they can see that taking its threats and claims too seriously is more than it deserves.  It is hard to do that though...

I have one relative who has tried to give hell guilt trips-- which piss me off frankly.  I hate the emotional manipulation--esp of children.  I'm trying to teach them to recognize that as well.  Whether in the religious realm or not, it's an all-too-frequent problem of course...

[kolaida]

One of the smartest and most open people I ever met was a girl (woman, I guess, a few years older than me) who had been raised by an atheist father and a Catholic mother. She said they were both very open, nothing was forced.  She was really smart and very successful, I didn't realize how much at the time since I was still a teenager and very naive and faith-minded (or close minded).  Well, I don't have kids, so that's all I can offer up. Wish I could say more.  

[Guest MadameX]

We're raising two kids and we are both atheist, but my family is very Christian (Catholic and Evangelical). It's actually very interesting for them to be exposed to the Christian wacky attempts at persuasion - makes for some good conversations. However, they do not see them very often so that is not the concern as much as my kids' peers. We are in a liberal and educated enclave but we are located at the edge of the Bible Belt. They have been and will continue to be pursued by various fundies and their groups, which will employ every kind of lure and come-on.

 

As far as your family situation, parents have great influence, of course. But beware of the peer group. Extremely influential as your kids become teens.

[new2me]

I did not read Parenting Beyond Belief, but I did read Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide to Parenting Beyond Belief.  I recommend it highly.  It gives a lot of reading resources (both for parents and for kids) that help develop critical thinking skills.  (You can get these on the PBB website without reading the book, too.)  One of the biggest things I took away from that book is that it is good to try not to always answer all of their questions, but instead, help them work through the logical steps to reach a conclusion.  Or, even say "I don't know, let's find out together!"  It is kind of a relief not to feel like I have to know everything or be the kids' encyclopedia.

 

I've started responding to some of my oldest son's questions with "What do you think?" or asking key questions about what he has inquired about to cause him to think about it more deeply.  I also do some of the thinks you (mymistake) mentioned in terms of telling the kids that I am magic or that there are magical things out there in the world so that they can refute it.  Mostly that's because I'm just silly, but I do hope to use this method to cause them to question magical answers provided by religion.

 

My husband is kind of an agnostic and does believe in science and evolution, so he doesn't stand in the way of teaching the kids about reality.  He does have this vague idea of "something out there" that takes care of you during life and provides a happy eternity after death that I don't agree with but isn't actually harmful.  I suppose if my kids were no more religious than that when they grow up, I'd be okay with it.