chrisstavrous Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'd like to start a thread devoted to all the loopy reasoning christians use in there arguments for god the bible and everything in-between. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisstavrous Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible account of creation is true because it sounds like it. (No shit a christian said that to me) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I wouldn't want to live in a world where God wasn't real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible must be the inspired word of god; otherwise, how could it have survived this long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fernweh Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 There are no contradiction in the bible so it must be gods word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 We don't know what caused the big bang. So that proves god did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 C.S. Lewis wrote ______. Therefore it must be true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HymenaeusAlexander Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The one I like to call "the imperative teleological argument" or "the layman's argument from design": Look at the trees! Pastor's wife used that one on my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 If The Flood didn't happen, then how do you explain the Grand Canyon? People speak different languages, which proves The Tower of Babel is true. Even (insert name of important person) believed in god (implicit yahweh). If evolution is true, then how do you explain three types of honeybee in one hive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 See how the banana fits perfectly in my hand, therefore... The human eye is so complex, therefore... Evolution doesn't explain how life began, therefore... People have died for Christianity, therefore... Derp derp wallow wallow, therefore... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The whole "god as loving shepherd" analogy. I'm a dog person, so christians commonly customize this analogy for me, each time thinking they're being extremely clever and original. The dialog goes like this. Babbling idiot christian: "You're a dog owner. I know you love your dogs. You feed them and care for them. If one of them gets sick, you take it to the vet. If one of them gets lost, you'll search for it for days. Now, if you do all that from ordinary human love, just think how much more god loves and cares for you!" Me: "If I stuck my dogs in the backyard, left them to fend for themselves, never even let them see me, hear the sound of my voice, or feel a kind touch of my hand, and let them live and die in agony -- as god does with his supposed favorites -- I'd be *&^%%$! arrested for animal abuse!" BIC: "Oh." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 If you don't believe like I do, then you're closed-minded. Be careful of the whole "Good Shepherd" thing. As a man who has raised many sheep, I can tell you, a shepherd is only interested in keeping sheep alive until they can be delivered to slaughter. What's jesus' interest? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible must be the inspired word of god; otherwise, how could it have survived this long? Oy. Yeah, that one. But I do love the look on their faces when I ask if therefore the Epic of Gilgamesh is also true. Or how about the Enuma Elish? Or the Bhagavad Gita? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HymenaeusAlexander Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I’m sure we’ve all either seen or used this epic question-begging before: "The Bible is the most amazing book ever! 66 books, written by 40+ authors from all different backgrounds, spanning over 1,500 years, written in 3 different languages and on 3 separate continents with no errors or contradictions and literally hundreds of fulfilled prophecies and it has one uniform message." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible must be the inspired word of god; otherwise, how could it have survived this long? Oy. Yeah, that one. But I do love the look on their faces when I ask if therefore the Epic of Gilgamesh is also true. Or how about the Enuma Elish? Or the Bhagavad Gita? The Devil allowed them to survive in order to deceive god's elect. That's just simple logic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible contains (anywhere from 2,000 to 6,000 depending on who you listen to) promises of god and every single one of them is true (never mind not a single one ever came true for me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaitingInfinity Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Science is fallible since it is a human interpretation of the world. God decides objective morality. There are stories on women being heroes in the Bible like Deborah and Esther, which shows that the Bible was progressive for its time and not influenced by its male authors. Christian: The Bible says: "Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin." Leviticus 18:22 Me: But it also says just a chapter later: "Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee." Leviticus 19:19. So you can't wear clothes of mixed fibers and yet, you are. Christian: Well, those are the OLD Law's sayings. When Jesus came, he overturned the old ways so that they are no longer binding on us. Now we have a NEW Law in our covenant with Jesus. Me: *facepalm* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HymenaeusAlexander Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible contains (anywhere from 2,000 to 6,000 depending on who you listen to) promises of god and every single one of them is true (never mind not a single one ever came true for me). Turns out God's very first promise was bullshit that required some major ad hoc apologetics work-around: "for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die" (Gen 2:17). The entire lifetime of Adam was 930 years, and then he died. (Gen 5:5) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible contains (anywhere from 2,000 to 6,000 depending on who you listen to) promises of god and every single one of them is true (never mind not a single one ever came true for me). Turns out God's very first promise was bullshit that required some major ad hoc apologetics work-around: "for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die" (Gen 2:17). The entire lifetime of Adam was 930 years, and then he died. (Gen 5:5) A "day" with god is like a thousand years; therefore Adam did die in the same "day"; you just have to ignore the part about "the evening and the morning was the first day". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The doctor may have performed the surgery and the medical scientist may have developed the techniques that made the surgery successful, but it was god who gave both of them the intelligence to do what they did (but you shouldn't use that same intelligence to question god; you should just have faith). When are you bitches going to render unto Science what is Science's?!? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HymenaeusAlexander Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible contains (anywhere from 2,000 to 6,000 depending on who you listen to) promises of god and every single one of them is true (never mind not a single one ever came true for me). Turns out God's very first promise was bullshit that required some major ad hoc apologetics work-around: "for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die" (Gen 2:17). The entire lifetime of Adam was 930 years, and then he died. (Gen 5:5) A "day" with god is like a thousand years; therefore Adam did die in the same "day"; you just have to ignore the part about "the evening and the morning was the first day". Good thing Yahweh has such excellent legal representation that allows him to get out of these otherwise plain statements that he makes. Never enter into a contract with an Ancient Near Eastern storm god with good attorneys. I don't care if he puts it in stone, the damn thing will be practically meaningless by the time his lawyers get finished with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 The bible contains (anywhere from 2,000 to 6,000 depending on who you listen to) promises of god and every single one of them is true (never mind not a single one ever came true for me). Turns out God's very first promise was bullshit that required some major ad hoc apologetics work-around: "for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die" (Gen 2:17). The entire lifetime of Adam was 930 years, and then he died. (Gen 5:5) A "day" with god is like a thousand years; therefore Adam did die in the same "day"; you just have to ignore the part about "the evening and the morning was the first day". Good thing Yahweh has such excellent legal representation that allows him to get out of these otherwise plain statements that he makes. Never enter into a contract with an Ancient Near Eastern storm god with good attorneys. I don't care if he puts it in stone, the damn thing will be practically meaningless by the time his lawyers get finished with it. god did represent himself once, though, in the book of Job. He showed up in a whirlwind and basically said, "Don't question me, you little bastard." That was probably the one time he really should have hidden behind his legal advisers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ crazyguy123 ◊ Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 The whole "god as loving shepherd" analogy. I'm a dog person, so christians commonly customize this analogy for me, each time thinking they're being extremely clever and original. The dialog goes like this. Babbling idiot christian: "You're a dog owner. I know you love your dogs. You feed them and care for them. If one of them gets sick, you take it to the vet. If one of them gets lost, you'll search for it for days. Now, if you do all that from ordinary human love, just think how much more god loves and cares for you!" Me: "If I stuck my dogs in the backyard, left them to fend for themselves, never even let them see me, hear the sound of my voice, or feel a kind touch of my hand, and let them live and die in agony -- as god does with his supposed favorites -- I'd be *&^%%$! arrested for animal abuse!" BIC: "Oh." Your response to the BIC deserves five stars. The lost sheep analogy sort of backfires when it is so obvious that Bible god supposedly makes sure all of the sheep are lost, intentionally, so he would need to rescue them from being lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted November 20, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted November 20, 2013 If evolution is true, then why aren't there any crocaducks? Atheists can't prove that god doesn't exist. Evolution can't explain how a lump of coal becomes a blue whale (courtesy of the 7-eleven clerk from San Diego). If god didn't answer your prayer, it was because you didn't have enough faith. If god didn't answer your prayer, it was because he works in mysterious ways. If god didn't answer your prayer, it was because he is testing your faith. If god didn't answer your prayer, it was because you have hidden sin in your life. If god didn't answer your prayer, it was because (anything but that god doesn't exist to answer prayer). If god hasn't blessed you with riches, it is because you haven't given enough. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesco Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 All christian cliches It assume that the listener understand the christianity and tend to be ignorant Very annoying and meaningless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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