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Goodbye Jesus

Loopy Christian Arguments


chrisstavrous

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God remains hidden because he wants for us to seek and find him. If you seek, you will find.

 

 

Riiiiiiight.

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God remains hidden because he wants for us to seek and find him. If you seek, you will find.

 

 

Riiiiiiight.

 

Yeah, that whole "ask, seek, knock" doctrine used to really annoy me, precisely because it never worked.

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The bible is true because it says so in the bible.

 

Men of science may think they are wise; but god uses the foolish things to confound the wise (yeah, because the rest of us are intelligent enough to see it for the bovine excrement that it is).

 

The king james version of the bible is the only evidence I'll ever need.

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I have mountains of evidence that god is real

 

(Which they never do)

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The books of the Bible are about the same God.  Almost as though the writers had access to the previous material!  Therefore that God exists.

 

Hitler was an atheist.  Therefore God exists.

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Imagine how many more people we could save, how many more hungry we could feed, how many more naked we could clothe, if only we had a bigger building!  Give us money!

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It only takes faith the side of a mustard seed to move mountains (have you ever actually seen how small a mustard seed is?).

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It only takes faith the side of a mustard seed to move mountains (have you ever actually seen how small a mustard seed is?).

 

Anybody ever see any size of faith move a mountain?

 

Hm. But bulldozers, mining operations, etc. can move mountains. So Caterpillar and Komatsu are more powerful than faith in god?

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It only takes faith the side of a mustard seed to move mountains (have you ever actually seen how small a mustard seed is?).

 

Anybody ever see any size of faith move a mountain?

 

Hm. But bulldozers, mining operations, etc. can move mountains. So Caterpillar and Komatsu are more powerful than faith in god?

 

 

Exactly, enough faith to even offer a prayer is bigger than a mustard seed, which are about this size ----> o

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God remains hidden because he wants for us to seek and find him. If you seek, you will find.

 

 

Riiiiiiight.

 

Yeah, that whole "ask, seek, knock" doctrine used to really annoy me, precisely because it never worked.

 

 

And if you have to ask, seek, knock, beg, what have you in order to earn a god's love, then it's not a love that's worth having, and it doesn't sound like that god wants a relationship all that bad anyway.

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Just believe. Stop asking questions and just believe.

 

God's designs are absolutely perfect in every way. See how it's all perfectly shaped, see how these things all fit perfectly together? That's god!

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My brother said to me recently, "I can feel that God is real".   blink.png

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My brother said to me recently, "I can feel that God is real". blink.png

I felt the same thing for 30 years!!!! Then I realized that whatever I was feeling was just reality/nature/consciousness. The universe is amazing, but now I realize that a "personal god" isn't necessarily what I was feeling.

I still FEEL something, but I no longer call it god. I don't call it anything any more. It just is, whatever it is, it can't be described, so it is easy to just call it "god" and believe in whatever religion your culture identifies with.

 

Now I just call it ... "IT" as in whatever the fuck "IT" is.

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It's not a religion, it's a relationship.

 

There are no contradictions in the bible, only passages taken out of context.

 

Only a true xian can understand the bible; if you aren't a true believer, Satan will make you not understand it.

 

When we die, god will explain everything to us.

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If you believe Christianity, morals are more important than the economy, so [preventing] gay marriage is the most important issue in politics right now.

 

(Girl in my class said this not a week a go to me {I'm lesbian} and another gay guy who sit with her and are supposed to be her friends.

 

Me: OTHER people's sex lives are your biggest issue????)

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Only a true xian can understand the bible; if you aren't a true believer, Satan will make you not understand it.

 

 

So how exactly is it that anybody is ever able to convert to xianity? 

 

For fun, let's say that xianity is true.  Satan wouldn't be trying to make anybody not understand the bible.  His best tactic would be making sure that they understand it perfectly.

 

Personally, I really like hearing about the whole "perseverance of the saints" thing.  The ignorant assumptions they make about that particular bit of dogma would be funny if they didn't actually believe them.

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Without god where would people get their morals from?

 

(That's one of the most used loopy saying that christians use)

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It takes more faith to be an atheist.

 

Since sin has tainted the whole of creation, everything is contaminated--our logic, our reasoning, our sight, our abilities to be good. This is why logical arguments will never prove God's existence. Our earthly logic is flawed.

 

God is our heavenly Father. Just like an earthly father, he knows what is best for us and if we are not obedient, we will be punished. That's why hell exists. God doesn't want to send people to hell, but he has no choice if we are not obedient.

 

That person is so loving, generous, and kind. He/She must be a Christian.

 

Once you have faith, your eyes will be opened.

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The World says, "Seeing is believing"; but Faith says, "Believing is seeing".

 

Just because you don't believe in god doesn't mean he's not real (have you considered the inverse of that statement?).

 

You can't try to understand faith using logic (because it is illogical?).

 

If you really wanted to find the truth, you'd seek god and read the bible.

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My church prayed, and God healed my mother's cataracts!

 

Tim Minchin's reply (in song): 

 

Fuck me Sam, what are the odds that of history's endless parade of gods, the god that you just happen to believe in should be the actual God, and he digs on healing?

 

But not the AIDS ridden African nations, nor the victims of the Plague, nor the flood-addles Asians... but healthy privately-insured Australians with common and curable corneal degeneration.

 

This story of Sam's has but a single explanation: a surgical god who digs on magical operations.

No it couldn't be mistaken attribution of causation,

born of a coincidental temporal correlation,

exacerbated by a general lack of education,

vis-a-vis physics in Sam's parish congregation.

It couldn't be that all these pious people are liars,

it couldn't be an artefact of confirmation bias,

a product of groupthink,

a mass delusion,

an Emperor's-New-Clothes-style fear of exclusion.

 

No it's more likely to be an all-powerful magician

than the misdiagnosis of the initial condition

Or one of many cases of spontaneous remission

Or a record keeping glitch by the local physician

 

...

 

Now I understand how prayer can work: 
A particular prayer in a particular church 
In a particular style with a particular stuff 
And for particular problems that aren't particularly tough, 
And for particular people, preferably white 
And for particular senses, preferably sight 
A particular prayer in a particular spot 
To a particular version of a particular god 

And if you get that right, he just might 
Take a break from giving babies malaria 
And pop down to your local area 
To fix the cataracts of your mum!

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My church prayed, and God healed my mother's cataracts!

 

Tim Minchin's reply (in song):

 

Fuck me Sam, what are the odds that of history's endless parade of gods, the god that you just happen to believe in should be the actual God, and he digs on healing?

 

But not the AIDS ridden African nations, nor the victims of the Plague, nor the flood-addles Asians... but healthy privately-insured Australians with common and curable corneal degeneration.

 

This story of Sam's has but a single explanation: a surgical god who digs on magical operations.

No it couldn't be mistaken attribution of causation,

born of a coincidental temporal correlation,

exacerbated by a general lack of education,

vis-a-vis physics in Sam's parish congregation.

It couldn't be that all these pious people are liars,

it couldn't be an artefact of confirmation bias,

a product of groupthink,

a mass delusion,

an Emperor's-New-Clothes-style fear of exclusion.

 

No it's more likely to be an all-powerful magician

than the misdiagnosis of the initial condition

Or one of many cases of spontaneous remission

Or a record keeping glitch by the local physician

 

...

 

Now I understand how prayer can work:

A particular prayer in a particular church

In a particular style with a particular stuff

And for particular problems that aren't particularly tough,

And for particular people, preferably white

And for particular senses, preferably sight

A particular prayer in a particular spot

To a particular version of a particular god

 

And if you get that right, he just might

Take a break from giving babies malaria

And pop down to your local area

To fix the cataracts of your mum!

Has there been one person with aids that has been healed by god? I'd like to see that.
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Has there been one person with aids that has been healed by god? I'd like to see that.

 

 

Why would God heal anybody from the very thing the fundamentalist claim is God's punishment for pissing off God?

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Has there been one person with aids that has been healed by god? I'd like to see that.

 

Why would God heal anybody from the very thing the fundamentalist claim is God's punishment for pissing off God?

Because gay people are not the only ones who contract the disease.
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Has there been one person with aids that has been healed by god? I'd like to see that.

Why would God heal anybody from the very thing the fundamentalist claim is God's punishment for pissing off God?

Because gay people are not the only ones who contract the disease.

 

 

 

Well now you are giving me a realistic answer to the fundamentalist argument.  The really hateful ones who by chance have not contracted the disease will think that nobody gets it without deserving it for something.  They will think "secret sin".  Maybe that secret sin isn't homosexuality.  It could be looking at dirty pictures.  Maybe it is something else.  Religious people love to go on witch hunts, even if the exercise is just in their judgmental mind.  Maybe he went too far when he was fooling around with his girlfriend.  Maybe she didn't trust God.  They would make up anything to avoid blaming God.  One answer it can't be is that God is a jerk.  Another answer it can't be is there is no God.

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Has there been one person with aids that has been healed by god? I'd like to see that.

Why would God heal anybody from the very thing the fundamentalist claim is God's punishment for pissing off God?
Because gay people are not the only ones who contract the disease.

 

Well now you are giving me a realistic answer to the fundamentalist argument. The really hateful ones who by chance have not contracted the disease will think that nobody gets it without deserving it for something. They will think "secret sin". Maybe that secret sin isn't homosexuality. It could be looking at dirty pictures. Maybe it is something else. Religious people love to go on witch hunts, even if the exercise is just in their judgmental mind. Maybe he went too far when he was fooling around with his girlfriend. Maybe she didn't trust God. They would make up anything to avoid blaming God. One answer it can't be is that God is a jerk. Another answer it can't be is there is no God.

Ah I see why you said that now, there's just no end to the vast unmerciful thoughts christians have for humans.
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