thunderbolt Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 This isn’t exactly a testimony, just an intro of sorts: I am from California, born in Namibia and grew up in South Africa. My home language is not English, so my apology in advance for butchering the language (especially the tenses). I am just here for the chat, and who knows … I come from a place where Christianity basically fucked up my life. I would not have made the choices for my life that I did had I known what I do today. I feel cheated in some sense, but am making sense of all this insanity for myself and in my own way. As crazy as my life seems right now, I sense much more *enlightenment* and by *god* PEACE than I have ever done in my life as a self-righteous-fundamentalist-jesus-praisin-tongue-speaking-holy-ghost-brainwashed-bigoted-hypocritcal asshole. For the first time I feel I can function as human being without feeling guilt or shame. In other words, I got cured from my christian bi-polar disorder. The one that says “use your talents” but loose your life, live but count yourself dead, burden is light and carry your cross – blah blah blah. The biggest thing I am working on is not to replace one enemy for another. In other words - not juge even the judges - but I make no guarantees that I will not go off on a rant towards religion. I don’t want to have a new enemy - if you know what I mean ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 Welcome to Ex-C.net! I think you will enjoy the people here and find lots of useful information. Oh, and your English most certainly exceeds my expectations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-COG Posted December 28, 2005 Share Posted December 28, 2005 As crazy as my life seems right now, I sense much more *enlightenment* and by *god* PEACE than I have ever done in my life as a self-righteous-fundamentalist-jesus-praisin-tongue-speaking-holy-ghost-brainwashed-bigoted-hypocritcal asshole. For the first time I feel I can function as human being without feeling guilt or shame. In other words, I got cured from my christian bi-polar disorder. The one that says “use your talents” but loose your life, live but count yourself dead, burden is light and carry your cross – blah blah blah. The biggest thing I am working on is not to replace one enemy for another. In other words - not juge even the judges - but I make no guarantees that I will not go off on a rant towards religion. I don’t want to have a new enemy - if you know what I mean ... Welcome! The statement about Christianity being bi-polar is so true! It's one way they keep you in control, by confusing you. I never knew whether to claim the victory and act on it or wait meekly for God to act in my life. Caused all sorts of frustration in me, but I'm free of that now! And I agree with you; it is hard not to "replace one enemy for another". It's almost like I want to do whatever I can to disrupt this damaging belief system before too many more lives are wasted, but I tell myself that the more rabid and judgemental I am, the more that will turn people off as I will appear to be the crazy one. Yet I do want to be open about who I am...and what I am not. Balance must be the key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Welcome! Your English is better than some native speakers here, so don't worry. I hated that false humble act that Christians play, "Oh no, it is not me, but Christ living in me, I am merely his hands". A christian once told me that christians are to be like gloves, hollow and nothing of themselves inside, an empty shell, then God comes along and fills the glove up and maneuvers it around. It's hard being a puppet and at the same time having to still live life. Yeah, all that does is lead to low self-esteem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Hi Educk - I've been faithless for a good many years, so I thought I may have something to add. You refered to christian faith as "bipolar", and I think that is as good of a characterization that you will find anywhere. It's good that you have made your own way of looking at it, and that will naturally develop and change as you acquire more time and distance from it. But, however you describe it now or in the future, I think it is important that you maintain an awareness of christianity as a CYCLE of behavior. Meaning that it begins at one point, and after an illusion of progress, deposits you right back where you began : on your knees in despair. Then, another variation of illusory progress is experienced, only to end in disappointment, and on and on like that for as long as your faith holds out. You see, once we feel-as-a-fact that we are on one kind of destructive cycle or another, be it gambling or eating too many potato chips (my personal challenge), it's much easier to make clear headed decisions on these things. I think you know this already, but I want to emphasize the value of this thinking in this period of change you are going through now, as being the one specific skill that will keep you from going back to your old ways, and find new ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Yeah, all that does is lead to low self-esteem. When I was a christian, I actually heard fundies say that the concept of self-esteem was from Satan to try to get people to indulge in the sin of pride. LOL!! Really? That would have had me running the other direction. Scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 Hey all Thanks a lot - I appreicate your warm welcome! ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-COG Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Yeah, all that does is lead to low self-esteem. When I was a christian, I actually heard fundies say that the concept of self-esteem was from Satan to try to get people to indulge in the sin of pride. LOL!! Remember JOY? "Jesus first, others second, yourself last"? *shudder* No wonder I was a mess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Welcome Educk nice to have you aboard. Hey your english seems fine by me, and I admire the not replacing one enemy with another attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Charley I had such a day today , and your words was almost "prophetic" The only way I can describe it was like after being "converted" - that feeling of uncertainty. I was confronted by someone very indirectly but very definitely. Except, this time I could sit down and rationally reason through my own thinking. Thanks - much appreciated. :happy_old: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Welcome aboard educk. You'll find many good people here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Welcome to the forums! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Hello! Welcome aboard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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