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Goodbye Jesus

How To Traumatise Children...[And Why It's Okay] A Christmas Thread!


ContraBardus

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First rent two movies.

 

Second gather a group of street urchins from somewhere. Use your own, borrow a friend's, use your annoying in-laws children. Doesn't matter.

 

Make them watch part of this movie:

 

marley-and-me-202x300.jpg

 

Right up to just before the point where he stops being a Puppy.

 

Then, make them watch this:

 

marley31-446x564.JPG

 

Feel free to leave the room until it's over. No need to expose yourself to this. It serves a greater purpose.

 

FINISH HIM!

 

Put in the first movie and play through to the end. Ending effect X10 critical hit. If you use other people's children, be sure to time the end of this last step to just before the arrival of the parents when they come back to relieve you of them.

 

Congratulations, you are evil. Hail Satan.

 

This message is brought to you by, 'Christmas'. That Magical Season that reminds you to make sure that your relatives are as pleased about being with you as you are of being with them! After all, you left home for a reason and/or weren't aware that they came with the significant other or you might not have done it. It's the reason the signature beverage of the season magically goes so well with so many different kind of alcohol.

 

Remember, it's the most magical time of the year, and that fucking sucks for a rational person.

 

reason_is_always_in_season_holiday.jpg

 

Feel free to join me in bitching about dumb shit people say and do around this time of year or other things you hate about the holidays, religiously motivated or not, and perhaps what you'd like to do to those responsible for it.

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I can't see the images for the movies, what movies do you mean? This sounds nefarious >:) 

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I can't see the images for the movies, what movies do you mean? This sounds nefarious >smile.png

 

Tried some new images, see if they work better. If not, it's 'Marley and Me' and 'Marley and Me the Puppy Years'.

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santa_kneeling_at_the_nativity_poster-p2

 

This. Drives. Me. Insane.

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I can't see the images either, but I sure am interested in seeing what this "christmas magic" really is.  GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

ETA:  Haven't seen those movies but I know about the first one.

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santa_kneeling_at_the_nativity_poster-p2

 

This. Drives. Me. Insane.

One fairy tale bowing down before another fairy tale.  Let the magic begin...

 

I agree, this kind of thing is completely annoying.

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I see them now.

 

Oh man, CB, have you done this before?! lol I don't think I could ever do this, but their reactions would be the funniest/most awful thing ever; so sad it would crack me up.

 

Did you ever see the Jimmy Kimmel Halloween prank? The parents pretend they ate their kids' hard earned trick-or-treat candy and film their reactions. It's hilarious in a really devastating way. 
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOlpdd7y8MI

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a0zy.jpg

 

This. Drives. Me. Insane.

 

There, much better. Fixed! ^_^

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I see them now.

 

Oh man, CB, have you done this before?! lol I don't think I could ever do this, but their reactions would be the funniest/most awful thing ever; so sad it would crack me up.

 

Did you ever see the Jimmy Kimmel Halloween prank? The parents pretend they ate their kids' hard earned trick-or-treat candy and film their reactions. It's hilarious in a really devastating way. 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOlpdd7y8MI

 

I'm not allowed to watch my sister in law's kids anymore.

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LOL! Were you just going for "Let's watch these in chronological order" and it backfired? Or do you just really dislike the in-law kids? hahahaha

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LOL! Were you just going for "Let's watch these in chronological order" and it backfired? Or do you just really dislike the in-law kids? hahahaha

 

My main goal was to make the parents suffer. The films were convenient because they are Christmas releases and I had plausible deniability in regard to how it all ended.

 

It was much easier to get away with than say, telling the kids Santa isn't real, or explaining what would happen to the reindeer and passenger of a sleigh that is moving fast enough to visit every Christian home on the planet in one night.

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I'm not allowed to watch my sister in law's kids anymore.

 

Are you the guy who played an evolution video as payback for your SIL letting her kid wander unsupervised in your house? (OMG. Funnies story ever. Please tell me it was you.)

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I'm not allowed to watch my sister in law's kids anymore.

 

Are you the guy who played an evolution video as payback for your SIL letting her kid wander unsupervised in your house? (OMG. Funnies story ever. Please tell me it was you.)

 

 

No, but I would if given the opportunity. None of my relatives are Creationists. I think their religious beliefs are dumb, stupid, self centered, and often offensive, but that is one thing I can say for them at least.

 

On that note, here's something I posted in the Fundies on Facebook thread that is also relevant to this thread. This pisses me off to no end when I hear it or some variation of it around this time of year...

 

 

1471239_691036810917359_1087574498_n.jpg

 

O_o -_-o_O-_-O_o;<_> >_<...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

 

 

 

Seriously, there is so much wrong about this it makes my forehead veins bulge and my nostrils flare while I fantasize about strangling whoever was ignorant enough to utter it in my presence.

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