I Feel Sorry For Women Who Live With Their Boyfriends

[goldenhaze]

No need to feel sorry. Many of us don't get married, or wait to marry, because we want to. My husband and I cohabitated for several years before marriage. In fact, he wanted to get married several months before I did, while I pushed to wait until we could find stable jobs and achieve some measure of financial stability. If I could go back in time, I'd do it all over again. Living together first is a good idea because you get to know what your partner is like when he/she is not on his or her best behavior.

[xliar]

I used to know this girl. Her husband beat her up a lot. She always ignored everyone's advice. I think you're a lot like her sandiego

[moanareina]

I don't know but someone who claims to have written a book and has to let everyone know in his first post and then mention it every other post already seems suspicious to me...and having an agenda. Someone like this already lost my trust in a genuine discussion especially when it comes to faith issues...

[Xerces]

This has nothing to do with the whole sin thing.  I just feel sorry for women who live with their boyfriends.  95% of the time, these women want to get married but their boyfriends always have an excuse for not getting married.  To all of you ladies who are stuck in this predicament, a real man will dive head first into a marriage for a woman that he loves.  If you have been living with a guy for several years, then he's a turd.  Get rid of him  Why settle for someone who doesn't want to marry you?  Yes, I realize that some women actually start off just wanting to live together, but, as the years pass, very few want to stay in this situation. 

 

There is a local radio station in San Diego.  Each day, the DJ fields a call from a woman who thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her.  The DJ then calls the boyfriend, pretending that he is a local florist and informs the boyfriend that he has been randomly selected to send a dozen romantic roses to anyone he wants.  99.9% of the time, the boyfriend sends the roses to his lover or new fling, all while his girlfriend sits on the other line, silently listening in.  75% of the time these are live-in boyfriends. Ladies, the fact of the matter is that guys that don't want to get married almost always either have something going on the side, or are keeping their options open.  Why would you want this?  You're better than that.  

 

Nothing to do with the whole sin thing? Then why complain about it? Some people are perfectly fine without getting married and are happy living together. You shouldn't be so presumptuous as to what is and isn't right for other people.

[Xerces]

R r r i i i g g h h t t!  Dude, you keep serving your woman that Kool-aid to drink.   

 

You' obviously won't be convinced by anything. Lets just agree that you're a dumbass.

[Xerces]

What sticks in my craw is women who are obviously being used.   For example, I had two separate clients who each had 3 kids, but weren't married.  Yes, that is what children want to see:  Dad's too much of a weenie to commit to mom.  Kind of like Matthew McCaughney (however he spells his name):  His girl friend got pregant for the third time and he decided to marry her.  It's about time.

 

I'm all for women's rights.  Raised by a single mother who raised 6 kids on her own with no help.   Please, don't presume that everyone who is a Christian believes that all women should be Quakers.  I'm just saying that it's sad when a guy won't marry a woman.  Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but, if a guy has been living with a woman for an extended period of time, he has his eyes elsewhere.  

Sounds like you're biased because you have strong personal reasons to think everyone needs marriage.

[Margee]

Sandiego,

 

Tell us where in the Bible where it says you have to have a ceremony in front of a minister and get a license from the state please....BOOK CHAPTER VERSE!

 

I was told by an X-Pentecostal preacher that for many years, people would stand under a tree and make their own vows to each other. They did NOT require a 'minister'. The whole marriage ceremony is man made.

 

That's the way I think it should be........

[Goddamnit]

What is this white knight tomfoolery?

[slave2six]

So, I looked up this book and found that no one has reviewed it so I assume that no one has read it.

 

The author is one C.P. Fagan. If you follow the link, you discover that the contact email address is renewedfaith@idoubtbook.com. Obviously he has an agenda.

 

Here is the Table of Contents for the book:

 

1. Paralyzed with Doubt

2. It’s Hard to Believe in Fairy Tales

3. The Other God

4. What the Hell?

5. God Can’t Exist: He’d Be Chairman of the Bored

6. The Church Rapist

7. Church: Who Needs It?

8. If Einstein Couldn’t Figure It Out, How Will You?

9. Pssst . . . Has Anyone Seen God

10. Lessons from Route 66

11. Tiptoeing Through the Tombstones

12. Imperfect Scripture Bugging You?

13. I’m Too Far Gone to be Used

14. Does Death Make Sense?

15. The End of Faith

16. Fat Nuns and Priests

17. God’s Strange Ways

18. Guilty Pleasures Don’t Live Here

19. On Your Mark, Get Set, Quit

20. Jesus and High School

21. The Rapture Bogeyman

22. My Pastor Got Divorced

23. Finding Faith in a Troubled World

 

I took the hit and read some of the book. I learned that:

• This dude apparently does live in So Cal.
• He has a daughter named Hannah
• He doesn't know how to properly space between paragraphs
• His mom was born during the Depression so he is likely in his 60s+
• His dad abandoned him and his mom
• He was a poor student (his words)

Some Quotes from the Book

 

A sample of his irrefutable logic: "So why do you expect a fairy tale solution for Christianity? Why do you expect a perfect Bible, perfect answers to prayer, and perfect endings when we live in an imperfect world? The same God who brought you your children also brought you Christianity. If there is no easy, simple solution to solving the mystery of your children, why do you expect the opposite with Christianity?"

 

He thinks all anger is directed at god: "A lot of us are angry with God. But we’re not even really aware that we are actually angry with God and not a situation. We claim to be angry with our spouse, the congregants in our church, or any other person in our lives. But unknowingly we’re really angry with God."

 

And the zinger: "God has interrupted your life to make you realize that He is what matters."

 

:::Commence vomiting:::

[slave2six]

 

What sticks in my craw is women who are obviously being used.   For example, I had two separate clients who each had 3 kids, but weren't married.  Yes, that is what children want to see:  Dad's too much of a weenie to commit to mom.  Kind of like Matthew McCaughney (however he spells his name):  His girl friend got pregant for the third time and he decided to marry her.  It's about time.

 

I'm all for women's rights.  Raised by a single mother who raised 6 kids on her own with no help.   Please, don't presume that everyone who is a Christian believes that all women should be Quakers.  I'm just saying that it's sad when a guy won't marry a woman.  Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but, if a guy has been living with a woman for an extended period of time, he has his eyes elsewhere.  

Sounds like you're biased because you have strong personal reasons to think everyone needs marriage.

 

 

And his dad married his mom but still abandoned her. So, how did that marriage thing work out for them? I don't get it.

[Pantophobia]

I'll bet SD4me goes to Faith Chapel. "But they aren't as bad as other churches, they do the Living Christmas Tree every year!" 

[moanareina]

He thinks all anger is directed at god: "A lot of us are angry with God. But we’re not even really aware that we are actually angry with God and not a situation. We claim to be angry with our spouse, the congregants in our church, or any other person in our lives. But unknowingly we’re really angry with God."

 

Haha, a classic... 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

 

 

A sample of his irrefutable logic: "So why do you expect a fairy tale solution for Christianity? Why do you expect a perfect Bible, perfect answers to prayer, and perfect endings when we live in an imperfect world? The same God who brought you your children also brought you Christianity. If there is no easy, simple solution to solving the mystery of your children, why do you expect the opposite with Christianity?"

Because the god who supposedly inspired the bible and the god who supposedly hears our prayers is also supposedly perfect.

[slave2six]

Well, I emailed the dude too, asking his qualifications to write that book. His reply:

 

You wanted to know my qualifications?  I am not a pastor.  However, I am one of the top attorneys in California in my field of law.  As I am sure you know, being an attorney requires much writing.  I have parlayed my writing skills into a bookk. 

 

My qualifications for writing this book are namely that I grew up in an abusive fundamentalist church and could not find anybody who could help me ease my doubts.   I decided that, if nobody would write on the topic, then I would do so.   I tried earnestly to avoid giving pat answers to difficult situations.  Also, I exposed myself as being truly human, not somebody who has the perfect spiritual answer for every situation that I have encountered. 

 

This book is nothing like anything you have read.   It is real.  It asks questions about things that never get addressed in church, but things that people really want answers to.  This is a book for the Christian who truly hurts, but wants to find a way back home. 

 

I googled his name and came up with nothing. So, I don't know about his claim of being a top attorney.

 

When he says "This book is nothing like anything you have read," I can't tell if he's simply attempting a marketing technique or if he's sincere. Sadly, it seems to be loaded with the same tripe that I have read in other apologetics books. It is self-serving, meandering, and ultimately leads to the same idiotic conclusion of all religious nutjobs. The premise of "god" is assumed and never questioned. This, to me, is a huge mistake.

 

I am, officially, completely done with SD4M on this site. He has an agenda to "save" us or turn us back to his imaginary god. No thanks.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

:::Commence vomiting:::

 

 

Aw, come on slave2six! Now I've got vomit all over my keyboard and it's all your fault!

[RipVanWinkle]

"You wanted to know my qualifications? I am not a pastor. However, I am one of the top attorneys in California in my field of law. As I am sure you know, being an attorney requires much writing. I have parlayed my writing skills into a bookk.

 

"My qualifications for writing this book are namely that I grew up in an abusive fundamentalist church and could not find anybody who could help me ease my doubts. I decided that, if nobody would write on the topic, then I would do so. I tried earnestly to avoid giving pat answers to difficult situations. Also, I exposed myself as being truly human, not somebody who has the perfect spiritual answer for every situation that I have encountered.

 

This book is nothing like anything you have read. It is real. It asks questions about things that never get addressed in church, but things that people really want answers to. This is a book for the Christian who truly hurts, but wants to find a way back home."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're an attorney who declares himself "one of the best." Self authenticating, just like the bible.

How interesting.

 

If you were the best attorney in the world it would have no bearing on whether your posts are great

wisdom or bullshit. However I am surprised that an attorney can commit so many errors in logic as you

do. It just goes to show that to be a Christian, one must turn off his reasoning ability. bill

[midniterider]

"You wanted to know my qualifications? I am not a pastor. However, I am one of the top attorneys in California in my field of law. As I am sure you know, being an attorney requires much writing. I have parlayed my writing skills into a bookk.

 

"My qualifications for writing this book are namely that I grew up in an abusive fundamentalist church and could not find anybody who could help me ease my doubts. I decided that, if nobody would write on the topic, then I would do so. I tried earnestly to avoid giving pat answers to difficult situations. Also, I exposed myself as being truly human, not somebody who has the perfect spiritual answer for every situation that I have encountered.

 

This book is nothing like anything you have read. It is real. It asks questions about things that never get addressed in church, but things that people really want answers to. This is a book for the Christian who truly hurts, but wants to find a way back home."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're an attorney who declares himself "one of the best." Self authenticating, just like the bible.

How interesting.

 

If you were the best attorney in the world it would have no bearing on whether your posts are great

wisdom or bullshit. However I am surprised that an attorney can commit so many errors in logic as you

do. It just goes to show that to be a Christian, one must turn off his reasoning ability. bill

 

I thought the paralegals did the writing...but whatever.

 

Well, I'd like to say that I am master of time, space and dimension. It's a tough job. Maybe I'll write a book about it.

[slave2six]

OK. I sussed this guy out. He's an attorney that practices anti-discrimination law in San Diego. This is his website. His is an attorney in good standing with the California Bar Association and has been an attorney since 1990. He graduated in 1987 from Azusa Pacific University which is a Protestant Christian university (with an amazing music program, btw).

 

His practice consists of 2-3 employees so I don't think that we can take his claim of being a "top lawyer" in the context that he has built a huge practice. There is no means of discovering his win/loss record but I think we can just assume he wins more than loses since he's been in business for 23 years. 

 

So, all in all, we are not dealing with a buffoon. Clearly he is an adult (I thought he must be like 14 for the longest time) and has some ability to think rationally. But, then again, so did C.S. Lewis and he got the whole thing wrong too. 

 

Applying an agile mind to a problem that is predicated on a faulty premise doesn't make one stupid. Just wrong. I'm feeling a lot less unforgiving toward SD4M but not to the point of communicating with him. At least y'all now have data to help you understand what you're dealing with.

 

(Honestly, I am still flummoxed when intelligent people defend religion. Completely baffling to me.)

[milesaway]

OK. I sussed this guy out. He's an attorney that practices anti-discrimination law in San Diego. This is his website. His is an attorney in good standing with the California Bar Association and has been an attorney since 1990. He graduated in 1987 from Azusa Pacific University which is a Protestant Christian university (with an amazing music program, btw).

 

His practice consists of 2-3 employees so I don't think that we can take his claim of being a "top lawyer" in the context that he has built a huge practice. There is no means of discovering his win/loss record but I think we can just assume he wins more than loses since he's been in business for 23 years. 

 

So, all in all, we are not dealing with a buffoon. Clearly he is an adult (I thought he must be like 14 for the longest time) and has some ability to think rationally. But, then again, so did C.S. Lewis and he got the whole thing wrong too. 

 

Applying an agile mind to a problem that is predicated on a faulty premise doesn't make one stupid. Just wrong. I'm feeling a lot less unforgiving toward SD4M but not to the point of communicating with him. At least y'all now have data to help you understand what you're dealing with.

 

(Honestly, I am still flummoxed when intelligent people defend religion. Completely baffling to me.)

 

Good sleuthing there! Anyways, the cognitive dissonance is beyond baffling to me. Intelligence isn't always foolproof against religion, it's almost always out of an ingrained need to believe, which by far supersedes intellect. I was on a xtian dating site over a year ago, and I came across a guy who had multiple college degrees, and was at the time working on his Ph.D. It was a small dating site anyway, and I don't imagine there were too many there who could hold their own intellectually against him. Looking back, I wondered how someone as educated as he was could still maintain any shred of belief in gods and religious institutions associated with said gods.

[chrisstavrous]

Gotta run for the day. This has been fun. Ladies, don't fall for a guy who feeds you crappy reasons why you shouldn't get married. Dump him and find a man who wants to marry you.

Did your father leave your mother or use her, is that why you want all men to commit. Using the bible doctrines to make other men commit wont take your pain away, it wont change how your father is or what he did. You have to accept that people are deeply faulty at times and that you are powerless to change whats been done, then you can start to forgive.

[marycontrary]

Maybe it is the woman putting off the marriage. Typical christian BS. They always seem to know what is in the hearts of others and they always have their nose in other bedrooms. Takes care of your own issues and quit worrying about the rest of the us and our relationships.

 

I have had it both ways. Traditional christian marriage thing...well, that ended as an utter failure, largely in part to bedroom issues on his part and his attitude of now that we are married we are one..which means you will do as I command, think as I command, dress as I command etc. He did the whole man is the head of the home and makes all the decisions role. When the manly man in charge of everything, turns out to be a 30sec man, well that was my fault. If he can accomplish the big O in under a minute, then so should I. I did live with my current husband. In all honesty since my divorce took years, I was still legally married to another while living with my current hubby.  We only formalized it as marriage, because my biological clock was running out and he wanted children. If we never legally married, I have no doubts that we would still be together today...with or without children

[falemon]

Would it be unreasonable to ask Sandi's mama to do a post natal abortion?  

It's even worth praying for

[slave2six]

 

Would it be unreasonable to ask Sandi's mama to do a post natal abortion?  

It's even worth praying for

 

 

Now now. No call for that. 

[xliar]

 

 

Would it be unreasonable to ask Sandi's mama to do a post natal abortion?  

It's even worth praying for

 

 

Now now. No call for that. 

 

Who's saying she didn't?

[TheRedneckProfessor]

 

 

 

Would it be unreasonable to ask Sandi's mama to do a post natal abortion?  

It's even worth praying for

 

 

Now now. No call for that. 

 

Who's saying she didn't?

 

No, I'm with Slave on this one.  It's one thing to disrespect the faith; it's quite another to disrespect the man.  We'll help more christians disavow their faith with honey than with vinegar.