Do Guys Talk This Much About Love Outside Of Xtianity?

[austere]

To be honest, it always weirded me out to hear Christian guys talking so much about love in a religious context.

 

A little bit is normal, I think, you dudes obviously have emotions and feelings and such (we're all people after all...) but from what else I have observed in my life, most (not all) men typically don't talk about feelings like love so much. Maybe sometimes, but not in the same way or intensity that xtian related love is talked about.

 

I have a few guy friends who are very open about their feelings, but most of them just aren't like that. Yet in Christianity it's kind of normal for men to do so (not all, but a darn sight more than usual). It feels weird and unnatural, not that any guys express feelings ever, but that this quantity of men talk about God in this romantically-charged loving way.

 

I certainly don't believe the stereotype of 'a real man is muscled, hairy and has no emotions save a liking for his tools and a raw steak'. I like that the guys I know do talk about their feelings, probably more than they would have been encouraged to fifty years ago. But something about the frequency with which Christian men as a group talk about love has always squicked me a bit, even while I was a believer.

 

I'd love to get some male opinions on this, but female (and other-gendered-identifying) opinions are all welcome, too...

[WarriorPoet]

The best way to get me to start taking about my feelings is to get me drunk.  Otherwise, I usually keep stuff like that pretty much locked up, with the exception of telling my fiance that I love her.

 

It was always creepy in my church for a few weeks after a bunch of the men attended Promise Keepers.  I never went, but seeing the way these guys behaved around each other, the excessive hugging, putting arms around each others shoulders while talking was a bit weird.  It always died down after about a month, only to restart again after the next time PK came around.

[austere]

Excuse my ignorance--what was Promise Keepers?

[RosebudMarie]

If my husband behaved like that, I'd have him checked for a brain tumor. He isn't very verbally affectionate, but he shows me love in many other ways, like buying me little gifts (I like scratch tickets) or sending me a quick 'I love you' text. We are both rather introverted, so we don't expect a lot of PDA or overdone affection.

[WarriorPoet]

Promise Keepers is an event for christian men to go to be taught things like how to improve your relationship with your wife and your "brothers in christ".  I don't know for sure what the exact content of these events was, I just saw the way guys acted after they came back from them.

 

http://www.promisekeepers.org/

[mymistake]

Excuse my ignorance--what was Promise Keepers?

 

 

Promise Keepers is a fundamentalist Christian movement for men.  They hold seminars across the country.  Several of the churches I have attended over the years have sent groups of men to the PK rallies.  Usually they are held at football stadiums during the off season.  It's all about be a Godly man and do Bible thumping man things.  Be a good husband/father.  I never attended a meeting.

 

 

As for your OP, I have had several conversations with friends on who we would marry.  The word "love" didn't really come up.  It's not something guys talk about much.  The word has a lot of baggage.  In my experience a guy might say "I am ready to settle down" or "I think (girlfriend's name) is the one".

[amateur]

austere, you have made a good point.  This is not natural, easy behavior for a man in a public situation.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

My wife frequently compares me to Doc Martin.

[falemon]

Well I see it from new age guys all the time. Though just because people don't use the word love doesn't mean they aren't talking about the same topics.

 

Instead they might just say they really care about other people

[♦ Fuego ♦]

In the Promise Keepers and Brother's Keeper gatherings, there was a lot of talk about man issues (i.e. LUST/PORN/WANKING and how not to give in) and how to be a good husband, and a good brother (meaning how to confront someone about sin you see) because "the answer to the question, Am I my brother's keeper, is YES!"

 

Non-believers don't have any reason to get that involved and controlling in someone's emotions and life. And if a guy does emote, it is usually the Christian guys that will try to help (in my experience), because they aren't freaked out by it. But even then, some guys are really uncomfortable around emotive guys.

 

I've seen small pagan or hippie groups where guys are taught to emote openly, but they was trying to teach guys not to fear touch or fear being emotionally vulnerable. And there are some New Age teachings about guarding your thoughts because what you think is what creates your world, but that is something you do for yourself, not someone else butting-in..

 

The only guys that I am still that emotionally close to are believers. One buddy of mine has been a friend since high school, and we just don't let our differences get in the way. That is a valuable thing. We really can and do talk about anything with each other.

[Galien]

I talk about love all the time, but people don't care about love any more, they mainly care about money.

[Ro-bear]

I am uncomfortable talking about love most of the time.  I'm more comfortable talking about love with women than with men, more comfortable drunk than sober.  This is probably due to my upbringing.  The men of my family are emotionally reticent.  There is always the tacit understanding that emotion = weakness.

[Thurisaz]

No one ever told me that "Real Men™ don't have feelings!!!" or similar crap but no one really encouraged me to talk my feelings either - so, I can do it (I guess... more or less... won't judge my own skill here), but I feel awkward doing it - unless I'm talking to close and trusted friends. That means "much more trust than you can have for someone who just shares a few interests with you).

 

Plus, whenever I dare talking emotions to not-close-friends, disaster is just around the corner - or at least so it seems. Among other things that means that what little opportunity for flirting et cetera I might have now and then becomes pretty much impossible. Not that I'd need to do that as long as my marriage works well but well... occasionally doing some flirting would be nice.

[midniterider]

To be honest, it always weirded me out to hear Christian guys talking so much about love in a religious context.

 

A little bit is normal, I think, you dudes obviously have emotions and feelings and such (we're all people after all...) but from what else I have observed in my life, most (not all) men typically don't talk about feelings like love so much. Maybe sometimes, but not in the same way or intensity that xtian related love is talked about.

 

I have a few guy friends who are very open about their feelings, but most of them just aren't like that. Yet in Christianity it's kind of normal for men to do so (not all, but a darn sight more than usual). It feels weird and unnatural, not that any guys express feelings ever, but that this quantity of men talk about God in this romantically-charged loving way.

 

I certainly don't believe the stereotype of 'a real man is muscled, hairy and has no emotions save a liking for his tools and a raw steak'. I like that the guys I know do talk about their feelings, probably more than they would have been encouraged to fifty years ago. But something about the frequency with which Christian men as a group talk about love has always squicked me a bit, even while I was a believer.

 

I'd love to get some male opinions on this, but female (and other-gendered-identifying) opinions are all welcome, too...

 

Christian men are like men on soap operas. :-)

[midniterider]

Promise Keepers is an event for christian men to go to be taught things like how to improve your relationship with your wife and your "brothers in christ".  I don't know for sure what the exact content of these events was, I just saw the way guys acted after they came back from them.

 

http://www.promisekeepers.org/

 

I went to one of those events. Got all jacked up for Jesus. Returned to normal a week later. I assume the real purpose of PK is to make money for PK. :-)

[Galien]

I am uncomfortable talking about love most of the time.  I'm more comfortable talking about love with women than with men, more comfortable drunk than sober.  This is probably due to my upbringing.  The men of my family are emotionally reticent.  There is always the tacit understanding that emotion = weakness.

 

It's funny, I have always felt that not being able to acknowledge or cope with your emotions = weakness.

[Galien]

men are socialised into ignoring their emotions, its not that they are incapable, it is that they are encouraged to ignore that side of themselves

[austere]

 

To be honest, it always weirded me out to hear Christian guys talking so much about love in a religious context.

 

A little bit is normal, I think, you dudes obviously have emotions and feelings and such (we're all people after all...) but from what else I have observed in my life, most (not all) men typically don't talk about feelings like love so much. Maybe sometimes, but not in the same way or intensity that xtian related love is talked about.

 

I have a few guy friends who are very open about their feelings, but most of them just aren't like that. Yet in Christianity it's kind of normal for men to do so (not all, but a darn sight more than usual). It feels weird and unnatural, not that any guys express feelings ever, but that this quantity of men talk about God in this romantically-charged loving way.

 

I certainly don't believe the stereotype of 'a real man is muscled, hairy and has no emotions save a liking for his tools and a raw steak'. I like that the guys I know do talk about their feelings, probably more than they would have been encouraged to fifty years ago. But something about the frequency with which Christian men as a group talk about love has always squicked me a bit, even while I was a believer.

 

I'd love to get some male opinions on this, but female (and other-gendered-identifying) opinions are all welcome, too...

 

Christian men are like men on soap operas. :-)

 

You're tearing me apart, Lisa!

[slave2six]

The emotion that I experience the most is frustration:

• Why can't these people learn how to put dishes INTO the dishwasher?
• How can any normal human being LIKE going to Ross?
• When are these children going to grow up and move out so that I only have one person on her period to deal with?

You know, stuff like that.

 

I go out of my way to tell my wife that she's beautiful and I take good care of her. But she still wants to ask me, "Do you love me?" Girls are freaks man. No matter how much you SHOW them, you still have to TELL them. Weirdos.

[slave2six]

men are socialised into ignoring their emotions, its not that they are incapable, it is that they are encouraged to ignore that side of themselves

 

I don't think so. I think we're just that way naturally.

 

It seems to me that it's the emotional people who are most easily led by the nose and end up in religious institutions (read: mental institutions).

[TheRedneckProfessor]

The emotion that I experience the most is frustration:

• Why can't these people learn how to put dishes INTO the dishwasher?
• How can any normal human being LIKE going to Ross?
• When are these children going to grow up and move out so that I only have one person on her period to deal with?

You know, stuff like that.

 

I go out of my way to tell my wife that she's beautiful and I take good care of her. But she still wants to ask me, "Do you love me?" Girls are freaks man. No matter how much you SHOW them, you still have to TELL them. Weirdos.

My wife is constantly asking me, "Do you love me?"  WTF?  I told you I did last week!  Write it down this time so you won't forget!

[slave2six]

 

The emotion that I experience the most is frustration:

• Why can't these people learn how to put dishes INTO the dishwasher?
• How can any normal human being LIKE going to Ross?
• When are these children going to grow up and move out so that I only have one person on her period to deal with?

You know, stuff like that.

 

I go out of my way to tell my wife that she's beautiful and I take good care of her. But she still wants to ask me, "Do you love me?" Girls are freaks man. No matter how much you SHOW them, you still have to TELL them. Weirdos.

My wife is constantly asking me, "Do you love me?"  WTF?  I told you I did last week!  Write it down this time so you won't forget!

 

 

LMAO!

[falemon]

Well I think there is a culture amongst men of ignoring emotions, only the females don't advertise the benefits of emotions all too well

[WaitingInfinity]

My boyfriend is very open about his feelings with me to me. He can get pretty sappy sometimes, but it is all very sweet.

 

However, when it comes to others, he would probably just say he loves me to them and not much more. He operates based on his thinking that our relationship is private and between us, so only I should be witness to his words about me. He also likes us to cuddle or kiss in private. He'll very chastely kiss me in public, but don't leave him alone in a room with me. Haha.

 

Before I dated him, I thought he wasn't going to be very romantic. He is quiet and intelligent and didn't seem to be one of those super sappy guys. Boy, was I wrong. Turns out, it's the private side of him that is sappy. He once remarked to me that I'm probably the only one outside of his immediate family who has seen these sensitive, passionate, and silly sides of him. 

 

I've only heard him cry once in the last two years though. And it was over the phone. He says he cries rarely and only by himself. In contrast to me who will tear up at anything.

[moanareina]

In a book I've read there was a sentence that stuck with me. It said, the more someone feels the need to preach, the less he lives what he is talking about. Looking at christian men and how they understand love...I can't help but see love missing a lot. So much is done out of obligation and guilt. And then it is labeled love. Because the bible tells them to...yeah, they need a book that tells them to love when love is not something you do on demand. Either you love or you don't. Thats where all the pretense starts, the phony smiles and the empty words spoken with hugs and kisses.

 

I think, love is something you do, and it is only done right, when you do it because you want to, because you just want to and don't expect anything out of it and no one told you to. Thats what I think is wrong with Christianity and the word Love. Guys talking about love...aghhh...I rather want a guy showing me love than talking about it, really.