Living A Lie

[ParadoxBlade97]

Greetings everyone.

 

 

For months I've been wandering around this site, looking at all the stories from different people. For the last few months, I've been having my doubts about Christianity and how it is structured. First of all the stories, when I was little, I thought that the story of The Flood was one of the best biblical stories I've ever read, but now, at the age of 16, I feel not only disgusted, but ashamed that I would think that genocide such as this is "cool." 

 

I actually feel pretty stupid for not having gotten out sooner. From what I've read, some people have freed themselves from religion when they were as young as 13. 

 

And from reading stuff in the Old Testament and New Testament, I can see why anyone here has very good reasons for leaving. One thing about belief in god that I consider ironic is that at a certain age they tell us that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny do not exist because there is no physical evidence of the former or the latter actually existing. 

 

Wait! Hold on!

 

No physical evidence?

 

There is no physical evidence to support the existence of god either. We believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny based on what we hear from either word of mouth or books -- pretty much the same with god and the bible, isn't it? 

 

Even if they try to justify the genocides in the Old Testament, there's still things in the New Testament such as the condoning of slavery and the suppressing of women's rights.

 

The sad thing about the slavery part is that most Christians I see in my area are black...

 

Kinda funny that the church actively display the denial of women's rights in the church today.

 

"Women are not allowed to teach be pastors."

 

Probably one of the reasons why is because maybe deep down they think "is this really something god would do?" Or it could be that statistically speaking (correct me if I am wrong on this) that there are more Christian females than males. 

 

Plus with all the contradictions and over thousands of Christian denominations telling each other they are going to hell, all of this is just ridiculous in its own right. 

 

Up until I was 15 I've been going to this private Baptist school and I've decided to transfer to public school. My Christian parents asked me why, but I can't tell them the real reason. Not just yet. 

 

I feel happier in my new school than I felt at my old one. No longer having to change everything about me just to please some guy in the sky or burn in eternal hell fire.

 

I feel free.

 

 

 

[MerryG]

Congratulations, Paradox! And welcome. Since you've been around a while I'm sure you already know you'll find any support and help you need here.

 

As to not getting out sooner ... hey, at 16, you're doing GREAT. Sure, a few leave earlier. But some don't take the big "leap of non-faith" until they're well into middle age.

 

In any case, age doesn't matter. The one thing that matters is what you already know -- YOU'RE FREE!

[falemon]

Don't worry too much about your age, you're still young a lot younger than you think, though in our minds and hearts we are the same age, but you have more years left, ya dig

 

And welcome!

 

 

 

And now with your newfound freedom you can enjoy life's many pleasures, whatever they may be. You can think! You are now allowed to think about what you believe is right, how awesome is that? And at least now when you do do good it will be for your own reasons and not because deep down you think it will get you into God's secret heaven club.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

At least you got out when you did. Some people on this site didn't get out until WAY later. Congratulations on becoming free and welcome to ex-C.net. Now you will be able to enjoy what's left of your life without having to worry about a psychopath in the sky breathing down your neck.

[pawn]

Welcome. You write well, I like how you conveyed your thoughts and feelings to us. You seem like a very bright young person with a healthy skepticism. I wish I saw through it at your age! If I could go back in time, I'd give up all the wasted hours of religious seeking I did, and I would have studied science much harder instead.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Damn!  I wish I could have gotten out at the ripe old age of 16!  Well done.

[florduh]

Congratulations, and welcome to the site.

 

Keep studying, keep thinking, and lay low regarding your lack of belief while you are still a minor.

[ParadoxBlade97]

Crap, I need to edit that post if I can..I should have chose a better time to write this, honestly. It was kind of hard to write this, especially with my mother constantly coming into my room. Florduh, I will gladly take that advice. At my new school I can discuss stuff like this with my practical law teacher since she is an agnostic leaning on atheist, plus she's someone I can trust.

 

Thanks guys! I really appreciate it!

[RipVanWinkle]

You have a lot going for you I can tell from your post. You write and think well. It took me years to

realize that, contrary to the Xtian dogma, you must depend upon your own understanding. That's what you

had the courage to do. Congratulations. That's why it is part of life's journey to expand your knowledge as much as you can, so your own understanding will become more and more dependable.

 

Depending on your own understanding does not mean that you shouldn't listen to others, but you must

decide after listening and learning what is worthy and what is not. I can't think of worse advice to give a person, young or otherwise, not to depend upon their own understanding.What a crock. And you have

discovered that at such an early age.Welcome to freedom of thought. bill

[sdelsolray]

Greetings everyone.

 

 

For months I've been wandering around this site, looking at all the stories from different people. For the last few months, I've been having my doubts about Christianity and how it is structured. First of all the stories, when I was little, I thought that the story of The Flood was one of the best biblical stories I've ever read, but now, at the age of 16, I feel not only disgusted, but ashamed that I would think that genocide such as this is "cool." 

 

I actually feel pretty stupid for not having gotten out sooner. From what I've read, some people have freed themselves from religion when they were as young as 13. 

 

And from reading stuff in the Old Testament and New Testament, I can see why anyone here has very good reasons for leaving. One thing about belief in god that I consider ironic is that at a certain age they tell us that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny do not exist because there is no physical evidence of the former or the latter actually existing. 

 

Wait! Hold on!

 

No physical evidence?

 

There is no physical evidence to support the existence of god either. We believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny based on what we hear from either word of mouth or books -- pretty much the same with god and the bible, isn't it? 

 

Even if they try to justify the genocides in the Old Testament, there's still things in the New Testament such as the condoning of slavery and the suppressing of women's rights.

 

The sad thing about the slavery part is that most Christians I see in my area are black...

 

Kinda funny that the church actively display the denial of women's rights in the church today.

 

"Women are not allowed to teach be pastors."

 

Probably one of the reasons why is because maybe deep down they think "is this really something god would do?" Or it could be that statistically speaking (correct me if I am wrong on this) that there are more Christian females than males. 

 

Plus with all the contradictions and over thousands of Christian denominations telling each other they are going to hell, all of this is just ridiculous in its own right. 

 

Up until I was 15 I've been going to this private Baptist school and I've decided to transfer to public school. My Christian parents asked me why, but I can't tell them the real reason. Not just yet. 

 

I feel happier in my new school than I felt at my old one. No longer having to change everything about me just to please some guy in the sky or burn in eternal hell fire.

 

I feel free.

You write well.  It is easy for me to understand your thoughts and feelings.  Those skills (expressing yourself well and writing well) will last a lifetime.

 

You were obviously indoctrinated/educated into the Christian religion as a child.  Those responsible for this indoctrination include your mother (and likely your father) and other trusted adults.  Most probably, they were indoctrinated into the Christian religion by their parents and their trusted adults.  Similarly, it is likely your four grandparents were indoctrinated into the Christian religion by their parents and their trusted adults.  Therefore, it is not surprising that you have believed one or another set of Christian dogma.

 

Often, once the brain and body begin to reach adulthood, skepticism arises.  It has with you.  Honesty, curiosity and humility will be your friends and guides as you walk through your intellectual and emotional journey. Feel free to spend hundreds of hours researching and studying over the coming months or years.

 

Once you overcome (or verify) the religious indoctrination/education (it depends on the indoctrination/education involved), you will be able to say to yourself what you acknowledge, what you don't know and what you desire.  As you are discovering, much of your newfound thoughts will conflict with the earlier indoctrination/education.  That's to be expected and that's fine.

 

The next step will be to address the peer pressure from those that indoctrinated you and those that surround you who expect you to conform to the indoctrination/education.  As you mention, you are not quite ready for this step.  That's fine too.  Nevertheless, you should address it at some point, perhaps the sooner the better.  You will need different tools to address the inter social chaos that will result from you "announcing" a view that conflicts with the views of others.  Those tools include logic, rational thinking (and rational expression), not taking ownership of others' emotional baggage and not becoming (or remaining) codepedent with others, particularly your parents.

 

Good luck.

[RaLeah]

I'm glad you saw through the mythology at such a young age. (And yes, 16 is young to figure it out.) My husband figured it out in high school; I took until my early 20s. A lot of that depends on how much pressure your parents and church put on you. (For instance, my parents would never ever have allowed me to transfer to public school. It even caused a lot of contention when I switched from a Christian college to a state university.) 

 

You can take your time to "come out" to your family. Sometimes it's easier to do that when you aren't living at home if your parents are very devout / religious. (For my husband, it was easier; they went to church every week, but when he said he wasn't going anymore, it didn't cause a huge rift or big arguments like it would have for me at that age.) My father ran an authoritarian style household. He was always right; he was the father and head of house; and his rules were not to be disobeyed. You could question them, and he would tell you why they were there, but you had to follow them while you were living under his roof. Period. 

 

Since you've read a lot of ex-timonies on this site, you probably also read about how rebelling and fighting with parents can make you feel crazy, and some people do experiment with drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, etc. Just because your church teaches you to treat your body kindly and with respect doesn't mean they're wrong about that. (They are wrong about WHY to do it: for God, because your body is his temple, etc.) But choosing to live a careful lifestyle and make wise choices is still a smart decision. (Plus, it can--in the long game--prove to your parents that just because you don't believe in what they believe, you are a good and responsible person. Which might help undo some of their prejudices about non-believers.) 

 

So please do try to set your own boundaries carefully; just because the ones you used to have aren't there anymore doesn't mean you don't have any at all. Take the time to think about and decide for yourself what you want your life to be like and how you want to live and why. Don't wait for the moment when you're around friends to make that decision. Decide with just yourself when you're alone, and then hold yourself to it. You are not accountable to God, but you are accountable to YOU, and your future self. Make that future self proud of your choices in the present. 

 

(Apologies if this sounds preachy; It's what I'd have loved for someone to say to me while I was de-converting. I was super careful and I'm glad for all the choices I made along the way, but I felt like I was making them alone. And I was. My whole family is still Christian.)

 

Anyway, I think you're brave and smart, and I'm glad you've seen through the mythology of the bible, and that you're taking the time to research, think, and learn. Welcome to ex-C!

 

* Just want to add that I'm happy you have a role model. Emotional and mental support always helps.

[Jedah]

You are leaving behind the brainwashing at around the same time I permanently gave religion the boot from my life. Being 26 years old and thus a decade older, one point of good news I can give you is that 16 is a really good age to leave Christianity. You are just in time to realize that you need to take responsibility for your own success in life, and not rely on some invisible sky wizard to do it all for you.

[ParadoxBlade97]

 

Greetings everyone.

 

 

For months I've been wandering around this site, looking at all the stories from different people. For the last few months, I've been having my doubts about Christianity and how it is structured. First of all the stories, when I was little, I thought that the story of The Flood was one of the best biblical stories I've ever read, but now, at the age of 16, I feel not only disgusted, but ashamed that I would think that genocide such as this is "cool." 

 

I actually feel pretty stupid for not having gotten out sooner. From what I've read, some people have freed themselves from religion when they were as young as 13. 

 

And from reading stuff in the Old Testament and New Testament, I can see why anyone here has very good reasons for leaving. One thing about belief in god that I consider ironic is that at a certain age they tell us that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny do not exist because there is no physical evidence of the former or the latter actually existing. 

 

Wait! Hold on!

 

No physical evidence?

 

There is no physical evidence to support the existence of god either. We believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny based on what we hear from either word of mouth or books -- pretty much the same with god and the bible, isn't it? 

 

Even if they try to justify the genocides in the Old Testament, there's still things in the New Testament such as the condoning of slavery and the suppressing of women's rights.

 

The sad thing about the slavery part is that most Christians I see in my area are black...

 

Kinda funny that the church actively display the denial of women's rights in the church today.

 

"Women are not allowed to teach be pastors."

 

Probably one of the reasons why is because maybe deep down they think "is this really something god would do?" Or it could be that statistically speaking (correct me if I am wrong on this) that there are more Christian females than males. 

 

Plus with all the contradictions and over thousands of Christian denominations telling each other they are going to hell, all of this is just ridiculous in its own right. 

 

Up until I was 15 I've been going to this private Baptist school and I've decided to transfer to public school. My Christian parents asked me why, but I can't tell them the real reason. Not just yet. 

 

I feel happier in my new school than I felt at my old one. No longer having to change everything about me just to please some guy in the sky or burn in eternal hell fire.

 

I feel free.

You write well.  It is easy for me to understand your thoughts and feelings.  Those skills (expressing yourself well and writing well) will last a lifetime.

 

You were obviously indoctrinated/educated into the Christian religion as a child.  Those responsible for this indoctrination include your mother (and likely your father) and other trusted adults.  Most probably, they were indoctrinated into the Christian religion by their parents and their trusted adults.  Similarly, it is likely your four grandparents were indoctrinated into the Christian religion by their parents and their trusted adults.  Therefore, it is not surprising that you have believed one or another set of Christian dogma.

 

Often, once the brain and body begin to reach adulthood, skepticism arises.  It has with you.  Honesty, curiosity and humility will be your friends and guides as you walk through your intellectual and emotional journey. Feel free to spend hundreds of hours researching and studying over the coming months or years.

 

Once you overcome (or verify) the religious indoctrination/education (it depends on the indoctrination/education involved), you will be able to say to yourself what you acknowledge, what you don't know and what you desire.  As you are discovering, much of your newfound thoughts will conflict with the earlier indoctrination/education.  That's to be expected and that's fine.

 

The next step will be to address the peer pressure from those that indoctrinated you and those that surround you who expect you to conform to the indoctrination/education.  As you mention, you are not quite ready for this step.  That's fine too.  Nevertheless, you should address it at some point, perhaps the sooner the better.  You will need different tools to address the inter social chaos that will result from you "announcing" a view that conflicts with the views of others.  Those tools include logic, rational thinking (and rational expression), not taking ownership of others' emotional baggage and not becoming (or remaining) codepedent with others, particularly your parents.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks sdelsolray! You're right, I will have to eventually face the views of others on my de-conversion, that is something I can't deny.  I hope that this time will come preferably when I have my own place and can support myself financially. Like Florduh said, I'll try my best to lay low for now and gather whatever knowledge I can.

 

I have been confronted on my disbelief in the past. Back at my old school, in 10th grade, I had gotten into a debate with one girl about the possibilities of aliens existing. I, personally, did and still do believe that there is a possibility of other life in our universe that isn't on earth. However, she believed otherwise.

 

That's when I asked, "How is it that you can believe in a god that caused the Red Sea to part, a world-wide flood, created giants (Numbers 13:33), led people by pillar of clouds by day, pillar of fire by night, yet you find the possibility of aliens existing so hard to believe?"

 

Her reply is what brought me back to my uncertainty about leaving religion: "First of all, do you even believe in the lord?"  

 

That had me thinking all of the following weekend until I made my final decision on that Saturday.

 

"I am an Atheist." 

[creative]

Welcome

 

Even more ironic is the remote possibility that a bunny with magical powers who shits chocolate eggs is more likely to exist then the bible god.
But when you go around preaching that such a bunny exists your crazy even do there is a huge amount of evidence .

[Ellwood]

Welcome Paradox!   Don't beat yourself up so much for having believed this stuff for so long.   Gosh - so young and you will go through life now with such clear focus and purpose!   Good for you!   I am saying this as a 58 year old who only deconverted 2 years ago.   Now imagine how I feel about taking so long to figure this out!  :-)

[wanderinstar]

welcome!

[WaitingInfinity]

Welcome ParadoxBlade97! 

 

Just a few years ago when I was 16, I was not questioning my faith or anything. I was going along with what I had been told. I wish I hadn't wasted even those few years in religion. Once you get out, you realize that you wasted a lot of time and money on religion. (I still cringe to think of all the paychecks I dedicated 10% of to the church!)

 

I am so glad that you made it out though! You've found it can be stressful and yet utterly wonderful and freeing. There is this sense of complete freedom from all of one's previous restraints. You have become autonomous. Even though I haven't "come out" to my parents, there are times I want to scream to the world that I am an atheist!

 

You'll find that the questions that caused you to de-convert only multiply afterwards as you truly question all of your experiences. Religion becomes sort of...gross. 

 

I hope you continue to find yourself. Welcome to Ex-C!

[Adam5]

Welcome

 

Even more ironic is the remote possibility that a bunny with magical powers who shits chocolate eggs is more likely to exist then the bible god.

But when you go around preaching that such a bunny exists your crazy even do there is a huge amount of evidence .

 

Lol.  Excellent post. I "feel" the magic bunny exists and these feelings are proof that he exists and loves us

 

btw I was 40 before I saw the light of reason. I guess I am a slow learner.

[Woodsy]

Damn!  I wish I could have gotten out at the ripe old age of 16!  Well done.

Ditto!  Welcome, sweetie....glad you made it!!

[M4rio]

Hello ParadoxBlade97,

 

First: congratulations on thinking for yourself. It may seem like thinking for yourself is a natural and, dare I say, common sense kind of activity, but sadly it is often discouraged in a large number of religious denominations.

 

I can imagine that it will be difficult dealing with family and friends for quite some time. Even for me, at age 36 and now 10 years into my lack of "supernatural beliefs", it is difficult, and even with a family who mostly does not even go to church! Heck, even *I* go to a congregation, a Unitarian Universalist on that does not require people to be theistic or hold any supernatural beliefs, yet because family and friends "grew up in church", it's just an implicit assumption that Jesus is real, cares, and on occasion intervenes in world events, as well as listens to and takes action on prayer requests. But then there are other family members who have more of a "God is love" attitude which is compatible with non supernaturalism for most practical purposes. They are much easier to get along with, especially if they are disgusted at the idea of the Bible's god commanding Joshua and others to murder people.

 

As others have recommended there is lots of time for you to learn and study!

 

Since you mentioned the violence of the Old Testament, you may be interested in Hector Avalos and his writings. He was a child evangelist who eventually went to Harvard Divinity School (I believe) and went on to become a prominent atheist and writer. He has written about religious violence and also a book about slavery in the Bible. I have not read them yet, have only watched some of his online youtube videos.

 

You can definitely find lots of great videos and debates and other thought provoking materials!

 

A couple that I found very awesome were: beyond belief conferences from The Science Network. Amazing stuff.

 

Also, secweb.org and Edge.org are very good places for learning about reasons against supernaturalism and about modern cutting edge thinkers in a post-supernaturalism world.

[Lerk]

At 16 it had never occurred to me to question it. I didn't even know anyone who wasn't a believer, and had never heard anyone say that there were no gods.

 

I was FIFTY-TWO when the cognitive dissonance came to be too much. Not that there hadn't been a bit of it for years, but I was able to rationalize it away. Now I have grown children who are Christians, and I do not feel at liberty to come out of the closet, though I'm getting closer to that. (I've actually told a few people.)

 

The world we live in today is very helpful in this regard. We have access to so much more information, and I can see the religious becoming a minority, even in the American South, in the next 20 or so years. It's a wonderful thing.

 

Congratulations on figuring it out at such a young age. Enjoy your life!

[Blood]

In the next 20 years? You're way more optimistic than I am. I hope you're right. 

[M4rio]

It might be a little bit optimistic, yeah. But, the Pew Forum studies have shown an increase in "nones" over the last many years. I think as of 2012 it was up to about 20% are unaffiliated, which is not the same as non spiritual or atheist, but still means not a member or an active member of a religion. I think it increased about 4.3 percent in 5 years. Who knows how it will change, but if it kept up 1 percent a year for 20 more years, then religions would be in an all out crisis mode.

 

In the next 20 years? You're way more optimistic than I am. I hope you're right.